PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a featherweight MMA rules bout between Billy Fooktard (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Daniyar Kalynychenko (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Kalynychenko has chosen Muse - Map Of The Problematique as his entrance music. Daniyar Kalynychenko is staring across the ring at his opponent, tweaking his nipples.

Fooktard
vs
Kalynychenko

225 cm
19
158 lbs
7 - 0 - 0

171 cm
19
151 lbs
3 - 3 - 0

BJJ White Belt
Excellent boxer
Very strong

BJJ Blue Belt
Basic striking
Knockout power

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 5 rounds, for the featherweight championship of the world!
Introducing the champion to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 7 - 0 - 0, fighting out of Hilo, Billy Fooktard!
And introducing the challenger to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 3 - 3 - 0, fighting out of Hilo, Daniyar Kalynychenko !
The judges for this bout are , and .

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Fooktard throws out a loose jab but Kalynychenko uses good head movement to avoid it.

Fooktard gets caught on his heels momentarily as he allows Kalynychenko to score an easy takedown into full guard.
Kalynychenko stands up and looks to throw the legs aside to pass to side control. Fooktard swivels though and keeps the full guard.
Kalynychenko is pushing down on Fooktard's leg trying to pass to half guard. Fooktard is fighting to maintain full guard but Kalynychenko has managed to sneak the leg through.

Kalynychenko seems to be looking for submissions.

Kalynychenko wants to work for an arm triangle but Fooktard is really keeping half guard well and defending the submission attempt.
Kalynychenko trying to pass the guard but Fooktard defending well.

That's one minute gone in the round.

Kalynychenko is trying to work for a kimura but Fooktard is defending well.

Kalynychenko is looking for a kimura. It's going to be difficult to finish that from half guard though and Fooktard defends it well.
Kalynychenko looks gassed!

Kalynychenko is looking for a kimura. It's going to be difficult to finish that from half guard though and Fooktard defends it well.

Kalynychenko is trying for a guillotine from the top but the pressure isn't in the right place so Fooktard is just riding it out for now. Kalynychenko eventually gives up the hold.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Neither fighter has done anything of merit for a good minute or two here and the crowd are not happy about it.
Fooktard wants to get back to full guard.

Neither fighter is doing enough for the referee's liking and he's decided to stand them back up.
Fooktard works over Kalynychenko 's head and body with a nice combination.

It looks like Daniyar Kalynychenko has been cut.

Kalynychenko scores with a nice takedown into half guard. Let's see what he's got on the ground.

Kalynychenko seems to be looking for submissions.
Fooktard is trying to control but can't.
Kalynychenko wants to free his trapped foot but Fooktard is holding on for dear life with his legs.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Kalynychenko stops Fooktard from getting back to his feet.

Kalynychenko is trying a forearm choke… I don't think that's going to do much at this level of the game.

Kalynychenko is sneakily working for an arm triangle but Fooktard sees it coming and defends easily.
Fooktard looks like he's trying to stand up.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
My god... these two guys really need to pick up the pace or everyone will leave to go get a beer.

It looks like we're going to have a standup here. Neither fighter is doing enough on the ground.
Kalynychenko avoids a lazy jab quite easily.
Fooktard misses with a straight left.
Fooktard misses with a wild combination.
Kalynychenko shoots in looking for a takedown. Fooktard tries to sprawl out of it but Kalynychenko keeps driving through. The fighters are pinned against the ropes. Fooktard manages to get underhooks and after a bit of a struggle, circles away and we're back to standing.
Nice takedown defense from Fooktard. No joy for Kalynychenko on that attempt.
Fooktard jabs Kalynychenko right on the nose. Kalynychenko blinks but takes it well.
Fooktard slips in close and lands a nice hook before moving back out of range.
Fooktard moves into range and connects with a jab.
Fooktard uses good footwork to get in and out, landing a nice hook.
Kalynychenko shoots in for a takedown but Fooktard shows good takedown defense there and keeps this one on the feet.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Billy Fooktard dominated that round.
The cut man is working on Daniyar Kalynychenko 's cut.
The fighters' corners scream their final instructions, as the referee calls time. Here we go, back to the action!

A really sloppy takedown attempt there from Kalynychenko .
Fooktard misses with the combination.

Kalynychenko fakes an overhand right and shoots for a takedown. Fooktard sprawls well initially but Kalynychenko persists and gets the takedown into half guard.

Kalynychenko is looking for a kimura but he's never going to get it from there.
Fooktard wants to get back to his feet.
Fooktard preventing any damage for now, controlling his opponent's head.
Kalynychenko is breathing heavily.
Fooktard slips a foot under and gets full guard. Nice work.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Fooktard is trying to control the position from the bottom.
Kalynychenko pressing down on his opponent's thigh, looking to pass guard. Fooktard is keeping the position for now.

Kalynychenko is holding a leg here, probably looking for an ankle lock - he drops back and goes for it! Fooktard is in trouble! Is it all over??? No! Fooktard has escaped and now he's on top!
Fooktard won't allow Kalynychenko to sweep him here.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Neither fighter has done anything of merit for a good minute or two here and the crowd are not happy about it.
Fooktard has decided he wants to stand but the closed guard of Kalynychenko is proving hard to escape from.
Kalynychenko is working an open guard here, looking to improve his position. No doubt that will leave him open to counters but at least he's being more offensive.

