PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a middleweight MMA rules bout between Arman Shaker (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Howard Stern (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Stern is bouncing up and down as he enters the arena, backed by The Great American Nightmare. Over to our ring announcer for the fighter introductions!

Shaker
vs
Stern

180 cm
30
197 lbs
17 - 11 - 0

184 cm
29
199 lbs
19 - 10 - 0

Great wrestler
World class boxer
Cardio machine

Excellent grappler
Excellent MT
Granite chin

Perkele!
Sin City Allstars

Perkele!

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the middleweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 17 - 11 - 0, fighting out of Amsterdam, Arman Shaker!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 19 - 10 - 0, fighting out of Las Vegas, Howard Stern!
The judges for this bout are Donald Grub, William Gold and Chris Edwards.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Shaker lands a really nice looking cross but Stern seems unphased.
Shaker takes a big uppercut there. He seems a bit wobbly but no, he's OK.
Shaker lands with a shot to the body.
Shaker steps to the side to avoid the strikes from Stern.
Shaker slips a jab from Stern.
Stern takes a step back and watches a body kick go sailing past his mid section.
Stern is trying hard to land a takedown here. Shaker sprawls well and keeps this one on the feet.
Stern lands with an uppercut that bounces Shaker off the cage and back into range.
Stern is trying hard to land a takedown here. Shaker sprawls well and keeps this one on the feet.
Shaker scores with a leg kick.
Stern checks the leg kick nicely there.
Stern slips under a jab from Shaker.
Stern throws an overhand right that lands on Shaker's shoulder, as Shaker tries to avoid the shot.
Stern displays some good footwork, moving neatly out of range as Shaker throws out the jab.
Shaker lands with a nice low kick. That'll leave a bruise.
Shaker misses with a kick to the body
enabling Stern to counter with a crisp jab.
We've seen a great period of action over the last minute or so - credit to both fighters for going all out!
Stern works his jab well there, keeping his opponent at a distance.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Stern swings widly with a right hand
and Shaker connects with a straight left hand counter down the middle.
Stern connects nicely with a jab. Noted by the judges no doubt.
Stern moves out of range as Shaker strikes.
Stern ducks down and throws a hook to the body.
Shaker tries to score with a low kick but Stern moves his leg out of the way.
A jab from Shaker misses.
Shaker connects with a looping right hand.
Shaker lands a head shot.
Good exchange - Stern coming out on top.
Stern throws a shot from downtown. Shaker moves away and avoids it.
A counter left hand to the body from Shaker misses its target.
Shaker throws a body kick but he wasn't in range.
Stern has been working his punching technique in the buildup to the fight and it appears to be paying off.
Shaker misses with a lunging right hand
and Stern connects with a straight left hand counter down the middle.
Stern moving in and out of range nicely, whilst landing the scoring shot.
The crowd are loving this. Great action here.
Shaker moves to clinch but Stern breaks away
and Stern cracks him with a counter punch right on the button.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Stern avoids a lazy jab quite easily.
Shaker throws a low kick, looking for Stern's leg but Stern calmly moves out of range.
A kick lands to the mid section there for Shaker.
Shaker throws an uppercut from half a mile away. Stern sees it coming and avoids it easily.
An inside leg kick from Shaker misses.
Stern blocks a leg kick.
Shaker dives in for a single leg takedown but Stern sprawls and the fighters end up clinched against the cage.
Stern misses with a lunging right hand
and Shaker counters nicely by changing levels and landing a hook to the body.
Shaker shakes his hands off, looking to compose himself, but takes a jab to the jaw whilst he does it.
Stern misses with a hook.
Arman Shaker seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
A clash of legs there as Shaker blocks the low kick.
Like a baseball bat into the meat of his leg there - nice leg kick by Shaker.
Stern moves out of range of the body kick from Shaker.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Shaker fakes with the hands and throws a leg kick but Stern is out of range.
Oooooooooooh, not good. A low kick from Shaker lands where it shouldn't have, right in the... well, you know what he did? He kicked him in the penis. He's injured, injured bad. The referee sends both fighters to their corners and Stern has 5 minutes to recover. He's OK now though... a thumbs up from Stern and we're back underway with a touch of gloves.
Shaker throws out a token jab with nothing on it.
Stern swings and misses with a shot to the body
and Shaker counters with a two punch combo.
Shaker pushes forward with a 1-2 combination that forces Stern back to the cage. Shaker follows up with a solid lead hook to the liver.
Shaker throws a decent looking leg kick but it doesn't land clean.
Shaker takes one to the side of the head.
Stern shoots in for a takedown. He's persisting with it as Shaker sprawls well. Shaker wins this battle and keeps the fight standing. Stern gets slowly back to his feet.
Arman Shaker has stuffed three takedown attempts in the round now. That's going to take a lot out of Howard Stern.
Shaker throws a low kick but it's checked well by Stern.
This fight brought to you by 5M nutrition - it's mmmmm tasty. Nice jab by Stern.
Shaker throws a lazy right hand but Stern sees it coming a mile off and sidesteps it easily.
A big right from Shaker misses.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Stern lunges at Shaker with a hook that half lands and is half blocked by Shaker's hand.
The crowd cheering loudly, showing their appreciation for the quality fight we're seeing here.
Shaker scores with a straight right hand, right through his opponent's guard.
Shaker misses with a low kick as Stern jumps back.
Stern is landing a lot of head punches in this opening round! Shaker had better start moving his head a bit unless he wants his face to turn into pâté.
Shaker tries a low kick but Stern avoids it.
Shaker lands with a straight right. Stern didn't see that one coming.
No luck for Stern with that takedown attempt.
Shaker attempts a counter takedown but Stern avoids it well and moves away.
Stern is the aggressor but that punch slipped nicely by Shaker.
Shaker was looking to counter that move with a punch but didn't quite pull the trigger.
No luck for Stern with that takedown attempt.

