PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a welterweight MMA rules bout between Turd Anderson (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Clubber Lang (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). The atmosphere really building for this one as we go over to our ring announcer for the fighter introductions!

Anderson
vs
Lang

180 cm
34
184 lbs
26 - 16 - 3

185 cm
29
183 lbs
21 - 11 - 0

Abu Dhabi Champ
World class boxer
Granite chin

Good wrestler
World class boxer
Granite chin

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 5 rounds, for the welterweight championship of the world!
Introducing the champion to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 26 - 16 - 3, fighting out of Helsinki, Turd Anderson!
And introducing the challenger to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 21 - 11 - 0, fighting out of Helsinki, Clubber Lang!
The judges for this bout are Tarja Halkonen, Johanna Lukiainen and Roosa Järviläinen.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Nice uppercut lands for Anderson. That snapped Lang's head back.
Anderson misses with a combination
and Lang counters with a good right hand that lands right on the jaw.
Anderson tries to land with a swinging hook to the body but Lang was well out of range. Poor timing from Anderson.
Anderson misses with an uppercut.
Nice shot lands for Lang.
Lang tries to score with a low kick but Anderson moves his leg out of the way.
Lang finds nothing but air with that leg kick attempt.
Anderson tries to counter with a takedown but Lang is quick to defend against it.
Anderson fakes high and swings low for a body shot but Lang manages to avoid it.
Lang throws a half hearted mid kick.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Lang lands with a kick to the temple. Anderson shrugs as if to say "is that all you've got?"
Anderson takes a shot to the nose. Hopefully that hasn't broken it.
Lang lands a leg kick and bounces back out of range.
Lang misses with a head kick.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Lang looks to land a body kick but Anderson moved away.
It looked like Anderson was trying to counter with a body shot coming off that last attack from Lang.
Anderson dives in for a single leg takedown but Lang sprawls and the fighters end up clinched against the cage.
Clubber Lang is looking to keep the fight on the feet at all costs.
Anderson swings and misses with a shot to the body
and Lang counters with an inside leg kick.
Anderson looks to score with a jab to the body but Lang is just out of range.
Clubber Lang seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
Lang misses with a body punch
and Anderson counters with a crisp hook to the side of the head.
Anderson swinging wildly here.
Lang looked like he wanted to counter with a punch but didn't throw it.
Lang throws a sloppy head kick and Anderson moves out of range easily.
Anderson was looking to counter that last move with a shot to the body but he didn't commit.
Lang turns his hip over beautifully as he lands a nice leg kick.
Lang misses with a hook. Anderson ducked under it nicely.
Anderson appears to be looking for a big counter.
Lang throws a leg kick that misses.
Lang ducks down and throws a hook to the body but Anderson moves away.
Anderson throws a body punch but Lang moves out of range.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Anderson throws a jab to the body, straight down the pipe. Boom. That sent Lang stumbling backwards but he manages to regain his composure quickly.
Lang takes one to the chin there.
Lang throws a front kick aimed at Anderson's knee but Anderson avoids it well.
Lang is looking to score with low kicks.
Anderson slips under a jab from Lang.
Anderson shoots for a double leg takedown but Lang sprawls well. He's pushed Anderson's face into the mat and manages to get back to his feet relatively easily.
This has been an exciting period of action!
Lang throws a hook to the body but it doesn't connect.
Anderson has a takedown stuffed.
That's three failed takedown attempts in the round for Turd Anderson. That's going to take a lot out of him.
Lang throws a body kick but he wasn't in range.
Lang connects with a nice looking jab.
Lang throws a head kick that misses and slips in the process. He scrambles back to his feet and the fighters circle.
An attempted straight right counter from Anderson misses the target.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
A chopping leg kick lands by Lang.
Anderson gets cracked with a nice right hand there by Lang.
Lang throws the left hand but Anderson avoids the punch easily.
Nice body kick from Lang.
Anderson staying out of range there.
A lazy body kick from Lang
and Anderson counters with a left to the body.
Lang feints and then cracks Anderson's leading leg with a nice low kick. He's obviously looking to slow Anderson down.
Lang will need to tighten up his combinations if he doesn't want to gas himself out, swinging at thin air.
Lang misses with a body shot.
Lang throws a lazy right hand but Anderson sees it coming a mile off and sidesteps it easily.
Anderson misses with an uppercut.
Lang looks like he wants to counter punch here.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Anderson just misses with a punch to the body.
Anderson takes a nice looking leg kick right on the meat of his thigh there.
Anderson needs to keep his hands up - Lang had a free shot at his head there.
Lang misses with a double jab.
Anderson tries to counter with a takedown but Lang is quick to defend against it.
Fantastic stuff here - a very entertaining period of action, which has drawn cheers from the crowd.
Lang looks to throw the jab but Anderson is out of range.
Lang drops his hands momentarily and Anderson takes advantage with a crisp shot to the head.
Lang misses with a looping left.
Lang goes for a high kick. It partially lands.
Anderson shoots in for a takedown but Lang shows good takedown defense there and keeps this one on the feet.
A big right from Lang misses.
Lang goes for a spinning back kick but it misses.
A counter left hand to the body from Anderson misses its target.
Anderson looks to score with a jab to the body but Lang is just out of range.
Anderson looks for a takedown but Lang sprawls well.
Lang steps in looking to counter with the mid kick but it doesn't connect.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Clubber Lang dominated that round.
The referee calls time. The cornermen exit stage left and we're back to business.

