PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a welterweight MMA rules bout between No For Gay Jesus (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Raise Hell (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Jesus comes into the arena with Havana blaring out of the sound system. The crowd seem to be enjoying Hell's choice of entrance music: Rather Unique - AZ. Over to our ring announcer for the fighter introductions!

For Gay Jesus
vs
Hell

183 cm
28
171 lbs
12 - 4 - 0

183 cm
30
175 lbs
17 - 6 - 0

Good wrestling
World class boxer
Insanely flexible

Olympic wrestler
World class MT
Good gas tank

Hellbent
Bullet Proof System

Perkele!

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the welterweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 12 - 4 - 0, fighting out of Los Angeles, No For Gay Jesus!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 17 - 6 - 0, fighting out of Hilo, Raise Hell!
The judges for this bout are Colin Fotheringham, Donald Grub and Daniel Bishop.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Hell blocks a jab.
Jesus fakes a jab and scores with a low kick.
Jesus misses with a body shot.
Jesus swings for the body but Hell moves out of range.
Jesus misses with a low kick.
A solid body kick from Jesus.
Jesus lands with a shot to the body.
Hell with a hook.
Hell takes a nice looking leg kick right on the meat of his thigh there.
Hell catches Jesus with a nice straight right. He seems pissed - ooooh, it's on now! On like donkey kong!
Hell misses the shot to the body.
Hell checks a low kick. Bone on bone - not my idea of a good time.
Jesus throws a hook but Hell blocks it.
Jesus throws the kick towards the body but Hell avoids it.
We've been told by Jesus's head coaches at Beast Cartel that he's been working on his takedown defense in preparation for this fight.
Good work by Hell as he checks the leg kick.
Well, he's not going to score with shots like that. A lazy body kick attempt from Jesus.
Hell has been spending a lot of time sparring his boxing in the run up to the fight, trying to sharpen up those hands and look for a knockout.
Hell lands a right hook to the body.
The crowd cheering loudly, showing their appreciation for the quality fight we're seeing here.
Jesus checks a low kick. Bone on bone - not my idea of a good time.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Hell connects with a slap. Keep your fist closed son.
Jesus dips down and scores with a jab to the body.
Hell thows a left - swing and a miss!
Jesus connects with a lovely right hand, straight down the pipe.
Hell attempts a low kick but it misses it's target.
Hell with a nice cross.
Jesus misses with an uppercut.
Hell misses with a low kick.
Hell feints and then cracks Jesus's leading leg with a nice low kick. He's obviously looking to slow Jesus down.
Jesus slips a jab from Hell.
Jesus does a little shimmy and throws a leg kick. The leg kick missed by a considerable margin though, making him look a little bit silly for doing the shimmy.
Hell throws a combination but it was largely blocked by Jesus.
Hell displays some good footwork, moving neatly out of range as Jesus throws out the jab.
Jesus looks for a takedown here. Will he get it? Hell is fending him off so far but Jesus persists. Nope, Hell circles away and we're back to standing.
Nice body punch from Jesus.
We've seen a great period of action over the last minute or so - credit to both fighters for going all out!
Hell turns his hip over beautifully as he lands a nice leg kick.
Hell takes an uppercut right on the jaw but it doesn't phase him.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Hell misses with a straight right.
Jesus ducks under a wild hook from Hell.
Jesus is looking to counter punch.
Hell throws a lazy right hand but Jesus sees it coming a mile off and sidesteps it easily.
Jesus throws a body punch but Hell moves out of range.
Jesus tries to land with a swinging hook to the body but Hell was well out of range. Poor timing from Jesus.
Hell throws an uppercut from half a mile away. Jesus sees it coming and avoids it easily.
Jesus lands with a kick to the temple. Hell shrugs as if to say "is that all you've got?"
Jesus looks to score with a jab to the body but Hell is just out of range.
A lazy left from Jesus finds it's target.
Jab, jab by Hell - just one landing.
Jesus throws a head kick that half lands.
Hell connects with a single shot there.
Good leg kick by Jesus there. It's the ones that make that thud noise that hurt and that was an almighty thud.
Hell takes a head kick and keeps coming.
Jesus with a jab.
A jab from Hell does it's job there.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Hell throws a hook but Jesus blocks it.
Hell misses with a low kick.
A little feinted left hand from Jesus on the counter but he doesn't commit to it.
Jesus looks for the body kick but Hell saw that one coming.
Hell staying out of range there.
Hell takes a solid shot to the body. That one hurt him but he's trying not to show it.
Jesus connects with an inside leg kick.
Jesus throws a hook to the body but it doesn't connect.
Jesus misses with a low kick.
Jesus is the aggressor but that punch slipped nicely by Hell.
Jesus attempts a low kick but it misses it's target.
The fighters circling - Hell throws out the jab but it was never going to land.
An attempted straight right counter from Jesus misses the target.

