PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a lightweight MMA rules bout between Baby Jesus (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Ron Jeremy (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Jeremy has chosen Ol' Dirty Bastard - Shimmy Shimmy Ya as his entrance music. There are an array of beautiful celebrities at ringside tonight! I wonder if any of them paid for their tickets.

Jesus
vs
Jeremy

179 cm
22
170 lbs
3 - 0 - 0

168 cm
28
157 lbs
9 - 7 - 1

BJJ Purple Belt
World class boxer
Very strong

BJJ Purple Belt
Decent boxing
Granite chin

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the lightweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 3 - 0 - 0, fighting out of New York, Baby Jesus!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 9 - 7 - 1, fighting out of New York, Ron Jeremy!
The judges for this bout are Chad Campbell, Dean Styles and Lou da Vinci.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Jeremy is moving around nicely and scores here with a single head shot.
A punch combination from Jesus misses.
Jesus lands with a cross.
Jesus stuns Jeremy with a nice body shot, before stepping back out of range.
Jeremy ducks right into an uppercut from Jesus.
Jesus slips a jab from Jeremy.
Jeremy throws a jab when Jesus was well out of range.
Jeremy throws a left and a right that both miss
letting Jesus counter with a right hand.
Jeremy has his hands up protecting his head but a hook from Jesus finds it's way round the side to connect with Jeremy's head.
Jeremy will have to do better than that with his takedown attempts.
Jeremy swings away but doesn't land with a series of punches.
Jesus lands a straight punch to the body, keeping Jeremy at a distance.
Jeremy misses the body punch
and Jesus counters nicely by changing levels and landing a hook to the body.
Jeremy shoots in but doesn't get the takedown
and Jesus counters with a left to the body.
Ron Jeremy seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
Jesus scores with a nice right hand.
Jesus lands with a nice body punch.
Wooooo! Give it up for these two warriors! They are putting on a show!
Jeremy takes one to the chin there.
Jesus swinging wildly here.
Jeremy dodges the punch combination from Jesus.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Jesus scores with a hook to the body. Jeremy takes a step back and tries to catch his breath.
Jeremy lunges in with swinging rights and lefts but Jesus circles away quickly and effectively.
Jeremy thows a left - swing and a miss!
Jeremy drops his hands and takes a jab to the jaw for his troubles.
Jesus lands with a nice body punch.
Jeremy looks gassed!
Jeremy ducks down and throws a hook to the body but Jesus moves away.
Jesus with a nice cross.
Jesus wings a very wild body shot but it does the job and lands to the midsection.
Jesus scores with a jab to the body.
Baby Jesus is looking to keep the fight on the feet at all costs.
Jesus connects with a single shot there.
Jeremy is on the wrong end of a nice combination from Jesus.
Jeremy ducks down and throws a hook to the body but Jesus moves away.
Jeremy looks shocked there as he takes a right hand to the temple.
This has been an exciting period of action!
Jesus connects with a lovely right hand, straight down the pipe.
Jeremy throws a jab when Jesus was well out of range.
Jesus blocks a jab.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Jesus keeping a good distance there, avoiding the body shot.
Jesus throws out a powerful jab.
Jesus is really peppering his opponent's head with punches.
Jeremy closes this distance looking for a takedown but Jesus circles away.
Baby Jesus has stuffed three takedown attempts in the round now. That's going to take a lot out of Ron Jeremy.
Nice uppercut lands for Jesus. That snapped Jeremy's head back.
A shot to the liver by Jesus. Beautiful body shot.
Left hook, right uppercut from Jesus.
A telegraphed takedown attempt from Jeremy is defended easily by Jesus.
Jesus is using his height advantage well here, landing a good percentage of his punches.
Jeremy takes a shot to the eye socket. That's gotta hurt.
Jeremy misses with a body punch
and Jesus connects with a straight left hand counter down the middle.
Nice shot lands for Jesus.
Jeremy is really struggling to land any decent head shots against his taller opponent.
Jesus misses with a double jab
and Jeremy counters with a nice uppercut.
Jeremy gets his takedown attempt stuffed easily
and Jesus counters with a straight right hand.
Jab, cross, leg kick. Nice combination by Jesus!