Kalynychenko looking for a guillotine here but Fooktard defends easily.
Fooktard controlling from the guard. I say controlling but really, he's stalling.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Kalynychenko is looking to sweep but instead, Fooktard has passed into half guard.
Fooktard is trying to control. Kalynychenko wants to improve his position but can't escape this time.
Fooktard knows he needs to get back to his feet asap. He's simply no match for Kalynychenko on the ground.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
A few boos can be heard. I'm sure they will multiply if the fighters don't pick up the pace.
Fooktard seems to have lost interest with the ground game and is thinking about standing back up.

Kalynychenko looking to work for a kimura from the bottom.
Fooktard will need to keep those long limbs tucked in whilst he's on the ground, to prevent any submissions.
Fooktard takes a deep breath and rests his weight momentarily on top of his opponent, to control the position.
Kalynychenko wants to improve his position but Fooktard is controlling well.
Boooooooooooooooooooo!!! God, this has been a terrible round. Come on you two, sort yourselves out!

Kalynychenko is looking to sinch up a gullotine here but Fooktard pulls his head out easily.

It looks like we're going to have a standup here. Neither fighter is doing enough on the ground.
Kalynychenko shoots in but no luck this time.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Billy Fooktard dominated that second round.
The cut man is working on Daniyar Kalynychenko 's cut.
The minute break is over - no more time for sponges and pep talks - back to the action!

Fooktard scores with a hook to the body. Kalynychenko takes a step back and tries to catch his breath.
Fooktard lands a slapping body shot.
Kalynychenko on the wrong end of a vicious looking body shot.
Fooktard's corner calls for a 1,2 combination and Fooktard duly obliges.
Fooktard is using his reach advantage well here, landing the more effective single shots from range.
Fooktard scores with a body shot.
We've seen a great period of action over the last minute or so - credit to both fighters for going all out!
Kalynychenko tries to move into range but Fooktard moves to the side and lands with a nice right hand.
Billy Fooktard is looking to throw some combinations by the looks of things.
Fooktard connects with a looping left hand that seems like it dazed Kalynychenko momentarily.
Fooktard throws a jab to the body, straight down the pipe. Boom. That sent Kalynychenko stumbling backwards but he manages to regain his composure quickly.
Fooktard lands a vicious shot with the stealth of a sniper and the strength of a viper. Are vipers that strong? I can think of lots of things that are stronger than a viper - not many rhyme with sniper though.
A jab from Fooktard misses.
Fooktard scores with a reasonable looking shot to the body. Kalynychenko doesn't seem bothered though.
Fooktard throws a shot to the body.
Both fighters are breathing heavily.
Fooktard throws a hook to the body but it doesn't connect.
Fooktard thuds his right hand into Kalynychenko 's forehead from close range. That could be painful for both fighters.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Fooktard misses with a hook.
Fooktard works over Kalynychenko 's head and body with a nice combination.

Fooktard gets caught on his heels momentarily as he allows Kalynychenko to score an easy takedown into full guard.
Kalynychenko tries to free his leg and advance position but Fooktard is retaining full guard.
Kalynychenko stands and throws Fooktard's legs to the side, diving into side control.

Kalynychenko tries for an arm triangle. That looks pretty tight to me. Is this one over!?! Possibly, maybe, no Kalynychenko has let go of the choke. Obviously it wasn't as tight as we thought!

Kalynychenko thinks about going for a far side armbar but bails out and retains the dominant position instead.

That's two minutes gone in the round.

Kalynychenko goes for an armbar! This could be all over! Wait, no, Fooktard rolls with the submission and now he's on top in Kalynychenko 's guard! Nice work there by Fooktard!
There's a bit of a scramble here and now Kalynychenko is on top in guard.
Kalynychenko trying to move into half guard but instead Fooktard has managed to sweep!

That's three minutes gone in the round.

Kalynychenko working for submissions but it's allowed Fooktard to get to half guard.
Kalynychenko wants to improve his position but Fooktard is controlling well.
The fighters are trapped in the ropes so we're going to have a reposition here. The ref calls for a break and repositions the fighters in the center of the ring.

Kalynychenko looking for submissions off his back.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Neither fighter has done anything of merit for a good minute or two here and the crowd are not happy about it.

Kalynychenko is looking to sinch up a gullotine here but Fooktard pulls his head out easily.
The fighters are tangled up in the ropes here. We might need a restart if the fighters can't break free themselves.
Fooktard wants to get back to his feet.

Kalynychenko is looking to sinch up a gullotine here but Fooktard pulls his head out easily.
Kalynychenko wants to improve his position but Fooktard is controlling well.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Billy Fooktard clearly takes that round.
The cut man is working on Daniyar Kalynychenko 's cut.
That's the end of the round. The referee orders the cornermen out of the ring so we can get back down to business.

Fooktard jabs Kalynychenko right on the nose. Kalynychenko blinks but takes it well.

