PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a middleweight MMA rules bout between Eyeonly Fuckwell (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and John Lakanik (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Fuckwell comes into the arena with call to prayer blaring out of the sound system. I can't wait for this one - let's get the fighter introductions out of the way and get this one started!

Fuckwell
vs
Lakanik

191 cm
35
194 lbs
21 - 14 - 1

191 cm
40
195 lbs
18 - 15 - 0

Good wrestling
World class boxer
Cardio machine

Good wrestler
World class MT
Granite chin

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the middleweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 21 - 14 - 1, fighting out of London, Eyeonly Fuckwell!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 18 - 15 - 0, fighting out of New York, John Lakanik!
The judges for this bout are Eddie Farnsworth, Columbo Gatti and Dean Styles.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Fuckwell avoids the head kick by Lakanik.
Fuckwell wings a very wild body shot but it does the job and lands to the midsection.
Lakanik explodes with a nice body kick and back out of range. Nice work.
Fuckwell lands a head shot.
Fuckwell has been working on his boxing with his coaches at GTI in the buildup to the fight.
Lakanik on the wrong end of a decent looking cross there.
Fuckwell misses the jab.
Lakanik looks to score with a jab to the body but Fuckwell is just out of range.
We've been informed that Lakanik has been sparring a lot of Muay Thai in the buildup to this fight so let's see if that has an impact on the result.
Lakanik is looking to take this fight into the clinch.
Lakanik moves away from the strike by Fuckwell.
Fuckwell throws a right and a left that Lakanik avoids nicely.
Lakanik throws a hook to the body but it doesn't connect.
Lakanik throws a head kick but Fuckwell moves out of range.
Lakanik slips under a jab from Fuckwell.

Lakanik rushes Fuckwell and pushes him back against the cage in a clinch.

Lakanik breaks the clinch and we return to the middle of the mat.
Fantastic stuff here - a very entertaining period of action, which has drawn cheers from the crowd.
Fuckwell lands with a nice low kick. That'll leave a bruise.
Lakanik defending well as Fuckwell loads up on a big left hand.
Fuckwell misses with an uppercut.
Fuckwell with a nice cross.
Fuckwell moves out of range of the body kick from Lakanik.

That's one minute gone in the round.
A lazy left from Fuckwell finds it's target.
Eyeonly Fuckwell is looking to keep the fight on the feet at all costs.
Lakanik throws a head kick but Fuckwell moves out of range.
Sloppy strikes from Lakanik. Those never looked like landing.
Lakanik bobbing and weaving, closes the distance and lands a hook to the side of Fuckwell's head.
Fuckwell misses with an uppercut.
Fuckwell avoids the head kick by Lakanik.
Lakanik gets cracked with a nice right hand there by Fuckwell.
Fuckwell tries a head kick but it misses.
A slow jab from Fuckwell misses its intended target.
Lakanik throws a body kick that misses.
Lakanik ducks down and throws a hook to the body but Fuckwell moves away.
A swing and a miss from Fuckwell.
Fuckwell connects with a body shot.
Eyeonly Fuckwell seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
Lakanik tries a head kick but it misses.
Lakanik's hands are dropping dangerously low here and Fuckwell connects clean with a right hook that sends him down to one knee! Lakanik scrambles back to his feet.
The crowd are loving this. Great action here.
Fuckwell loads up on a big right hand but Lakanik slips the punch.
Fuckwell misses with an uppercut.
Lakanik ducks under a wild hook from Fuckwell.
An inside leg kick from Fuckwell misses.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Fuckwell getting the better of the striking in that exchange.
Lakanik looks to score with a jab to the body but Fuckwell is just out of range.
Lakanik tries to drive through with a takedown attempt but Fuckwell defends well and Lakanik ends up having to push Fuckwell into the cage where they will battle it out in the clinch.