Anderson looks to land a combination. Lang sees it coming but can only parry a couple of the shots.
Lang misses with a low kick as Anderson jumps back.
Lang misses with a straight right.
A quick step to the side and Anderson tries to counter with a shot to the body but it doesn't connect.
Lang lands a nice leg kick that just misses Anderson's sensitive parts.
Lang swings widly with a right hand

and Anderson counters with a takedown into side control.
Lang manages to work his way to half guard, despite Anderson's best efforts.
The ref warns both fighters not to hold the cage as they work up against the meshing.
Anderson missing with the ground and pound from half guard.
Lang wants to improve his position but Anderson is controlling well.
Lang trying to hold on to Anderson's head to control him but Anderson postures up.
Lang is staying active underneath Anderson, who seems content to just control the action from this position.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Anderson thows a huge punch but Lang dodges it nicely.
Lang tries to get to full guard but Anderson has control of the leg.
Anderson seems to be taking a bit of a break to think of his next move. He lands a short punch in the meantime.
Anderson is trying to control. Lang wants to improve his position but can't escape this time.
Anderson missing with the ground and pound from half guard.
Anderson throwing shots but Lang is blocking nicely.
The fighters are pressed up against the cage, both looking to find a bit of space to work.
Lang trying to control but Anderson postures up.
Lang has been the more effective fighter overall so far.
The two fighters exchange a few words. I couldn't hear what they were saying but maybe it's more fun if you make it up yourself. Anderson connects with a nice short shot to Lang's temple.
Lang is looking to improve his position.
Anderson sitting in half guard, looking to land shots. Lang defending well though.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Anderson throwing shots but Lang is blocking nicely.
Lang is trying to control but can't.
Anderson sitting in half guard, looking to land shots. Lang defending well though.
Lang trying to hold on to Anderson's head to control him but Anderson postures up.

The referee decides to stand the fighters back up.
Lang ducks under a wild hook from Anderson.
Lang throws a series of punches but Anderson moves out of range.
Anderson misses with a wild body shot.
The fighters circling - Lang throws out the jab but it was never going to land.
Anderson swung with a counter punch to the body but it didn't connect.
Lang throws the left hand but Anderson avoids the punch easily.
Lang chopping away at his opponent's legs.
Anderson throws a jab to the body, straight down the pipe. Boom. That sent Lang stumbling backwards but he manages to regain his composure quickly.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
That kick from Lang tenderised Anderson's leg. Anderson is trying to keep his angry face on.
Both fighters circling a little - Lang finishes the exchange with a kick to the body.
Lang leaves Anderson with his face pressed against the mat as he sprawls beautifully, defending against a solid takedown attempt.
Nice defenses there by Anderson.
Anderson seem to be loading up, looking for a big counter.
Anderson is hobbling a little on that front leg after taking quite a few leg kicks so far in this fight.
Anderson takes a swing at Lang's ribcage but misses.
Anderson is looking to wear down Lang with body shots, infact he's throwing more body shots than head shots at the moment.
Anderson drops his hands momentarily and Lang takes advantage with a crisp shot to the head.
Lang connects with a high kick.
Lang scoring well with a low kick there.
A lazy body kick from Lang
and Anderson counters with a nice jab to the body that keeps Lang thinking.
Anderson ducks under an overhand right and circles away with a smile on his face.
Both fighters circling a little - Lang finishes the exchange with a kick to the body.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Anderson drops his hands and takes a jab to the jaw for his troubles.
Anderson throws a body punch but Lang moves out of range.
This is a great period of action - very entertaining stuff!
A jab from Lang misses.
Lang connects with a leg kick. Anderson looked like he was expecting something else and didn't defend it.
That kick from Lang tenderised Anderson's leg. Anderson is trying to keep his angry face on.
Lang tries a low kick but Anderson avoids it.
Anderson tries to land with a swinging hook to the body but Lang was well out of range. Poor timing from Anderson.
Anderson tries to land with a swinging hook to the body but Lang was well out of range. Poor timing from Anderson.
Anderson moves out of range of the body kick from Lang.
Anderson appears to be looking for a counter takedown.
Anderson lands with a cross.
The fighters circling - Anderson throws out the jab but it was never going to land.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

