PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a light heavyweight MMA rules bout between Pikey Chav (ranked 938 p4p, 141 weight class) and Douche Canoe (ranked 1129 p4p, 167 weight class). Chav's ring entrance music is that housewives' favourite, Shamrock. These two fighters really are very evenly matched on the feet - it will be fascinating to see who can assert themselves in that aspect of the fight.

Chav
vs
Canoe

187 cm
24
212 lbs
6 - 5 - 0

197 cm
26
215 lbs
12 - 8 - 1

Great wrestler
World class boxer
Cardio machine

Olympic wrestler
World class boxer
Good gas tank

Urban Fighter

Bullet Proof System

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 5 rounds, for the light heavyweight championship of the world!
Introducing the champion to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 6 - 5 - 0, fighting out of Los Angeles, Pikey Chav!
And introducing the challenger to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 12 - 8 - 1, fighting out of Las Vegas, Douche Canoe!
The judges for this bout are Steve Montenegro, Dean Styles and John Roberts.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Canoe throws out a token jab with nothing on it.
Canoe misses with a looping right.
Canoe blocks a head kick by Chav.
Chav throws out a token jab with nothing on it.
Chav throws a hard body shot but it just misses.
Canoe lands a right hook to the body.
Canoe just misses with a punch to the body.
Chav uses good footwork to get in and out and land a nice right hand before Canoe has time to react.
Canoe moves out of range of the body kick.
Canoe feints the counter takedown.
Chav throws a body punch but Canoe moves out of range.
Canoe with the counter takedown but Chav avoids it easily.
Chav has been talking about how he's improved his wrestling in the run up to the fight so let's see if that's enough to sway the balance.
Chav throws a leg kick that is checked
enabling Canoe to counter with a crisp jab.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Canoe uses decent footwork to sidestep a right hand from Chav.
Canoe misses with a wild body shot.
Chav throws a body kick but he was well out of range there.
Good exchange - Canoe coming out on top.
Chav gets cracked with a nice right hand there by Canoe.
The crowd are loving this. Great action here.
Canoe throws a looping overhand right but Chav ducks down to avoid it.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Chav looks to land a body kick but Canoe moved away.
Douche Canoe is looking to keep the fight on the feet at all costs.
Chav throws a head kick but Canoe moves out of range.
Chav turns his hip over beautifully as he lands a nice leg kick.
Canoe takes a shot right to the liver - Bas would have been proud of that punch.
Canoe cracks a nice hook into Chav's ribs.
Canoe scores with a punch to the head.
Chav throws a hard body shot but it just misses.
Canoe throws a poor cross that misses
and Chav counters with a good right hand that lands right on the jaw.
Canoe dips down and scores with a jab to the body.
Chav misses with a straight left.
Good leg kick by Chav there. It's the ones that make that thud noise that hurt and that was an almighty thud.
Canoe takes a swing at Chav's ribcage but misses.
A low kick from Chav misses
and Canoe counters with a stiff right hand.
This is a great period of action - very entertaining stuff!
Canoe cracks Chav with a good shot that sees him stumbling back into the cage.
Canoe throws a body shot but no joy.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Chav tries to land a body kick
and Canoe cracks him with a counter punch right on the button.

