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 PEDRO: Welcome ladies and gentlemen to The Punchbowl Topless Review, Hawaii's number one topless club and restaurant, for the official weigh ins and preview show. It's certainly a party atmosphere tonight and several of the Valhalla Hilo warriors who aren't on the card tonight are mingling with the strippers and the media. In fact, there goes my partner in crime, Pepper Parks, into the lap dance room. I guess I'll cover the undercard on my own.
For our first fight, we have a welterweight contest between Chris Redfield and Sebastien Servia, both of whom make the weight. Next is a light heavyweight bout; Phil Vendo against Ray Palmer, and they make weight. Representing the heavyweight division is Jim Lofor and his opponent Bam Bam, both of whom get the okay. In a middleweight contest is Jon Snow and Frank Mir, who get the thumbs up. Our final undercard match is a 145 pound contest between Sith Sub and Luka Nedved, who both made weight. And here comes Pepper, and yes he has lipstick on his face.
PEPPER: Thanks, Pedro. Let me tell you folks listening at home and watching the feed on ValhallaHilo.com, come to Punchbowl Topless and ask for a lap dance from Sindee Bangs. She did things with her lips--
PEDRO: Let's not get our radio stations a fine from the FCC Pep. Instead, let's get the fighters out for the first fight on our main card. out first is Ikki Rokusho from the islands of Japan. Ikki is undefeated in his MMA career, using his fantastic boxing skills to score back to back TKO's. He'll be looking to let his fists fly tomorrow night, folks.
PEPPER: Yeah, Sindee, I'll buy you that car. AHEM! Out next is Jonsy Sensation, who hopes to live up to his name. Jonsy is a European boxing champion, who brings some impressive hand skills to the cage. Jonsy steps off the scale, and walks immediately up to a stripper and hands her a wad of cash. I don't think the man has ever seen a naked woman before. PEPPER'S PICK! I think this will be a great stand up war, and if it stays on the feet, I go with Sensation. But if it goes to the ground, I'd bet on Ikki.
PEDRO: Next up is a middleweight fight and out first is one of the most experienced fighters in Valhalla Hilo, Eldoth Kron. Eldoth has a 6-5 record, and will be looking to use his wrestling and jiu-jitsu to take home another victory tomorrow night. The Baldur's Gate, Albania, native has momentum on his side, coming off a win in the QFC.
PEPPER: Up next is El Paso, TX, native Logan Mondello. Logan won the Division IV wrestling championship at South El Paso Liberal Arts Tech. He walks to the scale with a bit of swagger, which is understandable considering he's 1-0. Not as experienced as Eldoth. PEPPER'S PICK! I gotta give the edge to Eldoth due to his overwhelming experience.
PEDRO: For our featured contest, we have a light heavyweight contest and out first is Storm "Slammer" Jackson. Jackson is pretty decent on the feet and on the ground, and is looking to get back to winning ways, coming off a loss to the light heavyweight champ, Roy Jones Jr. He's otherwise 2-1.
PEPPER: Up next is Wes "The Wolf" Ward, who certainly does look like a lycanthrope with that huge beard. Lycanthrope means werewolf, Pedro. The Wolf is 3-2 in his MMA career, and undefeated against razors. He also came in third place in the Hawaiian State 10 year old Tae Kwon Do championships. Granted he was 16 at the time. PEPPER'S PICK!! It's a tough call, and as much as I like The Wolf, I gotta give the edge to Slammer. Slammer just has too many different tools in his arsenal.
PEDRO: Our semi-main event is a welterweight bout and out first is Canelo "The Mexican Sugar Fest" Castillo. Castello is a former Mexican wrestling alternate for the Olympics, He's got a 2-1 record, his only defeat coming by way of submission in his debut. He's no doubt improved his ground game since then.
PEPPER: Out next is one of my favorite fighters, Kev Embo. Kev's a jitz specialist and is debatably the best grappler in Valhalla Hilo. He's also a decent skateboarder and once worked as a grip for the new Hawaii 5-0 series. PEPPER'S PICK!! Although I love watching "The Mexican Sugar Fest" fight, I have to give it to Embo. Embo's jitz is just on another level, he's like a BJ Penn.
PEDRO: Before we get on with the next weigh in, Pepper, you've been acting surprisingly knowledgable tonight and your fight analysis seem well thought out.
PEPPER: That's because I'm very relaxed after my lap dance, Pedro.
PEDRO: Well, up next is our main event. It's a rematch, and word is that this will decide who gets to fight for the Valhalla Hilo Heavyweight Title. Out comes Marcus Ware, looking like he's ready to avenge the only loss on his record. He definitely looks like he's been training very hard at the Hilo Pit.
PEPPER: And out next is his opponent, "The Titan" Johnny Terry. Johnny made short work of Ware in their first meeting, scoring a huge knock out in just a minute and eleven seconds in the very first round. He's 2 and Oh, and none of his fights have gone past a minute and a half of the first round, and in each fight he's taken home knockout of the night. Terry makes a motion to the crowd, he's pantomiming the belt around his waist. Terry points to one of the strippers and steps off the scale.
PEDRO: And now Terry and Ware are standing face to face for their photo opportunity. Plenty of cameras flash as Terry and Ware go into fighting stances. Then they shake hands and step off the stage. Always great to see two athletes show each other respect like that. Pepper, what's your pick?
PEPPER: I think Terry is in for the fight of his life and I think he knows it. He's been training very hard at Facebreaker's, and even declined going out for his 21st birthday to train for this fight. Marcus Ware is looking hungry for redemption here. I think Terry is going to take home the win by Kay Tee Eff Oh, but I don't think Ware is going to make it easy on him.
PEDRO: Couldn't have said it better myself, Pep. We'll see you tomorrow night at The Underground Arena, fight fans!
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