That was a close second round but I would say that Turd Anderson will probably get the nod.
That's the end of the round. The referee orders the cornermen out of the cage so we can get back down to business.

Anderson takes a swing at Lang's ribcage but misses.
Lang scores with a sloppy punch to the body. Not much technique there but it did the business.
Lang connects with a lovely jab that went straight through the gap between Anderson's hands.
Anderson avoids a low kick by using good footwork.
Lang throws a lazy right hand but Anderson sees it coming a mile off and sidesteps it easily.
Anderson throws a nice looking combination but Lang bobs and weaves to avoid any damage.
Lang throws a nice inside leg kick.
Lang closes the distance and takes a jab right on the nose as he does so.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Lang lands with a nice low kick. That'll leave a bruise.
Lang misses with a jab and misses with a cross straight after too.
Anderson is looking to counter with a shot to the body.
Anderson misses with a body shot. Nice footwork from Lang.
Lang slips a straight right by Anderson.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Lang closes the distance and takes a jab right on the nose as he does so.
Clubber Lang seems to be getting the better of the standup.
Lang walks forward and throws out a flicking leg kick. Anderson checks it nicely though, as he moves to the side.
Anderson needs to keep his hands up - Lang had a free shot at his head there.
Lang connects with a right hand. Anderson shakes it off.
Lang moves into range and lands a nice body kick.
Anderson punishes Lang's body with a nice straight punch.
Lang turns his hip over beautifully as he lands a nice leg kick.
Lang swings wildly with a hook that is half blocked by Anderson.
Anderson with a body punch. A glancing blow.
Anderson feints a jab promting Lang to slip. Anderson then demonstrates his capabilities by jabbing again. Lang slips again and ducks right into an uppercut.
We've seen a great period of action over the last minute or so - credit to both fighters for going all out!
Lang tries a switch kick but it misses it's target.
Lang tries to land a front kick but Anderson steps back. That was a bit too telegraphed.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Anderson ducks down and throws a hook to the body but Lang moves away.
Lang scores with a sloppy right hand. Anderson should have avoided that one.
Anderson slips a jab from Lang.
A shot to the liver by Lang. Beautiful body shot.
Anderson throws a wild combination but nothing lands.
Lang keeping a good distance there, avoiding the body shot.
Anderson throws a nice hook to the body that draws an oooh from the crowd.
Lang rushes forward with a series of wild hooks but Anderson moves out of range and avoids them all easily.

Anderson closes the distance and gets a trip takedown into side control. Lang quickly recovers to half guard.
Anderson throwing shots but Lang is blocking nicely.
Anderson prevents Lang from improving his position.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Anderson scoring with strikes to the body and head.

Lang is defending against the submission attempts here by Anderson.
Lang wants to control but Anderson is keeping busy.
Anderson perhaps working for something from half guard, or maybe not. It looks like he's just sitting there.
Anderson prevents Lang from improving his position.
Lang is trying to control but can't.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
A few boos can be heard. I'm sure they will multiply if the fighters don't pick up the pace.
Anderson sitting in half guard, looking to land shots. Lang defending well though.
Anderson thumps the canvas. Not on purpose obviously - he just missed Lang's head.
Anderson thows a huge punch but Lang dodges it nicely.
Anderson throwing punches and elbows but they're not doing any damage.
Lang trying to control but Anderson postures up.

