Breaking news? If only someone knew …

About Me: Alika Webb

Breaking news? If only someone knew …

My response to Bjorn’s breaking news coverage

By Alika Webb

I’m a sucker for the ladies so when this drop-dead gorgeous woman ran into the bar screaming for help, I was all ears. The words gushed from her stunning lips like a waterfall as she described the dire situation she found herself in. She said she witnessed a crime, apparently so violent that her tender body was trembling with fear as she described it.

A small gang was running rampant in the city as their plan to frame a world-class mixed martial artist from Belgium did not go as planned and eventually back-fired on them. With a one for all attitude in mind, each member started lighting part of the city ablaze when the news of their failure hit their ears and they gathered afterwards in a back alley where even the sunshine doesn’t dare to venture. The police were busy cleaning up the carnage they left behind and as they closed many roads, this beautiful woman took a detour that ended up crossing paths with said gang.

As she was still trying to explain the situation she found herself in, five shady characters walked into the bar with an attitude like you wouldn’t believe. So confident of themselves and their skills that, to the amazement of the flabbergasted small bar crowd they appeared to be walking in slow motion.

While I had no idea who they were, the smug looks on their faces and the panic in the voice of the stunning beauty now hiding behind my back were all I needed to know that they were bad news. I’ve been in fights for a lot dumber reasons than this so I stood up from my stool without any signs of hesitation and flexed my muscles to show them they didn’t scare me in the slightest. They looked unimpressed and one little man stepped forward from their shady midst. To say he was their smallest member would be an understatement, as the little person stepping forward barely reached my bellybutton with the top of his head as he boldly came closer.

I am not known to discriminate so if this short little guy thought I was going to go softer on him just because I’m twice his size, he better start thinking something else! I put up my dukes but the little person showed no signs of putting up a fight as he casually walked toward me with an unyielding stare at the woman behind me. Just when I thought he was about to walk straight past me, a piercing blow hit me just below my belt buckle. The little prick fights dirty! Just when I thought he was no threat to me and relaxed, I was hit where no man wants to ever get hit. Bent over - instinctively covering up my crotch out of pain - I reached out with my right arm and grabbed the little person by the top of his head to stop him from getting to the beautiful lady. He turned around and took a swing at me but couldn’t reach me with the short little stubs that were his arms as my right arm clutching his head was effecting his mobility.

He realized the compromised situation he found himself in really quickly as he started thrashing about like a shark caught on a fisherman’s hook, in a desperate attempt to escape from my hold. Escape he did as his open mouth found my arm and I felt his jaw snap shut, his teeth penetrating my skin and I was forced to let go of his head. “Grant, get him!” I saw and heard the bald man in the back of the group yell as he was taking a seat at a table, with a psychopathic look in his eye he smiled as he was glad to be entertained by my suffering. The little person rushed toward my groin with a maniacal laugh, terror struck my heart and instinctively I turned around to protect my front but the little person cared not about the placement of his punishment as I felt his teeth sinking into the skin of my buttocks.

He bit me in my freaking ass! The band of criminals started drowning away all the noises in the bar with their bombastic laughter. Embarrassment overcoming the pain turned into a lust for vengeance as I started spinning around in a circle, faster and faster taking the little person stuck on my backside for a flight he’ll not soon forget until I couldn’t go any faster and I snapped my whole body to a halt so sudden, the little person was sent flying and crash-landed straight into two members of the villainous crew.

The little person had taken out the topless guy with the small nipples who had been too caught up in his laughter to notice the little person being catapulted straight at him. The old hippy was also down and out, he had actually seen everything happen right in front of him but appeared to be too lazy to move. Or maybe he was just being a good friend, trying to break the fall of his short companion. Either way, three people wiped out in a single blow. Not bad for someone who’s just graduated!

