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Play
by Play - Fighter's Fight Commentary
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Event:
Quick Fight Championship
Date: Feb 11, 2019 |
#R1#
Gracie scores with a three punch combo!
Gracie slips a straight right by Penis.
Wow, both these guys are really going for it!#TD2#
Gracie looks for a takedown. He's got it. We're now in half guard.
Gracie working Penis over with strikes.
Penis is trying to stand back up but Gracie is controlling him
Gracie working Penis over with strikes.
Neither fighter is being very active at the moment, with Gracie in particular looking to stall.
The ref warns both fighters not to hold the cage as they work up against the meshing.#SUB2#
Gracie has hold of the far side arm. He's working for the Kimura, can Penis defend it? Gracie steps over the head and cranks it - Penis is tapping out! That was textbook stuff right there - nice submission victory for Gracie!
Ladies and gentlemen, after 0:39 of round 1, we have a winner by way of Submission (Kimura). Brotha Gracie!
A relieved looking Brotha Gracie thanked the fans for their support and gave the usual line about them being amazing. They seemed to believe that he actually meant it.
In defeat, my Penis stepped up to the mic, saying 'Bomb the caliphate, AND SERIOUSLY. What kind of gay cunt fights a 4 match pro, u cunt'.
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Event:
Quick Fight Championship
Date: Dec 10, 2018 |
#R1##TD2#
Excellent takedown into side control there by Machado.
Machado slows the pace down.
Machado landing strikes.
Machado prevents Penis from escaping the position.
Machado cracks Penis with a big elbow.
Penis is trying to escape and get back to his feet.
Machado cracks Penis with a big elbow.
Penis takes an elbow right on the bridge of the nose and winces in pain.
Penis gives up the full mount - oops, sloppy defensive grappling there!
Machado landing strikes from the mount and Penis is in trouble!
Machado with shots to the head and body - Penis looks very uncomfortable down there.
Machado working away from the top, dropping strikes.
We've seen a great period of action over the last minute or so - credit to both fighters for going all out!
Machado landing strikes from the mount and Penis is in trouble!
Machado controlling from the full mount.
Machado scoring with some good ground and pound from mount here. Will he manage to finish Penis?
The ref warns both fighters not to hold the cage as they work up against the meshing.
Machado lands a big shot there that rocks Penis but he's holding on and managing to survive for now.
The fighters are pressed up against the cage, both looking to find a bit of space to work.#T1#
Penis squirming around on the bottom, looking to escape.
BOOM! Machado connects with a massive shot to the dome!
Penis wants to try and get back to his feet.
Machado fakes a shot to the body and cracks his opponent in the head. Nice ground and pound there!
Machado landing punches.
Machado lands a heavy elbow. #ROC2#
Penis is rocked!
Machado sitting in mount, just looking to control for the moment.
Machado scoring with strikes but Penis is staying in there.
Oh Penis is still in real trouble! Will he be able to recover?!!
Machado cracks Penis with a big head shot that has him covering up instantly! He's rolled onto his side and the referee has seen enough - this one is aaaaaaaaaaall over!
Ladies and gentlemen, after 1:51 of round 1, we have a winner by way of TKO (Strikes). Xander Machado!
Xander Machado seemed lost for words in his post fight interview but he remembered to thank his fans and directed everyone to his website.
my Penis was interviewed post fight and said 'Bomb the caliphate, AND SERIOUSLY. What kind of gay cunt fights a 4 match pro, u cunt'.
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Event:
Quick Fight Championship
Date: Dec 01, 2018 |
#R1#
Penis throws a predictable looking body shot
#CL#
and Winfield counters by moving into the clinch. Good anticipation by Winfield. #BC2#
Penis manages to break the clinch.
Penis throws a hook to the body but it doesn't connect.
Penis swings and misses with a shot to the body
and Winfield connects with a straight left hand counter down the middle.
Penis throws a sloppy body shot
and Winfield counters with a quick right hand to the jaw.#TD#
Winfield shoots in for a takedown and gets it.
The two fighters exchange a few words. I couldn't hear what they were saying but maybe it's more fun if you make it up yourself. Winfield connects with a nice short shot to Penis's temple.
The fighters are pressed up against the cage, both looking to find a bit of space to work.
Penis taking some punishment here, with Winfield in his half guard.
