|
 MMA Legend and #1 P4P fighter Kilo "Bloodbath" Maluga (65-14-0 MMA) unofficially renounces his retirement. Recently media outlets had claimed that Kilo retired from MMA following his last knockout victory against Mike Haggar at SYN 1008 that earned him a knockout of the night award. Kilo was well on his way to a 3rd consecutive Fighter of the Year trophy boasting a 16-2 record on the year and his 8th win in a row. After his last fight, with nothing left to prove and no legal obligations, most media outlets assumed that his career was over.
However, contradiction immediately emerged from Kilo's camp, claiming that rumor is false and slanderous to Kilo's legacy. His management team also stated that retirement narrative was created by the fake news media over at the Left-wing Tycoon Headquarters based in Scotland to lower Kilo's market value.
"Totally fake news." Chris Karter tells us. "It's complete bull(expletive), they just need clickbait for their (expletive) headlines and (expletive) T.V. shows to make themselves feel better. If you follow the money, you'll see it's the (expletive) (expletive) trying to (expletive) everybody else because they're greedy little (explitive). I won't standby and watch America get overun by (expletive) and (expletive) waving rainbow flags and pikachu stuffed animals. It's (expletive) hype hunting season. Kilo'd loaded up on all the good stuff. He's juiced to the gills. He's ready for his next title defense. What retirement? Nonsense. Fake news. Fake news by (expletive) at the fake news media."
Pundits critisized Karter's tirade for trying to monopolize Kilo's life expectancy, squeezing more and more fights from him in the twilight of his career. Kilo, a 38-year old, 40-time world champion and Olympic gold medalist, had fulfilled his contractual obligations with his last fight. He is officially a free agent. Most assumed that this was the final sign that Kilo was on his way to retirement, especially after a 79-fight career.
"He's got 100 fights in him. Have you see the size of his junk?" Karter states with ignorant confidence. "Biggest balls you've ever seen. Nobody fights like he does. We just take it 1 fight at a time because you never know what can happen. USADA could come knocking and then Kilo would have to make a snuff film with a divorcee in a labcoat. Nobody wants that. Except Runt's mom."
After being spotted in the Bahamas with his many wives and small tribe of genetic prodigy's, Kilo made a more direct, if not more mysterious statement to reporters when they asked in regard to his future.
"Just Bleed Gods demand blood." Kilo says. "The blood tribute will always be paid in full. I've spilled the blood of men in every continent on this God forsaken rock. I've spread my mighty seed for generations to come. I've knocked out more men than Corona Virus and Karim Johnson combined. I've pissed excellence on every manager and fighter in my path. The only guarantee about the beginning, is the end. We all die at the end of our story."
"He's looking to buy property." Chris Karter says in reference to why Kilo was spotted in the Bahamas."He's visiting the Bahamas, looking for a luxurious vacation home. But if he wanted to retire, he absolutely has earned that right. And you shouldn't be in his business. But I know Kilo, his competitive nature, and how hopped up on bullshark testosterone he is. He's really hopped up man. He's got a problem. But don't tell him I said that."
After a night of drinking in a prominent cantina in the Bahamas, Kilo made a much more wild claim to the reporters:
"Evil forces tried to lock me in a cage. They couldn't contain me. I defiled the Gods, took their glory, and bathed in the tears of my enemies. And always remember the first rule of fighting, nobody makes me bleed my own blood. Nobody. I see red. They see black."
Article views:
57
» Donate to this author |