It looks like Pikey Chav has been cut.
Canoe misses the shot to the body.
Canoe changes levels and scores with a jab to the body.
Canoe connects with a body shot that sends Chav's belly button to the back.
Chav misses with a body shot. Nice footwork from Canoe.
Canoe unleashes a big counter combination but Chav bobs and weaves and avoids any damage.
Chav ducks down and throws a hook to the body but Canoe moves away.
We've been informed that Canoe has been sparring a lot of Muay Thai in the buildup to this fight so let's see if that has an impact on the result.
Canoe uses some good footwork to avoid the body shot by Chav.
Chav keeping a good distance there, avoiding the body shot.
Canoe ducks down and throws a hook to the body but Chav moves away.
Canoe moves out of range of the body kick.
Canoe lands a right hook to the body.
Canoe stuffs the takedown.
Canoe gets cracked there but stands up to it.
Canoe looks to score with a jab to the body but Chav is just out of range.
Chav walks into a straight right hand from Canoe.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Chav checks a low kick from Canoe.
Chav tries to clinch up against the cage, rushing in to close the distance. Canoe manages to break the clinch and circles back to the middle of the mat.
Canoe is landing a lot of head punches in this opening round! Chav had better start moving his head a bit unless he wants his face to turn into pâté.
Canoe misses with a body shot.
Canoe throws a poor cross that misses
and Chav counters with a crisp hook to the side of the head.
Canoe misses with a body shot
and Chav counters with an inside leg kick.
Canoe is throwing a lot of body shots here, looking to wear down Chav rather than just go for the knockout.
Canoe throws out a token jab with nothing on it.
A solid body kick from Chav.
Chav keeping a good distance there, avoiding the body shot.
Chav keeping his hands up high there, blocking the jab from Canoe.
Chav looks to throw the jab but Canoe is out of range.
Chav throws a nice outside leg kick.
Canoe looks to score with a jab to the body but Chav is just out of range.
Canoe fakes low and throws an overhand right that catches Chav on the side of the head.
Jab from Canoe.
Canoe tries to land with a swinging hook to the body but Chav was well out of range. Poor timing from Canoe.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
A chopping leg kick lands by Chav.
Chav throws a leg kick but Canoe sees it coming and moves out of range.
Canoe with the counter takedown but Chav avoids it easily.
Fantastic stuff here - a very entertaining period of action, which has drawn cheers from the crowd.
Chav connects with a leg kick. Canoe looked like he was expecting something else and didn't defend it.
Chav misses with a looping right.
Chav throws a leg kick

and Canoe counters with a nice double leg into side control. Chav won't be happy with that.
Chav is trying to control Canoe's posture but Canoe avoids it.
Canoe landing strikes.
Canoe working away.
Canoe trying to control the position but Chav is working away.
Chav tries to get back to half guard but can't.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Douche Canoe dominated that round.
The cut man is working on Pikey Chav's cut.
Well, the break between rounds is over. Let's get back to the scrappin!

Ouch! a nice leg kick from Chav, right into the meat.
Canoe keeping a good distance there, avoiding the body shot.
Canoe throws a monster uppercut resembling something out of street fighter but it doesn't land.

Chav closes the distance and after a bit of a stuggle, scores a takedown into Canoe's guard.
Chav trying to stand up but can't free himself from Canoe's guard.
Chav is just sitting in guard, looking to avoid any submissions.
Chav trying to control but Canoe is working from the bottom.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
The fighters are starting to perspire pretty heavily.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Canoe is working from a closed guard but he's struggling to control his opponent.
The referee looks like he's ready to step in and stand the fighters back up.
Chav wants to control from the top but Canoe keeps moving.

The ref stands the fighters back up due to a lack of activity.
Chav throws out a loose jab but Canoe uses good head movement to avoid it.
Canoe ducks under a wild hook from Chav.
Canoe ducks down and throws a hook to the body but Chav moves away.
Chav uses good footwork to avoid the strikes from Canoe.
Douche Canoe seems to be getting the better of the standup.
Chav works Canoe's body with a nice hook.
Canoe checks the leg kick.
Chav looking to land some kicks to the body here.
Canoe is definitely looking for the counter takedowns here.
Canoe throws a hook to the body but it doesn't connect.
Chav takes a hook to the side of the head. I wonder if that's got his ears ringing.
Chav lands with a good body shot.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Canoe throws an ugly left hook that misses
and Chav counters with a low kick, right behind Canoe 's knee.
Canoe has used his reach advantage pretty well so far tonight.
Jab, jab by Canoe - just one landing.
Chav doesn't manage to clinch there - Canoe circles away.
Canoe looks to score with a jab to the body but Chav is just out of range.
Canoe attempts a low kick but it misses it's target.
Chav throws a body kick, spinning off balance

and Canoe counters with a nice double leg into guard.
We've seen a great period of action over the last minute or so - credit to both fighters for going all out!
Canoe lands a nice shot whilst sitting in his opponent's guard.

Chav looking for submissions from the bottom but instead Canoe passes into side control.
Canoe scoring with punches from side control.
Canoe connects with a decent looking elbow from side control that caused Chav some visible discomfort.
Chav manages to get one leg in to regain half guard.
Douche Canoe has got the better of the ground game so far.

Chav looking for submissions from an awkward position here.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Chav is working for an escape here. He's hooked one of Canoe's legs and he's managed to sneak out and take Canoe's back!

