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 PEDRO: Welcome ladies and gentleman listening on the radio and watching the live feed from home on the internet to the official, official, Valahalla Hilo 9 weigh ins and preview. The atmosphere is festive and it's definitely a party crowd here at the PUnchbowl Topless Review, home of the largest nipple tassells in the Pacific Rim. The athletic comissioner is inspecting the scale that Dr. Franklyn Stein has set up, and he okays it. With me as always is my partner in crime, Pepper Parks. Pep?
PEPPER: Yeah, I'll get a lap dance later, honey. Thanks, Pedro. We've got a fine night of action lined up tomorrow night that fight fans are salivating like Pavlov's dog over. Pavolov was a behavioral scientist, Pedro. Let's get this show started before I get drunk, shall we?
PEDRO: Right you are, Pep. Our first undercard fight is a middleweight contest, and Go Tenks and Malcolm Le Banner make the cut. Next, in welterweight action Sebastien Servia and Gregg House both make weight. Another welterweight contest; Stan Johnson and Mike Mashinko get the nod. In heavyweight action, Lucky Delight and Al Westinghouse tip the scales but make the cut. Our last undercard fight, a welterweight showdown, Oliver Queen and Joseph Canas get the nod from the fight doctor. Now on to our main card.
PEDRO: Out first is light-heavyweight Sith One, who we previously saw beat Jackie Estacado by submission. Sith is a good all arounder, who's dangerous in all areas of the fight game. Sith is riding a two fight win streak, both by submission. He's based out of Amsterdam, and trains at the Valhalla Training Grounds. Sith has yet to have an opponent make it past the first round with him.
PEPPER: Out now, and wearing a track suit, is the 5-3 "Carcara" Braulio Estima. The Brazil native fights out of New York and looks like he's watched The Sopranos a bit too much. Estima is mainly a Ba-Jay-Jay player, and he's coming off a tough loss to human dignity, when he got KTFO'd in just five seconds in his last fight. PEPPER'S PICK!! I don't know if he can beat doing it in 5 seconds, but I think Darth Vader over there will knock Estima out.
PEDRO: Out now in our feature match is middleweight Michal Silva. Michal comes from Poland, but moved here to Hilo to pursue a career in MMA. His overall record is 2-1, and word is he barely missed an olympic shot representing Poland in Australian-Hindu style wrestling. His last fight was a tough loss by submission. No doubt he's sought to improve his bee jay jay.
PEPPER: His opponent comes out now. Trainor "!!!" Trainer is a former Division V collegiate wrestler for the University of the Phillipines College of Customer Service. Often thought of as a man of few words, Trainor really just doesn't speak any English. I can understand how that would be confusing. In his last fight he used the dedicated lay and pray tactic to grind out a decision victory. PEPPER'S PICK!! I have to give the edge to Trainor here, because of his experience in salsa dance.
PEDRO: Next up is another middleweight showdown for the semi main event. Dustin "Lights Out" Iverson is mostly known for his mouth, but has shown moments of brilliance in the cage. Most would compare him to Phil Baroni, but I think he could beat Baroni in a fight. Iverson is coming off back to back losses against wrestlers, so has no doubt tried to improve his takedown defense. Training out of Planet Krypton, he's said to be highly motivated to get back to winning.
PEPPER: Up next is his opponent "Warpath" James Proudstar. Proudstar is undefeated in his only MMA fight, and seems to enjoy a balance in all the skills. Proudstar is a Hilo native and in his spare time enjoys watching pornography. As all males do. In his last fight, it was said he had a good chin and liked to counterstrike. I remember that game on the Sega Genesis. PEPPER'S PICK!! This one could go either way, but I flipped a coin and decided to pick Proudstar.
PEDRO: In our co-main event, we have a middleweight contest. Out first is Eldoth "The Shredder" Kron, the most experienced middleweight on the roster. Kron is 7-5, and has used his jiu-jitsu pretty effectively. He's won his last 2 fights, and is looking to start a three fight win streak. People could make the case for Kron to get a title shot if he can put together a win tomorrow night.
PEPPER: And now for his opponent, the second most experienced middleweight on the roster, Michal Wyrzykowski. Oh my God, I actually pronounced that name! Don't look for it again, I'm just going to call him Winnie. Winnie is 4-7, but his wrestling never should let him be counted out. We don't have count outs in MMA anyway. Remember when some orgs did a 10 count if the knockdown wasn't followed? Ah, the good old days. Winnie won his last fight to snap a four fight losing streak. PEPPER'S PICK!! I have to say Kron here, and I think he'll be in the talks for a title fight soon after.
PEDRO: And now, the lights go dim, the lasers start up, and the music becomes deafening. That means it's time for our main event! Ryszard "Brudas" Rynkowski is a heavyweight who lost his last fight in controversial fashion when Dr. Franklyn Stein ruled his cut to be too bad to continue. That decision upset several fans of letting guys slug it out. No doubt this former Golden Gloves boxer will be looking to avoid damage in the future and hit a big KO and take home the win, and I bet he hopes for a highlight reel victory.
PEPPER: And out now is the king of the afro, The Uuuuuuultimate Fighter. Wow, I didn't know we were naming people like this was pro wrestling. I could imagine Ultimate in a spandex mankini rolling around with sweaty men pretending to fight. The Fiji native has only one loss on his record, and that one coming by submission. His boxing is good, and I heard he once beat the legendary George Foreman in a charity fight. He won by disqualification, though, when Foreman hit him in the head with a grill. PEPPER'S PICK!! I think this fight will be a stand up war, but from what I've seen, Brudas has the better wrestling, and takedowns will make the difference.
PEDRO: We'll see you at the Underground, fight fans!!
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