PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a bantamweight MMA rules bout between Chuck Norris (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Yngwie Malmsteen (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Norris comes to the cage accompanied by Kryptonite. Yngwie Malmsteen is staring across the cage at his opponent, tweaking his nipples.

Norris
vs
Malmsteen

182 cm
23
147 lbs
9 - 3 - 0

150 cm
23
130 lbs
8 - 3 - 0

Good wrestling
Excellent boxer
Insanely flexible

Good wrestler
Excellent MT
Good gas tank

Cold Blooded Kemists ↑ 5x160Q
Alpha-Male Nutritional Supplements (q160)

HGH Nutrients Q160-Q158

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the bantamweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 9 - 3 - 0, fighting out of Los Angeles, Chuck Norris!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 8 - 3 - 0, fighting out of St Petersburg, Yngwie Malmsteen!
The judges for this bout are Vladimir Khabensky, Viktor Lagutenko and Dmitry Maklakov.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Malmsteen moves forwards but Norris connects with a nice, crisp jab.

It looks like Yngwie Malmsteen has been cut.
Malmsteen paws at his opponent with the jab and then lunges in with a straight, right on the button.
Malmsteen throws a hard body shot but it just misses.
Malmsteen moves away from the strike by Norris.

Norris instigates a clinch.
A quick uppercut on the inside from Norris.
Norris is trying to break the clinch but Malmsteen is controlling him.
An uppercut on the inside fails to land for Norris.
Malmsteen lands a nice shot to the body.
Norris takes a shot to the head.
Norris takes a shot to the head.
The crowd are loving this. Great action here.
Norris taking a break, stalling in the clinch.

Malmsteen breaks the clinch and we return to the middle of the mat.
Norris looks to land a right hand but Malmsteen moved out of range.
Norris throws a head kick that half lands.
Norris throws a jab when Malmsteen was well out of range.
Norris throws a jab but it's blocked by Malmsteen.
Malmsteen gets cracked there but stands up to it.
Norris throws an off balance right hand
and Malmsteen counters with a right hand to the body.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Malmsteen moves out of range as Norris strikes.
Norris keeping a good distance there, avoiding the body shot.
Norris slips a jab and a cross from Malmsteen.
Norris lands a jab.
Norris pulls out of a head kick attempt.
Norris staying out of range there.
Norris really does look like a pencil wearing a pair of gloves. Let's hope he has a gameplan to suit that ridiculous body shape.

Norris tries to keep at a distance but Malmsteen has taken the fight into the clinch.
Norris trying to stall but Malmsteen improves his position.
A head punch blocked on the inside by Norris.
Norris scores with a nice hook to the head.
Malmsteen looks like he'd prefer to be striking at range right now.
Malmsteen lands with a right to the head.
Malmsteen misses with a hook to the ribs.
Norris avoiding damage.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Malmsteen working aggressively here.
Malmsteen lands with a short shot to the head.
Norris misses with some punches.
Malmsteen lands a hook that snaps the head of Norris backwards.
The crowd cheering loudly, showing their appreciation for the quality fight we're seeing here.

Malmsteen manages to break the clinch.
Malmsteen throws a low kick but Norris avoids it.
Malmsteen tries to close the distance and clinch up but Norris swats him away and circles back towards the center.
Norris tries to work over Malmsteen's front leg with a kick but Malmsteen checks it.
Malmsteen tries to work over Norris's front leg with a kick but Norris checks it.
A looping hook to the body misses from Malmsteen. Norris does a little dance to reset his feet.
Norris lands with an overhand left.
Malmsteen is looking to slow Norris down with leg kicks.
Norris feints and then cracks Malmsteen's leading leg with a nice low kick. He's obviously looking to slow Malmsteen down.
Norris swings wildly with a hook that is half blocked by Malmsteen.
Malmsteen misses the jab.
Chuck Norris seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Nice body punch from Malmsteen.
A jab from Norris does it's job there.
Norris stooping low to avoid any incoming strikes and then lunges in with an uppercut come cross that lands flush.
Malmsteen takes a jab on the nose there. A little bit of blood seems to be coming out. Hopefully that won't affect his breathing.
Norris shapes like he's going to throw a leg kick but settles back down.
Malmsteen swings and misses with a hook to the body.
Norris is using his reach advantage well here, landing the more effective single shots from range.
Norris takes a body kick right on the floating rib. Ouchie.
Malmsteen rushes forward with a series of wild hooks but Norris moves out of range and avoids them all easily.
Malmsteen misses with a looping left.
Norris thows a leg kick but Malmsteen checks it
letting Malmsteen counter with a right hand.
Malmsteen throws a leg kick but Norris checks it.

Norris drives through and clinches with Malmsteen against the cage.
Fantastic stuff here - a very entertaining period of action, which has drawn cheers from the crowd.
Malmsteen goes for a body shot but it's blocked.
Malmsteen lands with a good tight uppercut to the head.
Norris misses with a shot to the kidneys.

Norris breaks from the clinch.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Malmsteen scores with a jab.
Norris throws the kick towards the body but Malmsteen avoids it.
Norris lunges at Malmsteen with a hook that half lands and is half blocked by Malmsteen's hand.
Malmsteen looking to take his opponent's legs away with the low kicks.
Norris misses with a looping right.
Malmsteen takes a nasty kick to the mid section... That should keep him thinking. Does he try and block and risk a head kick landing?
Malmsteen stumbles momentarily as he takes a strong leg kick from Norris.
Norris is the aggressor but that punch slipped nicely by Malmsteen.
Malmsteen drops his hands momentarily and Norris takes advantage with a crisp shot to the head.
Norris throws a jab but it's blocked by Malmsteen.
Norris looking to throw a kick but he's pulled out of it.
Malmsteen scores with a jab to the jaw.

Norris is rocked!
The crowd are going absolutely nuts as the round comes to an end - what a fantastic round of action!
Norris ducks under a wild hook from Malmsteen.
Oh Norris is still all over the place! His legs are completely gone! Will he be able to recover?!!
Malmsteen connects with a jab, followed by a picture perfect straight right that sends Norris to the canvas, out cold! What a finish by Malmsteen!

Ladies and gentlemen, after 4:54 of round 1, we have a winner by way of KO (Punches). Yngwie Malmsteen!