Canoe showing good submission defense here.

Canoe is displaying good submission defense - not really looking in danger of submitting to the rear naked choke at the moment. That could change in an instant of course if Chav gets his way!
Chav is not going to allow Canoe to sit and survive in this position.
Chav biding his time, controlling Canoe.

Chav working for the choke.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Chav really has the hooks in deep now - there seems like no escape for Canoe.
Canoe tries to escape the position.
The ref warns both fighters not to hold the cage as they work up against the meshing.
Canoe is persisting with the attempt to improve his position.

Canoe showing good submission defense here.
Chav trying to secure his dominant position for a moment - making sure Canoe doesn't escape.

Chav seems to be going for a rear naked choke. He has an arm under Canoe's chin but Canoe turns very nicely into Chav's guard. Good BJJ skills being displayed there by Canoe.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

That was a close second round but I would say that Pikey Chav will probably get the nod.
The cut man is working on Pikey Chav's cut.
The fighters' corners scream their final instructions, as the referee calls time. Here we go, back to the action!

Chav swings wildly with a hook that is half blocked by Canoe.
Chav staying out of range there.
Canoe swings widly with a right hand
and Chav counters with an outside leg kick.
Canoe stuffs the takedown.
Canoe is looking to chop away at Chav's legs.
Chav fakes with a right hand and throws a good leg kick, right into the thigh. That had to hurt Canoe.
Chav misses with a body shot.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Chav attempts a low kick but it misses it's target.
Chav attempts a leg kick but it's missed by a good margin.
Chav tries to clinch there but Canoe circles away.
Chav fakes high and swings low for a body shot but Canoe manages to avoid it.
Canoe defending well as Chav loads up on a big left hand.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Canoe misses with an uppercut. Chav saw that one coming.
Chav fires out a quick counter leg kick but Canoe just manages to avoid it.
Canoe's leg has a nasty welt from taking a succession of leg kicks. That must be slowing him down.

Chav gets a takedown into half guard.
The fighters are pressed up against the cage, both looking to find a bit of space to work.
Canoe is trying to maintain the position but Chav is very close to passing his half guard.
Chav takes a deep breath and rests his weight momentarily on top of his opponent, to control the position.
Canoe is holding on to half guard well.
Canoe won't allow Chav to pass to mount.
Canoe keeping control of the leg, stopping his opponent passing to mount.
Chav wants to control but Canoe is keeping him busy.

That's two minutes gone in the round.

Chav is trying a forearm choke… I don't think that's going to do much at this level of the game.

Chav seems to be looking for submissions.
Canoe is working for an escape here. He's hooked one of Chav's legs and he's managed to sneak out and take Chav's back!
Chav tries to break free.

Chav defends a rear naked choke attempt by controlling one of Canoe's arms.
Canoe controlling well, preventing Chav from escaping the position.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Canoe is landing with strikes. Chav can't take much more of this.
Chav just trying to survive but Canoe is wriggling into a better position, looking to finish.
Canoe wants to control but Chav is keeping busy.
Can Chav hold on?! Canoe is landing more strikes to his hapless foe.
Chav wants to control his opponent's hands but Canoe gets his hands free.
Chav is going to have to think about doing something other than just controlling because Canoe is managing to avoid having the position dictated to him.
Canoe throwing damaging strikes from the back! Chav could be in trouble here!
Canoe tries to get the hooks in deep but Chav pushed the leg off.
Chav tries to roll but Canoe sticks to his back.

That's four minutes gone in the round.

Chav showing good submission defense here.
Chav turns into Canoe and is now in his guard.
Chav stopping the sweep attempt from Canoe.
Canoe trying to keep a closed guard but Chav is proving a slippery customer.
Chav is stalling in the full guard.
Canoe not looking particularly offensive just at the moment.
The crowd thankful this round is nearly over.
Chav works a leg free and moves into half guard.
Chav is thwarting Canoe's attempts to control the position.
Canoe tries to get to full guard but Chav has control of the leg.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

That was a close round but Pikey Chav did the better work so I'd imagine he'll take it.
The cut man is working on Pikey Chav's cut.
The minute break is over - no more time for sponges and pep talks - back to the action!

