2021-05-06
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Drunken Pekka Toivonen Crashes Press Conference, Takes Dump

Editorial by Freako Wimp

The Wombley Arena press conference room in London was packed to capacity as noted con man Mentor Guruland announced the upcoming matchup between Synchronicity LHW champion Just Whymer and his own, second-rate champion Arthur MacRobertson the Younger. As the two fighters faced off, cameras flashed, and Guruland rubbed his greasy little palms together, however, a crash was heard. Seconds later, a clearly intoxicated Pekka Toivonen burst through the door like a paint-covered, mullet-clad, Soviet after-school special bootleg Kool Aid Man.

 



The obviously sloshed "Punchmaster General" started hurling what some interpreted to be obscenities, but due to his level of inebriation and thick accent the only words anyone could make out were 'reindeer testicle'. Security tried to contain the furious Finn, but only succeeded in being flung across the room like a young woman at a Turku bachelor's festival. Toivonen made his way towards the stage and put his right index finger right between Just Whymer's eyes. The entire room went silent as Pekka Toivonen opened his mouth to speak. An entire minute went by, silently, as Pekka slack-jawedly stared at Whymer, before shouting "NUMBER TWO", pulling down his dungarees, and taking what experts described as a 'mammoth dump' in the middle of the stage. Satisfied, he yanked off Guruland's tie and wiped himself with it before sauntering off, repeatedly yelling "NUMBER TWO, JUST LIKE WINNER OF THIS FIGHT".

It is uncertain why the fan-favorite Finn was even in London, but it is speculated that it was a reaction to Just Whymer not accepting his call-out, electing instead to murder fight GAMMA bum champion Macintosh RobertArthurson the Third instead.

 

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