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 Mörmate Obiwani interviews IFC top talent - the Island's finest
With the Island competition fielding the finest (and some not so fine) up and comers, that the world of MMA has to offer, Island FC is currently regarded as the biggest org on the Island. As this season is starting to take shape and some dominant figures have emerged, yours truly, Mörmate Obiwani, is having a sit down with some of the top ten ranked fighters of the organization. Who knows? Maybe this series of interviews will have the first public appearances of future Hall of Famers? Only for us to look back at them fondly and with utmost sentimentality some years down the way.
Let's start at the very top of the rankings. Mörmate Obiwani is sitting down with the two top ranked fighters of the entire Island: "Born Again" Ben McHough (#1) and "Goth Kid" Robert Hurt (#2).
Mörmate Obiwani: Nice to have you two guys with us. The sun sure is shining on the Island for you. You both are a perfect 3-0 and share the top two p4p Island spots. The mood in the gym must be pretty good right now?
Ben McHough: Area51 is the best gym on The Island, and yes, the mood is fantastic!
Robert Hurt: Yea, the gym is alright. It's right on the high street, so you can get a good coffee.
Mörmate Obiwani: Both of you not only sit at the very top of the rankings, you also have collected IFC gold in your weight classes. What's also remarkable is that you share the same Manager, Lieutenant Columbo ( …. think I saw him on television once). He is a relative new figure but is making waves already. What kind of guy is he?
Robert Hurt: Columbo is OK. All the other managers in the business are such posers, but Columbo doesn't give a crap.
Ben McHough: A very wise and kind man. He has been the greatest influence on my career. Apart from Jesus of course.
Mörmate Obiwani: Where do you see yourselves go when this Island season is over?
Robert Hurt: Oblivion.
Ben McHough: No, I believe we go to a better place after The Island. Jesus, the great manager in Island Heaven, will take me. There I will have Jesus inside me and Jesus touching me all the time.
Mörmate Obiwani: The two of you seem to be very spiritual …. even though coming from different walks, it seems. Is that ever of any hindrance when training together?
Robert Hurt: Training? I don't have anything to do with those conformists. The gym's juat a good place to hang out and mock the posers on the heavy bag.
Ben McHough: It's a shame that Robert doesn't join in prayer, the Skip For Jesus sessions, or training in general, but, like Jesus, Columbo doesn't give up on anyone. Columbo's philosophy is that his fighters do everything their own way, so that's the way it is. If Robert wants to neglect training and just turn up on fight night to enter the octagon dressed in a black cape, that's up to him. All I can do is pray for his soul.
Robert Hurt: My soul is dead and buried. Save your prayers for the wannabes that try to take on the Columbo camp.
Mörmate Obiwani: Both of you have title defenses scheduled at the next IFC event against equally unbeaten opposition. How are you feeling going into these fights? Any thoughts on your opponents?
Ben McHough: My defense vs Bell looks to me like my first fight against Klimovich all over again. Another ground fighter who need a takedown in the first minute to survive. I'll train the way I did for Klimovich and use the same tactics. Takedown guys are like Satan, because with Jesus in my corner he cannot bring me down to his level.
Robert Hurt: I like Luther Jones. "Touch of Death" is a pretty cool nick. He doesn't have a lame theme song or a blinged up custom profile, so he's ok in my book. He must be able to fight a bit too, being 3-0-0. We know he is another takedown guy, so we are preparing for another fight like the one against Gracie. I hope it's a good fight and we feel each other's pain. Win or lose, it is after all, a celebration of pain.
Mörmate Obiwani: The Island sure is a nice place to unwind. It is a tad isolated, though. Any word for your loved ones back at home?
Robert Hurt: Nah.
Ben McHough: I respect your right to beleive in other lands, but I have never seen any other place. Scientists cannot provide the evidence. If there are other lands, where are the missing links? I look out at the ocean and I can't see any "half-islands" just appearing out of nowhere.
Robert Hurt: Second thoughts.. Tell them I can't wait to get on a plane back. The Islanders are crazy.
Mörmate Obiwani: Finally, if Columbo was here now, what do you think he would be saying?
Ben McHough: Columbo is a deep and unpredictable guy, but I do know this... Whatever he would say right now would begin with "Just one more thing…"
Robert Hurt: Haha, you got that right bible-humper!
Mörmate Obiwani is meeting the number 10 ranked fighter, Ion Novosad.
Mörmate Obiwani: Mister Novosad, it seems that no place on the Island is secure, when it comes to your violent tendencies. You have knocked out opposition in the Island QFC, in Aspire Island and, of course, in Island FC. How does one gather such dynamite in the hands?
Ion Novosad: Wait what? Number 10? I think you're misinformed, I'm #1 - that's the fact. I've already whooped ass in two different organizations and even in a quick fight. Hell, one org even closed down because they couldn't handle it. Let's see if Island FC can deal with it now.