Penis has hold of Winfield's hands but Winfield slips his arm to the side and lands an elbow.
The crowd are loving this. Great action here.
Winfield working the head and body with strikes.
Penis keeping his head moving to avoid the ground and pound.
Penis taking some punishment here, with Winfield in his half guard.
Penis is trying to stand up here but Winfield is controlling him well.
Winfield is taking a breather. Penis says something to him but it's hard to make out. Perhaps he's telling him to get on with it and actually do something.
Winfield landing with strikes to the body and head, softening up his opponent. #T1#
Winfield lands with an elbow from half guard - that looked like it hurt.
Penis is trying to stand.
Winfield seems to be taking a bit of a break to think of his next move. He lands a short punch in the meantime.
Winfield prevents Penis from standing back up.
The ref warns both fighters not to hold the cage as they work up against the meshing.
Winfield is keeping good posture, landing some ground and pound.
Winfield lands with an elbow from half guard - that looked like it hurt. #ROC#
Penis is rocked!
Winfield passes the half guard and he's now in mount! Big trouble for Penis!
Penis is still in real trouble! Can Winfield finish him?
Penis is trying to get to the cage to help him get back to his feet.
Penis seems to have recovered his senses.
Winfield landing strikes from the mount and Penis is in trouble!
Winfield lands with some strikes.
Winfield looking to finish Penis with some ground and pound. This is bad for Penis!
Wooooo! Give it up for these two warriors! They are putting on a show!
Winfield loads up with a big shot that hurts Penis! He's pulled Winfield in close but Winfield has postured up and lands more strikes. Can Penis survive? More strikes from Winfield and Penis is out! The ref jumps in to save him! Brutal ground and pound!
Ladies and gentlemen, after 2:59 of round 1, we have a winner by way of KO (Strikes). Jules Winfield!
After the fight, Jules Winfield was humble in paying tribute to his opponent but made it clear he wants to go on to bigger and better things. It seemed to go down well with the crowd who cheered him loudly.
The defeated my Penis had this to say: 'Bomb the caliphate, AND SERIOUSLY. What kind of gay cunt fights a 4 match pro, u cunt'.
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Event:
Quick Fight Championship
Date: Nov 07, 2018 |
#R1#
Hagen throws a looping left and ducks down for a takedown. He's got his arms around Penis's waist but Penis gets an underhook and avoids the takedown by throwing Hagen off to one side.
Hagen rushes forward with a series of wild hooks but Penis moves out of range and avoids them all easily.
Penis throws a jab when Hagen was well out of range.#CL#
Hagen clinches up against the cage.
Hagen drops down for a takedown but doesn't get it.
Hagen avoiding damage.
Hagen wants a takedown.
That's three failed takedown attempts in the round for Jack Hagen. That's going to take a lot out of him.#BC#
Hagen breaks the clinch and we return to the middle of the mat.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Hagen looks to land a combination but Penis avoids it well.
Hagen tries to clinch up
and Penis counters with a straight right hand.#CUT2#
It looks like Jack Hagen has been cut.#T1#
Hagen keeping his hands up high there, blocking the jab from Penis.
Hagen shoots in with a takedown attempt and he has Penis pinned against the cage. Penis gets the underhooks and manages to circle away.
Penis will need to tighten up his combinations if he doesn't want to gas himself out, swinging at thin air.
#CL#
Hagen clinches. #BC2#
Penis breaks the clinch and we're back to striking at distance.
Hagen throws a looping left and ducks down for a takedown. He's got his arms around Penis's waist but Penis gets an underhook and avoids the takedown by throwing Hagen off to one side.
Penis thows a left - swing and a miss!
Penis avoids the clinch attempt nicely.
Hagen misses with a takedown attempt - Penis sprawls well and throws a nice strike on the way out which just misses.#T2#
A big left from Penis misses.
Hagen slips under a jab.
Hagen tries to counter by moving into the clinch but Penis manages to circle out of the way.
Penis misses the shot to the body.
Hagen shoots in but doesn't get the takedown #KD2#
and Penis counters with a crisp one two that drops Hagen! Penis thinks about following him to the mat for a moment but instead steps back and waves Hagen to his feet! Hagen is in big trouble!#ROC2#
Hagen is rocked!
Hagen is breathing heavily.
We've seen a great period of action over the last minute or so - credit to both fighters for going all out!