Hell gets to the clinch - let's see what his plan is here.
Jesus lands with a left to the head.

Hell breaks the clinch and we're back to striking at distance.
A solid leg kick lands there for Jesus.
Jesus misses with a low kick.
Jesus with a nice looking leg kick. You could hear that one land in a back row.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Hell connects with a single shot there.
We've seen a great period of action over the last minute or so - credit to both fighters for going all out!
Jesus lands with a shot to the body.
Jesus slips a jab from Hell.
Hell is landing a lot of head punches in this opening round! Jesus had better start moving his head a bit unless he wants his face to turn into pâté.
Jesus ducks under a wild hook from Hell.
Jesus staying out of range there.
Jesus connects with a nice looking jab.
Jesus swings for the body but Hell moves out of range.
Hell takes a jab on the nose there. A little bit of blood seems to be coming out. Hopefully that won't affect his breathing.
Hell throws a right and a left that Jesus avoids nicely.
Hell throws a half hearted mid kick.
A shot to the body from Hell misses
and Jesus counters with a quick right hand to the jaw.
Jesus ducks down and throws a hook to the body.
The crowd applaud the fighters' efforts here as the round comes to an end.
Jesus connects with a body shot.
Jesus misses with a kick to the body.
Hell connects with a leg kick. Jesus looked like he was expecting something else and didn't defend it.
Jesus walks straight into a jab right on the nose. That one stung - he's blinking and trying to clear his head.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

No For Gay Jesus dominated that round.
That's the end of the interval. I'm sure that seemed a lot quicker than a minute for our two fighters! Back to the action.

Hell is looking to clinch.
Hell scoring well with a low kick there.
A decent looking body kick lands there for Jesus.
Jesus misses the body punch
and he gets countered with a snapping leg kick.
Jesus lands a nice leg kick that just misses Hell's sensitive parts.
Jesus lands an overhand right.
Hell moves away from the strike by Jesus.
Jesus throws a leg kick that is checked

and Hell counters by moving into the clinch. Good anticipation by Hell.
Jesus fails to land with a short punch on the inside.
Jesus misses with some punches.
Hell blocks a couple of punches on the inside.
A short right hand to the side of the head by Jesus.

Hell breaks the clinch.
Hell keeping his hands up high there, blocking the jab from Jesus.
A cross from Hell lands.
This has been an exciting period of action!
Hell throws a body kick but he was well out of range there.
Jesus swings and misses with a hook to the body.