Mörmate Obiwani: So you feel that your current rank does not adequately represent your standing?
Ion Novosad: My current rank is #1, it represents my standing pretty well.
Mörmate Obiwani: I will take that as a “no” ….. You have lately been engaged in a war of words with Android 19, your next opponent. Is that why you are so intense right now?
Ion Novosad: Words are exchanged with equals. I don't converse with ants.
Mörmate Obiwani: The Androids, the Drago clones ….. do you feel that PED policy is a bit lax on the Island?
Ion Novosad: The Androids seem fine to be but the Drago clones? Suspect as hell. I wouldn't be surprised if there's foul play involved. Maybe the org should be more careful.
Mörmate Obiwani: Any pressing suspicions regarding the clones?
Ion Novosad: I'd say 3/4 having Granite Chins with no cuts is pretty convenient, isn't it?
Mörmate Obiwani: Well, when you make a clone, you might as well make it right, I guess. Since you are fighting Androids, would you also face these clones, despite your reservations? One happens to be in your weight class ….
Ion Novosad: If they deserve to fight me, sure.
Mörmate Obiwani: Well, given that they hold all the IFC titles ranging from 205 pounds to anything above it, the deserving bit is likely to work the other way around. But a win over Android 19 may very well put you into title contention. Considering that, what is your message for the division?
Ion Novosad: Titles? Who cares about those? I'm #1. If they want to fight me, they have to deserve to fight me.
For the next interview Mörmate Obiwani is meeting number 8 ranked Grigori "The Buttsex Monk" Rasputin in front of the Island's very own cathedral.
Mörmate Obiwani: Mr. Rasputin, you picked us a nice location here for this interview. Which brings me to my first question. Are you indeed a monk?
Grigori Rasputin: **sipping on some Tito's handmade vodka** What you need to understand first of all: in Soviet Russia Pokémon catches you! Second, yes I am a monk. I baptize people with my holy rod. You see if we drink together all night and you happen to fall asleep you getting baptized. You might not like it but you gonna get it.
Mörmate Obiwani: ** is taking a cautious peek to hopefully and discretely confirm that this public place is as crowded as it should be ** …… so your stick position is ….. to take the back?
Grigori Rasputin: Yes my favorite choke is the rear naked choke, key word: naked.…
Mörmate Obiwani: Doesn't it bug you then, that you have won all your four fights by way of KO instead of submission?
Grigori Rasputin: Well no, you see my dear fren..... I like to KO my victims before the nakedness happens.
Mörmate Obiwani: I think we don't need to get into that …. any further. ….. having knocked all your four opponents in basically no time, does it anger you that you have yet to get the nod to fight for the IFC title? A title, that will be on the line shortly. And neither of the two fighters fighting for it can claim a 4-0 record.
Grigori Rasputin: It does not bother me. I will just keep working hard while the rest of my division is hardly working. I do want to keep busy though, Mr. Lacaille fights in 3 days and I would like to rearrange his face after that. Make it happen IFC !!!
Mörmate Obiwani: You are referring to Francis Lacaille? Why do you have your sights set on him?
Grigori Rasputin: I just think he is a very very pretty boy. I want to see if I can naked choke his arse. Plus I want to stay active and he should be ready to rumble in about a week.
Mörmate Obiwani: One last question. Your first opponent, Lee Perry, was beaten by you in 16 seconds. He has disappeared thereafter. You don't happen to know anything about that?
Grigori Rasputin: I remember big Lee Perry, HUGE guy almost 300 lbs. with purple hair. I know he liked gambling but we haven't seen him in the past few weeks at the house. I know he got in some serious debt with some sketchy island people. It wouldn't surprise me if something bad happened to him.
In Soviet Russia the fishes sleep with your mother you see?
I gotta get some sleep and then back to the beach to train my cardio. Iaman Asshole is throwing a party tonight and I need my beauty sleep, some hot chicks are gonna show up. Take care broski, see you around. And remember ... Soap in a Rope keeps you safe :)
At this time, Mörmate Obiwani is interviewing the top ten ranked fighters Super Heavyweight, Heavyweight and Light Heavyweight. All of which are currently holding the title in their respective weight classes. Which weight classes these are ….. should be sort of obvious.
Mörmate Obiwani: Good day gentlemen! Thanks for having me. All three of you are currently among the top 10. Also, you all are have captured your first gold. An other thing you have in common is the tutelage of Ivan Drago. A manager of high renown and with a proven track record, both on and off the Island! What kind of manager is he and how much of your success do you attribute to him?
Light Heavyweight scratches his head and takes the mic: He is like father to us and i mean literally. We are his clones created in his secret lab in the Rushmore mountains.
