PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a light heavyweight MMA rules bout between Risto Rautio (ranked 812 p4p, 120 weight class) and Thoreaux AssKicken (ranked 742 p4p, 109 weight class). Rautio's ring entrance music is that housewives' favourite, mickey avalon. AssKicken is bouncing up and down as he enters the arena, backed by Winds of Change. Risto Rautio is staring across the cage at his opponent, tweaking his nipples... Tweaking his own nipples that is.

Rautio
vs
AssKicken

189 cm
25
210 lbs
10 - 2 - 0

190 cm
26
215 lbs
11 - 5 - 1

Good wrestling
Lethal high kicks
Insanely flexible

Good wrestler
World class boxer
Good gas tank

Reaper Combatwear

Aspire Clothing

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the light heavyweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 10 - 2 - 0, fighting out of Helsinki, Risto Rautio!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 11 - 5 - 1, fighting out of Amsterdam, Thoreaux AssKicken!
The judges for this bout are Donald Grub, Colin Fotheringham and Chris Edwards.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
AssKicken misses with a low kick.
Thoreaux AssKicken seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.

AssKicken shoots in and bounces Rautio off the cage to secure the takedown into guard.
We've been hearing good reports from Rautio's training camp. Apparently he has been rolling around with some good quality BJJ practitioners and has been sharpening his skills. Let's see if that has an impact on the fight today.
AssKicken pressing down on his opponent's thigh, looking to pass guard. Rautio is keeping the position for now.
The ref warns both fighters not to hold the cage as they work up against the meshing.
AssKicken is still trying to improve position.
AssKicken forces his way into half guard.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
AssKicken tries to pass to full mount but Rautio defends it.
AssKicken works his foot free and advances to mount.

That's one minute gone in the round.
AssKicken is trying to take his opponent's back.
Rautio is trying to escape the mount.
Rautio is working hard here to advance position.
Rautio prevents AssKicken from taking his back.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
AssKicken trying to control but Rautio is having none of it.
AssKicken pushing the pace here, looking to move to his opponents back and work for a finish.
AssKicken looking to ground and pound his opponent to a finish here.
AssKicken fails to advance to Rautio's back.

That's three minutes gone in the round.

AssKicken goes for an armbar but he's not got it… Rautio turns into him and now he's in AssKicken's guard.

AssKicken looking for submissions from the bottom but instead Rautio passes into side control.
AssKicken tries to work a leg under to get back to half guard but Rautio wriggles his own leg back out and remains in side control.
The fighters are pressed up against the cage, both looking to find a bit of space to work.
AssKicken keeps trying to improve his position.
AssKicken gets one leg under and gets the fight to half guard.

That's four minutes gone in the round.

AssKicken looking to work for a kimura from the bottom.
Well, if Rautio is going to just lie there, perhaps we should talk about what we're having for dinner tonight… I'm having a ham and pineapple pizza… Yum. Can't wait.
AssKicken is looking to improve his position.
The crowd thankful this round is nearly over.
AssKicken is persisting with the attempt to improve his position.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Thoreaux AssKicken dominated that round.
OK. That's time! The bell goes and we're back to the action.

AssKicken will have to do better than that with his takedown attempts.
Rautio was looking to counter that move with a punch but didn't quite pull the trigger.
A big right from AssKicken misses.
Rautio looking to land some kicks to the body here.
AssKicken rushes forward with a series of wild hooks but Rautio moves out of range and avoids them all easily.
Rautio throws a jab but it's blocked by AssKicken.
AssKicken misses with a hook
and Rautio counters with a stiff right hand.
AssKicken looks to throw the jab but Rautio is out of range.
Nice shot by Rautio.

It looks like Thoreaux AssKicken has been cut.
A combination from AssKicken does no damage.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Rautio ducks under an overhand right and circles away with a smile on his face.
AssKicken on the wrong end of an overhand right that came out of nowhere.
AssKicken is pinned up against the cage taking some big shots here. The referee is looking closely deciding whether he should stop the fight.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Rautio throws the kick towards the body but AssKicken avoids it.
AssKicken pushing out the jab but it's not landing.
Rautio takes one on the button.
Rautio swings and misses with a hook to the body.
AssKicken throws a hard body shot but it just misses.
AssKicken missing with a left hand there. Rautio was out of range so wasted energy throwing that one.
AssKicken misses with a straight left.
A telegraphed right hand from Rautio misses the target.
AssKicken missing with a left hand there. Rautio was out of range so wasted energy throwing that one.
AssKicken has been the more effective fighter overall so far.
Rautio displays some good footwork, moving neatly out of range as AssKicken throws out the jab.
AssKicken cracks Rautio with a right hand to the side of the head.
AssKicken connects with a nice looking jab.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
A jab from AssKicken does it's job there.
AssKicken scores with a jab. Rautio acknowledges it with a nod of the head.
AssKicken throws a right hand that Rautio ducks under and follows up with a left that Rautio also avoids with ease.
The fans in attendance giving it up for the two fighters, who have really let it all hang out in the last minute or so!
Rautio throws a quick inside leg kick.
AssKicken keeping his hands up high there, blocking the jab from Rautio.
Rautio is the aggressor but that punch slipped nicely by AssKicken.
AssKicken takes a shot right to the bread basket.
Rautio fakes high and swings low for a body shot but AssKicken manages to avoid it.
AssKicken scores with a leg kick.
AssKicken avoids the body shot from Rautio.
Rautio delivers a nice body kick.
Rautio lunges in with an uppercut that skims his opponent's chin.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Rautio scores with a jab to the body.
Rautio lands a nice leg kick that just misses AssKicken's sensitive parts.
AssKicken scores with a nice right hand.
Rautio has his hands up protecting his head but a hook from AssKicken finds it's way round the side to connect with Rautio's head.
AssKicken misses with a body shot. Nice footwork from Rautio.
Sloppy strikes from AssKicken. Those never looked like landing.
Rautio swung with a counter right hand that didn't connect.
AssKicken looks to land a right hand but Rautio moved out of range.
Rautio is the aggressor but that punch slipped nicely by AssKicken.
AssKicken steps in looking to clinch after the strikes miss from Rautio.
A lazy left from Rautio finds it's target.
Risto Rautio is winning the standup battle so far.
Rautio lands a kick to the ribs of his opponent. Nice work there - in and out in a flash.
AssKicken is breathing heavily.
AssKicken shoots in but no luck this time.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Rautio thuds a mid kick into his opponent's body. That will wear on AssKicken if he has to take too many more of those.
The crowd cheering loudly, showing their appreciation for the quality fight we're seeing here.
AssKicken blocks the body kick.
Rautio pushing out the jab but it's not landing.
AssKicken appears to be waiting to throw a counter punch to the body.
AssKicken misses with a hook.
Rautio is looking to counter punch.
A nice leg kick lands there from Rautio.
AssKicken needs to keep his hands up - Rautio had a free shot at his head there.

AssKicken is rocked!
Rautio lands an uppercut, right on the button! AssKicken tumbles backwards into the cage, staring vacantly into space! He's got no idea where he is, who he is or what day it is... Poor guy.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 4:39 of round 2, we have a winner by way of KO (Punch). Risto Rautio!
A loyal slave to those sponsorship dollars, Risto Rautio made sure he mentioned Reaper Combatwear, along with how happy he was to win his fight.