Rookie Fighter Announces Retirement Several Years Early

Fighter profile of Richard Kenvinchen by Murchead UaToirneach

In what has turned into perhaps the most baffling announcement in MMA history, rookie fighter Richard Kenvinchen has officially announced his desire to retire "in several years, perhaps after I lose a big title fight or something similar". While this reporter is no stranger to fighters announcing their retirement in advance, this is perhaps the first time it has been done so far before the actual date. Furhter reports are that in the night preceeding this event, Mr. Kenvinchen was seen heading out of a local New York bar, loudly proclaiming his intention to fight what witnesses claim was a fictional character on a nearby billboard.

When contacted over the telephone for a statement, the fighter's manager, Mr. UaToirneach, simply sighed loudly. Continuing the conversation, he assured us that mr. Kenvinchen has a long career ahead of him, and that this iis merely a publicity stunt by him. However, afterwards we beleive we heard a noise similar to sobbing and cursing in the background, and while most was unintelligible, we were able to pick out the statement "always something with this kid". While we can only speculate as to what this menas, it may be that this is not the first odd action by this fighter.

We also reached out to teammate Lenny Oliver, who insisted that Mr. Kencinchen is a reliable teammate, and that the persistantrumors of erratic behavior are greatly exxagerated, and he's sure his teammate will be prepared for whatever actual fighter is next offered to him.

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