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CFC 267: Gunslinger PBP Commentary


Coming up we have a featherweight MMA rules bout between Homer Simpson and Teppo Tuhkasaari. Tuhkasaari is bouncing up and down as he enters the arena, backed by Proteus - Full Metal Jacket. Homer Simpson could well score a knockout today. He has the power to get to Teppo Tuhkasaari's chin.

170 cm
32
156 lbs
25 - 13 - 0
164 cm
30
147 lbs
24 - 9 - 1
Good wrestling
World class boxer
Insanely flexible
ADCC Champion
Excellent MT
Good gas tank

Popeye’s Spinach - 159 + 158 Proof Supps
Crippler's Corner

Popeye’s Spinach - 159 + 158 Proof Supps



Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the featherweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 25 wins, 13 losses and 0 draws, fighting out of Las Vegas, Homer Simpson !
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 24 wins, 9 losses and 1 draws, fighting out of Amsterdam, Teppo Tuhkasaari!
The judges for this bout are Elvis Blanc, Gregory Folan and William Peck.



The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Simpson misses with a left hand
and Tuhkasaari cracks him with a counter punch right on the button.
Teppo Tuhkasaari seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
Tuhkasaari misses the jab.
Simpson misses with a jab to the body
and Tuhkasaari counters with a lovely straight right hand!
An inside leg kick from Simpson misses.
Simpson throws a nice inside leg kick.
Simpson thows a body shot but no joy.
Simpson cracks Tuhkasaari with a good shot that sees him stumbling back into the cage.
Simpson turns his hip over beautifully as he lands a nice leg kick.
Tuhkasaari pivots, looking for a leg kick but Simpson is out of range and Tuhkasaari settles back down.
Tuhkasaari chopped to the floor by a nice leg kick but he springs right back up before Simpson can pounce on him.
Tuhkasaari misses with a jab to the body
and Simpson counters with a straight right hand.
Simpson takes a thudding leg kick, right into the meat of the thigh.
Simpson moves his head to the side to avoid a jab but walks straight into a cross.
Tuhkasaari wants to clinch.
Simpson throws out a loose jab but Tuhkasaari uses good head movement to avoid it.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Tuhkasaari fails with a takedown attempt from distance.
Tuhkasaari swings and misses with a hook to the body.
Simpson throws a leg kick but Tuhkasaari sees it coming and moves out of range.
Simpson swings wildly with a right hand that was never going to find it's target.
Tuhkasaari has his hands up protecting his head but a hook from Simpson finds it's way round the side to connect with Tuhkasaari's head.
Tuhkasaari walks into a stiff left hand from Simpson .
Simpson stumbles momentarily as he takes a strong leg kick from Tuhkasaari.
Simpson scores with a jab to the body.
Tuhkasaari takes an uppercut right on the jaw but it doesn't phase him.
Simpson swinging wildly here.
Tuhkasaari feints with a shoulder and throws a nice leg kick to Simpson 's calf.
Simpson throws a monster uppercut resembling something out of street fighter but it doesn't land.
Simpson throws a combination but comes up with nothing but fresh air.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Tuhkasaari throws a monster uppercut resembling something out of street fighter but it doesn't land.
Tuhkasaari lands a nice shot that snaps Simpson 's head back.
Nice uppercut there from Tuhkasaari.
Simpson is looking to score with low kicks.
A good leg kick by Simpson .
Wooooo! Give it up for these two warriors! They are putting on a show!
Tuhkasaari blocks a jab.
Tuhkasaari looks for the body kick but Simpson saw that one coming.
Simpson on the receiving end of a decent leg kick there by Tuhkasaari. Tuhkasaari obviously looking to wear him down.
Tuhkasaari takes a shot to the eye socket. That's gotta hurt.
Tuhkasaari misses with a body shot. Nice footwork from Simpson .
Tuhkasaari takes a shot to the eye socket. That's gotta hurt.
Tuhkasaari slips under a jab from Simpson .
Tuhkasaari missing with a left hand there. Simpson was out of range so wasted energy throwing that one.
Tuhkasaari uses some good footwork to avoid the body shot by Simpson .
Simpson throws a jab to the body, straight down the pipe. Boom. That sent Tuhkasaari stumbling backwards but he manages to regain his composure quickly.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Simpson scores with a jab to the jaw.
Homer Simpson is looking to keep the fight on the feet at all costs.
A kick lands to the mid section there for Tuhkasaari.
Tuhkasaari jabs at Simpson 's body.
Tuhkasaari throws a looping left and ducks down for a takedown. He's got his arms around Simpson 's waist but Simpson gets an underhook and avoids the takedown by throwing Tuhkasaari off to one side.
Simpson throws a nice inside leg kick.
Tuhkasaari pulls out of a head kick attempt.
Tuhkasaari blocks a leg kick.
Simpson tries to score with a low kick but Tuhkasaari moves his leg out of the way.
A big left from Simpson misses.
Tuhkasaari swings and misses with a hook to the body.
Tuhkasaari scoring well with a low kick there.
Simpson misses with a low kick as Tuhkasaari jumps back.
Tuhkasaari connects with an inside leg kick.
Simpson slips under a jab from Tuhkasaari.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
An inside leg kick lands from Simpson .
Tuhkasaari misses with a lunging right hand
and Simpson counters with a nice low kick that buckles Tuhkasaari's knee momentarily.
Simpson paws at his opponent with the jab and then lunges in with a straight, right on the button.
The crowd cheering loudly, showing their appreciation for the quality fight we're seeing here.
Simpson throws a leg kick which misses Tuhkasaari's front leg but catches the back leg as Tuhkasaari tries to avoid it.
Tuhkasaari throws an uppercut from half a mile away. Simpson sees it coming and avoids it easily.
Tuhkasaari throws a leg kick
and Simpson makes him pay by landing a thudding low kick.
Tuhkasaari throws a lazy uppercut
and Simpson counters with a leg kick.
Tuhkasaari throws a hook to the body but it doesn't connect.
Oooooooooooh, not good. A low kick from Simpson lands where it shouldn't have, right in the... well, you know what he did? He kicked him in the penis. He's injured, injured bad. The referee sends both fighters to their corners and Tuhkasaari has 5 minutes to recover. He's OK now though... a thumbs up from Tuhkasaari and we're back underway with a touch of gloves.
Simpson on the wrong end of an overhand right that came out of nowhere.
Tuhkasaari goes for a spinning back kick but it misses.
The crowd are going absolutely nuts as the round comes to an end - what a fantastic round of action!
A jab from Tuhkasaari misses.
Simpson slips under a jab.
Tuhkasaari throws a body kick, spinning off balance
and Simpson counters with a nice uppercut.
Tuhkasaari misses with a low kick as Simpson jumps back.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Homer Simpson dominated that round.
That's time! Back to the action!


