PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a light heavyweight MMA rules bout between Krystian Soszynski (ranked 326 p4p, 51 weight class) and Douche Canoe (ranked 1141 p4p, 166 weight class). Soszynski comes to the ring accompanied by Sabaton - 40 : 1. Douche Canoe acknowledges the crowd's support as he enters the ring.

Soszynski
vs
Canoe

188 cm
24
207 lbs
10 - 3 - 0

197 cm
23
215 lbs
8 - 4 - 1

Good wrestling
World class boxer
Cardio machine

Good wrestler
World class boxer
Good gas tank

RAGS of a RONIN

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the light heavyweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 10 - 3 - 0, fighting out of Las Vegas, Krystian Soszynski!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 8 - 4 - 1, fighting out of Sydney, Douche Canoe!
The judges for this bout are James Glass, Paul Tew and Steven Brown.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Canoe avoids the body shot from Soszynski.
Soszynski has his head snapped back a nice jab. A little nod from Soszynski there as he acknowledges the shot.
Like a baseball bat into the meat of his leg there - nice leg kick by Soszynski.
Canoe will need to tighten up his combinations if he doesn't want to gas himself out, swinging at thin air.
Soszynski pivots, looking for a leg kick but Canoe is out of range and Soszynski settles back down.
Douche Canoe seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
Soszynski throws a right hand that misses
and Canoe counters with a lovely straight right hand!
Canoe throws a right hand that misses
and Soszynski counters with a lovely shot to the body.
Soszynski tries to move into range but Canoe moves to the side and lands with a nice right hand.

It looks like Krystian Soszynski has been cut.
Soszynski connects with a lovely right hand, straight down the pipe.
Canoe takes a nice looking leg kick right on the meat of his thigh there.
A nice inside leg kick there by Soszynski. That's going to slow Canoe down.
The crowd are loving this. Great action here.

Canoe shoots in for a takedown and gets it.
Soszynski is trying to control but can't.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Canoe prevents Soszynski from improving his position.
Canoe thumps the canvas. Not on purpose obviously - he just missed Soszynski's head.
Soszynski avoiding damage under a succession of punches from Canoe.
Soszynski avoiding damage under a succession of punches from Canoe.
Soszynski trying to control here.
Ground and pound from Canoe.
Canoe thumps the canvas. Not on purpose obviously - he just missed Soszynski's head.
Canoe landing with strikes to the body and head, softening up his opponent.
Canoe working over Soszynski with some ground and pound. Soszynski looks like he wants out of this position, which is understandable.
Canoe takes a deep breath and rests his weight momentarily on top of his opponent, to control the position.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Soszynski is looking for a sweep. Canoe is wise to his cunning plan and keeps the top position.
Canoe trying to control from half guard but Soszynski is working away.
Soszynski is in a tricky position but he's been working on his transitions down at Ganja Ninjas Dojo, so we'll see if he gets out of it.
Canoe is in a good position here but he's just trying to control... And he's not even managing to do that successfully.
Canoe not landing any meaningful shots this time.
Soszynski keeping control of the position.
Soszynski tries to roll over but Canoe keeps him under control.

The ref stands the fighters back up due to a lack of activity.
Soszynski misses with a lunging right hand
and Canoe counters with a good right hand that lands right on the jaw.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Soszynski moves out of range of the strikes.
Soszynski cracks a nice hook into Canoe's ribs.
Canoe misses with a hook
and Soszynski counters with a nice low kick that buckles Canoe's knee momentarily.
Canoe lands with a cross to side of his opponent's head.
Canoe lands a jab, followed by a cross and another cross, as Soszynski backs up against the ropes.
Soszynski throws a hook to the body but it doesn't connect.
Canoe drops down looking to force a counter takedown but Soszynski defends it well.
Nice straight punches there by Canoe. You know Roy Jones Jr respects the hands of Canoe.
Canoe walks straight into an uppercut. Luckily it didn't land flush.
Soszynski steps to the side to avoid the strikes from Canoe.
This fight brought to you by 5M nutrition - it's mmmmm tasty. Nice jab by Soszynski.
This has been an exciting period of action!
Soszynski explodes with a nice body kick and back out of range. Nice work.
Canoe misses with a right hand
and Soszynski counters with a nice body kick.
Soszynski uses good footwork to avoid the strikes from Canoe.
Soszynski throws a quick inside leg kick.
Soszynski connects with the punch.
Soszynski lands a glancing blow to the side of Canoe's head.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Canoe throws the left hand but Soszynski avoids the punch easily.
Soszynski dips to his left and cracks Canoe with an uppercut!

