PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a super heavyweight MMA rules bout between Kidney Stone (ranked 2900 p4p, 4284 weight class) and Turd McPherson (ranked 91 p4p, 157 weight class). Stone comes to the cage accompanied by Pour Some Sugar On Me by Def Leppord. Kidney Stone could well score a knockout today. He has the power to get to Turd McPherson's chin.

Stone
vs
McPherson

169 cm
43
139
23 - 15 - 0

225 cm
40
288
19 - 14 - 0

Good wrestling
World class boxer
KO power

Olympic wrestler
World class MT
Powerful

Vegan Gains

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the super heavyweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 23 - 15 - 0, fighting out of Las Vegas, Kidney Stone!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 19 - 14 - 0, fighting out of New York, Turd McPherson!
The judges for this bout are Donald Grub, William Gold and Steven Brown.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
A swing and a miss from Stone.
McPherson staying out of range there.

McPherson closes the distance and clinches up, looking for a takedown. He shifts his weight and gets a nice trip into half guard.
McPherson thows a huge punch but Stone dodges it nicely.
Stone trying to control from the bottom.
McPherson lands strikes from half guard.
The ref warns both fighters not to hold the cage as they work up against the meshing.
Stone trying to hold on to McPherson's head to control him but McPherson postures up.
Stone has been talking about how he's improved his wrestling in the run up to the fight so let's see if that's enough to sway the balance.
Stone is trying to get back to full guard.
McPherson is a painfully thin specimen of a man. You do wonder whether a good body kick would snap him clean in two.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
McPherson is thwarting Stone's attempts to control the position.
McPherson has the superior BJJ but he's also working some ground strikes into his gameplan.
Stone is looking to regain full guard. Not this time though.
Stone might be looking to lock onto one of his opponent's long limbs for a submission, whilst we're on the ground.
McPherson seems content to maintain position for now, rather than mounting any offense.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Stone on the receiving end of some nice ground and pound.
McPherson prevents Stone from improving his position.
Stone keeping his head moving to avoid the ground and pound.
Stone on the receiving end of some nice ground and pound.
McPherson looks towards his corner to check for any instructions. The corner give him nothing to work with, so he cracks Stone with a short hammerfist. I guess that's as good as any advice he could get in this position.

Stone is rocked!
McPherson slips a nice elbow through Stone's hands, connecting with Stone's forehead.
Oh Stone is still in real trouble! Will he be able to recover?!!
McPherson seems to be taking a bit of a break to think of his next move. He lands a short punch in the meantime.
McPherson not throwing his punches with enough precision this time.
McPherson lands a big elbow from half guard. That looks like it's hurt Stone quite badly. Stone pulls McPherson in close trying to recover. McPherson postures up and lands two really hard shots that put Stone on queer street! The ref takes a look and decides to call an end to the fight! Possibly an early stoppage but Stone doesn't seem to be complaining too much.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 2:55 of round 1, we have a winner by way of TKO (Strikes). Turd McPherson!
During a confident post fight interview, Turd McPherson thanked all his fans. He seemed very genuine when describing how motivated his fans keep him.