PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a heavyweight MMA rules bout between Fruit Faggots (ranked 4662 p4p, 4687 weight class) and Stephen Hawking (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Faggots comes to the cage accompanied by Queen: Radio gaga. We have two fighters making their debuts here, so let's see who comes out of this one with their first professional victory.

Faggots
vs
Hawking

218 cm
25
271
0 - 0 - 0

188 cm
18
280
0 - 0 - 0

Good wrestling
Counter fighter
Granite chin

BJJ White Belt
Counter fighter
Intelligent

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the heavyweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 0 - 0 - 0, fighting out of The Island, Fruit Faggots!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 0 - 0 - 0, fighting out of The Island, Stephen Hawking!
The judges for this bout are Winston Alpacca, Santiago Holmes and Bart Greer.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Hawking moves away from the strike by Faggots.
Hawking looks to throw the jab but Faggots is out of range.
Faggots misses with a hook.
Hawking wants to counter with a clinch but Faggots pushes him away.
Faggots throws a big shot that misses.
Hawking swings away with a counter right hand but no contact made.
Faggots throws a jab but it's blocked by Hawking.
Hawking tries to close the distance and clinch but Faggots swats him to one side with an open hand palm strike and circles away.
Hawking slips in close and lands a nice hook before moving back out of range.
Faggots throws the left hand but Hawking avoids the punch easily.
Hawking throws out a counter right but Faggots avoids it with no problem.
The sound of bone on bone echoes around the arena as Hawking checks a leg kick.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Faggots defending well as Hawking loads up on a big left hand.
Hawking misses with a looping left.
Faggots looks to score with a jab to the body but Hawking is just out of range.
Faggots avoids the body shot from Hawking.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Faggots throws a leg kick but Hawking checks it.
Hawking tests Faggots's chin there with a solid looking shot.
Faggots swings and misses with a hook to the body.
Stephen Hawking is looking to keep the fight on the feet at all costs.
Faggots misses with a looping left.

Faggots tries to keep at a distance but Hawking has taken the fight into the clinch.
Hawking misses with a body punch.
Faggots misses with a punch to the body.
Hawking lands a short shot on the inside that snaps the head of Faggots backwards.
Faggots working hard to break the clinch.
Hawking tries to throw a body punch but Faggots avoids it by throwing Hawking back against the cage.
Faggots looks like he'd prefer to be striking at range right now.
Hawking being controlled against the cage.
Hawking lands a nice looking hook to the body, against the cage.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Faggots misses with a body punch.
Faggots blocking some punches.
Faggots wants to break the clinch but can't.
Faggots blocks a body shot from Hawking.
Faggots is trying to slow down the pace in the clinch, to catch his breath.
Hawking misses with a short punch on the inside.

Faggots pulls Hawking into guard.
We could do with one of the fighters taking the initiative a bit more on the ground - they're both waiting to capitalize on a mistake.
Faggots wants to sweep here but Hawking controlling him for the moment.
Faggots is avoiding any damage by keeping wrist control.
The ref warns both fighters not to hold the cage as they work up against the meshing.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Hawking is looking to advance position but Faggots has hit a scissor sweep - now he's on top in mount!

Faggots thowing shots but they're missing.
Hawking is in a horrible position here, under a barrage of strikes, he's managing to avoid any damage.
Faggots sitting in mount, just looking to control for the moment.
Hawking is looking to get to half guard.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Faggots unloads with some shots from mount but Hawking bucks and avoids them well.
Faggots takes a little breather and maintains the position. The referee will be looking for him to stay active from such a dominant position though.
Faggots landing strikes from the mount and Hawking is in trouble!
Hawking wants to control but Faggots is having none of it.
Faggots throws an elbow from mount that misses. Lucky escape for Hawking because Faggots loaded up on that one.
The crowd thankful this round is nearly over.
Faggots takes a little breather and maintains the position. The referee will be looking for him to stay active from such a dominant position though.
Faggots looking to ground and pound but Hawking is blocking nicely.
And that is the end of the round. The fighters go back to their corners.

Fruit Faggots dominated that round.
That's the end of the round. The referee orders the cornermen out of the cage so we can get back down to business.

Hawking misses with a hook.
A little feinted left hand from Faggots on the counter but he doesn't commit to it.
Hawking looks to land a right hand but Faggots moved out of range.
Hawking avoids a punch combination nicely.
Hawking just misses with a punch to the body.
Faggots looks to score with a jab to the body but Hawking is just out of range.
Hawking connects with the punch.
Hawking scores with a jab.
Faggots throws an overhand right that lands on Hawking's shoulder, as Hawking tries to avoid the shot.
We're hearing some news coming in from back stage. It's official - Hawking has eaten all the pies!
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Faggots fails with a takedown attempt.

Hawking rushes Faggots and presses him up against the cage.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Faggots taking a breather.
Faggots working some nice short punches in the clinch.
Faggots struggles to land a body shot inside as Hawking controls his hands.
Faggots lands with a light punch inside.
Faggots looks like he'd prefer to be striking at range right now.
Faggots wants to stall.
With the fighters up against the cage, Faggots throws an elbow but misses.
Faggots stalling in the clinch.
A short right from Hawking on the inside.
A short uppercut from Hawking.
Hawking lands with a light punch inside.
The referee calls for Faggots to work.
A left hand lands to the body for Hawking.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Faggots tries a body shot but Hawking blocks it.
Hawking gets through Faggots's defenses to land a nice punch to the side of the head.
Hawking lands a shoulder strike.
This is a great period of action - very entertaining stuff!
Faggots is trying to slow down the pace in the clinch, to catch his breath.
Some stalling of biblical proportions here from Faggots.
Hawking is working Faggots over against the cage.
Faggots wants to stall.
Both guys are working to get underhooks.

Hawking drops Faggots onto one knee with a big uppercut from the clinch! Faggots is propped up by the cage and works his way back to his feet!
Both fighters are absolutely exhausted here.
Hawking doesn't land with the attempted body shot.
A head punch on the inside from Faggots fails to land.
Hawking fails to land with a short punch on the inside.

Hawking drops Faggots onto one knee with a big uppercut from the clinch! Faggots is propped up by the cage and works his way back to his feet!

Faggots is rocked!

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Hawking lands a shoulder strike that jolts his opponent's head backwards.
Oh Faggots is still all over the place! His legs are completely gone! Will he be able to recover?!!
Hawking loads up on a right hand - it lands flush and knocks Faggots senseless! What a punch!

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3:14 of round 2, we have a winner by way of KO (Punch). Stephen Hawking!
Stephen Hawking seemed lost for words in his post fight interview but he remembered to thank his fans and directed everyone to his website.
The defeated Fruit Faggots had this to say: 'Oooh lala!'.