The referee decides to stand the fighters back up.
Lang misses with a body shot.
Anderson throws a hook to the body but it doesn't connect.
A big right from Lang misses.
Anderson takes a nasty kick to the mid section... That should keep him thinking. Does he try and block and risk a head kick landing?
Lang looking to throw a kick but he's pulled out of it.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

That was a close round but Turd Anderson did the better work so I'd imagine he'll take it.
The fighters' corners scream their final instructions, as the referee calls time. Here we go, back to the action!

Anderson swings and misses with a hook to the body.
Lang now looks to counter with a shot at the body.
Lang uses some good footwork to avoid the body shot by Anderson.
Lang moves forwards but Anderson connects with a nice, crisp jab.
Lang lands an overhand left. A wild punch that just about connected.
Anderson uses some good footwork to avoid the body shot by Lang.
Anderson is looking for a counter combo.
Anderson tries to move into range but Lang moves to the side and lands with a nice right hand.
Lang throws a leg kick but Anderson sees it coming and checks it nicely.
Anderson misses with a wild body shot.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Anderson bobs and weaves and unloads with a good uppercut.
Lang takes a shot to the body in his stride.
Crunch! Lang slams his shin into Anderson's torso.
Anderson takes a swing at Lang's ribcage but misses.
Anderson will be looking to protect his midsection after taking some solid kicks to the body.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Anderson throws a body punch but Lang moves out of range.
Anderson takes one on the chin but seems OK.
Lang slips in close and lands a nice hook before moving back out of range.
Anderson on the receiving end of a decent leg kick there by Lang. Lang obviously looking to wear him down.
Lang misses with a body kick.
As Lang looks to move away, Anderson throws a big counter combo bu Lang just gets out of the way.
Anderson moves away from the strike by Lang.
Anderson swings and misses with a hook to the body.
Lang connects with an inside leg kick.
Anderson scores with a nice head shot.
A shot to the liver by Lang. Beautiful body shot.
Lang misses with a straight right.
Anderson drops down looking for a counter takedown but Lang sprawls and moves away.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Lang swings and misses with a hook to the body.
Anderson ducks down and throws a hook to the body but Lang moves away.
Anderson lands a really nice looking cross but Lang seems unphased.
A punch combination from Anderson misses.
A countering left hand to the body from Lang misses.
Lang rushes forward with a series of wild hooks but Anderson moves out of range and avoids them all easily.
The crowd are loving this. Great action here.
Anderson gets cracked there but stands up to it.
Anderson avoids the body shot from Lang.
Lang throws a leg kick

and Anderson counters with a nice double leg into side control. Lang won't be happy with that.
Lang is putting a lot of effort into getting back to his feet here.
Lang is looking to reverse the position.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Lang is trying to get back to half guard. He's pushing on Anderson's leg. He's managed it. Nice work.
Anderson sitting in half guard, looking to land shots. Lang defending well though.
Lang trying to control here.
Lang is looking for a sweep. Anderson is wise to his cunning plan and keeps the top position.
Lang keeping his head moving to avoid the ground and pound.
Anderson wants to advance to full mount but Lang doesn't think that's going to happen and regains full guard instead.
Our spies down at at Nordic Top Team inform us that Lang has really been working on his submissions in the buildup to this fight. Will it pay off?
Anderson postures up.
Anderson distracts Lang with his right hand and drops a big elbow with his other arm.
Anderson preventing the sweep.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Anderson scores with a decent looking elbow strike.
Anderson throwing strikes but missing.
Anderson is sitting in guard, working some ground and pound.
Anderson working some strikes from top position.
Anderson pushing down on Lang's thigh, trying to pass to half guard. He's managed it... Nice work.
Turd Anderson overall seems to be getting the better of the ground position in the fight so far.
Anderson lands strikes from half guard.
Anderson thumps the canvas. Not on purpose obviously - he just missed Lang's head.

Anderson is looking for a kimura here.
Anderson thows a huge punch but Lang dodges it nicely.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Turd Anderson had his way with Clubber Lang in that round.
The minute break is over - no more time for sponges and pep talks - back to the action! Ladies and gentlemen, this is the final round!

