PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a heavyweight kickboxing rules bout between Howard Stern (ranked 1804 p4p, 201 weight class) and Ret Ired (ranked 2349 p4p, 235 weight class). Stern comes to the ring accompanied by The Great American Nightmare. Ired has a niggling injury. He would have liked to come in 100% fit but that's not always possible. Howard Stern is staring across the ring at his opponent, tweaking his nipples... Tweaking his own nipples that is.

Stern
vs
Ired

184 cm
45
220 lbs
40 - 34 - 1

150 cm
36
191 lbs
17 - 6 - 1

Decent elbows
Granite chin

Lethal high kicks
Heavy handed

Dr Zoidberg Office

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the heavyweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 40 - 34 - 1, fighting out of Las Vegas, Howard Stern!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 17 - 6 - 1, fighting out of Rio de Janeiro, Ret Ired!
The judges for this bout are Shigeki Sano, Shirou Masuda and Yasuomi Hirokawa.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Stern misses with a body shot. Nice footwork from Ired.
Stern avoids the clinch attempt nicely.
A telegraphed right hand from Stern misses the target.
A slow jab from Stern misses its intended target.
Stern lands a glancing blow to the side of Ired's head.
Stern bobs and weaves and throws out a fast jab that snaps Ired's head backwards.
Stern throws a hook to the body but it doesn't connect.
Good shot there by Stern.
Stern throws out a powerful jab.
Nice defenses there by Ired.
Ired misses with a hook.
Stern throws a good cross that connects.
Ired looks winded!

Ired moves into the clinch successfully.

Stern breaks from the clinch.
Stern missing with a left hand there. Ired was out of range so wasted energy throwing that one.
Stern moving in and out of range nicely, whilst landing the scoring shot.
The crowd cheering loudly, showing their appreciation for the quality fight we're seeing here.
Ired ducks under an overhand right and circles away with a smile on his face.
Stern throws a monster uppercut resembling something out of street fighter but it doesn't land.
Stern scores with a punch to the head.

Stern clinches up against the ropes.
Our sources have told us that Stern has been working on his elbows in the gym.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Ired misses with a shot to the kidneys.
Stern blocking some punches.
Stern lands an elbow that stopped Ired in his tracks for a moment.
Stern is trying to force a seperation but Ired has the dominant position.
Stern blocks an uppercut.

Ired escapes the clinch and we're back to striking.
Ired fails in his attempt to clinch.
Wow, both these guys are really going for it!
Stern listening to his corner there, landing a nice uppercut.
Ired misses the jab.
Stern is really peppering his opponent's head with punches.
A decent looking cross lands there for Ired.
Stern scores with a crisp jab that stopped Ired in his tracks.
Stern is using his reach advantage well here, landing the more effective single shots from range.
Ired is looking to take this fight into the clinch.
Howard Stern is looking to keep the fight on the feet at all costs.
The fight stays on the outside here - Ired looks like he's thinking about clinching though.
Stern looks to score with a combo but nothing lands.
Stern connects with a leg kick. He turned his hip over nicely there.
Ired uses some good footwork to avoid the body shot by Stern.
Ired looks shocked there as he takes a right hand to the temple.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Stern stooping low to avoid any incoming strikes and then lunges in with an uppercut come cross that lands flush.
The crowd are loving this. Great action here.
Stern tries to work over Ired's front leg with a kick but Ired checks it.
Stern cracks Ired with a hook to the jaw. Both fighters smile at eachother and high-five before getting back down to business.
Howard Stern seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
Stern lands a body shot.
Ired slips a jab and a cross from Stern.
Stern misses with a looping left.
Stern lunges at Ired with a hook that half lands and is half blocked by Ired's hand.
A good leg kick by Stern.
Ired avoids the clinch attempt nicely.
Stern bobbing and weaving, closes the distance and lands a hook to the side of Ired's head.
Stern lands with a straight right. Ired didn't see that one coming.
Stern bobbing and weaving, closes the distance and lands a hook to the side of Ired's head.

The fight moves into the clinch position.

Stern breaks the clinch.
The crowd applaud the fighters' efforts here as the round comes to an end.
Ired is pinned up against the ropes taking some big shots here. The referee is looking closely deciding whether he should stop the fight.
Ired is looking to take this fight into the clinch.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Howard Stern dominated that round.
OK. That's time! The bell goes and we're back to the action.

The fight stays on the outside here - Ired looks like he's thinking about clinching though.
Stern swings wildly with a hook that is half blocked by Ired.
Ired takes a jab on the nose there. A little bit of blood seems to be coming out. Hopefully that won't affect his breathing.
Ired tries to bum rush Stern with a series of wild strikes but Stern uses good footwork to avoid the assault.
Ired is looking to clinch but Stern is avoiding it.
Ired fails with an attempt to clinch.
Ired takes a shot to the eye socket. That's gotta hurt.
Stern scores with a big left there. The judges will like that one.
Stern fakes low and throws an overhand right that catches Ired on the side of the head.
Stern lands with a cross.
Ired moves in looking to clinch but Stern pushes him off.
Ired walks forward, straight into a front kick from Stern.
Ired tries to close the distance and clinch up against the ropes but Stern paws at him with a jab and circles away.
Ired wants to clinch up but Stern keeps it at a distance.
Stern lands a nice leg kick that just misses Ired's sensitive parts.
Ired is breathing heavily.
The crowd cheering loudly, showing their appreciation for the quality fight we're seeing here.
Ired doesn't manage to clinch there - Stern circles away.
The crowd cheers as Stern lands an impressive looking overhand right. Ired doesn't seem phased though.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Stern scores with a crisp jab that stopped Ired in his tracks.
Ired ducks under a wild hook from Stern.
Stern throws a hook but Ired blocks it.
A jab from Stern does it's job there.
Stern throws a low kick but his opponent is out of range.
Ired moves to clinch but Stern breaks away
and Stern connects with a straight left hand counter down the middle.
Stern thuds his right hand into Ired's forehead from close range. That could be painful for both fighters.
A big left from Stern misses.
Stern misses with a hook.
Stern fails with an attempt to clinch.
Stern lands a lovely overhand right.
Stern avoids the clinch attempt nicely.
Stern cracks Ired with an open hand slap.
Howard Stern is winning the standup battle so far.
Stern feints a straight left to the body, then turns around with a flashy move and hits Ireds jaw with a dramatic spinning back fist!
Ired wants to clinch
and Stern makes him pay by landing a thudding low kick.
The fans in attendance giving it up for the two fighters, who have really let it all hang out in the last minute or so!
Ired misses with a low kick.