Fuckwell manages to break the clinch.
Fuckwell thuds a left hand into Lakanik's body.
Lakanik misses with a half-hearted attempt at a head kick.
Lakanik tries to clinch up but Fuckwell circles away and keeps his distance.
Lakanik uses decent footwork to sidestep a right hand from Fuckwell.
Lakanik misses with a half-hearted attempt at a head kick.
Lakanik uses decent footwork to sidestep a right hand from Fuckwell.
Lakanik misses with a body shot. Nice footwork from Fuckwell.
Lakanik throws a head kick that misses.
Lakanik sizes up Fuckwell with a pawing jab and scores with a straight right down the middle.
Fuckwell rushes forward with a series of wild hooks but Lakanik moves out of range and avoids them all easily.
Lakanik takes one on the chin but seems OK.
Good work by Fuckwell as he checks the leg kick.
Fuckwell dips down and scores with a jab to the body.
Fuckwell is really peppering his opponent's head with punches.
Lakanik looks to score with a jab to the body but Fuckwell is just out of range.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Fuckwell lands a head kick!
Lakanik on the wrong end of a nice hook.
Lakanik throws a half hearted mid kick.
Lakanik tries a head kick but it misses.
Lakanik throws a nice looking combination but Fuckwell bobs and weaves to avoid any damage.
Fuckwell moves out of range of the leg kick from Lakanik.
Lakanik misses the shot to the body.
Fuckwell throws an overhand right that lands on Lakanik's shoulder, as Lakanik tries to avoid the shot.
Lakanik takes a solid shot to the body. That one hurt him but he's trying not to show it.
Lakanik throws a wild combination but nothing lands.
Fuckwell looks to land a combination but Lakanik avoids it well.
Lakanik tries a head kick but it misses.
Lakanik ducks under an overhand right and circles away with a smile on his face.
Fuckwell jabbing away but nothing is landing.
Fuckwell avoids the head kick by Lakanik.
Lakanik tries to score a power double leg takedown but Fuckwell sees that one coming and sprawls well. That will dishearten Lakanik somewhat.
The fans in attendance giving it up for the two fighters, who have really let it all hang out in the last minute or so!
Fuckwell scores with a jab.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Fuckwell lands a nice hook to Lakanik's body. Lakanik takes it in his stride and looks to land his own strikes.
Lakanik throws a head kick that misses and slips in the process. He scrambles back to his feet and the fighters circle.
Lakanik steps to the side to avoid the strikes from Fuckwell.
Lakanik has his hands up protecting his head but a hook from Fuckwell finds it's way round the side to connect with Lakanik's head.
Decent striking displayed by Fuckwell there.
Lakanik throws a decent looking leg kick but it doesn't land clean.
Fuckwell lands a body shot.
Fuckwell cracks Lakanik with a good jab.
Lakanik takes a shot to the body in his stride.
Fuckwell scores with a decent looking hook.
Fuckwell jabbing away but nothing is landing.
Fuckwell misses the shot to the body.
The crowd applaud the fighters' efforts here as the round comes to an end.
Fuckwell takes a hook to the side of the head. I wonder if that's got his ears ringing.
Fuckwell thuds his right hand into Lakanik's forehead from close range. That could be painful for both fighters.
Lakanik tries to clinch up but Fuckwell circles away and keeps his distance.
Lakanik's hands are dropping dangerously low here and Fuckwell connects clean with a right hook that sends him down to one knee! Lakanik scrambles back to his feet.
Lakanik dodges the punch combination from Fuckwell.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Eyeonly Fuckwell dominated that round.
Well, the break between rounds is over. Let's get back to the scrappin!

Fuckwell moves into range and connects with a jab.
Fuckwell throws a couple of head shots and lands with the final one - a decent hook, which struck Lakanik on the side of the head.
Lakanik pulls out of a head kick attempt.
Eyeonly Fuckwell is winning the standup battle so far.
Fuckwell with a nice cross.
John Lakanik is looking to throw some combinations by the looks of things.
Fuckwell uses some good footwork to avoid the body shot by Lakanik.
Lakanik lands a high kick!

