PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a bantamweight MMA rules bout between Rob $tone (ranked 6605 p4p, 2847 weight class) and Long Schlong (ranked 238 p4p, 160 weight class). Rob $tone is staring across the ring at his opponent, tweaking his nipples... Tweaking his own nipples that is.

$tone
vs
Schlong

170 cm
26
145
4 - 3 - 1

178 cm
27
148
9 - 8 - 1

Good wrestling
Excellent boxer
Insanely flexible

Excellent grappler
World class MT
Good gas tank

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the bantamweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 4 - 3 - 1, fighting out of Las Vegas, Rob $tone!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 9 - 8 - 1, fighting out of Las Vegas, Long Schlong!
The judges for this bout are Donald Grub, Chris Edwards and Phil Schofield.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Schlong changes levels and scores with a jab to the body.
Schlong thows a leg kick but $tone checks it

and $tone counters with a shoot takedown. Schlong fights it but they end up in guard.
Schlong keeping moving, preventing $tone from controlling successfully.
The fighters are trapped in the ropes so we're going to have a reposition here. The ref calls for a break and repositions the fighters in the center of the ring.
Schlong is working from a closed guard but he's struggling to control his opponent.
$tone wants to control from the top but Schlong keeps moving.
$tone preventing the sweep.
$tone trying to control but Schlong is working from the bottom.
Schlong is trying to keep $tone in close.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Schlong keeping moving, preventing $tone from controlling successfully.
We must be close to a standup if these guys don't pick up the pace.

The referee decides to stand the fighters back up.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Schlong goes for a double leg but $tone avoids the attempt and the two fighters end up clinched against the ropes as $tone continues to drive forward.
$tone tries to counter with a takedown but Schlong is quick to defend against it.
Long Schlong seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
Schlong pushing out the jab but it's not landing.
$tone feinted with a counter takedown.
Schlong misses with a leg kick

so $tone counters with a double leg into guard. Good agility.
$tone stopping the sweep attempt from Schlong.

Schlong is active off his back here, looking for submissions.

Schlong looking for submissions off his back, moving his hips, looking for an opening.
Schlong wants to sweep but no luck.

Schlong has his foot on $tone's thigh. He's trying to push off and get in position for a triangle, I think. $tone works his way back into a safe position though.

Schlong looking for submissions from the bottom here. Moving his hips around, possibly looking for an armbar.

That's two minutes gone in the round.

Schlong is throwing his legs up, looking for submissions. $tone is aware though and is defending well.
$tone trying to control the position from guard on top but Schlong is wriggling around, looking for whatever he can.
$tone tries to free his leg and advance position but Schlong is retaining full guard.

Schlong is active off his back here, looking for submissions.
$tone preventing the sweep.

Schlong escapes his hips to the side and looks to be working for an armbar. $tone gives him a little smile and shakes his head. No chance.
$tone wants to control from the top but Schlong keeps moving.
Schlong can't do much from the bottom at the moment, as $tone controls the pace.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Schlong keeping moving, preventing $tone from controlling successfully.
$tone slows down the pace of the fight, as he sits in guard.

The referee decides to stand the fighters back up.
Schlong throws a hard body shot but it just misses.
Schlong throws an off balance right hand

and $tone decides to take the opportunity to score a takedown. He's landed in Schlong's guard.
Schlong tries to land a sweep but no joy.
Schlong is trying to keep $tone in close.
$tone stopping the sweep attempt from Schlong.
$tone trying to pass the guard but can't manage it just yet.
Schlong trying to keep a closed guard but $tone is proving a slippery customer.
Schlong keeping moving, preventing $tone from controlling successfully.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
$tone preventing the sweep.
$tone looking to control the position here, rather than advance.
Schlong keeping full guard, as $tone tries to pass.
$tone sitting in guard, not really doing much.

The ref stands the fighters back up due to a lack of activity.
Schlong throws a good cross that connects.
The crowd thankful this round is nearly over.
A telegraphed right hand from Schlong misses the target.
$tone feinted with a counter takedown.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Rob $tone dominated that round.
That's the end of the interval. I'm sure that seemed a lot quicker than a minute for our two fighters! Back to the action.

Schlong fakes a jab and throws a low kick but $tone checks it well.
$tone feinted with a counter takedown.
Schlong throws out a token jab with nothing on it.
$tone feinted with a counter takedown.
$tone blocks a jab.
Schlong with the inside leg kick.
Schlong throws an uppercut from half a mile away. $tone sees it coming and avoids it easily.
Schlong rushes in with a sloppy looking punch

and $tone counters with a single leg into guard. Schlong didn't expect that.
Schlong looking to control but $tone passes into half guard.
Schlong trying to control from the bottom.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Schlong is looking for a sweep. $tone is wise to his cunning plan and keeps the top position.
$tone takes a deep breath and rests his weight momentarily on top of his opponent, to control the position.
Schlong is looking for a sweep. $tone is wise to his cunning plan and keeps the top position.
Schlong wants to control but $tone is keeping busy and won't allow it.
Rob $tone overall seems to be getting the better of the ground position in the fight so far.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Schlong wants to improve his position but $tone is controlling well.

