Alright, folks — MMA Hype Promotions had an absolutely wild weekend filled with blood, sweat, and names that might’ve been generated by an AI with a caffeine addiction. Here’s a recap of last week's events:
🥊 MMA Hype -51- (April 16)
“The Parisian shook like a bottle of expired pre-workout.”
The night kicked off like someone hit fast-forward on a bar fight. Jay Lawrence made Shawn Silvia tap via submission by punches — the rare "I'm done, please stop punching me" special.
Ken FrownFelter battered Shteve Erthegg with a TKO, proving once and for all that vowel economy doesn’t win fights.
Huolilong Li gave Charles Luciano a one-way ticket to the shadow realm with a clean KO punch — someone check if Charles is still buffering.
The Fight of the Night belonged to Bryson Whitehead vs. Stephen Blair, who threw everything at each other for 15 minutes and still ended up with a majority draw. Like two guys fighting over the last protein bar, and nobody wins.
Kurt Heinicke won KO of the Night by clocking Timmy Tommy with the kind of punch that makes your ancestors hurt. Somewhere, the Tooth Fairy is filing for overtime.
Also, let’s not forget Rowan Duran’s savage TKO over Kimo Sabe in under a minute. Brutal. Efficient. Zero filler.
Event MVP: Kurt Heinicke
Event Mood: Explosive gym beef energy
🥊 MMA Hype -52- (April 19)
“Who gave everyone caffeine and anger management issues?”
Oliver Queen defended the welterweight title with a 12-second 4th round TKO — a reminder that if you're still in your corner yawning, he's already in your face with fists.
Weilong Li pulled off a beautiful kimura to earn Submission of the Night, while Marcus Spring and Handsome Mail (real name, not a typo) put on a Fight of the Night clinic of precision, grit, and abs.
Demetrius Cordova, Stephen McGarvey, and Harrison Rose all ended their opponents' nights early with first-round TKOs and KOs, each delivering more heat than your average summer in Vegas.
Also, props to Blake Wise for finishing Boy Kamatis with a guillotine that came out of nowhere — like a sneaky snake in a sauna.
Event MVP: Oliver Queen
Event Mood: "Finish him!" on repeat
🤼 Grappling Hype -11- (April 20)
“The mats ran slick with sweat and regret.”
Torso Junior and Victor Kramer grappled like their lives depended on it, with Torso locking in a kimura at the 12-minute mark to steal Fight of the Night and traumatize shoulders across LA.
Gabe Utsecks must’ve had dinner plans because he snagged Sub of the Night in 48 seconds with a triangle armbar so tight it could've popped a watermelon.
Olaf Koks defended his 135-lb belt by rear-naked choking Gromli Grumblegut (who sounds like a D&D NPC), and Lyric Mann made Kevin Hart sing the blues via arm triangle.
Event MVP: Gabe "No Time for Nonsense" Utsecks
Event Mood: Human pretzels and humility
🤼 Grappling Hype -12- (April 20)
“The attendance may have been small, but the submissions were LOUD.”
Big Guy earned Sub of the Night by strangling Gadzhimagomed Magomedov in the final second of the round. Honestly, that’s cinematic.
Diminutive Jackson vs. Spud Grubbins took Fight of the Night, a gritty triangle choke finish from a man whose name sounds like a Dickens character.
Don Cortez claimed the 265+ belt with an arm triangle that left Lehel Bartasz wondering why he ever left the buffet line.
Rat Man beat Robert Melia via decision, raising questions like: Is Rat Man a nickname or a lifestyle?
Event MVP: Big Guy
Event Mood: Fewer people, more pain
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