PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a light heavyweight kickboxing rules bout between Chubby Noel (ranked 4814 p4p, 444 weight class) and Elijah Pitakaka (ranked 8680 p4p, 546 weight class). Noel comes to the ring accompanied by the fat boys fat boys. Pitakaka has chosen my dick as his entrance music, which hasn't gone down very well with the crowd. Over to our ring announcer for the fighter introductions!

Noel
vs
Pitakaka

198 cm
37
215 lbs
19 - 14 - 0

189 cm
49
217 lbs
30 - 57 - 0

Excellent boxer
Cardio machine

Basic striking
Knockout power

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the light heavyweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 19 - 14 - 0, fighting out of New York, Chubby Noel!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 30 - 57 - 0, fighting out of Las Vegas, Elijah Pitakaka!
The judges for this bout are Valeri Chadov, Dmitry Maklakov and Viktor Lagutenko.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Pitakaka throws a head kick that misses and slips in the process. He scrambles back to his feet and the fighters circle.
A left and a right from Noel both land. Nice combination.

It looks like Elijah Pitakaka has been cut.
Pitakaka throws a head kick that misses and slips in the process. He scrambles back to his feet and the fighters circle.
Pitakaka walks forward and throws out a flicking leg kick. Noel checks it nicely though, as he moves to the side.
Pitakaka throws an uppercut from half a mile away. Noel sees it coming and avoids it easily.
Pitakaka pulls out of a head kick attempt.
Pitakaka throws a sloppy head kick
and Noel counters with a straight right hand.
Pitakaka throws a head kick that misses
and Noel counters with a nice body kick.
Pitakaka throws a leg kick
and Noel counters with a lovely shot to the body.
Pitakaka looks winded!
Noel is moving around nicely and scores here with a single head shot.

Pitakaka is rocked!
Pitakaka throws a sloppy head kick
and Noel counters with a deadly accurate combination that rocks Pitakaka badly! He tries to strike back but Noel puts an end to that with another precision combo that knocks Pitakaka out cold! Oh man, Pitakaka will never hear the end of this one!

Ladies and gentlemen, after 0:36 of round 1, we have a winner by way of KO (Punches). Chubby Noel!
Chubby Noel seemed lost for words in his post fight interview but he remembered to thank his fans and directed everyone to his website.