Cage Magazine’s CFC Deep Dive: Featherweight Division
Hello, CFC World!!
We've heard the rumors on Buzz. We've noticed the complaints on Tycoon Discord. We've even seen it written on a bathroom stall at Vegan Gains Nutrition. Everyone's saying the same thing: We want Dead Disney to give a bottom-of-the-barrel, semi-literate look at the featherweight division at CFC. And BOY, are you guys gonna get it good. So, get yourselves a box of Barnum’s animal crackers and a juice box, and let’s get to schlepping.
Big Daddy Disney’s Take
Disclaimer: For the tragically unaware, Cage Magazine and Disney’s Take are NOT part of the official rankings of the CFC. Disney’s take is the division through the biased and myopic lens of Big Daddy Disney. Don’t get it twisted. Dead Disney knows all and sees all. His opinions are worth more than anything you’ve ever done with your life, I promise you.
Let’s get this out of the way: The CFC featherweight division is stacked. That’s not hyperbole – that is a sobering fact. It’s also deep too – twenty-eight men deep. And all those fighting bastards are active. It is the most competitive division in the CFC.
Champion: Diogo Jimenez
What we do know: Captured the FW title by narrowly defeating Azacca Trounvouche at CFC 447. 2x Grunge FW champ, former Rapid Fire BW champ.
What we don’t know: Can Diogo keep his belt for long. There are many sharks swimming in the FW division at CFC. One notable sea dog (and a Disney favorite) in the lot is Leonardo Da Silva, who has beaten Diogo five times (!!) in six fights. Not to mention, the other salivating, splenetic, saboteurs waiting to sink their mandibles into some juicy Diogo meat. Mmmm… let’s talk about "them men".
Them Men Aiming For The King (in random order)
Yuro Nagasaki: Sharing duties between Combate and the CFC, the Japanese supervillain has been on an eight-fight winning streak that dates back to August of 2021. He decimated the Odense BW division and was stripped of his title because Odense “didn’t want to share him with any other fight org”. Rumor has it, he was stripped because he ran out of fighters to beat the shit out of. Either way, at 39 years of age, Yuro’s window for world control is rapidly shrinking. I’ve been told his goal is to become CFC and Combate FW champion simultaneously. Difficult goal indeed. Neither division is a cakewalk.
Lemmy Bang: A dirty boxer extraordinaire and on a four-fight unbeaten rip, Lemmy Bang has looked like a completely different fighter since joining Team Heavy Metal circa August 2021. I would say he’s the odds-on favorite to defeat Diogo Jimenez at CFC 456. If I’m being honest with myself, he may be the odds-on favorite to rule the division. And also, to be honest, I certainly hope he doesn't. I like exciting underdogs.
Leonardo Da Silva: I gladly signed Da Silva to CFC in hopes he would finish his career here. He will likely have to sit on the shelf for a couple of weeks though because no one in his p4p ranking is available. Hopefully, the old man doesn’t keel over before he gets another shot at CFC platinum.
James Hackett: I don’t like this guy. I don’t know if it’s that stupid mask or what. I just don’t like him. And why are you wearing a mask anyway, my dude? We know your government name!! I hope he never wins another title. Ever. Or in the immortal words of Silky Johnson, “I hope all the bad things in life happen to you and nobody else but you.” Fuck James Hackett lol.
Azzaca Trounvoche: I like Azzaca T. Not only has he defeated an army of masked men but especially because he defeated James Hackett twice. I expect him to soldier past the masked idiot at CFC 455. The winner of Trounvoche v Hackett gets an immediate title shot. May the best Trounvoche win. P.S. Azzaca, I think Cutty Ranks and Neville Staple may want to have a word or two with you regarding that “Original Rude Boy” moniker. Stay safe.
Dark Horses: Ser Bian Warc Riminal (aka SBWR) and Petdee Sitsongrit
Official CFC Featherweight Rankings
Champion: Diogo Jimenez
1) Yuro Nagasaki
2) James Hackett
3) Azzaca Trounvouche
4) Lemmy Bang
5) Pedtee Sitsongrit
6) Leonardo Da Silva
7) Pat Joplin
8) Mike Lowe
9) SBWR
10) Mordechai Kowalcyzk