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Jesus lands with an uppercut that bounces Jeremy off the cage and back into rage.
Jesus cracks a nice hook into Jeremy's ribs.
A punch combination from Jesus misses.
Jesus throws a nice looking combination but Jeremy bobs and weaves to avoid any damage.
Jesus looks to land a body kick but Jeremy moved away.
Jeremy misses with a hook to the body
and Jesus counters with a nice body shot.
A big right from Jeremy misses.
Jeremy takes one on the chin but seems OK.
Jesus changes levels and scores with a jab to the body.
Jeremy throws a looping overhand right but Jesus ducks down to avoid it.
Jeremy cracks Jesus with a right hand to the side of the head.
Jesus connects with a slap. Keep your fist closed son.
Jesus moves into range and throws a combination. A nice jab followed by a hook to the body.
Jeremy thows a left - swing and a miss!
Jesus scores with a one two! Jeremy had his feet all tangled up there and couldn't avoid the strikes.
Jeremy tries to bum rush Jesus with a series of wild strikes but Jesus uses good footwork to avoid the assault.
Jesus throws a one two combo.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Jeremy throws a jab, cross combination which is slipped
and Jesus counters nicely by changing levels and landing a hook to the body.
Jeremy swings wildly with a couple of big hooks
and Jesus counters with a crisp hook to the side of the head.
The fans in attendance giving it up for the two fighters, who have really let it all hang out in the last minute or so!
Jesus dips down and scores with a jab to the body.
Jesus throws a good cross that connects.
Jesus works Jeremy's body with a nice hook.
Jeremy shoots in for a takedown but doesn't get it.
Good standup being displayed there by Jesus as he connects with a hook.
Jesus fakes a head punch and goes low to the body. Nicely done.
Jesus connects with the punch.
Jesus scores with a jab to the jaw of his opponent.
Jesus thuds his right hand into Jeremy's forehead from close range. That could be painful for both fighters.
A swing and a miss from Jeremy.
The crowd are going absolutely nuts as the round comes to an end - what a fantastic round of action!
Jesus lands a body shot.
Jeremy misses with a hook to the body
letting Jesus counter with a right hand.
Jesus is working the combinations to good effect here.
Danga de danga de dang - Jesus scores with a four punch combination!
Jeremy takes a shot right to the bread basket.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Baby Jesus dominated that round.
The fighters' corners scream their final instructions, as the referee calls time. Here we go, back to the action!

Jeremy falls off balance throwing a combination
and Jesus counters with a stiff right hand.
Baby Jesus is winning the standup battle so far.
Jeremy swings wildly with a couple of big hooks
and Jesus makes him pay by landing a nice hook to the body before moving out of range.
Jeremy is trying desperately to land a takedown but Jesus is having absolutely none of it. This is turning into a bit of a nightmare for Jeremy.
Jeremy lands with an overhand left.
Jesus lands with a shot to the body.
Jeremy takes an uppercut right on the jaw but it doesn't phase him.
Jesus throws a wild combination but nothing lands.
Jeremy misses with a body shot. Nice footwork from Jesus.
Jesus ducks down and throws a hook to the body but Jeremy moves away.
Jeremy walks into a straight right hand from Jesus.
Jeremy lands a vicious shot with the stealth of a sniper and the strength of a viper. Are vipers that strong? I can think of lots of things that are stronger than a viper - not many rhyme with sniper though.
Jesus ducks down and throws a hook to the body.
Jesus is really dominating this fight. Is there anything that Jeremy can do to turn this around?
Jesus scores with a nice head shot.
Jesus scores with a shot to the body.
Jesus scores with a nice looking left hook and follows it up with an uppercut!
Both fighters are absolutely exhausted here.
Jesus scores with a jab to the jaw.
Ron Jeremy is looking to throw some combinations by the looks of things.

