PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a light heavyweight MMA rules bout between Salahuddin Al Ayyubi (ranked 5403 p4p, 0 weight class) and my Penis (ranked 4004 p4p, 0 weight class). my Penis has the power to score a knockout today if he connects clean with Salahuddin Al Ayyubi's chin.

Al Ayyubi
vs
Penis

190 cm
25
205 lbs
0 - 0 - 0

190 cm
25
212 lbs
1 - 0 - 0

Good takedowns
Basic striking
Intelligent

Good takedowns
Excellent boxer
Solid chin

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the light heavyweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 0 - 0 - 0, fighting out of Helsinki, Salahuddin Al Ayyubi!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 1 - 0 - 0, fighting out of Helsinki, my Penis!
The judges for this bout are Matti Vanhoillinen, Arvi Lind and Tarja Halkonen.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Penis throws a right and a left that both miss.
Al Ayyubi shoots in for a takedown. "I don't think so" says Penis as he avoids it easily.
Al Ayyubi slips a straight right by Penis.
Salahuddin Al Ayyubi seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.

Al Ayyubi looking for a takedown here - he's got it.
Penis wants to stand but Al Ayyubi is controlling the position.
Al Ayyubi throwing shots from guard but he's hitting more mat than opponent.
Penis wants to get back to his feet but Al Ayyubi is in a dominant position and won't allow it.
Al Ayyubi lands a nice shot whilst sitting in his opponent's guard.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Al Ayyubi is taking a break and basically stalling. The referee will not allow him to do that for long.
Al Ayyubi slips nicely into half guard.
Penis wants to get back to his feet.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Al Ayyubi has been looking to land a fair amount of strikes on the ground. He might be looking to soften his opponent up in order to work for a submission.
Al Ayyubi keeping composed on the top, looking to control the action.
Al Ayyubi works his way into side control.
Penis is trying to get back to his feet.
Al Ayyubi is working Penis over with some ground and pound from side control.

Al Ayyubi stands up and beckons Penis to his feet.
Penis misses with a left hand

and Al Ayyubi counters with a shoot takedown. Penis fights it but they end up in guard.
Al Ayyubi showing good wrestling skills to control the position.
Penis preventing the ground and pound from doing any damage.
Al Ayyubi wants to pass the guard but Penis is keeping the position.
Penis is looking to get back to his feet but can't, whilst Al Ayyubi is controlling him.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Al Ayyubi works over Penis with some ground and pound from guard.
Al Ayyubi is looking to work some ground and pound but Penis has wrist control.
Al Ayyubi not doing a lot at the moment. He'll have to show some more aggression or the fight will get stood up.
Al Ayyubi pushes down on Penis's leg and manages to get into half guard.
Penis wants to get back to his feet.
Al Ayyubi thows a huge punch but Penis dodges it nicely.
The ref warns both fighters not to hold the cage as they work up against the meshing.
Al Ayyubi not doing much here.
Al Ayyubi is working hard to pass the guard. He's done it - he's now in full mount! Trouble for Penis!
Penis has given up his back - I don’t know if this is a deliberate ploy to try and escape or if he is just struggling down there.
This is a great period of action - very entertaining stuff!
Penis wants to get back to his feet.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Al Ayyubi is working the ground and pound. Can Penis escape?
Penis covers up after that shot from Al Ayyubi.

Al Ayyubi is working for the choke. It looks like he might have got it... has he...? Yes! Penis is tapping out! This one is all over!

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3:35 of round 1, we have a winner by way of Submission (RNC). Salahuddin Al Ayyubi!
The defeated my Penis had this to say: 'Bomb the caliphate'.