PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a heavyweight MMA rules bout between Theodore Thundercunt (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Nick Edmund (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Thundercunt comes to the cage accompanied by What a Wonderful World-Louis Armstrong. Edmund has chosen fuck you pay me as his entrance music, which hasn't gone down very well with the crowd. These two fighters really are very evenly matched on the feet - it will be fascinating to see who can assert themselves in that aspect of the fight.

Thundercunt
vs
Edmund

194 cm
29
245 lbs
14 - 6 - 0

196 cm
28
265 lbs
9 - 2 - 0

Decent wrestler
Excellent boxer
Cardio machine

Decent wrestler
Decent boxing
Powerful

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the heavyweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 14 - 6 - 0, fighting out of Las Vegas, Theodore Thundercunt!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 9 - 2 - 0, fighting out of Tokyo, Nick Edmund !
The judges for this bout are Don Winkell, Timothy Bukovac and .

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Thundercunt fails in his attempt to clinch.

Thundercunt gets in close and instigates a clinch.
Edmund blocks an uppercut.
Thundercunt prevents Edmund from breaking the clinch.
Thundercunt keeps control of Edmund as he tries to wriggle out of the double underhooks.
Thundercunt throws a punch but it's blocked by Edmund .
An uppercut on the inside fails to land for Thundercunt.
Thundercunt throws a head punch that misses.
Edmund looks more muscular than last time we saw him. He must have been on the weights.
Edmund wants to stall.
Thundercunt lands a right hand that snaps the head of Edmund backwards.
Edmund can't break the clinch.
Thundercunt working some nice short punches in the clinch.
Thundercunt throws a head punch that misses.
Thundercunt fails to land with a short punch on the inside.
A head punch blocked on the inside by Edmund .
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
A head punch on the inside from Thundercunt fails to land.
Thundercunt has a couple of punches blocked by Edmund .
Thundercunt throws a punch but it's blocked by Edmund .
Edmund is looking to take this one to the mat.
Edmund can't break the clinch.
I was talking to Thundercunt's coach per-fight and he was telling me that they'd been working on the clinch in the runup to this fight.
Edmund looking for a takedown.
Edmund makes some space for himself and lands an uppercut.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Edmund jumps guard but his hands slip and he falls flat on his back. Well, he's made himself look a right mug there, as Thundercunt walks away with a smile on his face. Edmund gets slowly back to his feet and shakes his head.
Theodore Thundercunt has stuffed three takedown attempts in the round now. That's going to take a lot out of Nick Edmund .

The fight moves into the clinch position.
Edmund tries to score a body lock takedown but Thundercunt shows good agility there to stay on his feet.
With the fighters clinched against the cage, Thundercunt creates a bit of distance for himself and scores with a nice uppercut.
Thundercunt tries a shoulder strike but it doesn't do any damage.
A short right from Thundercunt on the inside.
Thundercunt softening up his opponent with strikes, against the cage.
Thundercunt misses with a short punch on the inside.
With the fighters up against the cage, Edmund throws an elbow but misses.
Thundercunt gets through Edmund 's defenses to land a nice punch to the side of the head.
Edmund looks like he'd prefer to be striking at range right now.
Edmund blocks an uppercut.
A head punch on the inside from Thundercunt fails to land.
Thundercunt misses with a short punch on the inside.
Thundercunt lands a hook that snaps the head of Edmund backwards.
A head punch blocked on the inside by Edmund .

Edmund pushes off and circles away, back to the middle of the mat.

Thundercunt moves into the clinch successfully.
Fantastic stuff here - a very entertaining period of action, which has drawn cheers from the crowd.
Thundercunt makes some space for himself and lands an uppercut.
A short right hand to the side of the head by Thundercunt.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Thundercunt scores with a shot to the side of Edmund 's head.
Edmund looks winded!
Thundercunt has a couple of punches blocked by Edmund .
Edmund blocks an uppercut.
A short right from Thundercunt.
An uppercut on the inside fails to land for Thundercunt.
A short body shot lands from Edmund as the two fighters clinch.
Thundercunt misses with a punch on the inside.
Edmund has had enough of the clinch but Thundercunt keeps him there for the moment.
A head punch on the inside from Thundercunt fails to land.
Thundercunt lands punches inside but they're not really causing much damage.
Thundercunt softening up his opponent with strikes, against the cage.
Thundercunt swings away with an uppercut that misses.
Thundercunt lands a left hand that snaps the head of Edmund backwards.

Edmund is rocked!
Thundercunt misses with a punch on the inside.
Edmund is still on wobbly legs! Can Thundercunt finish him?
Thundercunt swings wildly with an uppercut but Edmund uses good head movement to avoid it.
Thundercunt softening up his opponent with strikes, against the cage.
Thundercunt throws a punch but it's blocked by Edmund .
Thundercunt misses with some punches.
Thundercunt gets through Edmund 's defenses to land a nice punch to the side of the head.
Thundercunt fails to land with a short punch on the inside.
Edmund wants to break free but Thundercunt has control.
Thundercunt working aggressively here.
Edmund blocks an uppercut.
Edmund wants a takedown but no success here.
Edmund seems to have recovered his senses.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Thundercunt lands with a short punch from the clinch.
Thundercunt makes some space for himself and lands an uppercut.
Thundercunt throws a punch but it's blocked by Edmund .
Edmund is trying to break the clinch but Thundercunt is controlling him.
Thundercunt fails to land with a short punch on the inside.
Thundercunt lands with a quick shot inside that doesn't really do much damage.
Edmund is trying to push Thundercunt away but Thundercunt has him pressed against the cage, so he's going nowhere.
Thundercunt has a couple of punches blocked by Edmund .
Thundercunt swings wildly with an uppercut but Edmund uses good head movement to avoid it.
Thundercunt gets underhooks to prevent Edmund 's takedown attempt.
Edmund blocking some punches.
Thundercunt lands with a right to the head.
A short right from Thundercunt.
Thundercunt throws a punch but it's blocked by Edmund .
Edmund blocking some punches.
Edmund wants to push off and get back to the center of the mat but Thundercunt has him pressed against the cage.
Edmund wants to break free. God knows he wants to breaaaak freeee.
Thundercunt lands an uppercut in the clinch that drops Edmund to his knees! Thundercunt keeps firing more shots against his stricken opponent and the referee jumps in to save him!

Ladies and gentlemen, after 4:57 of round 1, we have a winner by way of TKO (Strikes). Theodore Thundercunt!
Theodore Thundercunt spent the whole post fight interview bigging himself up. It didn't go down that well with the fans after a while as they thought it was a bit arrogant.