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 Greetings and salutations from a very flooded tropical Central Queensland coastline. K-Rad here and I am smack bang in the middle of Great Barrier Reef territory taking on the floods, trucks, kangaroos and crocodiles 4x4 styles. That's now what makes me write to you all though, I am here to bring to you all of the details for the impending Malevolent 7 card. Coming to you from Hard Knocks arena in Vegas, we're expecting 3000 black t-shirt clad internet warriors looking to prove their manliness in a mob. THe light heavyweight title is up for grabs in the main event and it's going to be a scorcher but just to make sure you don't forget the other fights on the card we'll take a look at them right now:
Dean "Micky" McCallester vs. Dwayne "Hillbilly Slammer" Jenkins
Light Heavyweight
We kick off the night with a light heavyweight bout between a debutante and a man who only has 2 professional fights and a loss in his last has destroyed his self esteem. With that said, this is a 1-sided fight of epic proportions with McCallester's remarkable and wonderful Western and Thai boxing respectively taking on Jenkins' absolute lack of any standup barring merely competent boxing. Someone's going to be taking an early sleep tonight. In terms of grappling the two men are equally balanced but I don't expect this to make any difference as "Micky" should be taking a very early KO win.
Shingo "Kamikaze " Tanaka vs. Clay Castro
Welterweight
Two more new comers with mixed records look to start a winning streak off the back of wins in their previous appearances. It'll be an interesting fight as "Kamikaze" has the ability to take this fight down and pound it out however Castro is the superior jitsu practisioner so unless he gets it perfect he'll find himself at the mercy of Castro's submission game. With that said, Tanaka doesn't have the striking to stand and bang with Tanaka so he'll need to put his eggs in one basket and go for the early takedown and KO and given Castro's less than great energy levels I think "Kamikaze" may well have what it takes to pull out another KO victory here.
John Hunyadi vs. TheRock Obama
Heavyweight
There's some big skills coming up in this heavyweight battle between two men who haven't had spectacular starts to their careers, although this is mostly more related to the quality of their opponents. Hunyadi comes from the famous Cullen camp, a good pedigree in its own right and with sensational boxing capping off a well rounded skill set he will be hoping he can put it to good use before Obama's superior wrestling and jitsu get the fight to the floor. Obama is no striking slouch himself but Hunyadi has 31cm height on him which will allow him to out reach and out strike and I think he has the knowhow behind him to secure a knock out.
Eron "Golden" Silva vs. Douglas "General" MacArthur
Middleweight
Another mixed record fighter, "Golden" Silva is taking on a debutante in "General" MacArthur but it is possible he has bitten off more than he can chew. "Golden" has a slight wrestling advantage but that's about it as "General" holds the standing aces as well as 35cm in height which is going to put him in trouble if Silva manages to get it down to the floor but this is going to be a fight that comes down to who has the balls to step up and put it all on the line. The more aggressive fighter should take this out as they will be able to dictate the terms of the match and I think this is a great opportuniy for the new guy MacArthur to unleash a KO victory.
Steve "Teddy Bear" Dudley vs. Atticus Finch Kill A Mocking Bird
Welterweight
There's potential for a death in the cage here as the undefeated, after a billion years in training prior to his professional debut, "Teddy Bear" Dudley takes on the well experienced, good to go any time Mocking Bird. Dudley is an elite boxer, one of the finest in the business and although Bird has better skills along the rest of the primaries they certainly aren't outstanding and taken into account that Dudley is taller this is going to make his punching game absolutely leathal. Bird turned around a stretch of poor form with a submission win in his last outing which shows he does have the grappling game to take out a win but I think he won't get the chance to put it to use as I expect "Teddy Bear" to turn off his light early.
"The Killing Machine" Gunner Malone vs. Stan "Stampede" Pede
Light Heavyweight
This should be a great fight to kick off the maincard. A clash of styles as "The Killing Machine" Malone and his big boxing and decent wrestling is looking to take on "Stampede" Pede's brown belt and superb wrestling. Both men will be looking to seize the day early here as whoever can strike first will take the win. Malone has 5 KOs to his name from 5 wins, Pede has 4 subs from 4 wins, this is a fight which is not going to see 3 rounds. "The Killing Machine" has 19cm which will make him devastatingly accurate with his punches but also possibly succeptible to Pede's takedowns so it is super difficult to pick a winner in this fight as both men should be putting on their best efforts but I think Malone has enough wrestling to keep this fight standing long enough to land a knockout punch on "Stampede".
Johnny "let it" Rain vs. Santa "Weihnachts" Schwein
Middleweight
Oh yeah, veteran time! "Let It" Rain and "Weihnachts" Schwein both have 20 fights behind them and a good amount of wins versus defeats so this is a highly anticipated fight for me. In terms of skills, "Weihnachts" is the better fighter as he is an elite boxer and has the vastly superior kickboxer and there's nothing between when it comes to wrestling and jiujitsu. Both men have huge KO capabilities so it is going to be a fireworks display of the variety that get the ladies moist and the men frothing, or possibly the other way around. Again, it is difficult to pick a winner as both men have big fists but I think the older and better skilled Schwein will be able to land the finishing blow.
Koral Creyonte vs. Hurley Rodriguez
welterweight
A couple of solid up and coming welterweights preceede the co-main event as Creyonte and Rodriguez throw down to prove a point about who is the greater rising star. Both men have shown an impressive ability to score wins with both KOs and subs though Rodriguez is the older fighter and may have the superior gastank due to the longer sessions of training. Rodriguez has 14cm height on Creyonte which will give him a little bit of a chance to overcome some of Creyonte's superior striking game but I don't think this will be enough as the latter will be able to kick away at those lanky legs over the course of the fight so I am tipping a Creyonte win via decision.
"Byeee" Relentless AD vs. "Sucks To Suck, Sucker" Air Canada
Lightweight. Co-Main Event
Our first lightweight bout of the night is also our co-main event which features "Byeee" AD and "Sucks to Suck, Sucker" Canada in an interesting contrast of lack of energy versus lack of morale. The 2 men are almost exactly evenly matched in terms of primary skills and both men are capable of knocking out or submitting opponents which is adding an element of surprise to how this fight will end. AD had a pretty poor start to his career but the latter half has been quite impressive, notching up 7 wins from 9 appearances whereas Canada is riding a 2 fight losing streak, but with that said both losses have been to high quality opponents. For my mind, I feel that AD has really come into his element of late and has what it takes to clean up with another KO victory. WIth all of that said, it isn't really going to make a dick of difference as both men fight for the same manager, as evident by their exact same fight gear. How are we going to tell the two men apart?
Thor Skank vs. Ricardo "The Grave Digger " Hendricks
Light Heavyweight. Main Event TITLE FIGHT!
Title fight time! Light heavyweights Skank and "The Grave Digger" Hendricks are ready to battle it out for your enjoyment in a fight which is not particularly opportune for the champ Skank. Whilst Skank has wonderful Thai boxing, Hendricks has far, far better Western boxing, decent kickboxing of his own, sensational wrestling and the better jitsu. This spells big trouble for Skank as "The Grave Digger" looks to me to be the heavy favourite going into this fight and unless Skank can unleash a big headkick or elbow early on I expect Hendricks to finish this fight on his own terms, likely also via KO as he is yet to notch up a submission. To be honest I think the belt is changing hands, the only question is in what style and given Hendricks' previous record I am going to give him the KO win.
There you have it kids, the Malevolent 7 card in its entirety, in your face. I hope it has been informative and I also hope I'll see you all cage side at the event with your best looking big titty girl and stupidest grin! K-Rad is out!
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