2012-02-24
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Malevolent 3: Preview

Event Preview: Malevolent 3
Malevolent Inc.
2012-02-26, Las Vegas, Hard Knocks - Las Vegas
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How's it going sugar tits? K-Rad here and pretty bloody excited about the fact too. I get to spend a bit of time in Vegas these days and with Malevolent 3 coming at you from the Hard Knocks arena you know you're in for something special. A great location, a great organisation and a great card make for good (GREAT!) times and I'm here to give you the run down of the impending 10 fights that are going to be taking place. The promotional poster looks fantastic, some sort of tree with big man tits and a tribal tattoo, so I am assuming it is what trees look like in New Zealand. Anyway, let's get down to the action:

Dennis "Y U No" Trollface vs. Alan Johnstone

Welterweight


We kick off the card with "Y U No" Trollface and Johnstone representing the 170lbs division. "Y U No", of "Y U No call me!" and "Y U Go CostCo No Say Hi Me!" fame is most likely of Filo descent, a hypothesis backed up by his love of boxing. Johnstone is more of the wrestling type but both men are evenly matched on the mat making it fairly likely that if Johnstone manages to avoid having his head removed from his shoulders very early in this fight that we're going to see a lot of ground work going on. Johnstone is the taller man by a clear 10cm and given that both men are rookies it is too early to know what their capabilities are in terms of grappling. With this in mind I am going to support Johnstone to take the early takedown and pound out a Ko victory on his debut.

Dean "Micky" McCallester vs. Jynkka Levanen

Light Heavyweight


Two more rookies, this time light heavyweights in the shape of "Micky" McCallester and Levanen take to the cage to keep the action rolling. Despite both men taking out wins in their debut appearances, "Micky's" morale is pretty ordinary which suggests the guy is a primadonna and a cry baby. No one likes a whinger McCallester, Dr K-Rad's prescription is a teaspoon of concrete to help you harden the f**k up. We've a classic battle of the styles here as McCallester is a standup star-to-be and Levanen prefers the ground work so you're going to have to give the advantage to whoever comes the hardest out of the gate. With his lack of heart and inferior wrestling I feel that it will be Levanen who seizes the initiative and wraps up the submission win.

Ike "Beat Yo A$$" Turner vs. Desean Jackson

Lightweight


A lightweight with a great history of beating a$$, as his name suggests, is "Beat Yo A$$" Turner who is looking to take out a win on debut against Jackson. One thing Turner has against him is his amateur record only contains beatings against women and Jackson appears to be a man. Or a very ugly woman. Or a very ugly man. Either way, given Turner holds the ability to dictate where this fight takes place, thanks to his Thai boxing and wrestling, I am feeling that Jackson is up shit creek with a turd for a paddle when it comes to his ability to put his brown belt to use, unless Turner has a brain explosion. I don't see it happening and I feel that Jackson is in for a big beating as Turner goes for the KO victory.

Avan "The Hero" Strash vs. Prince Pierre Paul

Light Heavyweight


A drastic battle of experience versus lack of here in the 4th fight of the night as "The Hero" Strash, veteran of Malevolent's former embodiment looks to improve his record against the hugely outmatched Paul. I am not sure what Paul or his manager were thinking when accepting this fight, but I can only assume it alternated between the titties on the card girls and the potential cocaine they could buy with the match fees. On their feet the two men are well matched and Paul will be looking to use his 20cm height advantage to put his kickboxing to good use, but "The Hero" has what it takes to take the fight down and if he does it is all over for Paul and in short time too. With experience and a good KO pedigree behind him it is difficult to bet against Strash and I feel he has what it takes to end this fight and make it 5 KOs from 5 wins.

Assylbek "CroCop" Malibaev vs. Kilian "Horse Gums" O Donnel

Middleweight


Back to rookies to finish off the undercard and this time it is the 1000000000000th fighter calling himself "CroCop" taking on "Horse Gums" O Donnel. I am a big fan of O Donnel already just for being called "Horse Gums", he isn't even smiling in the photo, that is how frightening those gums are. Like a bulldog eating porridge. Anyhow, this should be an interesting bout as "CroCop" and O Donnel are more or less equal on their feet but Malibaev is outclassed on the ground. The question will be whether or not the shorter and lighter "Horse Gums" has what it takes to take the fight down if things get too hectic standing. I feel that the older O Donnel probably has the superior cardio and that is what this might come down to as I tip him to take out the decision.

