PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a heavyweight MMA rules bout between Tommy Thundercunt (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Voljin Ulfzaar (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Thundercunt's ring entrance music is that housewives' favourite, You are a Cunt. This should be a great matchup!

Thundercunt
vs
Ulfzaar

197 cm
26
260 lbs
8 - 0 - 0

193 cm
26
270 lbs
15 - 1 - 0

Decent wrestler
Great elbows
Cardio machine

BJJ White Belt
Excellent MT
Heavy handed

Sully's Bar & Grill

Sully's Bar & Grill
Leviathan Clothing

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 5 rounds, for the heavyweight championship of the world!
Introducing the champion to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 8 - 0 - 0, fighting out of The Island, Tommy Thundercunt!
And introducing the challenger to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 15 - 1 - 0, fighting out of The Island, Voljin Ulfzaar!
The judges for this bout are Santiago Holmes, Winston Alpacca and Sandra Marshall.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Ulfzaar tries to clinch but is not successful on this occasion.
Voljin Ulfzaar seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
Ulfzaar throws a jab to the body, straight down the pipe. Boom. That sent Thundercunt stumbling backwards but he manages to regain his composure quickly.
Thundercunt on the wrong end of a decent looking cross there.

It looks like Tommy Thundercunt has been cut.
Ulfzaar throws a lazy uppercut
and Thundercunt counters with a series of strikes. Ulfzaar will be more careful next time no doubt.
Thundercunt cracks Ulfzaar with an open hand slap.

It looks like Voljin Ulfzaar has been cut.
Ulfzaar tries to clinch but is not successful on this occasion.
Thundercunt throws a lazy right hand but Ulfzaar sees it coming a mile off and sidesteps it easily.
A left lands for Thundercunt.
Nice defenses there by Ulfzaar.
Ulfzaar closes the distance looking to clinch

and Thundercunt counters with a crisp right hand that drops Ulfzaar! Thundercunt lets Ulfzaar back up to his feet, looking for a finish!

That's one minute gone in the round.
Ulfzaar scores with a reasonable looking shot to the body. Thundercunt doesn't seem bothered though.
A jab from Ulfzaar misses.
Ulfzaar throws a nice hook to the body that draws an oooh from the crowd.
Thundercunt fakes high and swings low for a body shot but Ulfzaar manages to avoid it.
Ulfzaar buckles his opponent's knee momentarily with a nice leg kick.
Ulfzaar throws a shot from downtown. Thundercunt moves away and avoids it.
Thundercunt looks to have improved his striking defense since last time we saw him fight.
Ulfzaar throws a wild body kick that Thundercunt sees coming a mile off.
Ulfzaar uses some good footwork to avoid the body shot by Thundercunt.
Ulfzaar has been spending a lot of time sparring his boxing in the run up to the fight, trying to sharpen up those hands and look for a knockout.
Thundercunt circles away from the clinch attempt
and Thundercunt counters with a nice uppercut.
That kick from Ulfzaar tenderised Thundercunt's leg. Thundercunt is trying to keep his angry face on.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Ulfzaar tries to land with a swinging hook to the body but Thundercunt was well out of range. Poor timing from Ulfzaar.
Ulfzaar moves to clinch but Thundercunt breaks away
enabling Thundercunt to counter with a crisp jab.
Thundercunt drops his hands momentarily and Ulfzaar takes advantage with a crisp shot to the head.
This has been an exciting period of action!
Ulfzaar drops his hands momentarily and Thundercunt takes advantage with a crisp shot to the head.
Ulfzaar throws a couple of head shots and lands with the final one - a decent hook, which struck Thundercunt on the side of the head.
Thundercunt loads up on a big right hand but Ulfzaar slips the punch.

Thundercunt drops Ulfzaar with a hook right on the temple. He thinks about going to the ground but Ulfzaar looks back up at him and smiles so Thundercunt waves him back to his feet - he obviously thinks he can knock him out after that shot landed.
Ulfzaar fails in his attempt to clinch.
Thundercunt rushes in with a sloppy looking punch
and Ulfzaar connects with a straight left hand counter down the middle.
Thundercunt misses with a hook
and Ulfzaar counters nicely by changing levels and landing a hook to the body.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Thundercunt throws a hook but Ulfzaar avoids it easily.
Ulfzaar fakes and then throws a beautiful body shot. Thundercunt looks a bit winded and takes a step backwards to take a breath.
Sloppy strikes from Ulfzaar. Those never looked like landing.
Ulfzaar scoring well with a low kick there.
Thundercunt is really head hunting here, hardly looking to strike to the body at all.
Thundercunt slips under a jab from Ulfzaar.
Thundercunt moves forwards but Ulfzaar connects with a nice, crisp jab.

