PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a light heavyweight MMA rules bout between Eric Cartmen (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Ron Jeremy (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Cartmen's ring entrance music is that housewives' favourite, Eric Cartman - Come Sail Away . Both fighters look pumped up here. Let's hope this is a good fight!

Cartmen
vs
Jeremy

181 cm
23
210 lbs
8 - 5 - 0

180 cm
23
212 lbs
6 - 5 - 0

BJJ Purple Belt
Solid boxing
Insanely flexible

Powerful takedowns
Excellent boxer
Granite chin

The Empire Clothing and Laundry
Big Bear Nutrition 160Q

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the light heavyweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 8 - 5 - 0, fighting out of New York, Eric Cartmen!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 6 - 5 - 0, fighting out of New York, Ron Jeremy!
The judges for this bout are Anthony Taglia, John Kavanagh and Columbo Gatti.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Cartmen defends well against a solid takedown attempt from Jeremy.
Cartmen swung with a counter punch to the body but it didn't connect.

Cartmen drives through and clinches with Jeremy against the cage.
Cartmen can't find room to land a body shot as Jeremy controls the action.
Cartmen misses with a knee to the head.
Cartmen putting his Muay Thai to good use. He has Jeremy in a tight clinch and is doing some damage with knees to the body.
Jeremy has dropped down and is looking to force the takedown but it's defended by Cartmen after a bit of a struggle.
Jeremy looks winded!
Jeremy is working for a takedown up against the cage. He can't get it on this occasion though.
Eric Cartmen has stuffed three takedown attempts in the round now. That's going to take a lot out of Ron Jeremy.

Cartmen escapes the clinch and we're back to striking.
Cartmen misses with a head kick.
We can't be sure of the tactics at this early stage but we have heard that Jeremy has been working on his takedowns a lot in the buildup to the fight and we can only assume he's going to look to take this to the mat.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Cartmen dips down and scores with a jab to the body.
No luck for Jeremy with that takedown attempt.
Cartmen lands with a hook. Jeremy tried to avoid it but it clipped the top of his head.

It looks like Ron Jeremy has been cut.
Jeremy walks forward, straight into a front kick from Cartmen.
We've been told by Cartmen's head coaches at BigMouth Cabrons that he's been working on his takedown defense in preparation for this fight.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Jeremy shoots in but doesn't get the takedown
and Cartmen counters with an outside leg kick.
Cartmen scores with a punch to the head.
Eric Cartmen is looking to keep the fight on the feet at all costs.
Cartmen moves into range and lands a nice leg kick.
Good exchange - Cartmen coming out on top.
Jeremy darts in looking for a takedown but Cartmen gets double underhooks and turns Jeremy into the cage.
Cartmen lands with a shot to the body.
Cartmen scores with a nice body kick.
Jeremy needs to keep his hands up - Cartmen had a free shot at his head there.

Cartmen clinches with his opponent.

Cartmen manages to break the clinch.
A decent looking cross lands there for Jeremy.
The crowd cheering loudly, showing their appreciation for the quality fight we're seeing here.
Jeremy takes a big uppercut there. He seems a bit wobbly but no, he's OK.

That has opened up Ron Jeremy's cut even more.
Cartmen tries a switch kick but it misses it's target.
Cartmen scores with a sloppy punch to the body. Not much technique there but it did the business.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Cartmen throws a quick inside leg kick.
A slapping body kick lands there for Cartmen.
Cartmen lands a slapping body shot.
Cartmen lands with a thumping leg kick.
Cartmen slaps away a takedown attempt from Jeremy, before circling back to the center of the mat.
Cartmen darts in and out, connecting with a jab.
Cartmen stuns Jeremy with a nice body shot, before stepping back out of range.
Cartmen lands with a kick to the ribs.

Cartmen darts in and clinches Jeremy up against the cage.
Cartmen lands a right hand that snaps the head of Jeremy backwards.
Cartmen lands a shoulder strike.

Cartmen escapes the clinch and we're back to striking.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Jeremy uses some good footwork to avoid the body shot by Cartmen.
Jeremy throws a fast counter high kick but Cartmen manages to duck under it in time.
Jeremy pulls out of a head kick attempt.
The fighters circle momentarily. Cartmen darts into range and connects with a nice straight punch.
Ron Jeremy seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
Jeremy looks for a takedown but Cartmen sprawls well.
Jeremy with a lazy takedown attempt
and Cartmen counters with a straight punch to the midsection.
Crunch! Cartmen slams his shin into Jeremy's torso.
Cartmen throws a right high kick that is partially blocked by Jeremy.
Jeremy on the receiving end of a decent leg kick there by Cartmen. Cartmen obviously looking to wear him down.
Cartmen lands a head kick. Jeremy smiles back at him and beckons him forward.

The cut above Ron Jeremy's eye is starting to cause him problems now.
A punch lands to the side of Jeremy 's head but he takes it in his stride.

Jeremy is rocked!
Cartmen misses with a few strikes there.
Jeremy is still on wobbly legs! Can Cartmen finish him?
The fans in attendance giving it up for the two fighters, who have really let it all hang out in the last minute or so!
Boom, another hit is landed. "You're gunna get knocked out" taunts Cartmen, as that shot connected.
Jeremy looks for a takedown here. Will he get it? Cartmen is fending him off so far but Jeremy persists. Nope, Cartmen circles away and we're back to standing.
A solid body kick from Cartmen.
Jeremy seems to have recovered his senses.
The fighters circle, before Cartmen throws a beautiful high kick that crashes into Jeremy's neck, sending him stumbling to the floor! Cartmen lands more strikes and forces a referee stoppage! That one ended in an instant!

Ladies and gentlemen, after 4:55 of round 1, we have a winner by way of TKO (Kick & Punches). Eric Cartmen!
Our winner, Eric Cartmen, made sure he spent some time buttering up the crowd during his post fight interview, which will no doubt bring him a few more fans.