PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a heavyweight MMA rules bout between Theodore Thundercunt (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Thaddeus Thundercunt (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). We have two fighters making their debuts here, so let's see who comes out of this one with their first professional victory.

Thundercunt
vs
Thundercunt

194 cm
25
245 lbs
0 - 0 - 0

BJJ White Belt
Solid boxing
KO power

BJJ White Belt
Decent boxing
Experienced

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the heavyweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 0 - 0 - 0, fighting out of The Island, Theodore Thundercunt!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 0 - 0 - 0, fighting out of The Island, Thaddeus Thundercunt!
The judges for this bout are Bart Greer, Peter Branson and Winston Alpacca.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Thaddeus Thundercunt tries a switch kick but it misses it's target.
Theodore Thundercunt is moving around nicely and scores here with a single head shot.

It looks like Thaddeus Thundercunt has been cut.

Thaddeus Thundercunt gets to the clinch - let's see what his plan is here.
Theodore Thundercunt goes for a takedown attempt but Thaddeus Thundercunt pushes him away and we're back to fighting at a distance.
Theodore Thundercunt fakes high and shoots in for a takedown but Thaddeus Thundercunt avoids it really well and circles away.
Nice sprawl there from Thaddeus Thundercunt as Theodore Thundercunt shoots in.
That's three failed takedown attempts in the round for Theodore Thundercunt. That's going to take a lot out of him.
Thaddeus Thundercunt is looking to take this fight into the clinch.
Theodore Thundercunt is looking to counter with head kicks.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
A telegraphed takedown attempt from Theodore Thundercunt is defended easily by Thaddeus Thundercunt.
Horrible takedown attempt by Thaddeus Thundercunt or perhaps it was just good defense by Theodore Thundercunt, which made it look bad.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Thaddeus Thundercunt shoots in for a takedown - he's clinched up with Theodore Thundercunt but Theodore Thundercunt pushes him off and we're back to square one.
Thaddeus Thundercunt throws a looping left and ducks down for a takedown. He's got his arms around Theodore Thundercunt's waist but Theodore Thundercunt gets an underhook and avoids the takedown by throwing Thaddeus Thundercunt off to one side.
Theodore Thundercunt connects with a right hand. Thaddeus Thundercunt shakes it off.
Thaddeus Thundercunt shoots in but Theodore Thundercunt avoids the takedown attempt easily.
Thaddeus Thundercunt shoots in for a takedown. "I don't think so" says Theodore Thundercunt as he avoids it easily.
Theodore Thundercunt with a poor takedown
and Thaddeus Thundercunt counters with a stiff right hand.
Thaddeus Thundercunt is looking to clinch but Theodore Thundercunt is avoiding it.
Thaddeus Thundercunt stuffs a takedown. It's all about dictating where the fight takes place and Thaddeus Thundercunt wants it to stay on the feet.
Thaddeus Thundercunt throws a wild body kick that Theodore Thundercunt sees coming a mile off.
Theodore Thundercunt changes levels looking for a counter takedown but doesn't commit.

The fight moves into the clinch position.

That's two minutes gone in the round.

Theodore Thundercunt breaks from the clinch.
Thaddeus Thundercunt shoots in and drives through. Theodore Thundercunt sprawls well.

Theodore Thundercunt forces Thaddeus Thundercunt back against the cage and clinches.
Thaddeus Thundercunt fails to pull guard.

