Big Trouble in The Big Apple

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As a new member of the MMA Tycoon community, and thus also a new manager, I skimmed through the �New User�s Guide� and immediately wanted to bust out a profile, create some real Franken-fighters, and get to crackin heads and decorating my gloves with someone�s guts.��I mean, that IS the fun of it, right?�Why wait and read, and read, and then read some more? I mean �F*&%�, I graduated with 2 degrees ( none of which I�m using by the way), so I�ve basically already read half of my life away, right?

Getting all caught up in my own excitement, like Ellen DeGeneras at a Victoria Secret�s Panty Party, I thought, ��Well, where is a better place to start this thing than in one of the biggest hotspots in the entire world�?�That�s right, I�m talk�in about ��The Big Apple�! �New York, NY!�Home of my beloved pin-striped Yankees, storied legends like the Babe, Joe Dimaggio, Cassius Clay, the American gangster, Broadway, Madison Square Garden, and the New York style hotdog. �It was a �no-brainer�! NY had to be the hub of action�didn�t it? After I had created what I �thought� was �The Next Big Thing� in the 185lb weight class, I immediately went to schedule a perilous and grueling training regimen on my way to becoming a human wrecking- ball.�Like most, I quickly cozied up to the ominous �Cozad MMA Academy� . ��(Crickets�chirp, chirp) Ugh!�I remember hearing the sound of squeeling brakes, nails on a chalk-board, and feeling my MMA wood instantly go limp like Tito�s legs after getting bitch-punched by Liddel. �This gym�well�.this gym basically �sucked�! �I was outta there! Looking for a new gym on �HighStreet� �New York, it quickly became as obvious as a Tosh.O ��pie-face / �bitch slap /nut-shot� �that my fighters funds �couldn�t get me into any of the more proficient gyms that started around $600 per month!!! �Just to raise funds, I would have to take a fight within 2 weeks and there was no way that 1) I would be ready, and 2) I wanted to start this magnificent career with an 0-1 record due to inadequate training and pre-mature gym-u-lation. (It�s a metaphor). My first choices were as follows: �The Ultimate MMA� at $40 a week featuring a great facility for the cash, descent sparring opportunities, but no coaches.�Then there was �The Money Pit� for $45 a week, but the logo said it all (check it out for yourself).�Doesn�t exactly scream, �Join me�!! �The Money Pit has 53 fighters, no coaches, and limited sparring of any quality. My father�s voice rang out in the back of my now-aching head saying �You get what you pay for boy�! �I then �visited �Bronx Fitness $50 Conditioning +Coach�.�This place offers a descent facility, with 2 conditioning coaches�rated �remarkable� in circuit training, and the 105 members offer up some fairly descent sparring opportunities.�Again however, there were no upper-crust coaches , no Angelo Dundee, no Teddy Atlas, or Emannuel Stewart�s (look e�m up youngsters) to kick my ass and get me where I want to be.�All of these gyms either leave a lot to be desired or they cost more than one of Charlie Sheen�s dialysis machines!!! Oh, I did learn that there are several org�s who have their own org-member based gyms and most are pretty progressive. Brunno Falcone�s�gym, Stark Sluggers Society New York serves as home to the Immortals NY. �However, the downfalls of some of these gyms are again, the higher prices, the fact that you may be sparring people who you quite possibly will be crossing swords with soon, and if you join an org �just for the sake of using their gym, you may find out that the org�s weight division (that�s parallel with your fighters weight class) �sucks��. (or worse, is gummed up with old, superior fighters giving you little chance to get a good start on your fighters short life).�Hence�there is �Trouble in The Big Apple�. � Someone PLEASE open a descent gym that�s affordable and can get my rocks off!!!! There are a couple of gyms currently for sale but the bidding time is running out! There is the Barros Nicola Facility, and there is also the �Dawg Pound Elite Sparring and Fitness. �Why don�t �I buy them �, you ask�? Well, as I said, �I�m a newb�! From what I understand, you better know your stuff before you go buying a business in MMATycoon.�Just as in �real life�, if you mismanage your funds, �or just blow jizz at public relations and recruiting, you can face financial ruin in the MMATycoon world too.�You can even lose your VIP status, so read, research, and plan carefully.�Using a mentor isn�t a bad idea either! �I�m not ready for all that yet.�Right now, I just want to train that 185lb�r who can spit nails and win a belt.�By the way�that 185lb�r �I mentiones earlier in the issue, well, he took a totall ass-kicking�and was dropped within 33 seconds of the 1st round like Kris ( I used to be married to Reggie Bush�s bitch) Humphries! Lack of quality training!!! I should have found some senior guys who had been in the org�s for a while and knew their way around but that�s another article. So�food for thought, or just to fill your rotund but useless girth. New York is in need of an affordable and worth-while gym!�I believe it would sell itself, thus encouraging more newb�s to settle in NY and participate in the NY orgs, thus bringing in fresh fighters, money, sponsors, and bigger venues �versus shopping other cities after their fighters fall short due to lack of quality trainingin �The Big Apple�.. If you enjoyed this article, let me know and maybe I�ll write another.�If you hated it�well�you have a keyboard, get to it. �� Dean Holliday / NY Based Manager

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