2020-07-26
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The 'Paddy is back' press conference.

Fighter profile of Paddy Mcgillicutty by Bjorn O'Donnel

 The 'Paddy is back' press conference

 

 

Bjorn: Without any further ado, the time has come to let Paddy tell his story. 

The world has been waiting long enough now and wants to hear why he was nowhere to be seen for the last few weeks. 

To be honest, I'm just as eager to hear his story as most of you are, as he has not spoken to me yet either. 

He seems distant, not himself anymore. But yeah, I said without any further ado, so lets bring on the man of the hour.

 

Claps his hands, but nothing happens. 

 

 

Claps again.... nothing.

 

 

Bjorn: Eeeuh, just one moment please, this is odd. 

PAAAADDDDDYYYY!!!! 

 

 

A few chairs squeak, but the conference remains in complete silence otherwise.

After what seems ike a full minute, distant movements. A shadow approaches from the dark, but it's not Paddy comes on stage, it is Selena...

 

 

Bjorn: What on earth is going on, Paddy is supposed to be here, to promote .. euuh sorry... to tell his story. Where is he? 

 

Selena: Paddy is here, but not too eager. It took me hours the first time to get his story out of him and he is not all to pleased to make it public. 
C'mon Paddy, it is all good, they have the right to know. Come here now will you? 

 

 

The crowd turns their head to the right side of the room, where Paddy is slowly making his way to the podium. 
He looks unnaturally restless, totally different than anything we have seen from him since he made it to the elite MMA scene. 

 

 

Bjorn: Seriously Paddy, I am so pleased to see you back. You know how sensitive I can be at times. You are like a son to me. 
To not hear from you for this long, to live in fear for all that time... 

 

Paddy: You know that I would never do this to you if there would have been any other way. I can explain it all.

 

Selena: To be honest with you all, at first I did not believe one bit of his story, but he made a promise, sort of a deal, that his entire story now relies upon. 

If it turns out that what he expects to happen today does not actually take place, then hell will be hot enough to keep him from my wrath. 

 

 

Paddy looks around, worried until he sees a familiar face near the exit, hidden in the shadows for most common eyes. 

A mysterious smile brightens his face and he stands up tall, proud like a peacock. He knows that it can still all go wrong, but at least he has got a fighting shot now. 

 

 

Paddy: I'm ready to tell my story, the truth and nothing but the truth, I swear on my death labrador Noodles his soul.

(No, Paddy never actually had a dog, altough he did eat noodles from time to time...)

 

After my debut, I was taking a nice relaxing shower in the penthouse in the Madison Garden Arena, where only the royalty of MMA gets the opportunity to wash the blood and sweat of their bodies. I was singing Irish folk songs under the pouring hot water and I felt like a true king. 
Man, what a moment, I showed the world that I was going to be a megastar, the world finally witnessed my true excellence. 

That was until I heard a squeaky noice and turned around, somewhat half expecting one of the Convicted guys lurking for an opportunity to make it a golden shower. 

However, nothing to be seen. Strange, as I was sure to have heard something. 

 

A few minutes went by as I kept showering, when all of a sudden a light flash came thundering down. 

 

Next thing I know, I'm sitting at a diner table with fucking aliens. I know how that sounds, as if I had a few drinks too many, but no, aliens fucking kidnapped me. 
Honesty, and I'm a very honest guy, obliges me to tell that they were in fact not all that hostile. In fact, they kept asking for hugs....

Damn aliens are nuts. I was expecting him to try and sell me to the Devlin-cartel for a ransom, or take my kidneys, but no, hugs. 

 

 

The room goes silent and an akward mumbling breaks out. 

 

 

Selena: Shhhhht, be quiet guys. I did not believe him either, but Paddy guaranteed me that the alien would come visit him on planet earth on the 25th of July 2020. 

So today, Paddy will prove the world that :

1) aliens do exist

2) he was in fact kidnapped and that he was not getting drunk, partying every day and spending steamy nights in Vegas with our neighbours' daughter,

who happened to be missing for the same amount of time as Paddy.

 

 

The people attendance go quiet once again, letting those last few sentences sink in. 
The crowd now seems imaginary split in two groups; the guys with an amused smirk on their face, with the women frowning in disbelief.
 

 

Paddy: Yeah well, crazy story, I know. But do you really think that I would not have made up a less elaborate story if I wanted to cheat on you? 

 

Selena: I do believe you, but will only be sure if I see the alien. 

Paddy: I know.  

Paddy claps his hands and whistles, followed by a short tapdance. The doors in the back of the conference room smash open and a weird look character walks into the room...

 

Bjorn: Holy shit, Paddy was in fact telling the truth, he was abducted by aliens!

I have never seen a stranger creature in my entire life!!! Can it talk? 

 

 

Paddy rushes forward to stop the alien from coming any nearer. 

 

 

Paddy: No, he can not talk. He can do one thing and one thing only. He hugs.

To be honest, he is not even good at that. 

 

Selena: Now I finally know for sure why you had all those stripes and marks on your body Paddy. I am so sorry that I did not believe you at first.
I really felt as if you had run off to Vegas with the neighbours' daughter. Sorry Paddy, sorry that I did not believe you. I should have. 

But your story sounded so... unreal. Sorry.

 

Paddy: It is all good now.

Just know now that if I ever go missing again for days or weeks, if I ever come home again seemingly drunk and with hickeys all over my body, that it is not Tina her fault, it are the aliens. 

 

Selena: I know that now and I love you with all my heart. I will never distrust you again.

 

Paddy: Enough talked now, thank you guys for tuning in and see you all on another occasion.
Paddy turns around, leaves Selena where she is and gives Bjorn's secretary a subtle, flirty meaningful wink, while making his way to the exit.

 

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