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Umbrella Ascension PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a welterweight MMA rules bout between No For Gay Jesus and Andy Carroll. Jesus's ring entrance music is that housewives' favourite, Havana. Carroll comes into a darkened arena with his song building. Horse Outside kicks in, the lights come on and the crowd goes wild! What a showman! These two fighters really are very evenly matched on the feet - it will be fascinating to see who can assert themselves in that aspect of the fight.

183 cm
170 lbs
11 - 3 - 0
191 cm
179 lbs
22 - 9 - 0
Good wrestling
Lethal high kicks
Insanely flexible
Good wrestler
World class MT
Good gas tank

Bullet Proof System


Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the welterweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 11 wins, 3 losses and 0 draws, fighting out of Los Angeles, No For Gay Jesus!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 22 wins, 9 losses and 0 draws, fighting out of Las Vegas, Andy Carroll!
The judges for this bout are James Atkins, Steven Brown and Sam Margolis.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Carroll scores with a head kick. Jesus tried to block it but didn't get his arm up in time.

It looks like No For Gay Jesus has been cut.
Jesus uses good head movement to avoid the hook from Carroll.
A quick step to the side and Jesus tries to counter with a shot to the body but it doesn't connect.
Carroll circles away from the clinch attempt.
Jesus looks to have improved his striking defense since last time we saw him fight.
Jesus ducks down and throws a hook to the body but Carroll moves away.

Jesus looking to shoot here. He's gone for it and he's landed a takedown into side control! Oh, that's bad for Carroll!
Jesus with the ground and pound but Carroll regains half guard under the barage of strikes.
Carroll tries to roll over but Jesus keeps him under control.
Jesus has been looking to land a fair amount of strikes on the ground. He might be looking to soften his opponent up in order to work for a submission.
Carroll keeping his head moving to avoid the ground and pound.
Jesus throws a strike but Carroll avoids it easily and moves to full guard.
Jesus trying to control the position from guard on top but Carroll is wriggling around, looking for whatever he can.
Jesus in full guard, throwing the ground and pound. No damage this time.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Jesus postures up to throw the ground and pound strikes but they don't connect.
Jesus engaging in some classic timewasting tactics.
Jesus postures up in Carroll's guard and throws a big left but Carroll blocks it.
The ref warns both fighters not to hold the cage as they work up against the meshing.
Jesus working some ground and pound from guard but it's not doing any damage.
Jesus lands a nice shot whilst sitting in his opponent's guard.
Jesus keeps in close for a moment and lands a decent shot to the side of Carroll's head.
Jesus throws a big elbow that misses.
Jesus tries to free his leg and advance position but Carroll is retaining full guard.
Jesus stays in close to Carroll's body and controls the position.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Carroll preventing the ground and pound from doing any damage.
A big thud reverberates around the arena there as Jesus accidentally thumps the mat. Hopefully he's not broken his hand.
Carroll controlling the position.
Carroll avoiding any damage from the ground and pound.

The ref stands the fighters back up due to a lack of activity.
Jesus throws out a loose jab but Carroll uses good head movement to avoid it.
Carroll throws a hook but Jesus avoids it easily.
Carroll takes one to the chin there.
Carroll moves forwards but Jesus connects with a nice, crisp jab.
Carroll on the wrong end of a nice low kick. He's acting like it's no big deal but he doesn't want to take many more of those.

Jesus is looking for a takedown here. He's shot in and has managed to get it, finishing up in Carroll's half guard.
We've seen a great period of action over the last minute or so - credit to both fighters for going all out!
Carroll is staying active underneath Jesus, who seems content to just control the action from this position.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Jesus sitting in half guard, looking to land shots. Carroll defending well though.
Jesus not throwing his punches with enough precision this time.
Jesus works his way into full mount!
Jesus content just to control the position here.
BOOM! Jesus connects with a massive shot to the dome!
Carroll is in a horrible position here, under a barrage of strikes, he's managing to avoid any damage.
Carroll avoids a series of strikes thrown by Jesus.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Jesus raining down hammerfists from mount.

Carroll is rocked!
Jesus landing strikes from the mount and Carroll is in trouble!
Carroll is still in real trouble! Can Jesus finish him?
Jesus drops a big elbow. That's hurt Carroll! More shots from Jesus and the ref steps in! The fight is over!

Ladies and gentlemen, after 4:31 of round 1, we have a winner by way of TKO (Strikes). No For Gay Jesus!
After winning the bout, No For Gay Jesus thanked all his fans and promised he'd do even better in his next fight. The crowd seemed to love his humility.
G S C G energy
A | B
A | B
A | B
A | B
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