2022-11-18
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Jason Voorhees vs King Kong

Fighter profile of Jason Voorhees by Dale Saw

Hey there reader this is Carlton Abernathy reporting to you from The Duke-Town Gazette's sports page. 

Earlier today I had the chance to interview the one and only Jason Voorhees on his fight with the infamous King Kong. Talk about scary folks. I didn't think I would make it out of there alive. But, low and behold, I am, in fact, still alive and here to tell the tale of this interview. So without further adieu...  

CA: "Hello ladies and gentlemen I'm here at the Cobra Kai gym in the beautiful Hilo Hawaii with Jason Voorhees to talk about his upcoming fight with the infamous building destroying, Godzilla fighting, protector of humanity... King Kong!

CA: "Jason, tell me, is that machete your holding real?" *Chuckles nervously*

JV: "..."

CA: "Urm... I.. Um..." *Clears throat* "So, um Jason, how have you been preparing for this upcoming fight with the beast?"

JV: "..." *heavy breathing sounds*

CA: "Cas... jist.. Jason..." *starts to clear throat but turns to a cough* "Jason, I, um, well I'm just gonna say it you are one scary dude... ha ha, ha... ha..." *Sweat pouring down his face and into his eyes*

JV: "..." *shifts the machete from one hand to the other and looks at the machete and back at Carlton*

CA: "Forget this."

Well that concludes the interview. He didn't really give us much to go on as far as the fight. I think the real fight here was him fighting the urge to kill me during that interview. 

But this isn't the end, no. We can at least get the point of view of this ol' writer, one Carlton Abernathy... Let's call it Abernathy's results for lack of a better name. So this is how I personally see the epic fight going...

I see King Kong desperately trying to take this fight to the ground, and he has respectable wrestling skills. He also a brown belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Therefore, if he can manage the takedown, and that's a hard "if"... then Jason is, well, f*ed. Jason can not last more than like 30 seconds on the ground in the likes of King Kong. But...

I honestly don't see that ever happening... Jason will pummel Kong's face into oblivion. Kong will be as recognizable as Jason is without his mask after this fight. Jason just has too good of wrestling skills to allow this one to the mat. And let's face it, on the feet, Kong doesn't stand a chance. I would really be surprised to see this one make it out of the first round.

Offical Prediction: Jason Voorhees wins this one middle of the first round by KO. 
Jason Voorhees defeats King Kong at 2:47 of round 1.

Well, that about concludes all that I have for you. I hope you enjoyed my brush with death and like listening to my thoughts on the fight. Until next time... this is Carlton Abernathy with The Duke-Town Gazette's sport page. Does anyone even read this paper?

 

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