Hurley Rodriguez vs. Kram "Dos" Zetroc Lii

Welterweight


More welterweights, this time the all rounder Rodriguez is looking to end "Dos" Zetroc Lii's current 2 fight undefeated record. Like an earlier bout, this is a fight that is going to go to ground sometime unless Rodriguez manages to score the KO early and if it does go down he is in big trouble. Lii lives to grapple and whilst Rodriguez is no slouch, he certainly isn't up to the level of "Dos". What Rodriguez does have going for him, and hopefully it will offset his less than spectacular morale, is that "Dos'" energy levels right now are sub-par and if he manages to stuff a few takedowns then Lii will be pretty tired, pretty early, enhancing the chance of a Rodriguez KO. Given Rodriguez's overall experience, his ability to KO and to sub and Lii's potentially low energy, I am expecting Rodriguez to hold out on the mat and win a points victory.

"Big Dog" Joe Borgia vs. Ken Shamrock

Light Heavyweight


We're slowly starting to creep up in terms of the experience of the fighters as "Big Dog" Borgia looks to turn around a 2 fight losing streak thanks to some big striking but Shamrock may be up to the task, despite having a disadvantage on his feet he does have the ability to turn around any Borgia takedowns and put his purple belt to good use and wrap up a limb. The problem here is, Shamrock is 10cm shorter and "Big Dog" really has the boxing skills to keep distance and strike with impunity, something I expect to make all the difference and assuming he doesn't get too enthusiastic and try a takedown he should easily notch up a KO win.

Panzer Grenadier vs. Livingston Barclay

Heavyweight


It begins! The big boys are stepping up to the plate and they're bringing some serious skills along for the ride. Both men are top quality strikers who have gained all of their wins via KO. Wear flame retardant TapOut shirts and be careful not to singe your stupid looking flat brimmed caps because there is going to be showers of sparks spraying the spectators in this showdown. That's called alliteration kids, tell your friends. What Grenadier lacks in wrestling he makes up in jitsu which means this fight is more evenly balanced than a jug of water on the head of some African lady with a ridiculously long and blinged up neck. I really don't know which way to go here, both men are so well matched but just for shits and giggles I am going to tip a draw. That's right, you heard it here first!

Kain "The Krippler" Velazquez vs. "The Killing Machine" Gunner Malone

Light Heavyweight. Co-Main Event!


Continuing out little run of experienced, well matched fighters is "The Krippler" Velazquez and his 3rd grade spelling skills up against "The Killing Machine" Malone and his obvious tertiary education majoring in mechanical engineering. Both men are looking to redeem themselves against losses to the same man, Thor Skank, the champ with the big hitting game and neither man wants to come out 2nd best. Or 3rd best as I guess it would be. Malone claims to have killed a bear with his bare hands. Two pro-tips mate, 1) A koala is not a bear, 2) That is not why they are called bare hands. Comparing the two men, you'd have to expect that Malone has what it takes to keep the fight standing which means they will be trading blows until one of them goes down like a fat kid on a smartie. Taking this into account, it seems that "The Krippler's 16cm of extra height should make all the difference when it comes to raining down destruction from a distance and I tip him to take out the KO.

"Byeee" Relentless AD vs. "This is" Bad Idea

Lightweight. Main Event TITLE FIGHT!


The main event is a special treat and I don't mean the type that comes with ice cubes and a spirit made from sugar cane. I am talking lightweight title fight between the challenger AD, a journeyman on a 5 fight win streak thanks to a great all round set of skills, taking on Idea the champ who is on 6 fights straight and really loves to turn out lights. This is a fight that shouldn't require judges but should require some paramedics. AD's slightly less than perfect energy levels should be restored by fight night and it will be just in time for Idea to really punish him. AD is outmatched in every aspect of this fight and Idea is probably just deciding how best to end it. Given the difference in ground skills I am thinking it is most likely to be a submission win for the champ but he can really do whatever he wants. He could probably grab AD's arm and make him knock himself out if he really wanted to. Anyway, it's an Idea win via submission for my money.

There you have it boys and girls. 10 exciting fights just waiting for you to cheer on. Don't be a little girl's blouse, make sure you're there and cageside with me so we can join in on the action and watch some overgrown man children get injured! K-Rad is out of here!

 

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