Penis ducks low and lands a nice hook to the body of his opponent.
Oh Hagen is still all over the place! His legs are completely gone! Will he be able to recover?!!
Penis lands a nice looking body shot.
Penis connects with a picture perfect right hand that knocks Hagen out cold! This one is over in a flash!
Ladies and gentlemen, after 2:42 of round 1, we have a winner by way of KO (Punch). my Penis!
An intense looking my Penis took to the microphone post fight and gave a little speech: 'Bomb the caliphate'.
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Event:
Quick Fight Championship
Date: Oct 27, 2018 |
#R1#
Heston slips a jab from Penis.
And an attempted straight right on the counter from Heston! But no joy.
my Penis seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
Penis misses the body punch
and Penis takes a counter punch right on the button for his troubles.
Penis throws a combination but comes up with nothing but fresh air.
Heston avoids the body shot from Penis.
Penis rushes in with a sloppy looking punch
and Penis takes a counter punch right on the button for his troubles.
Penis throws a right hand that Heston ducks under and follows up with a left that Heston also avoids with ease.
Penis lands with a cross.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Sloppy strikes from Penis. Those never looked like landing.
It seemed like Heston was going to counter with the hook but didn't fully commit to it.
Heston ducks down and throws a hook to the body.
Heston swings and misses with a hook to the body.
#T1#
Penis misses with a body shot.
A little jabbing left from Heston on the counter but it doesn't find it's target.
Penis throws a jab but it's blocked by Heston.
Penis slips a straight right by Heston.
It looked like Penis wanted to counter with a hook but didn't fully commit.
Heston has done a lot of speed work in the buildup to this fight.
Penis swings and misses with a hook to the body.
Heston takes a swing at Penis's ribcage but misses.
Heston scores with a body shot.
A left lands for Heston.
Penis lands with a right hand.
Heston jabs Penis right on the nose. Penis blinks but takes it well.#T2#
Penis ducks right into an uppercut from Heston.
Heston scores with a jab.
A lazy left from Heston finds it's target.
The crowd cheering loudly, showing their appreciation for the quality fight we're seeing here.
Penis throws a nice looking combination but Heston bobs and weaves to avoid any damage.
Heston lands a beauty of a right hand that gets the crowd cheering.
Penis misses with a combination
and Heston counters with a left and a right that stings Penis.
Heston jabs. That one connects to the head of his opponent.
Penis takes a swing at Heston's ribcage but misses.
Penis looks to be in better condition than last time we saw him fight. Obviously he's been working hard on his cardio.#T3#
Heston misses with a straight right.
Heston paws at his opponent with the jab and then lunges in with a straight, right on the button.
Heston throws a wild hook but Penis just manages to duck under it and - ooooh! Heston gets nailed by a brutal uppercut which crumples him back against the cage! The referee jumps in - Penis raises his hands in celebration and walks away!
Ladies and gentlemen, after 3:19 of round 1, we have a winner by way of TKO (Strikes). my Penis!
Post fight, my Penis stared into the camera and said 'Bomb the caliphate'.
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Event:
Quick Fight Championship
Date: Oct 16, 2018 |
#R1#
Penis throws a right and a left that both miss.
Al Ayyubi shoots in for a takedown. "I don't think so" says Penis as he avoids it easily.
Al Ayyubi slips a straight right by Penis.
Salahuddin Al Ayyubi seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.#TD#
Al Ayyubi looking for a takedown here - he's got it.
Penis wants to stand but Al Ayyubi is controlling the position.
Al Ayyubi throwing shots from guard but he's hitting more mat than opponent.
Penis wants to get back to his feet but Al Ayyubi is in a dominant position and won't allow it.
Al Ayyubi lands a nice shot whilst sitting in his opponent's guard.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Al Ayyubi is taking a break and basically stalling. The referee will not allow him to do that for long.
Al Ayyubi slips nicely into half guard.
Penis wants to get back to his feet.
#T1#
Al Ayyubi has been looking to land a fair amount of strikes on the ground. He might be looking to soften his opponent up in order to work for a submission.
Al Ayyubi keeping composed on the top, looking to control the action.
Al Ayyubi works his way into side control.
Penis is trying to get back to his feet.
Al Ayyubi is working Penis over with some ground and pound from side control. #SU#
Al Ayyubi stands up and beckons Penis to his feet.