It looks like Eyeonly Fuckwell has been cut.
Fuckwell lands a slapping body shot.
Fuckwell swings wildly with a right hand that was never going to find it's target.
Lakanik changes levels and looks for a double leg takedown. Fuckwell tries to avoid it but Lakanik manages to keep hold of a leg and drag Fuckwell to the ground. Fuckwell escapes though and pops straight back up to his feet.
Fuckwell's jab looks to have found its range, popping Lakanik under the eye.
Fuckwell throws a combination but it was largely blocked by Lakanik.
Lakanik moves in looking to clinch but Fuckwell pushes him off.
Fuckwell connects with a lovely right hand, straight down the pipe.
This has been an exciting period of action!
Fuckwell throws a monster uppercut resembling something out of street fighter but it doesn't land.
Lakanik tries to clinch up but Fuckwell circles away and keeps his distance.
Lakanik tries to clinch but is not successful on this occasion.
Fuckwell throws a body punch but Lakanik moves out of range.
Fuckwell lands with a cross.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Fuckwell misses with a wild combination.
Fuckwell throws a combination but comes up with nothing but fresh air.
Fuckwell tries to bum rush Lakanik with a series of wild strikes but Lakanik uses good footwork to avoid the assault.
Lakanik needs to keep his hands up - Fuckwell had a free shot at his head there.
Fuckwell scores with a body shot.
Lakanik takes one to the side of the head.
Fuckwell misses with an uppercut. Lakanik saw that one coming.
Lakanik throws a head kick that misses and slips in the process. He scrambles back to his feet and the fighters circle.
Fuckwell throws a body kick that sends a sickening thudding noise reverberating around the arena.
No joy there for Lakanik, who threw a few shots but didn't land.
Lakanik has a pretty nasty looking mouse under his right eye.
A jab lands there for Fuckwell.
Lakanik scores with a head kick. Fuckwell tried to block it but didn't get his arm up in time.
The fans in attendance giving it up for the two fighters, who have really let it all hang out in the last minute or so!
A decent looking cross lands there for Fuckwell.
Lakanik slips under a jab from Fuckwell.

Lakanik has Fuckwell up against the cage in a clinch.