The bald guy stayed complacently seated in his chair and gave the big fellow left standing a nod, signaling him to come at me. The gargantuan shape with a little sadistic smile on his smug face was making his way towards me. That image alone was scary enough but then the giant took off his shirt and revealed his hairy muscled body. Hair in abundance forming a small jungle on his core, hidden under that canopy lay dormant a giant wall of muscles strong as bricks. His long arm flickered straight at me, so fast it was like a poisonous snake striking with intent to kill as he grabbed me by the collar of my shirt. “Take your hairy paws off me, you da…” I started yelling but I got flipped upside down and landed flat on my back as the giant had lifted me off my feet with a judo throw, I landed hard onto the cold stone floor. Not only did he hurt my back but he actually had the audacity to do it before I got a chance to finish what I had to say. I was already pissed off but now I was enraged! I stood up and felt a throbbing pain in my back but I bit through it and took hold of my bottle of beer which was resting on the counter and took a big gulp out of it in hopes of regaining some of my strength. The ape-like man-beast saw it as an opportunity to rush at me but with one eye I had kept my sight on him and sprayed the golden liquid from my mouth straight into his eyes. Temporarily blinded, the giant fumbled towards me and I used his own momentum against him as I grabbed him, lifted him up and rammed him straight into a wooden table. Seeing as I’ve seen fight movies aplenty I thought for sure the table would collapse under the weight of our bodies, the impact would have rendered his body below mine unconscious. Well I can tell you now, that wasn’t the case. The table flipped over when we landed right on top of it and we were both sent tumbling neck first onto the stone floor. We both groggily got up and I caught the fury in his eyes, those eyes were burning red with murderous intent! The beer bottle I drank from had fallen onto the ground and spilled its contents but it was still of use as a weapon so I picked it up and as the giant sprang into action, I swung that bottle with all my might and struck the side of his skull with a sickening clang echoing the impact. While the echoing sound made me wonder just how little content his skull actually contained, I saw the beer bottle was still very much intact. Seeing as I’ve seen more fight movies than the average joe, I thought for sure the bottle was going to explode onto his head and render his body unconscious. Again this was not the case. My whole world view was based on what I’ve seen in movies and now it turned out to be wrong. I was shocked! While the blow had certainly hurt him, he was still in it to win it. I tossed away the bottle and as I tried my best to take a swing at him with a big overhand right, he easily ducked under it and smashed a thundering left hook to my belly. It was as if somebody had shot a cannonball into my gut, all the wind I had in my body was forced out and the only thing keeping me from breaking in half was my spine which I could hear cracking as it strained to stay together under the brutal force of the punch. I fell down face first, my body was gasping for air and as much as I tried to stand up, I simply couldn’t. I saw blurry images of the bald man giving instructions to the giant, as I slowly felt the air seeping back into my body and a few seconds later I heaved myself up and braced for impact.

The giant started dashing toward me with full speed, time slowed down considerably as I reminisced about what life was like when I was a kid. Taking boxing lessons was one of the biggest highlights of my youth and even if my mind didn’t remember all of it, my body still did. Then I remembered all those fights I’ve been into as a thought crossed my mind. This was a battle of life and death and I had never experienced this sensation before. Struggling to come to grips with this reality, a plan was formed to combine the technical skills I had practiced so many times with the street fighting skills I gained the hard way.

I took up the standard boxing position that I knew and loved and threw out a fast jab to stop the giant in his tracks. It worked as the hairy beast recognized danger from my posture, my left was scanning for a target while my right was staring at him with malice. I threw out another jab and the giant slipped right under it. Slipping under my jab gave him the opportunity to strike back as he launched a missile left hook to my body. Pain flashbacks entered my mind and I instinctively crossed my arms against my body as the blow came crashing into me. My arms took the brunt of the blow and I felt them becoming heavier by the second as the impact of the punch faded. He didn’t realize the blow had missed its effect and drew back his right as he primed himself for a big overhand right. I knew this was my chance and swept the floor with my right as I threw a counter uppercut deep into his gut. The giant had a hard time catching his breath but he was still standing. He was wounded and I needed to finish him off so I launched a barrage of lefts and rights but five punches in, a stinging jab ended my assault. The beast had come alive again! The window of opportunity had closed and now I needed to create another opening. This is where my street fighting skills will come in handy I thought. I started smack talking him a little bit to piss him off and it worked like a charm as the hot-headed giant came rushing in with a vengeance, swinging his paws like a madman with a force like you wouldn’t believe. My speed and footwork guided me out of harm’s way as the giant was throwing some near-fatal blows. I threw a few light jabs as he continued his infuriated rush towards me and just as I felt his breath getting closer, I stopped my jab right in front of his left eye to blind him and stepped aside to my right like a matador stepping aside from a bull. The bald guy saw it coming from a mile away and tried to warn his beast but it was too late as my overhand right sent the giant’s jaw flying, his body came crashing to the stone floor.

My hand had never experienced such pain, it was as if my hand was on fire. But I couldn’t let it show, not with the bald man still conscious. I dared the bald man to come at me but he remained seated, a small smirk could be seen on his face. Just when I wanted to step forward, a thunderous pain raced across my back and I fell down face first, next to the sleeping giant. I looked over my shoulder and saw that the beautiful lady now held a stun gun in her hands. How could she do this after all I did for her? The bald man left his chair and casually came towards me before kicking me right in the mouth, the lights faded into darkness.

Now I’m stuck on a small island with a bunch of other young kids without much to do but fight for barely anything worth mentioning, in hopes of one day earning enough money to get out of here. And when I get off of this island, there will be hell to pay for those people who put me here!

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