Anderson misses with a body shot. Nice footwork from Lang.
Lang was about to counter that last move with a leg kick but changes his mind.
Anderson has a nice red mark on his side after a thudding body kick by Lang.
Anderson takes a swing at Lang's ribcage but misses.
Anderson is pinned up against the cage taking some big shots here. The referee is looking closely deciding whether he should stop the fight.
A slow jab from Lang misses its intended target.
As Lang looks to move away, Anderson throws a big counter combo bu Lang just gets out of the way.
Lang displays some good footwork, moving neatly out of range as Anderson throws out the jab.
Lang cracks Anderson with a nice right hand that draws applause from the crowd.
Anderson will need to tighten up his combinations if he doesn't want to gas himself out, swinging at thin air.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Anderson bobs and weaves and unloads with a good uppercut.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Anderson misses with a looping right.
The fighters circling - Lang throws out the jab but it was never going to land.
Anderson blocks the body kick.
Anderson fakes a head shot and lands one to the body.
Anderson throws a body punch but Lang moves out of range.
Lang throws the left hand but Anderson avoids the punch easily.
Anderson slips a jab from Lang.
Oooooooooooh, not good. A low kick from Lang lands where it shouldn't have, right in the... well, you know what he did? He kicked him in the penis. He's injured, injured bad. The referee sends both fighters to their corners and Anderson has 5 minutes to recover. He's OK now though... a thumbs up from Anderson and we're back underway with a touch of gloves.
Anderson was looking to counter that move with a punch but didn't quite pull the trigger.
A cross from Anderson lands.
Lang swings wildly with a right hand that was never going to find it's target.
Decent striking displayed by Lang there.
Clubber Lang has stepped it up - he knows he needs a finish here!

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Lang throws an uppercut from half a mile away. Anderson sees it coming and avoids it easily.
A little feinted left hand from Anderson on the counter but he doesn't commit to it.
A nice leg kick lands there from Lang.
Lang is the aggressor but that punch slipped nicely by Anderson.
Lang lands a leg kick and bounces back out of range.
Anderson takes a jab on the nose. He smiles like he loves it and keeps coming.
Anderson moves away from the strike by Lang.
Lang gets off balance looking for a body kick

and Anderson counters with a shoot takedown. Lang fights it but they end up in guard.
This is a great period of action - very entertaining stuff!
Anderson throwing strikes but missing.
Lang preventing the ground and pound from doing any damage.
Lang manages to sweep nicely, so he's now on top. Anderson manages to get himself to full guard.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Lang stands up and looks to throw the legs aside to pass to side control. Anderson swivels though and keeps the full guard.
Lang keeps trying to improve his position.
Lang is taking a break and basically stalling. The referee will not allow him to do that for long.
Lang looking to sit in guard and control but Anderson gets the butterfly guard and sweeps. He's now in the guard on the top.

Anderson is fighting to break Lang's control of his arms but Lang is doing a good job of controlling the position at the moment.
Lang utilising some decent striking defenses from the guard, preventing the ground and pound.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
My god... these two guys really need to pick up the pace or everyone will leave to go get a beer.
Anderson advances to half guard.
Lang is trying to get back to full guard.
Anderson has been looking to land a fair amount of strikes on the ground. He might be looking to soften his opponent up in order to work for a submission.
Anderson missing with some ground and pound from the half guard.
Lang trying to control here.
Turd Anderson is fighting for a decision here - he's started to take the cautious approach.
Lang is looking to regain full guard. Not this time though.
The crowd thankful this round is nearly over.
Lang slips a foot under and gets full guard. Nice work.
Anderson looking to control the position here, rather than advance.

And that's the end of the fight!
I would just about give that final round to Clubber Lang.
I think Anderson has won this one but let's see what the judges have to say. Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 5 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Tarja Halkonen scores the fight 49:46
Judge Johanna Lukiainen scores the fight 49:46
Judge Roosa Järviläinen scores the fight 49:46

In favor of your winner, by unanimous decision... Turd Anderson!
Turd Anderson retains his welterweight title!
A relieved looking Turd Anderson thanked the fans for their support and gave the usual line about them being amazing. They seemed to believe that he actually meant it.