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 Editorial by Since I was a child I have suffered from paralyzing depression and panic attacks. It plagued me at every step of my life. In my youth the monster which contributed to this was school, and to say I had school phobia would be an understatement. It was a daily struggle between waking up and going to class. It’s funny because I know deep down inside and even then I knew how silly it was to feel this way. But if you’ve ever experienced depression, anxiety or panic attacks you truly understand how powerful the mind and this monster can be can be.
Towards the end of high school education and my early university years, I began to feel more comfortable in a class setting. Everyday on my walk to and from the bus stop that I would take to go to class I would pass by a BJJ school. I decided one day to check out it out. Brazilian Jiu Jitsu had caught my interest and the Gracie name included. I went to a class and was introduced to the instructor who just recently told me that when I first walked in the school he never thought I would come back after my first class.
I can be quite stubborn and persistent as he would soon find out. Well in that first moment fell in love with BJJ. After a few months I was caught in an Armbar and had my arm destroyed. It wasnt a big deal I rested it and got back on the mat. My psychiatrist was actually impressed and shocked that I began training BJJ due to my depression, anxiety and the fact that I have always been pretty reserved. Finding the art of BJJ has saved me.
My depression comes back every once in a while. Lately more then usual, when I find myself alone or when I have no training. And due to this I havent been able to keep a respectable job. Locking myself in my room seems to just get me deeper in it. The darkness just seems to envelop me and consume my strength. Normal life hasnt really been kind to me, but training in BJJ has been a savior. The guys, my family in the gym has been a savior. Recently I had some issues that seemed to send me into a spiral. I knew I could get out of it. And that it could easily be done, but once again the monster is a foot. When does this end? The mind is such a powerful thing and sadness and fear can cripple and debilitate a man quite easily. Im glad I had great support, and that my team realizes my weaknesses and that they are there for me, they encourage me, they pick me up and get me back on my feet.
My strength is my mind. And now it is the only forces that drives me. When cold mornings of sadness takes hold and tears are endless, it is my only strength. Some people have their families, their loved ones and so on. I encourage you to hold on to these, make them your strength and never take them for granted.
Better yet throw yourself in something you will love. Like art, or music, or running, or BJJ. Something that you can grasp and go to in times where you’ll need to. It is like a mother always there to comfort her child. I truly LOVE being BJJ. ( this may be sobby to some readers and I apologise ) I may not be the best fighter or most fit athlete, but you will find me in the gym everyday. It has been about 12 years since I started training and I have gained so much knowledge in the art, something that seemed impossible for me and at the start just seemed unreachable. I will be the first to say that BJJ is not a magical cure to all your problems but there is definitely something magical about it.
So if you come across a gym when youre on your way to the store, or come across something on the internet that gets you out the house, or out of your bed, I strongly suggest trying it out. Early mornings in a dark gym, long training runs across the city, gruelling cardio, even just rolling on the mat, do it. It may just save your life. I know this is true, because it did mine ...
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