PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a middleweight MMA rules bout between Howard Stern (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Patrick Bateman (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Chooooooooon! I think Stern might be my favorite fighter, now he's come out to The Great American Nightmare. Howard Stern has the edge in experience - let's see if he can make that count tonight.

Stern
vs
Bateman

184 cm
27
199 lbs
14 - 8 - 0

185 cm
27
195 lbs
3 - 0 - 0

Abu Dhabi Champ
Excellent boxer
Granite chin

Excellent grappler
Excellent boxer
Good gas tank

Milwaukee's Best 160 (80% laundry)

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the middleweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 14 - 8 - 0, fighting out of Las Vegas, Howard Stern!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 3 - 0 - 0, fighting out of Los Angeles, Patrick Bateman!
The judges for this bout are Frank Dennis, Daniel Franklin and Cecil Peabody.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Bateman takes one on the button.
Bateman misses with a jab, cross combination.
Stern feinted with a counter takedown.
We can't be sure of the tactics at this early stage but we have heard that Bateman has been working on his takedowns a lot in the buildup to the fight and we can only assume he's going to look to take this to the mat.
Stern thuds his right hand into Bateman's forehead from close range. That could be painful for both fighters.
Stern throws a front kick that sends Bateman stumbling back into the cage.
A shot to the body from Bateman misses
and Stern counters with a crisp hook to the side of the head.
Stern ducks down and throws a hook to the body but Bateman moves away.
A nice side step and Bateman releases a counter shot to the body, but it doesn't find it's home.
Bateman misses with a looping right.
Bateman looks to score with a combo but nothing lands.
Bateman misses with a hook. Stern ducked under it nicely.
Stern throws a quick counter head kick but Bateman was just out of range.
Stern takes a jab on the nose there. A little bit of blood seems to be coming out. Hopefully that won't affect his breathing.
Stern scores with a jab to the jaw of his opponent.
Stern scores with a big left there. The judges will like that one.
The crowd cheering loudly, showing their appreciation for the quality fight we're seeing here.
Stern lands with an overhand left.
Bateman lands a head shot.
Stern scores with a reasonable looking shot to the body. Bateman doesn't seem bothered though.
Nice uppercut lands for Stern. That snapped Bateman's head back.
Howard Stern seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
A combination from Bateman does no damage.
Stern swings wildly with a right hand that was never going to find it's target.
Stern moves out of range of the body kick.
Stern tries to work over Bateman's front leg with a kick but Bateman checks it.
Bateman just misses with a punch to the body.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Stern throws a lazy right hand but Bateman sees it coming a mile off and sidesteps it easily.
Bateman changes levels for a counter takedown but doesn't follow through with his attempt.
Bateman sizes up Stern with a pawing jab and scores with a straight right down the middle.
Stern looks for a takedown but Bateman sprawls well.
A jab lands there for Bateman.

Stern shoots in with a lovely double leg takedown. Bateman manages to land in full guard to minimise the damage.
Bateman wants to sweep here but Stern controlling him for the moment.
Stern pressing down on his opponent's thigh, looking to pass guard. Bateman is keeping the position for now.

Bateman is throwing his legs up, looking for submissions. Stern is aware though and is defending well.
Bateman is working from a closed guard but he's struggling to control his opponent.
Bateman is working an open guard here, looking to improve his position. No doubt that will leave him open to counters but at least he's being more offensive.
Stern controlling from the guard. I say controlling but really, he's stalling.

That's two minutes gone in the round.

Bateman is looking for a triangle but Stern pushes his legs off easily.

Bateman is working for submissions here. He's thrown up his legs looking for a triangle but Stern frees his head nicely. Oh but Bateman has switched to an armbar! Stern is tapping furiously! Lovely submission there!

Ladies and gentlemen, after 2:30 of round 1, we have a winner by way of Submission (Triangle Armbar). Patrick Bateman!
A very excited looking Patrick Bateman made sure he remembered to thank all the fans both in the arena and on the internet. He said all the coolest people spend all day on MMA websites, which got a big reaction.
Howard Stern was interviewed post fight and said 'I blame Robin and those big G's.'.