Chav lands a vicious shot with the stealth of a sniper and the strength of a viper. Are vipers that strong? I can think of lots of things that are stronger than a viper - not many rhyme with sniper though.
Canoe swings wildly with a right hand that was never going to find it's target.
Chav lands a jab to the head.
The crowd cheers as Canoe lands an impressive looking overhand right. Chav doesn't seem phased though.
Canoe misses with a combination
and Chav makes the exchange count by landing a cracking kick to the body. Canoe really felt that one!
Chav lands a jab to Canoe's midsection.
Chav throws a body kick but he wasn't in range.
Chav slips a straight right by Canoe.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Canoe misses with a body shot.
Chav half commits to a counter takedown before pushing away, out of range.
Chav blocks a jab.
Canoe waving his hands out in front of him, looking to distract Chav.
Chav tries to land a front kick but Canoe steps back. That was a bit too telegraphed.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Canoe scores with a jab to the body.
A big right from Chav misses.
Canoe throws an off balance right hand

and Chav counters by clinching up.
A frustrated look appears on Chav's face as he tries to break the clinch.
Canoe is trying to push Chav away but Chav has him pressed against the cage, so he's going nowhere.
Chav lands with a light punch inside.
Canoe lands a hook to the body. It's hard to tell if that hurt Chav or not.
Chav working some nice short punches in the clinch.
Chav trying to control the position but instead, Canoe has worked for underhooks and has pushed Chav into the cage.
Canoe tries a body shot but Chav blocks it.
Canoe is looking for a takedown.
Canoe misses with a short punch on the inside.
Chav lands with a short punch from the clinch.
Canoe tries to throw a body punch but Chav avoids it by throwing Canoe back against the cage.
A right handed body shot lands from Canoe.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Canoe's head jolts backwards as he takes an uppercut right on the button!
Canoe lands with a light punch inside.
Canoe misses with a body punch.
A head punch blocked on the inside by Canoe.
Chav fails to land with a short punch on the inside.
Wooooo! Give it up for these two warriors! They are putting on a show!
Canoe wants a takedown.
Chav is working for takedown but Canoe is calmly controlling the position for now.
Canoe drops down looking for an ankle pick but Chav pulls his leg out and moves away.
Pikey Chav has stuffed three takedown attempts in the round now. That's going to take a lot out of Douche Canoe.
Chav slips a straight right by Canoe.
Canoe takes a thudding leg kick, right into the meat of the thigh.
Canoe looks to land a left hand but Chav moved out of range nicely.
Canoe walks into a jab.
Canoe tries to land a leg kick but Chav saw it coming and moves away.
A jab from Chav misses.
Chav tries to clinch but Canoe moves out of range.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Chav keeping a good distance there, avoiding the body shot.
Canoe takes one on the chin but seems OK.
Chav throws a body kick that misses.
Chav lands with a kick to the ribs.
Chav misses with a right hand
and Canoe counters with a left to the body.
Chav bobs and weaves well there to avoid the strikes.
Canoe fakes high and swings low for a body shot but Chav manages to avoid it.
Chav thumps Canoe with a low kick.
Chav lands a leg kick and bounces back out of range.
Canoe jabs at Chav's body.
Canoe connects with a body shot.
Chav throws a wild body kick that Canoe sees coming a mile off.
Canoe throws a combination but it was largely blocked by Chav.

Chav clinches up against the cage.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Canoe working on landing some head shots here - that one got through nicely.
Fantastic stuff here - a very entertaining period of action, which has drawn cheers from the crowd.
Chav lands a nice uppercut.
Chav has a couple of punches blocked by Canoe.
Canoe prevents the takedown attempt.
Chav blocks a body shot from Canoe.
Chav lands a shoulder strike.

It looks like Douche Canoe has been cut.
Chav looking for a takedown.
Pikey Chav has scored more points in the clinch so far.
Chav misses with a punch to the body.
Canoe lands a right hand.
It's got to the stage where if one of these guys blows hard enough, the other might fall over.
Chav is trying to break the clinch but Canoe has him pressed against the cage.
Still in the clinch, Canoe scores with a nice short uppercut.
Canoe tries a body shot but Chav blocks it.
Chav lands with a quick shot inside that doesn't really do much damage.
Chav's head jolts backwards as he takes an uppercut right on the button!

