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![]() Editorial by Mixed Martial Farce Magazine here with a very... interesting interview that we did recently. We were contacted by a man named Brody Macbeth who claimed to be a superstar fighting out of the Fortitude FC promotion in Rio de Janiero, Brazil. This was hard for us to believe at first because Macbeth has never fought professional MMA before.
Now, we know that Fortitude FC is the fastest rising MMA promotion in all of Brazil. In recent events, the popularity of the young promotion has skyrocketed. it is now ranked number two in the country behind only Ultimate Vale Tudo in popularity and is rated among the top four most wealthy companies in the country.
This is why we initially turned down interviews with Mr. Macbeth. We reached out to Danny Laverty for comment about the young boxer's signing. He sighed and confirmed that, yes, unfortunately he had signed the young fighter. And no, the young fighter had not shut up ever since. So, with great apprehension, we agreed to visit Brody Macbeth at his private training facility. The name of the gym was an immediate red flag that something unusual was about to take place... “2 girls 1 hoarse”. We have no idea what that could possibly refer to but it can't be good. Or legal.
We sent our top investigative reporter onto the scene to talk with Mr. Macbeth: Quintin Smith.
Okay, so I got contacted by my boss and told that I had to go visit this place called 2 girls 1 hoarse, right? I thought I was being made fun of at first, to be honest with you. But, much to my horror, it's a real place and I have to go there to keep my job.
The gym is actually located in Montreal, Quebec, Canada. The entrance to this fine establishment is in an alleyway behind a Hooter's, go figure. I walked in and got a weird vibe from everybody training there. They all stopped what they were doing and stared at me. When I announced that I was here to talk to Brody Macbeth, everybody started laughing at once and I was directed into the locker room “if I dared”. So, I swallowed my pride, my aspirations, and I walked into the locker room.
I was immediately greeted by the sight of a young and thin man that had to be in his mid-twenties. He was wearing nothing but an undersized towel and red, white, and blue striped knee-high socks. The moment he saw me walking into the locker room, he grabbed a dictionary and started reading it.
“Oh, I didn't see yo there,” he said, casually tossing his dictionary to the side, “I was just doing a little lite reading.”
I knew this was going to be a long, painful interview immediately.
“So, MMA Farce Magazine wants to do an interview with the legend, is that it,” he asked me, his obnoxious grin stretching from ear to over sized ear, “I suppose I can stop my training long enough to give you the inside scoop.”
“..The inside scoop,” I asked, incredulously, “You asked us to come here and interview y-”
“That's enough about you, let's talk about me,” he laughed like he had said the funniest thing in the world.
He proceeded to tell me how he had started boxing as a child prodigy but had retired from the sport before ever going pro due to some obviously fictitious charity work that he had done with starving children in Africa. He went on to tell me how his “fans” had contacted him, pleading with him to come back to the combat world and “clean-up” the sport of mixed martial arts.
“To be honest with you, I thought that “EMM EMM AYY” (he really did over-pronounce it that way) was just professional wrasslin', if you want to know the God's honest truth,” he told me unnecessarily, “when my fan mail kept coming in telling me to fight in MMA, I thought I was being ribbed.”
“Ribbed,” I repeated, questioningly.
“You know, made fun of,” he said in disbelief, “I'm sure a pencil neck like you knows a lot about that.”
Changing the subject a bit, I asked, “So what are your aspirations now that you're in arguably one of the top MMA promotions in the world?”
He stared at me in shock, pulled a cigarette and a lighter from somewhere under his towel, I don't want to venture as to where, and lit the cigarette. He took a single long, deep puff of the cigarette and blew the smoke in my face.
“Don't ever smoke, Timmy,” he said, “smoking is for losers.”
He put the cigarette out on his leg without breaking eye contact with me.
“Now, I figured that I would start out small. Take on a couple of middle-of-the-pack fighters. Of course I would love to fight one of these so-called “EMMM EMMM AYYY” boxers. Legends of their own mind that have never been inside the squared circle or practiced the sweet science
But there are some guys in this league that just need a whoopin'. When I'm done with welterweight, I'm going to eat a couple of steaks and move up a few classes. Grey Wolf, Xavier Barbossa, and Daemon Targaryen. Before I retire, I want to knock each of those chumps out.”
I stared at him in shock, “You want to fight … heavyweights ...” I towered above this little man which is why I was so surprised, “You know that Machida, Barbossa, and Targaryen... none of them have suffered a clean knockout before.”
“Yeah, before. When they were fightin' nobodies.”
“Nobodies,” I repeated incredulously, “nobodies like Valentin Ralek?”
“Ralek,” he repeated, “sounds like somebody Cap'n Kirk would be shooting his laser phasers at. Look, I'm the real deal. This interview is over.”
He immediately stood up, threw off his towel, and started doing naked squats. The unlit cigarette he had put out was stuck firmly between his teeth.
Now, in my professional opinion, Brody Macbeth is at best delusional and at worst functionally mentally handicapped. This is a fighter that clearly thinks very highly of himself despite having absolutely no evidence to base his opinions on. While sitting with me he called out three of FFC's premiere boxers that have never suffered knockdowns and claimed he would give each of them their first clean knockout.
I'm going to go home now and pray to whatever gods will listen that I am never asked to interview this man again.
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