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PBP Commentary |
Coming up we have a light heavyweight MMA rules bout between my Penis (ranked 3489 p4p, 0 weight class) and Xander Machado (ranked 3480 p4p, 0 weight class). Well, I have no idea who's going to take this one!
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| 190 cm
25
212 lbs
3 - 2 - 0 |
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196 cm
29
208 lbs
4 - 5 - 0 |
Powerful takedowns
Excellent boxer
Very strong |
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BJJ Red Belt
World class boxer
Good gas tank |
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Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the light heavyweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of
3 - 2 - 0, fighting out of Helsinki, my Penis!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of
4 - 5 - 0, fighting out of Helsinki, Xander Machado!
The judges for this bout are Matti Vanhoillinen, Arvi Lind and Roosa Järviläinen.
The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Excellent takedown into side control there by Machado.
Machado slows the pace down.
Machado landing strikes.
Machado prevents Penis from escaping the position.
Machado cracks Penis with a big elbow.
Penis is trying to escape and get back to his feet.
Machado cracks Penis with a big elbow.
Penis takes an elbow right on the bridge of the nose and winces in pain.
Penis gives up the full mount - oops, sloppy defensive grappling there!
Machado landing strikes from the mount and Penis is in trouble!
Machado with shots to the head and body - Penis looks very uncomfortable down there.
Machado working away from the top, dropping strikes.
We've seen a great period of action over the last minute or so - credit to both fighters for going all out!
Machado landing strikes from the mount and Penis is in trouble!
Machado controlling from the full mount.
Machado scoring with some good ground and pound from mount here. Will he manage to finish Penis?
The ref warns both fighters not to hold the cage as they work up against the meshing.
Machado lands a big shot there that rocks Penis but he's holding on and managing to survive for now.
The fighters are pressed up against the cage, both looking to find a bit of space to work.
That's one minute gone in the round.
Penis squirming around on the bottom, looking to escape.
BOOM! Machado connects with a massive shot to the dome!
Penis wants to try and get back to his feet.
Machado fakes a shot to the body and cracks his opponent in the head. Nice ground and pound there!
Machado landing punches.
Machado lands a heavy elbow.
Penis is rocked!
Machado sitting in mount, just looking to control for the moment.
Machado scoring with strikes but Penis is staying in there.
Oh Penis is still in real trouble! Will he be able to recover?!!
Machado cracks Penis with a big head shot that has him covering up instantly! He's rolled onto his side and the referee has seen enough - this one is aaaaaaaaaaall over!
Ladies and gentlemen, after 1:51 of round 1, we have a winner by way of TKO (Strikes). Xander Machado!
Xander Machado seemed lost for words in his post fight interview but he remembered to thank his fans and directed everyone to his website.
my Penis was interviewed post fight and said 'Bomb the caliphate, AND SERIOUSLY. What kind of gay cunt fights a 4 match pro, u cunt'.
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| S |
C
A |
G |
S |
C
B |
G |
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S |
C |
G |
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energy
A | B |
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hype
A | B |
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pop
A | B |
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mgr
A | B |
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FIGHT
RATING
67% |
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