Tuhkasaari lands a jab to the head.
Simpson scores with a leg kick.
Tuhkasaari scores with a punch to the head.
Simpson lands with a thumping leg kick.
Tuhkasaari slips a jab from Simpson .
A left lands for Simpson .
Tuhkasaari tries to land with a swinging hook to the body but Simpson was well out of range. Poor timing from Tuhkasaari.
Simpson wings a very wild body shot but it does the job and lands to the midsection.
Tuhkasaari's leg has a nasty welt from taking a succession of leg kicks. That must be slowing him down.
Tuhkasaari slips under a jab from Simpson .
Simpson swinging wildly here.
Simpson motions for Tuhkasaari to come forward. Simpson throws a leg kick but it misses it's target.
Tuhkasaari tries to land with a swinging hook to the body but Simpson was well out of range. Poor timing from Tuhkasaari.
Tuhkasaari connects with a single shot there.
Simpson fakes high and swings low for a body shot but Tuhkasaari manages to avoid it.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Simpson looks to score with a jab to the body but Tuhkasaari is just out of range.
Tuhkasaari is looking to chop away at Simpson 's legs.
Tuhkasaari fakes with a right hand and throws a good leg kick, right into the thigh. That had to hurt Simpson .
Simpson takes a shot to the nose. Hopefully that hasn't broken it.

A momentary lapse in concentration from Simpson enables Tuhkasaari to shoot in and score with a neat double leg. Simpson manages to secure a closed guard as the fighters hit the mat.
Simpson controlling Tuhkasaari's posture.
The ref warns both fighters not to hold the cage as they work up against the meshing.
There's a bit of a scramble here and now Simpson is on top in guard.
Tuhkasaari controls Simpson momentarily but Simpson frees himself.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Tuhkasaari looking to sweep here. No luck so far.
Simpson has to be careful here, sitting in the guard of a superior BJJ player.

Tuhkasaari had isolated an arm as going for a kimura. Simpson defends it easily.
Simpson has decided he wants to stand but the closed guard of Tuhkasaari is proving hard to escape from.
Tuhkasaari trying to control the position.
Tuhkasaari is working the butterfly guard. He manages to land a nice scissor sweep and is now in half guard on the top. Nice move.
The fighters are pressed up against the cage, both looking to find a bit of space to work.
This is a great period of action - very entertaining stuff!
Simpson wants to improve his position but Tuhkasaari is controlling well.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Tuhkasaari lands with an elbow from half guard - that looked like it hurt.
Simpson trying to control here.
Simpson wants to get back to full guard.
Tuhkasaari throwing shots but they're hitting the canvas more than the man.

Tuhkasaari is trying for a guillotine from the top but the pressure isn't in the right place so Simpson is just riding it out for now. Tuhkasaari eventually gives up the hold.
Tuhkasaari throwing punches and elbows but they're not doing any damage.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Simpson won't allow Tuhkasaari to pass to mount.
Simpson blocking the ground and pound attempt from Tuhkasaari.
Tuhkasaari prevents Simpson from standing back up.