Fooktard gets caught flat footed, as Kalynychenko shoots in with a quick takedown into guard.
Fooktard seems keen to control rather than go for a submission, at least for now.
Kalynychenko won't allow Fooktard to sweep him here.

Kalynychenko postures up as if he's going to throw some strikes but drops back for an ankle! Fooktard is in big trouble! He looks ready to tap! But no, he's escaped and dives on top of Kalynychenko , into his guard.
Kalynychenko tries to land a sweep but no joy.
It's got to the stage where if one of these guys blows hard enough, the other might fall over.

That's one minute gone in the round.

Kalynychenko looking for submissions from the bottom but instead Fooktard passes into side control.
A lull in the action here as Fooktard stalls from top position.
Fooktard really does look like a pencil wearing a pair of gloves. Let's hope he has a gameplan to suit that ridiculous body shape.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
A few boos can be heard. I'm sure they will multiply if the fighters don't pick up the pace.
Kalynychenko looks to move to half guard but instead Fooktard has passed into mount! Damn!
Fooktard takes a little breather and maintains the position. The referee will be looking for him to stay active from such a dominant position though.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Kalynychenko is trying desperately to improve position.
Fooktard takes a little breather and maintains the position. The referee will be looking for him to stay active from such a dominant position though.
Kalynychenko is working to get back to half guard.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Well. There's a bit of a lull in the action here and the crowd are starting to get restless.
Fooktard can't quite control the action as he would like just now, as Kalynychenko is looking to escape.
Kalynychenko tries to get back to half guard but can't.
Fooktard looking to control and managing it successfully.
Kalynychenko is wriggling around trying to escape.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Billy Fooktard had his way with Daniyar Kalynychenko in that round.
The cut man is working on Daniyar Kalynychenko 's cut.
That's time! Fooktard's corner gives him a slap on the ass as he gets ready to fight. This is the final round!

Fooktard rushes forward with a series of wild hooks but Kalynychenko moves out of range and avoids them all easily.
Fooktard misses with a body shot.
Kalynychenko takes a punch to the jaw and another one to the bread basket.
Fooktard fakes a head punch and goes low to the body. Nicely done.
Fooktard looks to throw the jab but Kalynychenko is out of range.
Kalynychenko fails with a rather predictable takedown attempt.

Fooktard gets taken down but at least he's managed to land in guard.
Fooktard is working the butterfly guard. He manages to land a nice scissor sweep and is now in half guard on the top. Nice move.

Kalynychenko is looking to sinch up a gullotine here but Fooktard pulls his head out easily.
Both of our modern day gladiators look out of it here - an gruelling 5 rounds of action taking it's toll on them, no doubt.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Fooktard performing his best blanket impression for a moment.
Fooktard has controlled the position for a good 20 seconds, which will no doubt be starting to frustrate his opponent.

Kalynychenko looking for submissions off his back.
Kalynychenko wants to get back to full guard.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
There's not a lot going on here and the crowd are letting the fighters know they're not willing to tolerate a lack of action.

Kalynychenko looking for submissions from an awkward position here.

Well, the referee has seen enough. Neither fighter is active enough on the ground so he's stood them back up.
A decent looking cross lands there for Fooktard.
Kalynychenko looks shocked there as he takes a right hand to the temple.
Kalynychenko gets cracked with a nice right hand there by Fooktard.
Billy Fooktard is winning the standup battle so far.
Fooktard misses with a body shot. Nice footwork from Kalynychenko .

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Fooktard scores with a jab.
Billy Fooktard seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
Kalynychenko changes levels and looks for a double leg takedown. Fooktard tries to avoid it but Kalynychenko manages to keep hold of a leg and drag Fooktard to the ground. Fooktard escapes though and pops straight back up to his feet.
Left hook, right uppercut from Fooktard.
Fooktard scores with a nice one two combo and darts back out of range to avoid anything coming in the opposite direction.
Fooktard swings away but doesn't land with a series of punches.

Kalynychenko scores with a nice takedown into half guard. Let's see what he's got on the ground.
Kalynychenko is looking to advance position but Fooktard won't allow it.

Kalynychenko is sneakily working for an arm triangle but Fooktard sees it coming and defends easily.

Kalynychenko wants to work for an arm triangle but Fooktard is really keeping half guard well and defending the submission attempt.

That's four minutes gone in the round.

Fooktard is defending against the submission attempts here by Kalynychenko .
Fooktard wants to get back to his feet.
Kalynychenko looking to pass the half guard. Not this time.
Daniyar Kalynychenko has stepped it up - he knows he needs a finish here!

Kalynychenko is thinking about going for an arm triangle but he can't free his leg.

And that's the end of the fight!
Billy Fooktard showed his dominance in that final round.
Well I reckon that's a shut out for Fooktard, winning every round. Will the judges agree? They are the ones who matter, even if they are often depressingly incompetent. Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 5 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Andi Peters scores the fight for Billy Fooktard!
Judge Gordon Ramsey scores the fight for Billy Fooktard!
Judge Frank Skinner scores the fight for Billy Fooktard!

Billy Fooktard wins by unanimous decision!
Billy Fooktard retains his featherweight title!