Shaker looking for a takedown here - he's got it.
Stern throwing some rather feeble looking strikes off his back.
Stern preventing the ground and pound from doing any damage.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Arman Shaker dominated that round.
That's time! Back to the action!

Stern misses with a left hand
and Shaker counters with a thumping low kick.
Shaker defending well as Stern loads up on a big left hand.
Stern lands a jab to the head.
Arman Shaker is winning the standup battle so far.
Shaker tries a switch kick but it misses it's target.
Shaker tries to land with a swinging hook to the body but Stern was well out of range. Poor timing from Shaker.
Shaker fakes a jab and throws a low kick but Stern checks it well.
The sound of bone on bone echoes around the arena as Stern checks a leg kick.

Excellent takedown into side control there by Shaker.
The ref warns both fighters not to hold the cage as they work up against the meshing.
Stern gets back to half guard.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Stern moves into full guard.
A real slowdown in the pace of the fight for a moment, as Stern holds on and takes a little breather.
Shaker controlling from the top position.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Shaker wants to control from the top but Stern keeps moving.
Stern looking to hit a scissor sweep but Shaker is one step ahead there.

Stern looking for submissions off his back, moving his hips, looking for an opening.
The fighters are going at a pretty good pace and they're both starting to sweat now.
Shaker is looking to stand up but Stern won't let him.
Shaker seems content to control from guard here. He's going to have to remain active though if he doesn't want to get stood back up.
Stern looking to control.
Stern looking to sweep here. No luck so far.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
A lull in the action here being met with boos from the crowd.
Shaker wants to get up but he can't break Stern's closed guard. He needs to be careful trying to break the legs open, as he's open to submissions here.
Stern pulls Shaker in close to his closed guard and prevents Shaker from doing any damage or advancing position.
It looks like the ref is thinking about a standup.
Shaker throws a big right hand that misses.
Stern keeping full guard, as Shaker tries to pass.
Stern looking to control but Shaker passes into half guard.
Stern moves into full guard.
Shaker trying to control but Stern is working from the bottom.
Shaker stands up and looks to throw the legs aside to pass to side control. Stern swivels though and keeps the full guard.
Shaker throws a big elbow that misses.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Shaker loading up with the ground and pound but he's missing more than he's landing in this flurry.
Stern not looking particularly offensive just at the moment.
Shaker wants to control from the top but Stern keeps moving.
Stern utilising some decent striking defenses from the guard, preventing the ground and pound.
Shaker is working the ground and pound from guard. He might want to try advancing position though to get more of an impact.
Stern keeping moving, preventing Shaker from controlling successfully.
Shaker throwing strikes but missing.
Stern looking for a sweep. Not yet Stern, not yet.
Shaker slows down the pace of the fight, as he sits in guard.
Stern looking for a sweep. Not yet Stern, not yet.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
A lull in the action here being met with boos from the crowd.
Stern controlling the position.

The referee has stepped in and called for a break in the action. We'll restart on the feet.
Stern swings wildly with a hook that is half blocked by Shaker.
Shaker swings away with a leg kick that misses.
Shaker throws a lazy right hand but Stern sees it coming a mile off and sidesteps it easily.
Stern keeps the fight standing with a nice sprawl.
Shaker tries to land a leg kick but Stern saw it coming and moves away.
Shaker misses with a body shot. Nice footwork from Stern.
Shaker moves into range and lands a nice leg kick.
Boooooooooooooooooooo!!! God, this has been a terrible round. Come on you two, sort yourselves out!
Stern lands with a right hand.