Tuhkasaari is looking for an arm triangle, whilst trying to pass to side control. Simpson doesn't seem that keen to cooperate though. No luck this time Tuhkasaari.
Tuhkasaari passes to full mount!
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

A close second round but Teppo Tuhkasaari will probably get the nod - 10:9.
Well, the break between rounds is over. Let's get back to the scrappin! Let's get this one finished - here comes the final round!


Simpson throws a shot from downtown. Tuhkasaari moves away and avoids it.
Tuhkasaari uses good head movement to avoid the hook from Simpson .
Homer Simpson is winning the standup battle so far.
Simpson stumbles momentarily as he takes a strong leg kick from Tuhkasaari.
Tuhkasaari throws a big shot that misses.
Simpson on the receiving end of a decent leg kick there by Tuhkasaari. Tuhkasaari obviously looking to wear him down.
Tuhkasaari gets cracked with a nice right hand there by Simpson .
Simpson lands with a nice body kick.
Simpson lands a glancing blow to the side of Tuhkasaari's head.
Tuhkasaari tries to clinch up against the cage, rushing in the close the distance. Simpson manages to break the clinch and circles back to the middle of the mat.
Simpson keeping a good distance there, avoiding the body shot.
Tuhkasaari misses with a hook to the body
and Simpson counters with a quick right hand to the jaw.
Tuhkasaari drops his hands momentarily and Simpson takes advantage with a crisp shot to the head.
A leg kick checked by Tuhkasaari.
Simpson blocks a leg kick.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Tuhkasaari looks to throw the jab but Simpson is out of range.
A swing and a miss from Tuhkasaari.
Some bone on bone action there as Simpson checks a low kick. Luckily it wasn't a particularly hard one.
Tuhkasaari goes for a spinning back kick but it misses.
Tuhkasaari connects with a slap. Keep your fist closed son.
Simpson ducks under a wild hook from Tuhkasaari.
Tuhkasaari looks to land a left hand but Simpson moved out of range nicely.
Tuhkasaari staying out of range there.
Tuhkasaari takes a shot right to the bread basket.
Tuhkasaari slips under a jab from Simpson .
Simpson throws a monster uppercut resembling something out of street fighter but it doesn't land.

Tuhkasaari looking to score a takedown here. Simpson is defending well but Tuhkasaari drives through and ends up in Simpson 's guard.
Simpson looking for a sweep. Not yet Simpson , not yet.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
A real slowdown in the pace of the fight for a moment, as Simpson holds on and takes a little breather.

Tuhkasaari drops back for a leg but he's not going to get it - he lets go and Simpson dives on top into guard.
Simpson prevents Tuhkasaari from getting back to his feet.
The crowd are loving this. Great action here.
Simpson preventing the sweep.
Tuhkasaari is persisting with the attempt to improve his position.

Tuhkasaari is working actively off his back, looking to secure an arm or perhaps work for a triangle.
Tuhkasaari trying to keep a closed guard but Simpson is proving a slippery customer.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Simpson won't allow Tuhkasaari to sweep him here.

Tuhkasaari looking for submissions from the bottom but instead Simpson passes into side control.
Tuhkasaari manages to work his way to half guard, despite Simpson 's best efforts.
Simpson is trying to get back to his feet now but his leg is trapped.

Simpson stands, ready to strike. The ref makes him back up and allows Tuhkasaari to get to his feet.
Simpson looks to score with a jab to the body but Tuhkasaari is just out of range.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Tuhkasaari shoots in for a double leg but Simpson sprawls well. That's going to sap some energy.
Simpson scores with a slapping inside leg kick.
Simpson lunges at Tuhkasaari with a hook that half lands and is half blocked by Tuhkasaari's hand.
Simpson doesn't react quick enough there as he takes a shot to the body.
A slapping leg kick lands for Simpson .
Simpson lands a right hook to the body.
This is a great period of action - very entertaining stuff!
Simpson bobs and weaves and throws out a fast jab that snaps Tuhkasaari's head backwards.
Simpson avoids a lazy jab quite easily.
Tuhkasaari slips a straight right by Simpson .
Tuhkasaari lands a nice looking kick to the body. Simpson takes a step back to recover.
As the round comes to an end the crowd are showing their appreciation for a great round of action.
Tuhkasaari throws the kick towards the body but Simpson avoids it.
A telegraphed right hand from Simpson misses the target.

And that's the end of the fight!
That was a close round. You could make an argument for either fighter but I would give it to Homer Simpson .
I think Simpson has won this one but let's see what the judges have to say. Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Elvis Blanc scores the fight 29:28
Judge Gregory Folan scores the fight 29:28
Judge William Peck scores the fight 29:28

In favor of your winner, by unanimous decision... Homer Simpson !

Homer Simpson seemed lost for words in his post fight interview but he remembered to thank his fans and directed everyone to his website.
S C
A
G S C
B
G S C
time
G energy
A | B
hype
A | B
pop
A | B
manager
A | B
FIGHT
RATING
65%
 
 
 
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