It looks like Douche Canoe has been cut.
Soszynski steps to the side to avoid the strikes from Canoe.
Canoe connects with a good right hand that stumbles Soszynski. Soszynski circles away out of range and recomposes himself.
Canoe bobs and weaves and throws out a fast jab that snaps Soszynski's head backwards.
Soszynski avoids the body shot from Canoe.
Soszynski is looking to counter with a shot to the body.
Soszynski connects with a looping left hand that seems like it dazed Canoe momentarily.
Canoe throws a hook to the side of Soszynski's head but Soszynski sees it coming and ducks under it beautifully.
Soszynski thumps Canoe with a low kick.
Soszynski displays some good footwork, moving neatly out of range as Canoe throws out the jab.
Soszynski scores with a kick to the midsection.
Canoe throws an overhand right that lands on Soszynski's shoulder, as Soszynski tries to avoid the shot.
The fighters are starting to perspire pretty heavily.
Soszynski needs to keep his hands up - Canoe had a free shot at his head there.
Canoe might want to mix his strikes up a bit more. He's just going for head shots at the moment and that can become a bit predictable.
Soszynski scores with a head kick. Canoe tried to block it but didn't get his arm up in time.
Soszynski digs a good body shot into Canoe's ribs.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

A close round but Douche Canoe will probably get the nod.
Both fighters have cut men working on them during the interval.
The minute break is over - no more time for sponges and pep talks - back to the action!

A good leg kick by Soszynski.
Nice body kick from Soszynski.
Canoe swings away with a body shot that misses
and Soszynski counters with a leg kick that reverborates around the arena.
Canoe looks shocked there as he takes a right hand to the temple.
Canoe takes an uppercut right on the jaw but it doesn't phase him.
Canoe throws a right hand that misses
and Soszynski counters with a straight right hand.
Canoe on the wrong end of a nice low kick. He's acting like it's no big deal but he doesn't want to take many more of those.
Soszynski dips down and scores with a jab to the body.
Canoe's leg has a nasty welt from taking a succession of leg kicks. That must be slowing him down.
Canoe takes a big uppercut there. He seems a bit wobbly but no, he's OK.
Canoe takes a solid shot to the body. That one hurt him but he's trying not to show it.
The fans in attendance giving it up for the two fighters, who have really let it all hang out in the last minute or so!
Canoe throws a hook but Soszynski blocks it.
Soszynski listening to his corner there, landing a nice uppercut.
Soszynski throws a combination but it was largely blocked by Canoe.
Canoe connects with the punch.
A jab lands there for Canoe.
Soszynski connects with a single shot there.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Sloppy strikes from Canoe. Those never looked like landing.
Canoe takes one to the side of the head.
A shot to the body from Canoe misses
and Soszynski counters with a thumping low kick.
Canoe throws a big shot that misses.
A nice combination there by Canoe.
Canoe feints a straight left to the body, then turns around with a flashy move and hits Soszynskis jaw with a dramatic spinning back fist!
Soszynski uses good footwork to get in and out, landing a nice hook.

That has opened up Douche Canoe's cut even more.
Krystian Soszynski is looking to keep the fight on the feet at all costs.
Canoe misses with a body shot.
Canoe misses with a body shot.
Canoe loads up on a big right hand but Soszynski slips the punch.
Soszynski gets cracked there but stands up to it.
A telegraphed right hand from Canoe misses the target.
Wooooo! Give it up for these two warriors! They are putting on a show!
Soszynski scores with a hook to the body. Canoe takes a step back and tries to catch his breath.
A slow jab from Canoe misses its intended target.
Soszynski fakes the leg kick and cracks Canoe in the body.
Canoe is breathing heavily.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Canoe throws a hook but Soszynski blocks it.
Donk. Soszynski catches Canoe right on the button with a cross.
Soszynski scores with a jab. Canoe acknowledges it with a nod of the head.
Canoe swings and misses with a hook to the body.
Soszynski scores with a straight right hand, right through his opponent's guard.

Canoe is rocked!
Canoe tries to land with a swinging hook to the body but Soszynski was well out of range. Poor timing from Canoe.
Soszynski fires out a quick counter leg kick but Canoe just manages to avoid it.
Canoe is still on wobbly legs! Can Soszynski finish him?
Soszynski swings wildly with a couple of big hooks
and Canoe cracks him with a counter punch right on the button.
Canoe seems to have recovered his senses.
Canoe looks to throw the jab but Soszynski is out of range.
Jab, jab by Soszynski - just one landing.
Nice defenses there by Soszynski.

Canoe shoots in with a lovely double leg takedown. Soszynski manages to land in full guard to minimise the damage.
Soszynski avoiding any damage from the ground and pound.
Canoe loading up with the ground and pound but he's missing more than he's landing in this flurry.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Canoe with a nice head shot there.
Canoe postures up to throw the ground and pound strikes but they don't connect.
Canoe wants to control from the top but Soszynski keeps moving.
Canoe has the superior BJJ but he's also working some ground strikes into his gameplan.
Soszynski is pulling down on Canoe's head. It's preventing any offense from Canoe, at least for the moment.
Canoe landing some decent shots from guard.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
My god... these two guys really need to pick up the pace or everyone will leave to go get a beer.
Canoe with a flurry of punches that miss.
Canoe is working Soszynski over from the guard. He should look to pass the guard and do a little more damage with these strikes.
Canoe throwing strikes from guard but Soszynski blocks nicely.
Soszynski trying to keep a closed guard but Canoe is proving a slippery customer.