Mörmate Obiwani: Speaking of fathers, are you indeed the son of Heavyweight as your nickname indicates? Is there a familiar bond between you ….. being clones and all?
Light Heavyweight: Uhm, no. Our father Ivan Drago was/is heavyweight so I just took this nickname thinking about him. Just to answer further questions about this - there are some women dna mixed in, that's why we are all looking different.
Mörmate Obiwani: Women DNA? Doesn't that mess with your testosterone levels?
Light Heavyweight: No, no - when our father started his experiments he made clones based solely on his DNA but they were like weaker copies of him. So he added some women dna and everything worked perfect as you can see.
Mörmate Obiwani: Your two peers, Heavyweight and Super Heavyweight, appear somewhat calm so far. Everything okay with them?
Light Heavyweight: Well, before interview we played rock-paper-scissors and I lost - so I'm responsible for answering questions.
*Heavyweight and Super Heavyweight laughing and hi-fiving each other*
Mörmate Obiwani: Would I be correct to sense some slight hostility towards the press here?
Light Heavyweight: Nah, we just prefer our fights speak for us. Interviews are BOOOORING.
Mörmate Obiwani: There are fights on the table for all three of you, where you will have to put your titles on the line. What do you think of your opponents and the current batch of fighters in general, that is going through the Island bone mill this season?
Light Heavyweight: Right now it's to early to say something about certain fighters since island season have just began. It's all about proper training and developing your fortes. I think we will successfully defend our titles.
Mörmate Obiwani: You said that you were cloned in a secret lab in Mount Rushmore. Any insight on the allegations of Russian hackers manipulating the US election? Is there a connection?
Light Heavyweight: No connection at all. As you probably know our father lost to that slow and weak guy called Rocky. Of course it was a fixed match. Our father decided to accept US bribe and lost on purpose. After that he created his secret lab in the mountains (it was part of a deal) and started his genetic experiments.
Mörmate Obiwani: Before risking that the Russian secret service (or the US one) is after my ass, we better wrap it up. Any final statements on your part?
Light Heavyweight: We wish good luck to all our opponents - they will need it.
Mörmate Obiwani is now having a sit-down with number 9 ranked fighter Joseph Jacobs.
Mörmate Obiwani: Mr. Jacobs, you are in the top ten of the rankings. And other than many top ranked Island guys, you not only have tasted sweet victory by claiming the IFC Bantamweight belt for you. You also suffered bitter defeat in a hard fought five round battle, losing the belt against now top ranked Ben McHough. Is this loss, still bothering you and has it altered your approach to your training in any way?
Joseph Jacobs: First off, thanks for having me. Now, Ben showed in our fight that he deserves that belt. So, though it is bitter, I have faced the facts and now see that I need to work harder if I am going to compete with him. In terms of my training, the only thing that has changed is the effort I put into it.
Mörmate Obiwani: One could say that you fight a very competitive schedule. For your next opponent is Bear Hug, another top ten ranked fighter in the IFC. A stylistically very similar opponent to your style. How do you prepare for such an opponent?
Joseph Jacobs: Well, I'm not going to win by changing the way I fight, so I'm just going to have to tune my current skills. I have mostly been training my cardio to keep active in longer fights, my agility to be quicker in exchanges than my opponent, and my strength to control fights in the clinch.
Mörmate Obiwani: You found early career success under the tutelage of the fairly unknown manager Danny Powell. Yet here you are in the thick of things, fighting your way back to title contention. How do you reflect on your sudden emerge and how much of it do you attribute to your Manager? Also do you have any professional or amateur fighting background, which you pursued prior to your MMA career?
Joseph Jacobs: When I was a teen I started watching Alistair Overeem fight. He was reckless and would stop at nothing to finish the fight. I loved how exciting he was. That got me in the gym. When I was eighteen I started mma, boxing, and wrestling sparring. For the past seven years I have been picking things up from people in Long Beach. Danny was vacationing in Long Beach and happened into my gym. He found me sparring in the gym and told me I could probably make a lot of money in fighting if I went pro. I hadn't even fought in an amateur or professional fight before my first IFC card. So, I got into the IFC cage only because of Danny.
Mörmate Obiwani: From Long Beach to the shores of an island, entirely dedicated to MMA. What was your incentive to start out on the Island? Many prefer to forgo it, looking to break into more profitable markets right away. What led to your decision to give the Island competition a stab instead?
Joseph Jacobs: I'd much rather be secluded on an island with fighters pretty equal to me than in a big city with fighters that outclass me in every facet. It also should give me a lot of time to mature as a fighter and get ready for the bigger fight world out there.
Mörmate Obiwani: A slow burn towards some fighting glory, hopefully. On a last note before we wrap this up. Where can we expect to see you two or three years from now?
Joseph Jacobs: Your guess is as good as mine. I guess we will find out when that day comes.
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