That's one minute gone in the round.
A big left from Hell misses.
Jesus throws an overhand right that lands on Hell's shoulder, as Hell tries to avoid the shot.
Hell throws a front kick aimed at Jesus's knee but Jesus avoids it well.
Jesus swung with a counter punch to the body but it didn't connect.
Jesus throws a push kick but Hell slaps the foot to one side.
Hell dips down and scores with a jab to the body.
Hell takes an uppercut right on the button but keeps his composure.
Jesus is looking to land body kicks.
Hell takes one on the chin but keeps coming.
Hell throws a shot from downtown. Jesus moves away and avoids it.
Nice body punch from Jesus.
Hell throws a nice inside leg kick.
Hell checks the leg kick.
Hell tests Jesus's chin there with a solid looking shot.
Jesus slips in close and lands a nice hook before moving back out of range.
Jesus throws a hook to the body but it doesn't connect.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
This has been an exciting period of action!
Hell throws a nice outside leg kick.
Hell lands with an overhand left.
Jesus looking to take his opponent's legs away with the low kicks.
Jesus throws a jab but it's blocked by Hell.
Hell's leg has a nasty welt from taking a succession of leg kicks. That must be slowing him down.
Hell swings for the body but Jesus moves out of range.
A little feinted left hand from Jesus on the counter but he doesn't commit to it.
Jesus avoids a kick to the body.
Jesus on the wrong end of a nice low kick. He's acting like it's no big deal but he doesn't want to take many more of those.
Jesus misses with a low kick.
Jesus throws a hook but Hell avoids it easily.
No For Gay Jesus is winning the standup battle so far.
Hell lands a head shot.
Jesus has his head snapped back a nice jab. A little nod from Jesus there as he acknowledges the shot.
Jesus swats away the attempt to clinch by Hell.
Jesus dances in quickly and lands a nice inside leg kick on Hell. That did some damage!
Jesus scores with a straight right hand, right through his opponent's guard.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Hell staying out of range there.
Jesus keeps Hell at a distance using the push kick.
Hell throws the left hand but Jesus avoids the punch easily.
Hell uses some good footwork to avoid the body shot by Jesus.
Hell looks like he wants to counter punch here.
Jesus uses good footwork to avoid the strikes from Hell.
Hell moves out of range of the strikes.
The fighters are going at a pretty good pace and they're both starting to sweat now.
Hell stooping low to avoid any incoming strikes and then lunges in with an uppercut come cross that lands flush.
Hell takes a head kick and shrugs it off.
Jesus tries to score with a low kick but Hell moves his leg out of the way.
Jesus throws a jab but it's blocked by Hell.
Jesus cracks Hell with a hook to the jaw. Both fighters smile at eachother and high-five before getting back down to business.
Hell throws a feint and then finishes with a kick to the body.
Nice jab there from Jesus.
Jesus throws a leg kick which misses Hell's front leg but catches the back leg as Hell tries to avoid it.
Wooooo! Give it up for these two warriors! They are putting on a show!
Jesus takes a hook to the side of the head. I wonder if that's got his ears ringing.
Jesus connects with a hook to the side of his opponent's head.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Hell is looking to chop away at Jesus's legs.
Jesus slips a jab from Hell.
Jesus has a nice red mark on his side after a thudding body kick by Hell.
Jesus misses with a body kick.
Hell pivots as if he's going to throw a leg kick but stops half way.
Jesus half committed to a counter leg kick.
Hell takes a shot to the nose. Hopefully that hasn't broken it.
A slow jab from Hell misses its intended target.
Ooooh, nice body kick lands from Hell. Jesus shrugs it off though.
Jesus misses with a body kick.
A jab lands there for Hell.
Jesus ducks down and throws a hook to the body but Hell moves away.
Hell steps in looking to clinch after the strikes miss from Jesus.
Hell thows a left - swing and a miss!
The crowd applaud the fighters' efforts here as the round comes to an end.
Hell is the aggressor but that punch slipped nicely by Jesus.
Hell stooping low to avoid any incoming strikes and then lunges in with an uppercut come cross that lands flush.
Jesus moves into range and connects with a jab.
Hell looks to score with a jab to the body but Jesus is just out of range.
And Jesus counters with a quick kick to the body but Hell blocks it.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

That was a close second round but I would say that No For Gay Jesus will probably get the nod.
OK. That's time! The bell goes and we're back to the action. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the final round!

Hell has his head snapped back a nice jab. A little nod from Hell there as he acknowledges the shot.
Jesus lands with a nice body punch.
Jesus pushing out the jab but it's not landing.
Hell steps in looking to clinch after the strikes miss from Jesus.
Jesus bobbing and weaving, closes the distance and lands a hook to the side of Hell's head.
Hell lunges in with an uppercut that skims his opponent's chin.
Hell moves out of range as Jesus throws a body kick.
Jesus throws a body kick but he was well out of range there.
Hell tries to counter by closing the distance.
Hell on the wrong end of a vicious looking body shot.
Jesus connects with a looping left hand that seems like it dazed Hell momentarily.
Jesus lands a powerful looking uppercut that connected with his opponent's jaw.
Hell tries to bum rush Jesus with a series of wild strikes but Jesus uses good footwork to avoid the assault.
Hell takes a step towards his opponent and connects with a left hand, before circling away.
Fantastic stuff here - a very entertaining period of action, which has drawn cheers from the crowd.
A big left from Jesus misses.
Jesus works his jab well there, keeping his opponent at a distance.
Jesus connects with a leg kick. Hell looked like he was expecting something else and didn't defend it.
Hell misses with a lunging right hand
and he gets countered with a snapping leg kick.