The referee has decided to stand the fighters back up, so we'll restart on the feet.
Soszynski takes an uppercut right on the jaw but it doesn't phase him.
Nice cross by Canoe.
A lazy left from Canoe finds it's target.
Nice shot lands for Soszynski.

The cut above Douche Canoe's eye is starting to cause him problems now.
Soszynski moves away from the strike by Canoe.
Soszynski looked to counter that last move with a leg kick but didn't pull the trigger.
Canoe throws out a token jab with nothing on it.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

That was a close second round but I would say that Krystian Soszynski will probably get the nod.
Both fighters have cut men working on them during the interval.
That's the end of the round. The referee orders the cornermen out of the ring so we can get back down to business. This is the final round!

Canoe misses the shot to the body.
Soszynski throws a big shot that misses.
Canoe looks to throw the jab but Soszynski is out of range.
Canoe looks to land a left hand but Soszynski moved out of range nicely.
Canoe avoids a lazy jab quite easily.
Soszynski on the wrong end of an overhand right that came out of nowhere.
Canoe misses the jab.
Canoe on the wrong end of a vicious looking body shot.
Canoe misses the jab.
Soszynski takes a jab right on the nose. That must have hurt but he shrugs his shoulders and looks to return the favor.
Krystian Soszynski is winning the standup battle so far.
Soszynski ducks under a wild hook from Canoe.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Soszynski scores with a body shot.
Soszynski wings a very wild body shot but it does the job and lands to the midsection.
Canoe walks into a jab.
Canoe throws a shot from downtown. Soszynski moves away and avoids it.
Soszynski misses with a kick to the body
and Canoe counters with a crisp hook to the side of the head.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Canoe lands a jab to the nose.
Soszynski's corner calls for a 1-2. Soszynski obliges with the 1 part as he scores the single shot and moves back out of range.
Canoe throws a jab when Soszynski was well out of range.
Soszynski appeared to be looking to counter that last move with a leg kick.
Soszynski pulls out of a head kick attempt.
A big left from Canoe misses.
Soszynski throws a hook to the body but it doesn't connect.
Canoe lands a nice looking body shot.
Canoe tries to land with a swinging hook to the body but Soszynski was well out of range. Poor timing from Canoe.
Soszynski looks to throw the jab but Canoe is out of range.
Soszynski uses good footwork to avoid the strikes from Canoe.
Canoe ducks down and throws a hook to the body.
Canoe with poor footwork there. He got himself in a bit of a tangle, enabling Soszynski to score with a decent uppercut.
Canoe misses with a hook
and Soszynski counters with a leg kick that reverborates around the arena.
Soszynski misses the shot to the body.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Canoe rushes in with a sloppy looking punch
and Soszynski counters with a crisp hook to the side of the head.
This is a great period of action - very entertaining stuff!
Canoe swings and misses with a hook to the body.
A telegraphed right hand from Soszynski misses the target.
Canoe has a pretty nasty looking mouse under his right eye.
Soszynski throws a body punch but Canoe moves out of range.
A swing and a miss from Canoe.
Soszynski swung with a counter punch to the body but it didn't connect.
Soszynski ducks down and throws a hook to the body but Canoe moves away.
Soszynski misses with a leg kick

and Canoe counters with a nice double leg into side control. Soszynski won't be happy with that.
Soszynski is positioning himself to get back to half guard.
The fighters are tangled up in the ropes here. We might need a restart if the fighters can't break free themselves.
Canoe misses with an attempted head punch from side control.
Sloppy strikes there by Canoe.
Canoe in side control, throwing shots but Soszynski defends.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Canoe working away diligently from side control. Landing strikes effectively there - that will score him some points on the judges scorecards.
Canoe is pausing for a moment. What's he doing? It looks like he's clearing his nose. Oh dude! He's shot a load of snot all down Soszynski's shoulder. That is not cool.
Soszynski struggling a bit here.
Canoe working the head and body with strikes.
Canoe throws a knee to the body but it doesn't do much damage.
Soszynski is trying to control Canoe's posture but Canoe avoids it.
Douche Canoe has got the better of the ground game so far.
Canoe misses with the ground and pound.
Canoe throwing ground and pound but whilst doing so, he forgets to control position and Soszynski works his way back to half guard. Good composure under pressure.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Canoe thows a wild elbow that connects with the canvas.
Soszynski works his way to full guard. Good work.
Canoe cracks Soszynski with a solid left hand.
Soszynski managing to control the position.
Canoe scoring with punches to the head and body.
Canoe working some ground and pound from guard but it's not doing any damage.

The referee has decided to stand the fighters back up, so we'll restart on the feet.

And that's the end of the fight!
Douche Canoe comfortably won the final round on my scorecard.
I think Canoe has won this one but let's see whether the judges agree with me. Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge James Glass scores the fight 28:29
Judge Paul Tew scores the fight 28:29
Judge Steven Brown scores the fight 29:28

In favor of your winner, by split decision... Douche Canoe!
In his post fight interview, Douche Canoe started talking himself up. Luckily his charisma kept the crowd on side and gave him a good reception.