Fuckwell pushes off and circles away, back to the middle of the mat.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
The fighters are going at a pretty good pace and they're both starting to sweat now.
Fuckwell throws a hook but Lakanik avoids it easily.
Lakanik tries to clinch but is not successful on this occasion.
Lakanik is throwing a lot of body shots here, looking to wear down Fuckwell rather than just go for the knockout.
Lakanik shoots for a takedown but Fuckwell saw that one coming a mile off and avoided it easily.
Lakanik gets his head snapped back by a nice shot there.
Fuckwell lands a vicious shot with the stealth of a sniper and the strength of a viper. Are vipers that strong? I can think of lots of things that are stronger than a viper - not many rhyme with sniper though.
Lakanik throws a right and a left that Fuckwell avoids nicely.
A punch combination from Fuckwell misses.
A right-left combo lands from Fuckwell.
Lakanik moves into range and throws a lovely three punch combination.
Fuckwell is really dominating this fight. Is there anything that Lakanik can do to turn this around?
Lakanik attempts a low kick but it misses it's target.
Fuckwell throws the left hand but Lakanik avoids the punch easily.
A big right from Fuckwell misses.
Fuckwell throws a combination but comes up with nothing but fresh air.
Jab, jab by Fuckwell - just one landing.
A cross from Fuckwell lands.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Fuckwell paws at his opponent with the jab and then lunges in with a straight, right on the button.
Lakanik throws a sloppy head kick and Fuckwell moves out of range easily.
Lakanik displays some good footwork, moving neatly out of range as Fuckwell throws out the jab.
Fuckwell lands with a shot to the body.
Lakanik throws a head kick but Fuckwell moves out of range.
Fuckwell throws an off balance right hand
and Lakanik counters with a slapping leg kick.
Lakanik checks a leg kick.
Fuckwell checks the leg kick.
A looping hook to the body misses from Fuckwell. Lakanik does a little dance to reset his feet.
Lakanik is looking to clinch but Fuckwell is avoiding it.
Lakanik fails in his attempt to clinch.
Fuckwell connects with a slap. Keep your fist closed son.
Fuckwell connects with a looping left hand that seems like it dazed Lakanik momentarily.
Fuckwell blocks the body kick.
Lakanik ducks under a wild hook from Fuckwell.
Lakanik throws a sloppy head kick and Fuckwell moves out of range easily.
A head kick misses from Lakanik.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Lakanik tries to clinch up.
Fuckwell lands with a two punch combination before moving back out of range.
Fantastic stuff here - a very entertaining period of action, which has drawn cheers from the crowd.
Jab, jab by Fuckwell - just one landing.
Fuckwell misses with a looping left.
Lakanik throws a low kick but his opponent is out of range.
Nice straight punches there by Fuckwell. You know Roy Jones Jr respects the hands of Fuckwell.
Lakanik tries to close the distance and clinch up but Fuckwell swats him away and circles back towards the center.
Lakanik uses good footwork to avoid the strikes from Fuckwell.
Lakanik tries a switch kick but it misses it's target.
Lakanik throws a head kick that misses.
Fuckwell throws a looping overhand right but Lakanik ducks down to avoid it.
Lakanik throws a head kick that misses and slips in the process. He scrambles back to his feet and the fighters circle.
Lakanik is breathing heavily.
Fuckwell lands a right hook to the body.
The crowd applaud the fighters' efforts here as the round comes to an end.
Fuckwell avoids a kick to the body.
Fuckwell avoids the head kick by Lakanik.
Lakanik tries a head kick but it misses.
Fuckwell misses with a wild combination.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Eyeonly Fuckwell dominated that second round.
The cut man is working on Eyeonly Fuckwell's cut.
The minute break is over - no more time for sponges and pep talks - back to the action! Ladies and gentlemen, this is the final round!