Penis misses with a left hand #TD#
and Al Ayyubi counters with a shoot takedown. Penis fights it but they end up in guard.
Al Ayyubi showing good wrestling skills to control the position.
Penis preventing the ground and pound from doing any damage.
Al Ayyubi wants to pass the guard but Penis is keeping the position.
Penis is looking to get back to his feet but can't, whilst Al Ayyubi is controlling him. #T2#
Al Ayyubi works over Penis with some ground and pound from guard.
Al Ayyubi is looking to work some ground and pound but Penis has wrist control.
Al Ayyubi not doing a lot at the moment. He'll have to show some more aggression or the fight will get stood up.
Al Ayyubi pushes down on Penis's leg and manages to get into half guard.
Penis wants to get back to his feet.
Al Ayyubi thows a huge punch but Penis dodges it nicely.
The ref warns both fighters not to hold the cage as they work up against the meshing.
Al Ayyubi not doing much here.
Al Ayyubi is working hard to pass the guard. He's done it - he's now in full mount! Trouble for Penis!
Penis has given up his back - I don’t know if this is a deliberate ploy to try and escape or if he is just struggling down there.
This is a great period of action - very entertaining stuff!
Penis wants to get back to his feet. #T3#
Al Ayyubi is working the ground and pound. Can Penis escape?
Penis covers up after that shot from Al Ayyubi.
#SUB#
Al Ayyubi is working for the choke. It looks like he might have got it... has he...? Yes! Penis is tapping out! This one is all over!
Ladies and gentlemen, after 3:35 of round 1, we have a winner by way of Submission (RNC). Salahuddin Al Ayyubi!
The defeated my Penis had this to say: 'Bomb the caliphate'.
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Event:
Quick Fight Championship
Date: Oct 09, 2018 |
#R1#
Castanha shoots for a double leg takedown but Penis sprawls well. He's pushed Castanha's face into the mat and manages to get back to his feet relatively easily.
Penis is clearly trying to counter these attacks from Castanha with a body shot.
Penis lunges in with swinging rights and lefts but Castanha circles away quickly and effectively.
Castanha takes a shot right to the liver - Bas would have been proud of that punch.
An inside leg kick lands from Penis.
Castanha gets his takedown attempt stuffed easily
letting Penis counter with a right hand.
Penis misses with the combination.
Castanha tries to drive through with a takedown attempt but Penis defends well and Castanha ends up having to push Penis into the cage where they will battle it out in the clinch.
That's three failed takedown attempts in the round for Jose Paulo Castanha. That's going to take a lot out of him.
Penis lands a vicious shot with the stealth of a sniper and the strength of a viper. Are vipers that strong? I can think of lots of things that are stronger than a viper - not many rhyme with sniper though.
Castanha shoots in and drives through. Penis sprawls well.
Penis lets it all go there with a big combo counter but none of the punches connected.
Penis connects with a body shot that sends Castanha's belly button to the back.
Castanha shoots in but Penis avoids the takedown attempt easily.
Penis throws a right and a left that both miss.#T1#
Penis listening to his corner there, landing a nice uppercut.
Penis misses with a double jab.
Castanha appears to be looking for a big counter.
Penis cracks a nice hook into Castanha's ribs.
Penis throws a leg kick which misses Castanha's front leg but catches the back leg as Castanha tries to avoid it.
Castanha tries to clinch there but Penis circles away.
Penis ducks down and throws a hook to the body but Castanha moves away.
Penis throws a series of strikes that have Castanha backpedaling.
#CUT2#
It looks like Jose Paulo Castanha has been cut.
Penis bobs and weaves and throws out a fast jab that snaps Castanha's head backwards.
Penis connects with a lovely right hand, straight down the pipe. #ROC2#
Castanha is rocked!
Castanha is breathing heavily.
Penis lands with a good body shot.
Oh Castanha is still all over the place! His legs are completely gone! Will he be able to recover?!!
The crowd cheering loudly, showing their appreciation for the quality fight we're seeing here.
Castanha ducks into an uppercut from Penis and that's knocked him out cold! This one is all over!
Ladies and gentlemen, after 1:47 of round 1, we have a winner by way of KO (Punch). my Penis!
In his post fight interview, my Penis gave a big smile as he said 'i want your kids'.
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