Theodore Thundercunt manages to break the clinch.
Thaddeus Thundercunt tries to drive through with a takedown attempt but Theodore Thundercunt defends well and Thaddeus Thundercunt ends up having to push Theodore Thundercunt into the cage where they will battle it out in the clinch.
Theodore Thundercunt stuffs the takedown attempt from Thaddeus Thundercunt. Thaddeus Thundercunt gets slowly back to his feet.
The crowd cheering loudly, showing their appreciation for the quality fight we're seeing here.
Thaddeus Thundercunt shoots in looking for a takedown. Theodore Thundercunt tries to sprawl out of it but Thaddeus Thundercunt keeps driving through. The fighters are pinned against the cage. Theodore Thundercunt manages to get underhooks and after a bit of a struggle, circles away and we're back to standing.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Thaddeus Thundercunt shoots in for a takedown - he's clinched up with Theodore Thundercunt but Theodore Thundercunt pushes him off and we're back to square one.
Thaddeus Thundercunt shoots in for a double leg but Theodore Thundercunt sprawls well. That's going to sap some energy.
Theodore Thundercunt scores with a punch to the head.
Thaddeus Thundercunt shoots for a takedown but Theodore Thundercunt saw that one coming a mile off and avoided it easily.
Thaddeus Thundercunt looks winded!
Theodore Thundercunt looks frustrated there after his takedown attempt is stuffed easily.
Theodore Thundercunt is trying hard to land a takedown here. Thaddeus Thundercunt sprawls well and keeps this one on the feet.
Theodore Thundercunt shoots in for a double leg but Thaddeus Thundercunt sprawls well. That's going to sap some energy.
Thaddeus Thundercunt with a poor takedown
and Theodore Thundercunt counters with a right hand to the body.
Theodore Thundercunt scores to the head and body with a nice combination!
Theodore Thundercunt stuffs the takedown attempt from Thaddeus Thundercunt. Thaddeus Thundercunt gets slowly back to his feet.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Thaddeus Thundercunt tries to land a leg kick but Theodore Thundercunt saw it coming and moves away.
Thaddeus Thundercunt throws a head kick that misses and slips in the process. He scrambles back to his feet and the fighters circle.

Thaddeus Thundercunt closes the distance and pushes Theodore Thundercunt back into the cage.

Theodore Thundercunt breaks from the clinch.
Wooooo! Give it up for these two warriors! They are putting on a show!
Thaddeus Thundercunt fails with the takedown

and Theodore Thundercunt counters into the clinch. Nicely done.
Theodore Thundercunt with the Thai clinch. He's looking to land a big knee but he's not managed it this time.
Thaddeus Thundercunt wants to break the clinch but can't.
Thaddeus Thundercunt is looking for a takedown.
Thaddeus Thundercunt is trying to push Theodore Thundercunt away but Theodore Thundercunt has him pressed against the cage, so he's going nowhere.

Theodore Thundercunt pushes off and circles away, back to the middle of the mat.
No luck for Theodore Thundercunt with that takedown attempt.
Thaddeus Thundercunt is looking for the big counter here.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Theodore Thundercunt dominated that round.
The cut man is working on Thaddeus Thundercunt's cut.
That's the end of the round. The referee orders the cornermen out of the cage so we can get back down to business.

Theodore Thundercunt clinches.
Theodore Thundercunt is trying to pull guard but being pressed up against the cage enables Thaddeus Thundercunt to keep the fight standing.
Thaddeus Thundercunt is trying to break the clinch but Theodore Thundercunt has him pressed against the cage.

Theodore Thundercunt breaks the clinch and we return to the middle of the mat.
Theodore Thundercunt tries to bum rush Thaddeus Thundercunt with a series of wild strikes but Thaddeus Thundercunt uses good footwork to avoid the assault.
Thaddeus Thundercunt fails with a takedown attempt.
Thaddeus Thundercunt closes this distance looking for a takedown but Theodore Thundercunt circles away.
Theodore Thundercunt is really dominating this fight. Is there anything that Thaddeus Thundercunt can do to turn this around?
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Theodore Thundercunt shoots in for a double leg but Thaddeus Thundercunt sprawls well. That's going to sap some energy.
Nice takedown defense from Thaddeus Thundercunt. No joy for Theodore Thundercunt on that attempt.
That's three failed takedown attempts in the round for Theodore Thundercunt. That's going to take a lot out of him.
Theodore Thundercunt misses with a leg kick
and Thaddeus Thundercunt counters with a straight punch to the midsection.
Theodore Thundercunt shoots in but Thaddeus Thundercunt avoids the takedown attempt easily.
Both fighters are absolutely exhausted here.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Nice takedown defense from Theodore Thundercunt. No joy for Thaddeus Thundercunt on that attempt.
Theodore Thundercunt ducks low and lands a nice hook to the body of his opponent.
Thaddeus Thundercunt uses some good footwork to avoid the body shot by Theodore Thundercunt.
Thaddeus Thundercunt shoots in but Theodore Thundercunt avoids the takedown attempt easily.
Theodore Thundercunt throws a low kick but it's checked well by Thaddeus Thundercunt.