Lakanik takes a body punch but keeps moving.
Fuckwell's corner calls for a 1-2. Fuckwell obliges with the 1 part as he scores the single shot and moves back out of range.
Lakanik throws a head kick that misses.
Lakanik moves away from the strike by Fuckwell.
Lakanik looks shocked there as he takes a right hand to the temple.
Fuckwell avoids the head kick by Lakanik.
Fuckwell throws the left hand but Lakanik avoids the punch easily.
Lakanik throws a body kick that misses
letting Fuckwell counter with a right hand.
Fuckwell falls off balance throwing a combination
enabling Lakanik to counter with a crisp jab.
Fuckwell misses with a straight right.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Lakanik scores with a hook to the body. Fuckwell takes a step back and tries to catch his breath.
Fuckwell looks to land a left hand but Lakanik moved out of range nicely.
Fuckwell throws a shot from downtown. Lakanik moves away and avoids it.
Lakanik tries a switch kick but it misses it's target.
Fuckwell keeps the fight on the outside.
Nice straight punches there by Fuckwell. You know Roy Jones Jr respects the hands of Fuckwell.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Fuckwell lands a two punch combo.
Fuckwell throws out a token jab with nothing on it.
Lakanik walks into a jab.
Fuckwell connects with a lovely jab that went straight through the gap between Lakanik's hands.
Lakanik throws a head kick but Fuckwell moves out of range.
Fuckwell takes a shot to the body in his stride.
Lakanik steps to the side to avoid the strikes from Fuckwell.
Lakanik tries to clinch up.
Fuckwell avoids the head kick by Lakanik.
Lakanik takes a big intake of breath there - he's definitely tired.
Fuckwell moves into range and throws a lovely three punch combination.
A left lands for Fuckwell.
The crowd cheering loudly, showing their appreciation for the quality fight we're seeing here.
Lakanik takes a swing at Fuckwell's ribcage but misses.
Fuckwell lunges at Lakanik with a hook that half lands and is half blocked by Lakanik's hand.
Fuckwell misses with a straight left.
Lakanik misses with a head kick.
Fuckwell misses with a looping right.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Fuckwell works his jab well there, keeping his opponent at a distance.
Lakanik punishes Fuckwell's body with a nice straight punch.
Fuckwell lands a jab, followed by a cross and another cross, as Lakanik backs up against the cage.
Lakanik lands a body shot.
John Lakanik has stepped it up - he knows he needs a finish here!
Fuckwell lands with a nice low kick. That'll leave a bruise.
Lakanik tries a head kick but it misses.
Lakanik tries to clinch up.
Lakanik slips under a jab from Fuckwell.
Lakanik tries to clinch but is not successful on this occasion.
Fuckwell goes to the watering hole and comes back with a big thumbs up from the judges as he scores a three punch combo.
Lakanik throws a hook but Fuckwell blocks it.
Fuckwell sizes up Lakanik with a pawing jab and scores with a straight right down the middle.
Fuckwell jabbing away but nothing is landing.
Fuckwell scores with a straight right hand, right through his opponent's guard.
Fuckwell misses the jab.
Lakanik takes a body punch that cleary hurt but he's trying not to show any weakness.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Fuckwell keeping a good distance there, avoiding the body shot.
Jab, jab by Fuckwell - just one landing.
Lakanik tries a switch kick but it misses it's target.
Lakanik connects with a jab.
Fuckwell misses the jab.
Fuckwell throws a hook but Lakanik blocks it.
A right-left combo lands from Fuckwell.
Fuckwell misses with a hook.
Lakanik misses with a half-hearted attempt at a head kick.
Fuckwell throws a hook but Lakanik blocks it.
Fuckwell connects with a body shot.
Lakanik takes a big uppercut there. He seems a bit wobbly but no, he's OK.
Good standup being displayed there by Fuckwell as he connects with a hook.
Fuckwell looks to score with a combo but nothing lands.
We've seen a great period of action over the last minute or so - credit to both fighters for going all out!
Fuckwell loads up on a big right hand but Lakanik slips the punch.
Lakanik lands a leg kick that knocks Fuckwell off balance momentarily.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Fuckwell tries to land with a swinging hook to the body but Lakanik was well out of range. Poor timing from Fuckwell.
Lakanik connects with an inside leg kick.
Fuckwell lands a beauty of a right hand that gets the crowd cheering.
Fuckwell jabs. That one connects to the head of his opponent.
Lakanik pulls out of a head kick attempt.
Lakanik ducks under a wild hook from Fuckwell.
Lakanik takes a hook to the side of the head. I wonder if that's got his ears ringing.
Fuckwell scores with a nice looking left hook and follows it up with an uppercut!
Fuckwell connects with a jab.
Fuckwell dodges the punch combination from Lakanik.
A head kick misses from Fuckwell.
Fuckwell tries to land a front kick but Lakanik steps back. That was a bit too telegraphed.
The crowd applaud the fighters' efforts here as the round comes to an end.
Fuckwell lands a jab. Then a cross. Then finally a nice hook to the body. Good work there by Fuckwell.
Lakanik tries to clinch up but Fuckwell circles away and keeps his distance.
The fighters circling - Fuckwell throws out the jab but it was never going to land.
Lakanik moves into range and lands a nice leg kick.

And that's the end of the fight!
Eyeonly Fuckwell showed his dominance in that final round.
Well I reckon that's a shut out for Fuckwell, winning every round. Will the judges agree? They are the ones who matter, even if they are often depressingly incompetent. Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Eddie Farnsworth scores the fight 30:27
Judge Columbo Gatti scores the fight 30:27
Judge Dean Styles scores the fight 30:27

In favor of your winner, by unanimous decision... Eyeonly Fuckwell!
Eyeonly Fuckwell looked relieved post fight as he said the following; 'Know this brothers, it is our duty to spread islam and rid the world of infidels, this is your duty as a Muslim, if it means having sex with farm yard animals....... We have sex with farm yard animals'.