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 PEDRO: Ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the official weigh ins and preview show for Valhalla Hilo 6. With me as always is my partner in crime, Pepper Parks. Pep?
PEPPER: Thanks, Pedro. Fight fans, casual fans, newbie MMA watchers; this is history in the making tonight. Because tomorrow we will crown the first ever, EVER Valhalla Hilo champion. This is something fans will talk about for ages to come. I can't even make a snide remark about this.
PEDRO: The atmosphere is electric in here. It is going to be something everyone and their mother wants to be a part of. Wild Bob has even opened up some extra seating here, so if you don't have a ticket yet, you still have time to get some of these special seats. Let's get this special event under way!
PEPPER: Dr. Fraknlin Styn has the scale set up and the Hawaii Athletic Commission has inspected the scale and approved it. Here we go! Out first is Gabriel Valentine. He'll be making his debut tomorrow and trying to use his all around skills to get an edge. He trains at Planet Krypton, that's Superman's home planet, Pedro, and is said to be one of the prospects of manager Eric Draven.
PEDRO: And now his opponent comes out. Asd Bnm, quite the unusual name for a Houston Texas native, has yet to score his first pro MMA victory, but hopes to change that. He's got decent wrestling skills and a purple belt in BJJ. Pep?
PEPPER: PEPPER'S PICK! I'm gonna go with the debuting Valentine by ground and pound in the first here, Pedro.
PEDRO: Thanks, Pepper. And out now is Travis Tucker. Travis is a boxing specialist with knock out power. He won his last fight and actually has competed against one of the men vying for the first Valhalla Hilo title tonight. He'll definitely be looking to keep the fight on the feet, and end it early with a highlight reel knock out.
PEPPER: And out comes Travis's opponent tomorrow night, Messiah "God Sent" Worship. Messiah, who I'm gonna call Mess for the remainder of the event, is also a boxer but mixes it up with some muay thai. Word is he gave himself the nick name "God Sent," and that most of his training partners wish God would take him back. That's because he seems to ignore the showers at Brick Brawlers. PEPPER'S PICK! It's a tough one to call, but I gotta go with Travis because this fight is gonna be a stand up war.
PEDRO: For the next fight we have the first man out, "Chicago Cub" Matt Bermudez. Matt is a boxer who wrestled and played baseball in high school, and went to Chicago Community College of Parliamentary Studies on a baseball scholarship. His record is currently even at 1-1, so I'm not sure how much baseball skills translate to MMA skills.
PEPPER: Out next is Jjjj "Fighter" Hhhhh, who I'm going to call "Juh Huh?" Juh Huh has a record of 3-3, and a real lack of imagination in picking nicknames. PEPPER'S PICK! Juh Who? Juh Huh!
PEDRO: For the next fight, getting on the scales is Julle "Bullen" Bulle, which means something I don't understand in Scandanavian. Julle Bulle will be looking to use his muay thai to even out what is now a losing record tomorrow night.
PEPPER: And now his opponent for the evening, Jacob "The Cleaner" McLean. And, Pedro, never has there been a more appropriatly nicknamed man, because Jacob is the official janitor at The Lion's Den. I'd be willing to bet he's picked up a few tricks. PEPPER'S PICK! I have to say that I think McLean's experience with a mop and bucket give him the edge over Bulle.
PEDRO: Now for the first fight on our main card. It's a middlewight match up, and John Ramsey comes out first. Ramsey is a boxer by trade and is looking to take home his first pro MMA victory, having previously lost by TKO in his last fight.
PEPPER: Now comes Tiny "The Fox" Foxton. Tiny was named by his mother, not his girlfriend as most people think. They call him The Fox because he's secretly a furry. His only victory is over a guy named Poop, and if he'd lost to him I imagine he'd have quit MMA and life all together. PEPPER'S PICK! Despite the silly first name, I have to think Tiny, no pun intended, will use his superior BaJayJay skills to get a submission.