Shaker gets caught napping as Stern dives in and scores a takedown. Shaker manages to retain guard.
Stern trying to pass the guard but can't manage it just yet.
Stern trying to control the position from guard on top but Shaker is wriggling around, looking for whatever he can.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Arman Shaker dominated that second round.
The fighters get back to their feet, the hooter sounds and we're back to the action! This is the final round!

Stern bobs and weaves and throws out a fast jab that snaps Shaker's head backwards.
Shaker looks to score with a jab to the body but Stern is just out of range.
Shaker slips a jab and a cross from Stern.
Shaker is looking to counter with a body kick.
Stern scores with a leg kick.
Shaker scores with a decent looking hook.
Shaker lands a pitter patter jab to the forehead of his opponent.

Shaker is looking for a takedown here. He's shot in and has managed to get it, finishing up in Stern's half guard.
Shaker throwing shots but they're hitting the canvas more than the man.
Shaker seems very keen to just sit and control from half guard but Stern does not like that idea so much and is remaining active off his back.
Shaker drops an elbow to the side of Stern's head.
Stern is looking to control Shaker's leg but it's slowly edging free. Can Stern avoid being mounted?
Stern regains full guard. Nicely done.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Stern is trying to hold Shaker in close to prevent damage but Shaker has managed to pass into half guard.
Shaker is thwarting Stern's attempts to control the position.
Neither fighter is being very active at the moment, with Shaker in particular looking to stall.
Shaker wants to pass the guard but Stern is defending well.
Well, if Shaker is going to just lie there, perhaps we should talk about what we're having for dinner tonight… I'm having a ham and pineapple pizza… Yum. Can't wait.
Stern is trying to get back to full guard.
Stern has no desire to be mounted, so is trying to control. Shaker is working away from the top position though.
Shaker is looking to take a break and control but Stern is keeping him honest, looking to work from the bottom.
The fighters are pressed up against the cage, both looking to find a bit of space to work.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
My god... these two guys really need to pick up the pace or everyone will leave to go get a beer.
Shaker wants to pass the guard but Stern is defending well.
Howard Stern has stepped it up - he knows he needs a finish here!
Shaker looks towards his corner to check for any instructions. The corner give him nothing to work with, so he cracks Stern with a short hammerfist. I guess that's as good as any advice he could get in this position.
Stern is trying to control but can't.
Shaker looks over to his corner - he wants some instructions but his corner are not responding.

Stern kicks off Shaker and gets to his feet.
Stern goes for a double leg but Shaker avoids the attempt and the two fighters end up clinched against the cage as Shaker continues to drive forward.
Shaker lands three nice shots there - that looked like it hurt!
Shaker connects with a leg kick. Stern looked like he was expecting something else and didn't defend it.
Shaker misses with a low kick as Stern jumps back.
An inside leg kick lands from Shaker.
Shaker throws a leg kick but Stern checks it.
Shaker is really dominating this fight. Is there anything that Stern can do to turn this around?

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Stern moves out of range of the strikes.
Shaker misses with a leg kick.
Shaker tried to score with a low kick but Stern checks it.
Stern throws a good cross that connects.
A really sloppy takedown attempt there from Stern.
Shaker fakes the leg kick and cracks Stern in the body.
Arman Shaker is fighting for a decision here - he's started to take the cautious approach.
Stern is the aggressor but that punch slipped nicely by Shaker.
Shaker turns his hip over beautifully as he lands a nice leg kick.
Stern connects with a right hand. Shaker shakes it off.
Stern blocks a leg kick.
Stern misses with a double jab
and Shaker makes him pay by landing a thudding low kick.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Shaker thuds a left hand into Stern's body.
Stern checks a leg kick.

Shaker shoots in looking for a single leg takedown. Stern is trying to defend but Shaker finishes it well and ends up in half guard. Let's see if he can advance position further.
The fans in attendance giving it up for the two fighters, who have really let it all hang out in the last minute or so!
Shaker controlling the action here.
Shaker looking to pass the half guard. Not this time.
Shaker is working hard here to advance position.
Shaker is trying to get back to his feet now but his leg is trapped.
Arman Shaker overall seems to be getting the better of the ground position in the fight so far.
Shaker wants to lay and pray for a moment but Stern keeps working.

And that's the end of the fight!
Arman Shaker showed his dominance in that final round.
Well Shaker has outscored his opponent in every aspect of the fight today. Only a scarily incompetent judge or two will keep him from a well deserved win... Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Donald Grub scores the fight 30:27
Judge William Gold scores the fight 30:27
Judge Chris Edwards scores the fight 30:27

In favor of your winner, by unanimous decision... Arman Shaker!
A relieved looking Arman Shaker thanked the fans for their support and gave the usual line about them being amazing. They seemed to believe that he actually meant it.
The defeated Howard Stern had this to say: 'I blame Robin and those big G's.'.