Canoe tightens his grip and picks Chav up, before dumping him to the ground. Chav manages to land in guard.
Canoe throwing elbows and punches but not connecting, as Chav works some decent striking defense from the bottom.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

That was a close fourth round but I would say that Pikey Chav will probably get the nod.
Both fighters have cut men working on them during the interval.
Well, the break between rounds is over. Let's get back to the scrappin! Let's get this one finished - here comes the final round!

Canoe looks frustrated there after his takedown attempt is stuffed easily.
Chav staying out of range there.
Chav bobs and weaves well there to avoid the strikes.
Chav throws a quick inside leg kick.
Chav thows a body kick. Canoe tries to catch it but that hurt him.
A big left from Canoe misses.
Chav ducks down and throws a hook to the body.
Canoe takes a step towards his opponent and connects with a left hand, before circling away.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Chav ducks under a wild hook from Canoe.
Nice shot lands for Chav.
Chav connects with a leg kick. He turned his hip over nicely there.
Chav looking to take his opponent's legs away with the low kicks.
Chav moves out of range as Canoe strikes.
Pikey Chav is fighting for a decision here - he's started to take the cautious approach.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Chav on the wrong end of a vicious looking body shot.

Chav closes the distance and scores a nice trip takedown into half guard. Canoe did well to prevent Chav getting side control.
Chav is controlling the pace.

Chav is working for a kimura from half guard. He's really concentrating on the hold and it's allowed Canoe to slip a leg under and get back to full guard.
Canoe not looking particularly offensive just at the moment.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Chav not doing a lot at the moment. He'll have to show some more aggression or the fight will get stood up.
Chav looking to pass the guard.
Chav sitting in guard here, content to control.

Canoe has a loose triangle. He'll be looking to tighten that up but Chav can see exactly what he's planning and manages to posture up and free himself.
Chav is stalling in the full guard.
Chav looking to pass the guard.
If this pace continues, the referee will definitely step in and force a standup.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Canoe is trying to control the position from the bottom.

The referee has stepped in and called for a break in the action. We'll restart on the feet.
Chav attempts a low kick but it misses it's target.
Canoe ducks low and lands a nice hook to the body of his opponent.
Chav cracks Canoe with an open hand slap.
Canoe misses with a wild body shot.
Canoe misses with an uppercut. Chav saw that one coming.
Chav throws a decent looking leg kick but it doesn't land clean.
A big right from Canoe misses.
Canoe misses with a body shot.
Chav turns his hip over beautifully as he lands a nice leg kick.
Chav throws a head kick that misses.
Canoe jabbing away but nothing is landing.
Douche Canoe has stepped it up - he knows he needs a finish here!

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Chav throws a combination but comes up with nothing but fresh air.
Canoe moves out of range of the leg kick from Chav.
Chav takes a swing at Canoe's ribcage but misses.
Canoe cracks Chav with a nice right hand that draws applause from the crowd.
Chav throws a sloppy body shot
and Canoe counters with a stiff right hand.
Canoe lands an overhand right.
Wooooo! Give it up for these two warriors! They are putting on a show!
Chav throws a lazy uppercut
and Canoe counters with a nice uppercut.
Canoe fakes high and swings low for a body shot but Chav manages to avoid it.
Chav connects with a leg kick. Canoe looked like he was expecting something else and didn't defend it.
Canoe throws a right hand that misses
and Chav counters with a crisp hook to the side of the head.
Chav lands with a kick to the temple. Canoe shrugs as if to say "is that all you've got?"
Chav scores with a reasonable looking shot to the body. Canoe doesn't seem bothered though.
Chav lands a vicious shot with the stealth of a sniper and the strength of a viper. Are vipers that strong? I can think of lots of things that are stronger than a viper - not many rhyme with sniper though.

And that's the end of the fight!
Pikey Chav showed his dominance in that final round.
I think Chav has won this one but let's see what the judges have to say. Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 5 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Steve Montenegro scores the fight 49:46
Judge Dean Styles scores the fight 49:46
Judge John Roberts scores the fight 49:46

In favor of your winner, by unanimous decision... Pikey Chav!
Pikey Chav is the new light heavyweight champion!
During a confident post fight interview, Pikey Chav thanked all his fans. He seemed very genuine when describing how motivated his fans keep him.