Theodore Thundercunt has Thaddeus Thundercunt up against the cage in a clinch.
Theodore Thundercunt gets double underhooks to prevent a takedown attempt from Thaddeus Thundercunt.
Thaddeus Thundercunt wants a takedown.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Theodore Thundercunt is trying to drag Thaddeus Thundercunt to the mat but Thaddeus Thundercunt just about manages to keep his footing. He used the cage to his advantage there.

Theodore Thundercunt drags the fight down to the ground.
Thaddeus Thundercunt trying to control the position from guard on top but Theodore Thundercunt is wriggling around, looking for whatever he can.
Theodore Thundercunt looking to control the pace of the fight rather than finish it.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Thaddeus Thundercunt works a leg free and moves into half guard.

Thaddeus Thundercunt decides to stand and escape the position.
Thaddeus Thundercunt misses with a head kick.
Theodore Thundercunt is looking to throw some combinations by the looks of things.
Thaddeus Thundercunt leaves Theodore Thundercunt with his face pressed against the mat as he sprawls beautifully, defending against a solid takedown attempt.
Theodore Thundercunt shoots in for a takedown but doesn't get it.
Thaddeus Thundercunt throws a counter combo.
Theodore Thundercunt throws a head kick that misses and slips in the process. He scrambles back to his feet and the fighters circle.
Thaddeus Thundercunt throws a combination that misses

and Theodore Thundercunt moves into the clinch.
Thaddeus Thundercunt just leaning against Theodore Thundercunt, taking a breather.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Thaddeus Thundercunt on the defensive, avoiding the knees to the body.
Thaddeus Thundercunt wants to take the fight to the mat but Theodore Thundercunt manages to get underhooks and keep the fight in the clinch.

Theodore Thundercunt breaks the clinch.
Thaddeus Thundercunt misses with a double jab

and Theodore Thundercunt counters by moving into the clinch.
Thaddeus Thundercunt gets underhooks to prevent Theodore Thundercunt's takedown attempt.
Theodore Thundercunt fails to pull the fight into his guard.
Stalling in the clinch from Theodore Thundercunt.
Thaddeus Thundercunt stalling here - the referee won't stand for too much of that.
The crowd thankful this round is nearly over.
Thaddeus Thundercunt has Theodore Thundercunt pushed against the cage.
Thaddeus Thundercunt continues to stall. The referee tells him to work or he's going to break them up.

Thaddeus Thundercunt breaks the clinch and we return to the middle of the mat.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Theodore Thundercunt dominated that second round.
The cut man is working on Thaddeus Thundercunt's cut.
OK. That's time! The bell goes and we're back to the action. This is the final round!