That's one minute gone in the round.
A cross from Jesus lands.
Jesus thows a body kick. Hell tries to catch it but that hurt him.
Hell blocks a jab.
And an attempted straight right on the counter from Hell! But no joy.
Jesus throws a hook to the side of Hell's head but Hell sees it coming and ducks under it beautifully.
Jesus displays some good footwork, moving neatly out of range as Hell throws out the jab.
Ouch! a nice leg kick from Hell, right into the meat.
Jesus pushes Hell away with a front kick.
Hell throws an off balance right hand
and Jesus cracks him with a counter punch right on the button.
Hell ducks under a wild hook from Jesus.
Jesus avoids a lazy jab quite easily.
Jesus connects with a leg kick. He turned his hip over nicely there.
Hell doesn't react quick enough there as he takes a shot to the body.
Good leg kick by Jesus there. It's the ones that make that thud noise that hurt and that was an almighty thud.
A head kick misses from Hell.
Jesus was looking to counter that last move with a shot to the body but he didn't commit.
Jesus misses with an uppercut.
Hell swings away with a counter right hand but no contact made.
No For Gay Jesus is fighting for a decision here - he's started to take the cautious approach.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
This is a great period of action - very entertaining stuff!
The fighters circling - Jesus throws out the jab but it was never going to land.
Hell flicks out a counter leg kick but Jesus steps away.
Hell looks shocked there as he takes a right hand to the temple.
Hell throws a hook but Jesus blocks it.
Hell wants to clinch up but Jesus keeps it at a distance.
Jesus thuds a left hand into Hell's body.
Hell throws out a token jab with nothing on it.
Jesus throws a monster uppercut resembling something out of street fighter but it doesn't land.
Jesus throws a head kick that misses.
Jesus misses with a body shot.
Hell takes a step back and watches a body kick go sailing past his mid section.
Hell walks straight into a jab right on the nose. That one stung - he's blinking and trying to clear his head.
Good leg kick by Jesus there. It's the ones that make that thud noise that hurt and that was an almighty thud.
Jesus throws a body shot but no joy.
Hell scores with a slapping inside leg kick.
Jesus misses with a low kick.
The fighters circling - Jesus throws out the jab but it was never going to land.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Good work by Hell as he checks the leg kick.
Jesus is really dominating this fight. Is there anything that Hell can do to turn this around?
Jesus takes a swing at Hell's ribcage but misses.
Hell throws a hook to the side of Jesus's head but Jesus sees it coming and ducks under it beautifully.
Jesus throws a head kick that misses and slips in the process. He scrambles back to his feet and the fighters circle.
Jesus throws a body kick but he wasn't in range.
Jesus throws the left hand but Hell avoids the punch easily.
Jesus scores with a head kick. Hell tried to block it but didn't get his arm up in time.
A jab from Hell misses.
Jesus uses good head movement to avoid the hook from Hell.
Hell looks to land a right hand but Jesus moved out of range.
Jesus slips a straight right by Hell.
Hell fakes high and swings low for a body shot but Jesus manages to avoid it.
Jesus looks to land a body kick but Hell moved away.
A big right from Jesus misses.
Hell tries to counter with a clinch but Jesus shakes him off and moves away.
Hell loads up on a big right hand but Jesus slips the punch.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Hell throws a big shot that misses.
Jesus throws an ugly left hook that misses

and Hell counters by moving into the clinch. Good anticipation by Hell.
A short right hand to the side of the head by Hell.
Hell goes for a body shot but it's blocked.
Hell slowing the pace effectively.
Hell misses with the head strike.
Hell lands a shoulder strike that jolts his opponent's head backwards.
The crowd are loving this. Great action here.
Hell on the defensive, avoiding the knees to the body.
Jesus blocking some punches.
A head punch on the inside from Hell fails to land.
Hell misses with a body punch.

And that's the end of the fight!
No For Gay Jesus showed his dominance in that final round.
Well I reckon that's a shut out for Jesus, winning every round. Will the judges agree? They are the ones who matter, even if they are often depressingly incompetent. Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Colin Fotheringham scores the fight 30:27
Judge Donald Grub scores the fight 30:28
Judge Daniel Bishop scores the fight 30:27

In favor of your winner, by unanimous decision... No For Gay Jesus!
A relieved looking No For Gay Jesus thanked the fans for their support and gave the usual line about them being amazing. They seemed to believe that he actually meant it.