The Truth Detector
PINNOCHIO “THE TRUTH?” CRUZ
*The camera pans over a seedy motel at the southeastern outskirts of downtown Los Angeles. It’s about half past seven in the evening. The sun is starting to set. At this locale, that means the residents are just waking up. The motel is a long one-story building with doors lining the front. There is a large backlit yellow and red sign above the motel with the name “S—D Piper Motel.” The “A” and the “N” are barely visible as the bulbs behind them appear to be out. The camera scans across the front of the motel until it reaches a door with the number “12” on it. Just outside the door is a man with a camera on his shoulder and wearing a vest with a little “K” on the right side of side of the chest. Standing in front of him is an irate African-American woman dressed in a sharp-looking purple business suit. She is whispering loudly into his face*
Vernita Perkins: What the hell are we doing here, Armando? It smells like f*ckin cat piss. This place is a goddamn f*ckin dump. Look at this f*ckin degenerate *Vernita nods over to a drunk passed out near the door number 13*
Armando: Ms. Perkins, we can’t keep going over this again and again. At Kuafman, we go where they send us. We don’t ask questions, we just go.
VP: Urgh! Why would Mr. Kuafman send us here anyways?
Armando: Hahaha… *starts to cough* Woowee, I need to quit smoking. Mr. Kuafman didn’t us send us anywhere. He’s not the kind of man that issues order.
VP: That don’t make no sense, Armando. What you mean “he don’t give no orders?”
Armando: It’s much bigger than that, Ms. Perkins. Mr. Kuafman is global. He gives orders to give orders to give orders.
VP: That still don’t make no sense, ‘mando! Alright, f*ck it. We’re already here. Let’s just get this sh*t over with. *Vernita lands a few hammer fists near the number 12 on the door*
*The door opens about ¼ of the way and a head pops out like out of turtle shell. It’s a serious looking man, with slightly crazy eyes. His straight, jet black hair is combed down his forehead at different lengths. The mans eyes dart back and forth at Vernita, then at Armando, then back. His head moving along with his eyes*
Pinocchio “The Truth” Cruz: You the ones? You the ones they sent to talk to me?
VP: No, you dumb sh*t, a woman with a microphone and a man with a camera are here to sell you encyclopedias. *Looks at Armando* I don’t get paid enough for this sh-t *Looks back at Pinocchio* Open the door, fool.
*Vernita pushes her way into the tiny motel room. Cruz, not expecting Vernita’s entrance is pushed back into the room but regains his balance quickly. At 5 feet 6 inches, The Truth stood about 4 inches shorter than Vernita. However, his ragged LA Dodgers tank top reveals an athletic build. The motel room is as simple as it gets. Ratty queen-sized bed in the middle, dresser with a decrepit microwave oven on top, and small desk pushed up against wall. Tupperware containers are strewn across the room. There is one lone container on the dresser with a half-eaten chicken breast and some stanky leftover broccoli. At the front of the bed are two black folding chairs. On the bed is some sort of device. It looks like a black wireless router with a bunch of wires coming out of the end. One of the wires is hooked up to an arm sleeve for measuring blood pressure, another wire has attachments for fingers. One wire leads to a laptop, also on the bed. The laptop has some sort of chart. Vernita and Armando take a couple of steps over to the machine. Vernita looks over at Pinocchio*
VP: The f*ck’s this? *motions to the machine. Cruz starts answering but she cuts him off* You know what? Hold up. Armando, get your camera going. I don’t wanna have to hear this shit twice.
*Armando sets up camera next to the two folding chairs. Pinocchio sits on the chair closer to the machine and Vernita sits on the chair along side him. We go to Armando’s camera…3..2..1…Action*
VP: *In perfect newscaster voice* Good evening, this is Vernita Perkins with Kuafman. We are live at the lovely Sand Piper Motel in Los Angeles, California with Rock-A-Fella Fight Club fighter, Pinocchio Cruz. Pinocchio, how are you feeling after your last fight.
PC: Truth..It’s Pinocchio “The Truth” Cruz. Verdad, Miss Bernita, Verdad. How I feel, you wanna know? I lose to a man named Slappy. Dammit *Cruz punches the bed* I shoulda hit him harder more times.
VP: OooK, now Pinocchio, what is this…thing…we have next to us *nods to the machine*
PC: Ohh this thing? Iz a pooly-grap. A lie detector test. Mira, Miss Bernita, they don’t want to call me the truth. I tell them. I don’t lie. I tell the truth. But they say noooo your name is Pinocchio, so we don’t call you the truth.
