2012-08-23
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Valhalla Hilo 8 Weigh in

Event Preview: Valhalla: Hilo 8
Valhalla: Hilo (165k+ ID)
2012-08-24, Hilo, The Underground - Hilo
Author:K Bucko

  PEPPER: Welcome fight fans, you crazy kiddos, to the Punchbowl Topless Review for the Valhalla Hilo 8 weigh ins and preview. Pedro's in the back, I bought him a lap dance from Long Lips Lenore, so he won't be out for a while. Let's get this show started shall we? Dr. Franklyn Stein has the scale set up, and that fat bald guy from the Hawaii Athletic Commission has inspected it. On the undercard we first have a heavyweight bout. Koa Kameamea and Trainer Trainor both nearly break the scale but make the cut. Then another heavyweight match, Mirko Mirinda and Project Nine both make weight. For our third fight, welterweights Randy Hurt and Cray Vasil get the okay. Now for a fight at 145, Azrael Hunter and Samuel Stoned both come in at or below weight. At welterweight now, Tom Bombadil and Florencio Bernardo get the nod from the doc. Kaleimalulani times 2 and Ray Leonard both make the light heavyweight cut. And just in time for the main card, out comes Pedro. Pedro, your face is red and you're sweating. Also, is that a stain on your pants?

 

PEDRO: Yes it is, Pep. Out now for the first fight on our main card is Brice Bailey. Brice has a 3-1 record in his professional career and has decent all around skills. He trains at the Hilo Sparring and Conditioning gym, where a lot of his sparring partners say he routinely out works flyweights. His last three fights have ended in submission victories, with just one making it out of the first round. The Dalton native will be looking to take home another win tomorrow night against a tough opponent. Dr. Styn gives his approval and Brice jumps off the scale, standing and posing for pictures.

 

PEPPER: And out comes his opponent, wearing a kilt and carrying a claymore in his hand! I hope he screams "There can be only one!" That's a Highlander quote, Pedro. Highlander was a movie back in the eighties. Marv Gannicus has a perfect 3-0 record in pro fights, and trains over at Brick Brawlers. My sources at that gym say he also trains in a kilt. Which is fitting for a native Scotsman. I wonder how much sunscreen a Scot has to wear here in the islands, Pedro? PEPPER'S PICK!! Pepper picks the Highlander here, and hopefully he has Sean Connery as a cornerman!

 

PEDRO: Out next is "The Headhunter" Ed Thompson. Thompson is 2-0 in his MMA career, and has good boxing and good wrestling skills to carry him to victory. Thompson is a native to Los Angeles, the sunny California native fits right in here in Hilo. He trains at the Wolf Pack Gym, where everyone says his determination to win is second to none. Thompson makes weight and will doubtlessly be looking to get a three fight winning streak going tomorrow night.

 

PEPPER: Out now, and looking jet lagged as a tunafish is Ryan "Thunder" Jones. Jones looks like he'd fall over from a gentle breeze, no doubt his weight cut didn't go easy. Let's hope he can get enough rest to do him some good come fight night. Jones is from Las Vegas, and no doubt didn't sleep before his flight, preferring to gamble and get lap dances, which is exactly what I would do. He's got one pro fight under his belt, which he won by decision. Let's hope he's not a lay and pray guy. I don't have any contacts at the Spartan MMA Training Center, so I can't say what his training has been like, but it looks like he's had a rough camp. PEPPER'S PICK!! Jones may have better skills in key areas, but he looks like a used condom while posing for pics. I gotta go with "The Headhunter" here.

 

PEDRO: Out next, dancing to the scales in his underwear is "Dancing" Renzo DeSilka. Renzo is often said to be either the top, or near the top, Brazillian Jiu-Jitsu practicioner in VH, with Kev Embo being the other pick. We'll never know, though, since they're in different weight classes. Renzo was born in Rio, but now trains in sunny Hilo at Evolution MMA, where he's highly regarded as a leader in Bee Jay Jay classes. He's 3-0 overall and won two submission of the night awards. All his fights have been in Valhalla Hilo, and he's gone on record as saying he doesn't ever want to leave the company. He makes weight and dances over to the side to pose with VH officials. He looks to be in great shape.

 

PEPPER: Next out is TimeTo Tap. Damn, I hate saying his name, Pedro, but I didn't want to have to announce DeSilka. He's won both of his 2 pro fights with submissions and doesn't look like he intends to change his ways anytime soon. Tap's so confident in his ability to win tomorrow he's pulled out of all gyms. He says he can sit at home and eat oreos and still make DeSilka tap out. I wouldn't be so sure about that, but Tap sure looks confident. He also looks like he's been training at home because he's in good shape. PEPPER'S PICK!! As much as I like Tap's confidence here, I have to say I think DeSilka has the edge in this Ba-Jay-Jay war. TimeTo Tap may have bitten off more than he can chew here.

 

PEDRO: It's time now, ladies and gentlemen, for our main event of the evening! The lights go dim, the laser light show starts up, and the smoke machines turn on, signaling the arrival of our two octagon warriors in the main event. Out first is "El Nino" Fabiano Silva. Fabiano has won his one and only professional MMA fight by submission, and now he's made his claim to be the number one heavyweight in VH. The native Brazillian is naturally well versed in Bee Jay Jay. He steps on the scale and let's out a thunderous roar, loudly announcing that he is here and a force to be reckoned with. Dr. Styn give the thumbs up, and Silva strides confidently over to pose with the fight officials. Streamers and confetti drop from the ceiling as Silva poses and struts.

 

PEPPER: And now out is his opponent, and the guy making a good case to be crowned the first VH Heavyweight champ, Gokou San. San is a native Japanese, so you know he's good at fighting due to having trained against Godzilla and all those tentacles that seem to be the number one cause of virginity loss in Japan. San is undefeated in his career, winning a KO of the night award in his last fight. San has allegedly been training with members of the Japanese Judo Olympic team, so his takedowns and takedown defense must be top notch. San is also a pretty decent boxer. He looks over at Silva while standing on the scale, points at his opponent, and then slides his thumb across his throat, making the strippers and fight fans in attendance go wild. San steps off the scale, walks over to Silva, and shows him absolutely no respect, yawning in Silva's face. PEPPER'S PICK!! I have to give this fight to San.

 

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