Theodore Thundercunt throws a wild combination but nothing lands.
Thaddeus Thundercunt slaps away a takedown attempt from Theodore Thundercunt, before circling back to the center of the mat.
No luck with that takedown attempt from Theodore Thundercunt.
Horrible takedown attempt by Thaddeus Thundercunt or perhaps it was just good defense by Theodore Thundercunt, which made it look bad.
Theodore Thundercunt doesn't succeed with the takedown
and Thaddeus Thundercunt counters with a right hand to the body.
That's three failed takedown attempts in the round for Theodore Thundercunt. That's going to take a lot out of him.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Thaddeus Thundercunt misses with a looping left.
Thaddeus Thundercunt with a poor takedown
and Theodore Thundercunt counters with a left and a right that stings Thaddeus Thundercunt.
Both fighters are breathing heavily.
Thaddeus Thundercunt stuffs the takedown attempt from Theodore Thundercunt. Theodore Thundercunt gets slowly back to his feet.
Thaddeus Thundercunt wants to counter the offense by Theodore Thundercunt and move into the clinch position.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Thaddeus Thundercunt shoots in looking for a double leg takedown. Theodore Thundercunt defends it nicely.
Theodore Thundercunt wants to clinch up but Thaddeus Thundercunt keeps it at a distance.
Thaddeus Thundercunt counters with a body kick.
Thaddeus Thundercunt tries to clinch but Theodore Thundercunt is having none of it.
Thaddeus Thundercunt looks for a takedown here. Will he get it? Theodore Thundercunt is fending him off so far but Thaddeus Thundercunt persists. Nope, Theodore Thundercunt circles away and we're back to standing.
Theodore Thundercunt tries to close the distance and clinch up but Thaddeus Thundercunt swats him away and circles back towards the center.
A really sloppy takedown attempt there from Theodore Thundercunt.
Theodore Thundercunt throws a hard body shot but it just misses.
Thaddeus Thundercunt tries to counter by closing the distance.
Thaddeus Thundercunt lands a right hook to the body.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Theodore Thundercunt misses with a takedown attempt - Thaddeus Thundercunt sprawls well and throws a nice strike on the way out which just misses.
Thaddeus Thundercunt lands with an uppercut that bounces Theodore Thundercunt off the cage and back into range.
Thaddeus Thundercunt misses with a takedown attempt. He shot from a bit too far out.
Thaddeus Thundercunt shoots for a double leg takedown but Theodore Thundercunt sprawls well. He's pushed Thaddeus Thundercunt's face into the mat and manages to get back to his feet relatively easily.
Theodore Thundercunt will have to do better than that with his takedown attempts.
Thaddeus Thundercunt is trying to avoid his opponent's strikes and get into the clinch.
Thaddeus Thundercunt fails with a takedown attempt.

That's three minutes gone in the round.

Thaddeus Thundercunt tries to keep at a distance but Theodore Thundercunt has taken the fight into the clinch.
Theodore Thundercunt pressing his opponent against the cage.
Thaddeus Thundercunt changes levels and goes for a takedown here. Theodore Thundercunt fights it off and pushes away nicely.
Thaddeus Thundercunt gets his takedown attempt stuffed easily
and Theodore Thundercunt counters with a three punch combination, finished off with a leg kick. Nice work.

That has opened up Thaddeus Thundercunt's cut even more.
Thaddeus Thundercunt stuffs a takedown. It's all about dictating where the fight takes place and Thaddeus Thundercunt wants it to stay on the feet.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Thaddeus Thundercunt throws a leg kick but Theodore Thundercunt checks it.
Thaddeus Thundercunt fails with a takedown attempt.
A really sloppy takedown attempt there from Theodore Thundercunt.
Thaddeus Thundercunt displays good takedown defense there as he swats away a double leg from Theodore Thundercunt.
Thaddeus Thundercunt raises up his leg as if looking to counter with a high kick.
Oooooooooooh, not good. A low kick from Thaddeus Thundercunt lands where it shouldn't have, right in the... well, you know what he did? He kicked him in the penis. He's injured, injured bad. The referee sends both fighters to their corners and Theodore Thundercunt has 5 minutes to recover. He's OK now though... a thumbs up from Theodore Thundercunt and we're back underway with a touch of gloves.
Theodore Thundercunt tries to counter with a takedown but Thaddeus Thundercunt is quick to defend against it.
Thaddeus Thundercunt shoots in but Theodore Thundercunt avoids the takedown attempt easily.
The crowd thankful this round is nearly over.
Thaddeus Thundercunt tries to clinch up against the cage, rushing in to close the distance. Theodore Thundercunt manages to break the clinch and circles back to the middle of the mat.
Thaddeus Thundercunt has stepped it up - he knows he needs a finish here!
Theodore Thundercunt is fighting for a decision here - he's started to take the cautious approach.
Theodore Thundercunt shoots for a takedown but Thaddeus Thundercunt saw that one coming a mile off and avoided it easily.

And that's the end of the fight!
That was a close round. You could make an argument for either fighter but I would give it to Theodore Thundercunt.
Well I reckon that's a shut out for Theodore Thundercunt, winning every round. Will the judges agree? They are the ones who matter, even if they are often depressingly incompetent. Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Bart Greer scores the fight 30:27
Judge Peter Branson scores the fight 30:27
Judge Winston Alpacca scores the fight 30:27

In favor of your winner, by unanimous decision... Theodore Thundercunt!