2020-10-02
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Pinocchio Receives a Package

HELLBENT, Nutrition Company, Montreal
Company profile by

*We are back at the S—D Piper Motel in sunny (southeast of) Los Angeles. Somewhere between downtown and Vernon. It’s 9:30 AM. Most rooms are either vacant or their inhabitants are in deep repose except by accident. Pinocchio “The Truth” Cruz is in suite number 12, as luxurious as we remember. Except, with more strewn Tupperware containers previously filled with poultry and steamed produce. Pinocchio on the floor doing some sort of spiderman planks. Everything comes from the core, after all. Mid-plank he hears a rough series of knocks on his door*

Pinocchio “The Truth” Cruz: *to himself* Im no ‘specting no body and I ain’t got the rent. Keep working out.

 *Thirty minutes later. Number 12 opens and Pinocchio pokes his head out. He looks right, sees a row of closed doors. He looks left and sees door number 13 with Paco passed out alongside it. He looks down…*

PC: What the fuck?

*Just in front of door number 12 is a rectangular cardboard boxed with the words HELLBENT inscribed on it. Cruz looks closer*

PC: HELL-BENT? *Pinocchio walk over and kicks Paco in the foot* Hey! Hey Paco, wake up ey *Paco stirs and looks up bleary eyed* The fucks this? *motions to the package*

Paco: No se, wey. I dunno about your package. Why you waking me up? It’s like 6 AM!

PC: Well how’d it get here then?

Paco: Two tough looking white guys came by and dropped it off. I asked them if they could I could bum a smoke. They told me to go get a fucking job! Then they gave me this. *Paco’s eyes get big as he pulls out a now crumpled One Hundred Dollar Bill which he quickly smushes back into his pocket* and this *Paco goes into his other pocket and pulls out a sizable cannabis cigarette which (used to) span all the way across his palm from his wrist, down to where his fingers began*

PC: Fuckin Paco, this explains why you so damn sleepy all the time.

*Pinocchio grabs the box and returns into his room, slamming the door behind him. He throws the box on the bed, breaches the taped edges, and hurls open the flaps. Inside the box is a neat pile of immaculate gear. On top is a crisp document. Cruz looks at the box’s contents bewildered, and then down at his ratty LA Dodgers tank top which since our last foray had been adorned with additional stains and holes, and back at the gear. He picks up the document and squints at it*

PC: *mutters to himself* What? What this mean?? I’m not a fucking lawyer. Eh I need a lawyer. Ay fuckin shit here we go.

*Cruz speed walks outside right past Paco to door 13. Kicking Paco along the way. On purpose. He bangs on the door*

PC: HEY OPEN UP! OPEN THE DOOR!!

*After about 10 seconds of shouting and banging, the door bursts open. A plume of smoke emerges and at the door jam stands a slightly chubby, semi-balding, bespectacled man no taller than 2 inches past 5 feet. He is wearing boxer shorts, a white “wife-beater” tank top and business socks with suspenders. In the background we see two silhouettes of tall domineering people dressed in knee high leather boots and you can assume the rest. One of them appears to be attached a giant phallus-like object*

Gerald: What do you want Cruz?? I’m in the middle of seeing two very important clients.

PC: I gotta have you look over this paper for me! *Waves the document in front of Gerald’s face* Hey What you doin in there?

Gerald: Can’t tell you that *winks* lawyer client confidentiality.  No can do, hombre *squints at the paper and points to his eyes* you know, my ojos don’t work. I didn’t bring my glasses.

PC: *Reaches into the pocket of his gray sweat pants and pulls out a dilapidated 20-dollar bill * Will this help you see better?

Overheard from behind Gerald: YOU BETTER DO WHAT HE SAYS AND TAKE THAT MONEY, MOTHER FUCKA! CAUSE YOU OWE US MUCH MO THAN THAT. AND WE HERE TO COLLECT!!

Gerald: Ahem yeah, oh wow, my vision has miraculously returned, praise God. *Grabs the 20* Alright what we got here? *Grabs the document and starts scanning* Holy fuck..HELLBENT wants to sponsor…you?!

PC: What is HELL-BENT?

Gerald: Having you been living under a fucking rock? *looks at surroundings* Uh ok kinda. HELLBENT is one of the top fight clothing brands in the world. Aren’t you an MMA fighter, how do you not know this?

Overheard from behind Gerald: AINT YOU THAT GUY FROM THE TV? THE ONE FROM TOY STORY OR PINOCCHIO OR SOME SHIT?? AHHH YOU THE PUNK WHO GOT HIS ASS BEAT BY SLAPPY JOHNSON.

Gerald: For some reason, these HELLBENT guys seem to love you… *recounts the terms of the contract to Cruz* you better do right by them in your next fight!

PC: Listen Gerald, watermelon cabeza better watch out. He should not show up. If he shows up he should wear a helmet. But that won’t help ‘cause I’ll break his helmet. Then I break his watermelon head until the seed fall out and then I will put the seeds down his throat until choke. So you see, Gerald, I will win by KO and submission! All the haters they say I’m no telling the truth, I’m telling little fibs. They will see. And now that I got these clothes from the HELLBENT I don’t have to go around looking like a homeless person. With the win bonus, I can get outta this dump. Let me tell you something, Gerald..

Gerald: Cruz, I don’t give a shit about what position you’re going to fuck this watermelon in. Can’t you see I’m with some very important clients. Sign this contract before these people meet you. It says you need to sign electronically by email.

PC: *furrows eyebrows* What is email?

Gerald: Unbelievable. Hold on. *reaches over to a stand next to the door, picks up his smartphone. A few clicks later..* Congratulations, fibs, you with HELLBENT now.

Overheard from behind Gerald: BITCH, GET YO ASS BACK HERE!

Gerald: Hey uhh, Pinocchio, I gotta go.

*Door number 13 slams shut*

FADE TO BLACK  

  

 

 

 

 

 

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