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 PEDRO: Welcome once again, fight fans, to the official Valhalla Hilo weigh ins, from historic Wild Bob's Bar, home of the hottest jalapeno beer on the Pacific Rim. With me as always is my partner in crime, Pepper Parks. Pepper?
PEPPER: Thanks, Pedro. I'm excited to be here and not just because Wild Bob keeps handing me shots. It's time to get this started as VH's sawbones Dr. Franklin Styn, no relation to Rich Franklin, has the scale set. The Hawaiian athletic commish gives the thumbs up and we are set to go.
PEDRO: First up is a heavyweight bout. Ultimate Fighter takes the scale, followed by Bronn Stokeworth. Both get the nod from Dr. Styn. Next is a middleweight match. Azrael Angel goes first, followed by Gaige Raymond. Doc gives the thumbs up for both. A welterweight showdown is next. Faustine Dael comes out, followed by Jacob Viss. Both make weight. Next up is another welterweight fight, and "The Korean Zombie" Chan Sung Jung is on and off the scales, quickly followed by Albert Guansing. Our last undercard fight is a welterweight bout is next. Ahmad Adib and Brynjar Skjeggestad both bet the okay from Dr. Styn.
PEPPER: Pepper is excited and hungry! Watching all these skinny welterweights made me want to throw ham and bologna at them!
PEDRO: The first fight on our main card is set to be a welterweight showdown between two men looking to establish dominance. First out is Larry "Super" Powers. Larry is a former amateur wrestler from San Antonio Texas, who is coming off a tough loss against Kev Embo due to an armbar. No doubt he'll be looking to improve his ground game. Dr. Styn gives him the okay.
PEPPER: And his opponent comes out to the ring with enough bling bling to classify him as a heavyweight. Jamie "King Slayer" Lanastar is a pretty good boxer, decent wrestler, and once played on All My Children. He won his last fight against Leroy Nexton by singing him a lullabye until he gently went to sleep. He makes weight by taking off all the Mr. T gold chains. I pity the fool, Pedro. PEPPER'S PICK: I think wearing all those chains has given Lanastar enough cardio and strength to score a TKO in the second.
PEDRO: Next up is Smackmy Bitshup, long considered the top P4P fighter in Valhalla Hilo. He's a 145 pound warrior and on everyone's list of who should be first champion in that division. The unusually named fighter from Erirtrea, which is an island presumably, uses his muay thai and takedown defense to dominate his opponents.
PEPPER: And coming out next is "Nerdy" Steve Smith. Smith looks ready to run for the hills but his manager makes him get on the scale. I tell ya, Pedro, Smith has got the roughest debut of any fighter I ever seen. I think Bitshup's people paid off a matchmaker for this one. It'd be a better fight if Smackmy went three rounds against a heavy bag. PEPPER'S PICK: Smackmy. Did anyone even have to ask?
PEDRO: Next up we have a middleweight matchup for our featured contest. Trainor Trainer is a wrestling specialist from the Phillipines. With a 1-0 record he'll be looking to get this fight on the ground early and keep it there. His last fight was a submission victory and he'll be looking to continue his winning ways. Dr. Styn smiles to show he made the cut.
PEPPER: Oh, and here it is, ladies and gentlemen and Pedro. The lights go out, the laser show comes on and out steps one of VH's most popular fighters, Dustin "Lights Out" Iverson. Iverson wears nothing but a towel to the scale, and gets what looks like several pairs of panties thrown at him. Oh, and there's a few tidy whities too. He spots Sam Fisher in the crowd. At VH 3, Fisher got a decision win over Iverson. Now it's a staredown. Iverson flips Fisher the bird and steps on the scale.PEPPER'S PICK: Iverson may be popular, but cheering fans don't win fights. Iverson has a lot of fans, but Fisher showed a huge hole in his game. I look for Trainer to drive a mack truck through that hole and take home the decision nod, because Iverson seems to be looking past him to Fisher, and that'll cost him.
PEDRO: For out semi main event we have a battle of two unbeaten cage warriors. Out first is Lyoto Jackson. The Sao Paulo Brazil native has gotten two decision victories and will no doubt try to use his muay thai skills to continue his winning ways. He's got a lot of confidence and his clinchwork has impressed his training partners. He makes weight easily.
PEPPER: And out comes James "Will Win" Whilton. I tell you, Pedro, Whilton looks like the walk to the scale wore him out. I bet his manager is pitching a fit about his cardio. He's breathing heavy just from stepping on the scale. He makes weight, but I think Dr. Styn might nix this fight due to Whilton being unable to breathe without oxygen. PEPPER'S PICK: I figure Lyoto's superior conditioning will get him an easy decision.
PEDRO: And now it's time for the main event! out first is Sam Fisher, who looks none too pleased over getting the bird flipped to him by Iverson. He storms to the scale, looking like a rhino ready to gore a gazelle. No doubt his opponent will recieve a lot of this Classified USA native's aggression. He makes weight easily.
PEPPER: Out now is Trevor Jones, who looks none too pleased with his main event playing second fiddle to the Iverson outburst. Trevor is all class, though. He doesn't go for attention whoring tactics. I think his boxing skills are second to none and he's looking ready to give Fisher all he can handle. PEPPER'S PICK: I have to give the nod to Fisher by decision, as Fish has shown he can do that pretty much at will.
PEDRO: We'll see you tomorrow night, fight fans!
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