Stern moves into the clinch successfully.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Ired struggles to land a body shot inside as Stern controls his hands.

Stern escapes the clinch and we're back to striking.

Stern clinches up against the ropes.

Stern pushes off and circles away, back to the middle of the mat.
An inside leg kick from Ired misses.
Stern uses good footwork to get in and out, landing a nice hook.
Ret Ired is looking to throw some combinations by the looks of things.
Stern misses with a leg kick.
Ired lets the fists fly and connects with a left straight followed by a right hook.
Stern fails in his attempt to clinch.
Stern lands a nice shot that snaps Ired's head back.
Ired steps to the side to avoid the strikes from Stern.
Stern misses with a looping right.
Ired avoids the body shot from Stern.
The crowd applaud the fighters' efforts here as the round comes to an end.
Stern lands a nice hook to Ired's body. Ired takes it in his stride and looks to land his own strikes.
Stern throws a leg kick but Ired checks it.

Stern tries to keep at a distance but Ired has taken the fight into the clinch.

Stern escapes the clinch and we're back to striking.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Howard Stern dominated that second round.
That's time! Back to the action! This is the final round!

Stern drives through and clinches with Ired against the ropes.
Ired working aggressively here.
Stern is looking to break free of the clinch but Ired has double underhooks.

Stern's corner calls for him to break the clinch, which he does.
Stern misses with a looping right.

Stern fakes with an overhand right and moves in to clinch with Ired, pushing him back against the ropes.
Ired misses with a hook to the ribs.
Ret Ired has stepped it up - he knows he needs a finish here!
Ired dodges an elbow strike from Stern.
Ired presses Stern against the ropes and delivers a mid-strength body shot.
Ired is trying to stall.
A battle for position here, against the ropes.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
An uppercut on the inside fails to land for Ired.
Ired struggles to land a body shot inside as Stern controls his hands.
Ired takes a big intake of breath there - he's definitely tired.
Ired cracks Stern with a nice body shot.

Stern breaks the clinch.
Stern works his jab well there, keeping his opponent at a distance.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Stern scores with a jab.
Stern is really dominating this fight. Is there anything that Ired can do to turn this around?
Stern cracks Ired with an open hand slap.
Stern scoring well with a low kick there.
Ired throws a right and a left that Stern avoids nicely.
A telegraphed right hand from Stern misses the target.

Ired clinches up against the ropes.
Stern tries to circle away but Ired has him pinned against the ropes.

Stern escapes the clinch and we're back to striking.
Ired moves in looking to clinch but Stern pushes him off.
A punch combination from Stern misses.
Ired slips a straight right by Stern.
Stern thuds his right hand into Ired's forehead from close range. That could be painful for both fighters.
Ired avoids a lazy jab quite easily.
Ired walks into a stiff left hand from Stern.
Stern takes a step towards his opponent and connects with a left hand, before circling away.
Good shot there by Stern.
The crowd are loving this. Great action here.
Stern throws a head kick that misses.

That's two minutes gone in the round.

Stern rushes Ired and pushes him back against the ropes in a clinch.
Stern is looking to break free of the clinch but Ired has double underhooks.
Stern is using his height advantage well here, landing a good percentage of his punches.
Stern wants to break free but Ired has control.

Ired breaks the clinch.
Howard Stern is fighting for a decision here - he's started to take the cautious approach.
Ired throws a combination. Stern tries to block but a couple of punches get through.

It looks like Howard Stern has been cut.
Stern lands with a cross.
Ired gets his head snapped back by a nice shot there.
Stern cracks Ired with a hook to the jaw. Both fighters smile at eachother and high-five before getting back down to business.
Stern connects with a right hand. Ired shakes it off.
Ired needs to keep his hands up - Stern had a free shot at his head there.
Stern misses with a jab, cross combination.
Stern looks to land a left hand but Ired moved out of range nicely.
Stern bobs and weaves and throws out a fast jab that snaps Ired's head backwards.
Ired has a pretty nasty looking mouse under his right eye.
Ired ducks down and throws a hook to the body but Stern moves away.
Stern swung with a counter punch to the body but it didn't connect.
Stern tests Ired's chin there with a solid looking shot.

And that's the end of the fight!
Howard Stern showed his dominance in that final round.
Well Stern has outscored his opponent in every aspect of the fight today. Only a scarily incompetent judge or two will keep him from a well deserved win... Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Shigeki Sano scores the fight 30:27
Judge Shirou Masuda scores the fight 30:27
Judge Yasuomi Hirokawa scores the fight 30:27

In favor of your winner, by unanimous decision... Howard Stern!
A very excited looking Howard Stern made sure he remembered to thank all the fans both in the arena and on the internet. He said all the coolest people spend all day on MMA websites, which got a big reaction.