Ulfzaar clinches.
Thundercunt wants to get back to striking at distance but Ulfzaar won't allow it.
Ulfzaar prevents a body shot from Thundercunt.
Thundercunt tries to work over Ulfzaar's body with a swooping hook but it only glances the target.
A shot in the inside from Thundercunt.
Ulfzaar prevents a body shot from Thundercunt.
Thundercunt lands a body shot.
Good body shot from Thundercunt.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Ulfzaar misses with a shot to the kidneys.
A head punch blocked on the inside by Thundercunt.
Ulfzaar can't find room to land a body shot as Thundercunt controls the action.
Ulfzaar keeps the fight in the clinch, despite Thundercunt's efforts to push away.
Thundercunt lands a glancing elbow in the clinch.

That has opened up Voljin Ulfzaar's cut even more.
Fantastic stuff here - a very entertaining period of action, which has drawn cheers from the crowd.
Ulfzaar is working hard here but doesn't seem to be able to control effectively, up against the cage.
Thundercunt tried to land a shot to the body but connects with Ulfzaar's elbow.
Thundercunt misses with a body punch.
Ulfzaar tries a shoulder strike but it doesn't do any damage.
Ulfzaar misses with a shot to the kidneys.
Still in the clinch, Thundercunt scores with a nice short uppercut.
Ulfzaar tries to throw a body punch but Thundercunt avoids it by throwing Ulfzaar back against the cage.
Ulfzaar struggles to land a body shot inside as Thundercunt controls his hands.
Thundercunt doesn't land with the attempted body shot.
The crowd applaud the fighters' efforts here as the round comes to an end.
Ulfzaar tries a shoulder strike but it doesn't do any damage.
A hook to the body from Thundercunt.
Ulfzaar looks winded!
Thundercunt scores with a nice hook to the head.

Thundercunt breaks the clinch.
Ulfzaar misses the shot to the body.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Tommy Thundercunt dominated that round.
Both fighters have cut men working on them during the interval.
The minute break is over - no more time for sponges and pep talks - back to the action!

Thundercunt throws a big shot that misses.
Ulfzaar fakes high and swings low for a body shot but Thundercunt manages to avoid it.
Thundercunt ducks low and lands a nice hook to the body of his opponent.
Ulfzaar drops his hands momentarily and Thundercunt takes advantage with a crisp shot to the head.
Ulfzaar misses with a shot to the body

and Thundercunt counters with a nice right hand that sends Ulfzaar toppling to the canvas! Ulfzaar scrambles and gets back to his feet - can Thundercunt finish him?!

Ulfzaar is rocked!
Thundercunt has his front leg slapped to the side - a nice low kick landing there from Ulfzaar.
The crowd are loving this. Great action here.
Thundercunt misses with a shot to the body
and Ulfzaar counters with a body kick that brings a smile to the face of both fighters.
Thundercunt misses with a body shot.
Ulfzaar moves out of range as Thundercunt strikes.
Thundercunt throws an uppercut from half a mile away. Ulfzaar sees it coming and avoids it easily.
Thundercunt scores with a nice strike.
Thundercunt lands with a shot to the body.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Ulfzaar tries to clinch but Thundercunt moves out of range.
Ulfzaar misses with a leg kick

and Thundercunt counters with a nice right hand that sends Ulfzaar toppling to the canvas! Ulfzaar scrambles and gets back to his feet - can Thundercunt finish him?!

The cut above Voljin Ulfzaar's eye is starting to cause him problems now.
Ulfzaar throws a shot from downtown. Thundercunt moves away and avoids it.
Ulfzaar tries to land a body kick

and Thundercunt counters with a nice right hand that sends Ulfzaar toppling to the canvas! Ulfzaar scrambles and gets back to his feet - can Thundercunt finish him?!
Ulfzaar is still on wobbly legs! Can Thundercunt finish him?
The crowd cheering loudly, showing their appreciation for the quality fight we're seeing here.
Ulfzaar tries to clinch up
and Thundercunt counters with a powerful cross that connects right on the chin and the lights go out! A massive one punch knock out!

Ladies and gentlemen, after 1:33 of round 2, we have a winner by way of KO (Punch). Tommy Thundercunt!
Tommy Thundercunt retains his heavyweight title!
A very excited looking Tommy Thundercunt made sure he remembered to thank all the fans both in the arena and on the internet. He said all the coolest people spend all day on MMA websites, which got a big reaction.