VP: Well, Mr. Cruz, this may be a bit insensitive, but your name IS Pinocchio. The little wooden dummy known all over the world to tell lies. You can understand the confusion, can’t you?
PC: All my life, Bernita, toda mi vida! Ok, let me tell you why. When I wa a little child. A little baby. I have a big nose. My nose so big that my mother even felt in her stomach before she give birth to me. When I was born, my nose was very prominent. A sign of great character in my family. So they called me Pinocchio in honor of my great-grandfather Pinocchio Vicente Hernandez Cruz.
VP: …but your nose is normal size now.
PC: Over the years my head and the rest of my body grew, but the size of my nose stayed the same. Until eventually, it became equivalent to my body. An average nose. Who want that?! It brought shame to my family. When I went into the world, I learned that no matter what I say, they don’t believe me because my name is Pinocchio. So I have this test and I can you to ask me questions and show the world *points to the camera* that I tell the truth. Let me get it set up.
**Cut to Commercial**
ARE YOU BORING?
KUAFMAN
VP: We’re back. And Mr. Cruz is attached to the Polygraph device. How do we do this? Do I just ask you questions?
PC: Exactly, and you look at the laptop monitor it will tell you that I am that I am telling the truth and you can tell the world. *points to the camera*
VP: Alright then, let’s get started. First question, Mr. Cruz. What is your full name?
PC: *Proudly* Pinocchio Vicente The Truth Cruz
VP: Hmmm, Mr. Cruz, the machine is telling me that your answer is…a lie.
PC: *Tapping on the machine and cursing under his breath* ehh este pedazo de mierda. OK, Bernita, maybe the machine is malfunction. Let’s try some more.
VP: Whatever you say. Are you scheduled to fight Randall Plaatijies at Rock FC 3?
PC: Yes
VP: Test says…not a lie.
PC: See, I toll juu.
VP: What do you think of Mr. Plaatijies?
PC: I not worry about him. Este hombre, his forehead, it take up more than a third of his head. It means he estupido. His head, es like a watermelon with little spikey hair on it. Es a big target for my hands.
VP: Right…umm…OK…let’s check the results. Oh *Looks at the monitor more closely and then looks at camera* Apparently, that is not a lie. Wow OK. Let’s try again. Are you going to try to knock Randall out this Saturday?
PC: I’m going to break his watermelon head.
VP: *Checks test. Eyes widen* Ehh this is a surprise. That is ALSO not a lie. Mr. Cruz, you lost your last fight by unanimous decision, you really think you have the ability to knock out “Gomsnuifertjie” Plaatjies?
PC: Kuafman says I gotta knock him out. I knock him out. Can I do it? You better believe it. I been doing the training, I been eating the chicken breasts *slaps a Tupperware container off the bed* pollo pollo pollo all day long. And the colly flowers. I eat em too. I’m in the best shape of my life. I watch the video of my last fight. My coach say hit him hard I say no, I hit him a lot. Well I was wrong. I got the fists of stone and I sculpt his face into little watermelon shape vergas. What do the machine say, Bernita?
VP: *Looks at camera slightly annoyed* Hmph…it says not a lie. Alright, Mr. Cruz, you win. Maybe you are the Truth after all. Why don’t we try that first question again. What is your full name?
PC: *Smiles confidently, puffs out his chest* Pinocchio Vicente THE TRUTH Cruz!
VP: *Checks the test, slowly looks up at the camera with a big smile* Mr. Cruz…the test says…that is NOT the truth.
*Pinocchio’s widen in shock and anger. He looks at Vernita, at the machine, then at the camera. Suddenly he starts furiously tearing all the machines attachments off him, picks up the laptop and hurls it against the wall producing a monstrous thud*
PC: You don’t know. None of you know. I AM THE TRUTH. I AM. I’ll show you *points to Vernita* and all of the world *points to the camera* and I want to especially tell to this little guy Randall. You got no business being in there with me. I got something to prove! You stepping in dangerous ground and you better bring your sleeping bag cause you’re going need it. Now you *motions to Vernita and the camera* all get the hell out of my room, I gotta do my exercises before bed. GET THE HELL OUTTA MY ROOM.
VP: UH UH, Aint no one talk to me like that. Armando, pack the shit, we outta here. Till next time folks. This is Vernita Perkins with Kuafman.
*Fade to black*
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