$tone is trying a forearm choke… I don't think that's going to do much at this level of the game.
Schlong trying to get back to full guard but $tone takes advantage of the position and moves to full mount!
$tone controlling from the full mount.
$tone looking to control but Schlong is working nicely, looking to advance position himself.
$tone controlling from the full mount.
$tone avoids the attempt from Schlong to control.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
$tone controlling from the full mount.
Schlong regains half guard.
Schlong is looking to regain full guard. Not this time though.
$tone wants to pass the guard but Schlong is defending well.
$tone is trying to control. Schlong wants to improve his position but can't escape this time.
$tone looks over to his corner - he wants some instructions but his corner are not responding.

That's three minutes gone in the round.

Schlong looking for submissions from an awkward position here.
$tone is trying to control. Schlong wants to improve his position but can't escape this time.
Schlong wants to control but $tone is keeping busy.
Schlong regains full guard. Nicely done.
Schlong is trying to keep $tone in close.
Schlong can't keep his opponent in guard - $tone advances to half guard, no doubt looking to mount.

$tone is looking for an arm triangle, whilst trying to pass to side control. Schlong doesn't seem that keen to cooperate though. No luck this time $tone.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
The crowd are showing their displeasure at the lack of action as loud boos ring out around the arena.
$tone stalling.
Schlong works his way to full guard. Good work.

Schlong working away from the bottom but not quite defensive enough there because $tone has passed into half guard!
Boooooooooooooooooooo!!! God, this has been a terrible round. Come on you two, sort yourselves out!
Schlong is looking for a sweep. $tone is wise to his cunning plan and keeps the top position.
Schlong is trying to control but can't.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Rob $tone dominated that second round.
That's time! Back to the action! This is the final round!

A looping hook to the body misses from Schlong. $tone does a little dance to reset his feet.
A telegraphed right hand from Schlong misses the target.
Schlong throws a poor cross that misses

and $tone counters with a nice double leg into half guard.
$tone is really dominating this fight. Is there anything that Schlong can do to turn this around?
$tone wants to take a breather but Schlong is having none of it.
Schlong gets back to full guard.
$tone wants to control from the top but Schlong keeps moving.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
$tone showing good wrestling skills to control the position.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Schlong looking to hit a scissor sweep but $tone is one step ahead there.
$tone trying to control the position from guard on top but Schlong is wriggling around, looking for whatever he can.

Schlong has his foot on $tone's thigh. He's trying to push off and get in position for a triangle, I think. $tone works his way back into a safe position though.

Schlong throwing his legs up looking for a triangle.
$tone advances position into side control!
$tone trying to control the position but Schlong is working away.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
The crowd are starting to boo a lack of action.
Schlong wants to control but $tone postures up.
Schlong tries to work a leg under to get back to half guard but $tone wriggles his own leg back out and remains in side control.
Schlong struggling a bit here.
Schlong tries to bench press $tone off him but $tone keeps the position.

$tone wants to work for a kimura but he's foiled early by Schlong, who protects the arm well.
Schlong tries to improve position but can't.
Schlong tries to control but end up mounted... ooooh, that's bad.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
$tone tries to control but Schlong wriggling away.

$tone goes for an armbar but Schlong turns quickly into his guard - lovely anticipation from Schlong.
$tone pulls Schlong in close to his closed guard and prevents Schlong from doing any damage or advancing position.
Schlong trying to control but $tone is working from the bottom.
$tone is trying to control the position but Schlong postures up.
There's a bit of a scramble here and now $tone is on top in guard.

$tone stopping the sweep attempt from Schlong.

That's four minutes gone in the round.

Schlong looks to be working for a triangle here. Oh, it looks like he might have it! $tone has picked Schlong up and slammed him! Schlong can't keep hold of the triangle and $tone manages to pass to side control!
Schlong can't do much from the bottom here.
Schlong is looking to reverse the position.
Long Schlong has stepped it up - he knows he needs a finish here!
Schlong keeps trying to improve his position.
$tone is staying tight to Schlong's torso, preventing him from escaping.
A control attempt from Schlong but he's now mounted!
Boooooooooooooooooooo!!! God, this has been a terrible round. Come on you two, sort yourselves out!
$tone trying to control but Schlong is having none of it.
$tone content just to control the position here.

And that's the end of the fight!
Rob $tone showed his dominance in that final round.
Well I reckon that's a shut out for $tone, winning every round. Will the judges agree? They are the ones who matter, even if they are often depressingly incompetent. Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Donald Grub scores the fight 30:27
Judge Chris Edwards scores the fight 30:27
Judge Phil Schofield scores the fight 30:27

In favor of your winner, by unanimous decision... Rob $tone!
An out of breath Rob $tone thanked his loyal fans in his post fight interview, giving them credit for his success over the course of his career.