2016-02-20
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Ray & Jay's Bogus MMA Interview - PePe Hipatchou

Ultimate Pit Fighting (300K+ ID), Fight Organization, Hilo
Company profile by Dale Saw

Jay: Hey everybody Jay here with my pops Ray. And we are here today for something new, an interview of PePe Hapitchou, the UPF's bantamweight champion of the world and headliner at UPF 39: Hapitchou Vs. McCarthy.

Ray: That's right Jay, we actually have nothing to do until after the event, since our loyal audience wanted a review this week, so we are going to sit down with the UPF's newest champion, PePe Hapitchou. Now PePe, he is the former champion of the Havoc fight org. in Amsterdam. Coming into the UPF with a 10-3 record, he was immediately given a title shot.

Jay: Which he fought a five round monstrosity of a fight against the, at that time, undefeated champ Malik Billings. It was one hell of a fight too, with Malik winning the first and arguably the last rounds, PePe took all three mid rounds and, at the end of the day, took home the championship. Ladies and gentlemen please help me welcome PePe Hipatchou.

(PePe enters the stage holding his UPF belt above his head with both hands, pumping the air with it)

Jay: Welcome PePe, is it alright I call you PePe? Or should I just address you as Champ?


PePe: Either one works for me. I kinda like the sound of champ though.


Jay: It does have a nice ring to it, doesn't it? PePe Hipatchou, UPF's reigning, defending, undisputed bantamweight champion of the world.

PePe: Damn straight.

Ray: So Tell me champ, did you know before signing with the UPF that you would have a title shot?

PePe: Actually, it wasn't set in stone but I did believe I would be fighting for the belt, yes.

Jay: Were you at all worried about Billings? Or did you feel you could take the championship before you fought him?

Champ: I feel I can beat anyone. I wasn't going to let anyone stand in the way of my championship. UPF set's them up and I knock them down.

Ray: Since you mentioned it, the UPF has already set up your first title defense against Cormac McCarthy. McCarthy is a tough opponent, how do you see that fight going down?

Champ: Well he is tough, but so was Billings but that didn't seem to matter, at the end of the day it was my hand raised. The same thing will happen against Cormac except this time I finish the fight. If he decides to take this fight down I will make him tap like a bitch but if he wants the stand up then he better watch out because I'm bringing my "A" game.

Jay: Well, Cormac tweeted "PePe Hipatchou is nothing more than a paper champ. He couldn't even defend his Havoc championship once. What a joke! I'm gonna crush him, set fire to the paper champion!" Is there anything you would like to say to McCarthy in response?

Champ: Paper champion? At least I am a champion! This coming from a person who is not a champion and who'll never even hold a belt.

Ray: In my fighting days, I never got to feel what it was like to actually hold the belt. I did get the chance to know how it feels to fight for the belt and lose. So tell us, what's that feeling like, when you win that title belt for the first time?

Champ: Man, it feels incredible Ray. Even better than sex, mostly! (Chuckles) Kinda hard to describe, you feel like you're on cloud nine. There is no other feeling like it!

Ray: So now we know a little bit about the fighter PePe, tell us about PePe, the man. What do you like to do when you're not bashing heads in?

Champ: Well I grew up in Australia, and down there I was your regular Crocodile Dundee. See these are real crocodile boots. (Hold up his foot pointing to his boots)

Jay: So you wrestle crocodiles and alligators? How does one get into that?

Champ: First off it was crocodiles, we don't have alligators in Australia. But let's see I guess it started when I was in grade school, my boys and I would go to the same playground to play everyday after school. Well this one day, when I was about 10 I guess, this gator was just sitting there like he owned the place. My buddies were all like, 'we better leave.' And I said, jokingly, that the gator better leave if he knew what was good for him, so my buddy Steve challenged me to wrestle it. That was that, I liked it so much that I've been doing it ever since.

Jay: So what would you say made to jump from wrestling crocs to wrestling people, professionally?

Champ: That's simple. People don't bite while I'm wrestling with them. Well at least not at hard. And they don't have sharp ass teeth. See check this out. (raises his pant leg to reveal a gnarly scar.)

Ray: Wow that looks like that was a bad day. But real quickly, I wanted to go back to your answer about playing with boys. I know the UPF is a progressive org. So how does it feel to be the first openly gay fighter in the UPF.

(PePe jumps to his feet with his fist clinched)

Champ: What the -BLEEP- did you just say? I'm... What the -BLEEP-

(PePe socks Ray in the nose)

Champ: Call me gay again!

(PePe then socks Jay in the nose too)

Champ: -BLEEP- you guys.

(PePe walks off set without another word just flipping the bird.)

Jay: Good going pops.

Ray: I guess he's not gay then.

 

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