PEDRO: Next up is a middleweight contest. Out first is Parias "El Dzika Kabra" Wiktor. Wiktor is a known muay thai specialist, coming off a tough loss to Dustin Iverson. The Polish Powerhouse will be looking to impose his will and likely make it a clinch game.
PEPPER: And now his opponent, looking like a bull in a china shop, Dante Kane. Or really just looking like a bull in heat. I'm not sure which. Kane, no relation to the pro wrestler apparently, is looking to get on the winning side in this battle of the beaten. He's got all around skills, having been taught MMA by rodeo clowns. PEPPER'S PICK! Call me an optomist, but I think Parias will take home a decision victory.
PEDRO: Next up is a light heavy weight match. Out first is "War Machine" Daryl Schillaci. Daryl will be looking to use his Jiu Jitsu skills to even out his record. He's from Stockton CA, so I'm sure he's been to Ceasar Gracie's famed academy at least a few times.
PEPPER: Next up is Jake "Lion" Landry, son of famed Texas football coach Tom Landry. You'll remember the school in King of the Hill was named after Jake's famous father. Wait, no, seems I was wrong about that. Jake is really no relation to Tom Landry. Huh. PEPPER'S PICK! I'm gonna have to say War Machine will be able to strap into his second hand Iron Man suit and get the win.
PEDRO: Now for the featured matchup, we have a middleweight contest. To the scales first is Andy "Average" Alliteration. Andy is decent all around and hopes to score his second career victory. The native Bahaman will be hoping to snap a two fight losing streak.
PEPPER: Now we got the Jamaican Sensation, Ben Jammin Marley. Marley is a former golden gloves boxer and bassist for the reggae cover band UB21. Marley is also on a losing streak, but his music career seems to be doing okay. Word is he'll get to sing on a B side of a coming Hannah Montanna CD. PEPPER'S PICK! I feel de' rhiddum of de'Jamaica, mon! Me thinking Marley gonna be takin' dis' one, mon.
PEDRO: For our semi main event, we have another middleweight showdown. "Tasmanian Terror" Dan Hammer comes out to the scale to a chorus of applause from our knowledgeable Valhalla fans. The native Australian is currently 5-3, having won a majority of his fights be decision, and his losses mostly coming from knock out. He's on a two fight win streak and looking to keep his momentum going.
PEPPER: And now his opponent. Miska Wuwuwu. I can't pronounce his last name. I honestly don't know much about this guy since I couldn't spell his name for the life of me to put it into Google. I guess he's won a fight, and he'll be looking to win again. PEPPER'S PICK! I pick Dan Hammer so I don't have to embarass myself saying Wuwuwu's name again.
PEDRO: And now, for everyone watching on television, listening on the radio, or getting the live stream from the internet, it is TIME!
PEPPER: It sure is, Pedro, and Valhalla Hilo has spared no expense to make this event as festive as it can be. Pyro, blaring rock and rap music, strippers dancing on poles, it's all indicative of history in the making tonight, Pedro.
PEDRO: The lights go dim, and The Scorpions' "Rock You Like A Hurricane" blasts through the speakers, signaling the arrival of Ben "The Mauler" Askren! As Askren steps on the stage, a spotlight following his every move, the people in attendance drown out the music with cheers. All class, Askren stops to sign an autograph for a fan in a wheelchair. Fight fans, Askren is undefeated and prefers a ground and pound attack. This Hilo native is obviously well loved by his island brethren, and is looking to take home the title.
PEPPER: The spotlight cuts back to the curtain and out steps the man looking to make sure Askren doesn't get that gold belt, strutting to the hip hop of Y'all Must Have Forgot Roy Jones Jr. Jones also has a perfect 3-0 record, and is posing for pictures with the fans. Oh, and he just signed a girl's chest. No way was she 18, though, so Jones better be careful. "Captain Hook" has taken home a fight of the night, and, surprisingly, a submission of the night. Not bad for a former pro boxer. PEPPER'S PICK! I have to pick Captain Hook here, Pedro.
PEDRO: We'll see you friday night, fight fans!
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