Jeremy feints and as Jesus raises his hands in defense, Jeremy changes levels and drives through with a takedown into guard.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Jeremy works over Jesus with some ground and pound from guard.
Jeremy trying to control the position from guard on top but Jesus is wriggling around, looking for whatever he can.
Jesus avoiding any damage from the ground and pound.
Jeremy keeps in close for a moment and lands a decent shot to the side of Jesus's head.
Jeremy thows a big elbow that misses.
Jeremy is looking to work some ground and pound but Jesus has wrist control.
Jesus working the defensive guard well to avoid strikes from Jeremy.
The fighters are pressed up against the cage, both looking to find a bit of space to work.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
The crowd are hurling abuse towards the fighters... You can hardly blame them though because there isn't a lot going on in the fight.
Jeremy lands a couple of decent looking shots.
Jeremy is in close to Jesus's body, working some short punches and elbows.
Jeremy slips effortlessly into side control - very nice.
Jeremy trying to control the action but Jesus is working from the bottom.
Jeremy cracks Jesus with a big elbow.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Jesus avoids any damage from the ground and pound of Jeremy.

Jeremy working hard here to secure a kimura but he's not really in the right position for it.

Jeremy tries for a kimura but Jesus is defending well.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
The crowd are getting on the fighters' backs, as the pace has dropped off in the last minute or so.
Jesus can't do much from the bottom here.
Jesus on his back here. We all know that wrestlers don't like being on their back so let's see if Jesus tries to get out of the position.
Jesus is positioning himself to get back to half guard.
Jeremy throws a knee to the body but it doesn't do much damage.

Jeremy tries for a kimura but Jesus is defending well.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Ron Jeremy showed his class in that round. I'd imagine he'll take it on all the scorecards.
The minute break is over - no more time for sponges and pep talks - back to the action! This is the final round!

Jesus looks to score with a combo but nothing lands.
Jeremy scores with a jab to the jaw of his opponent.
Jeremy throws a nice looking combination but Jesus bobs and weaves to avoid any damage.
Jeremy misses with a few strikes there.
Jesus throws a shot to the body.
Jeremy swings and misses with a shot to the body
and Jesus counters with a nice jab to the body that keeps Jeremy thinking.
Jab from Jeremy.
Jeremy shoots in for a double leg but Jesus sprawls well. That's going to sap some energy.
Jeremy has a pretty nasty looking mouse under his right eye.
Jesus lands a beauty of a right hand that gets the crowd cheering.
Jesus lands a really nice looking cross but Jeremy seems unphased.
Jeremy takes an uppercut right on the jaw but it doesn't phase him.
Jesus lunges at Jeremy with a hook that half lands and is half blocked by Jeremy's hand.
Jesus misses with a wild combination.
Both fighters are breathing heavily.
Jeremy misses with a double jab
and Jesus counters with a left to the body.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Jesus takes a body punch but keeps moving.
No joy there for Jeremy, who threw a few shots but didn't land.
Jeremy takes a punch right to his stomach. That took the wind out of him momentarily.
Jeremy throws a wild combination but nothing lands.
Jesus cracks a nice hook into Jeremy's ribs.
Jesus thuds his right hand into Jeremy's forehead from close range. That could be painful for both fighters.
Jesus throws a good cross that connects.
Jeremy throws a hook to the side of Jesus's head but Jesus sees it coming and ducks under it beautifully.
Jeremy throws a combination but it was largely blocked by Jesus.
Jesus lands a body shot.
Jesus avoids a punch combination nicely.
Jesus throws a series of strikes that have Jeremy backpedaling.
Jesus works over Jeremy's head and body with a nice combination.
Jeremy looks shocked there as he takes a right hand to the temple.
Jesus scores with a reasonable looking shot to the body. Jeremy doesn't seem bothered though.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Jeremy takes a shot to the body in his stride.
A jab from Jesus does it's job there.
Jesus throws a right and a left that Jeremy avoids nicely.
Jeremy walks into a left hand.
Jeremy tries to move into range but Jesus moves to the side and lands with a nice right hand.
A telegraphed takedown attempt from Jeremy is defended easily by Jesus.
Jesus lunges in with an uppercut that skims his opponent's chin.
Jeremy misses with a shot to the body
and Jesus counters with a straight punch to the midsection.
Jeremy takes a punch right to his stomach. That took the wind out of him momentarily.
Jeremy loads up on a big right hand but Jesus slips the punch.
Jeremy has his head slapped from side to side by a 3 punch combination. That must have hurt him.
Jesus connects with the punch.
The crowd cheering loudly, showing their appreciation for the quality fight we're seeing here.
Jeremy has a takedown stuffed.
Baby Jesus has stuffed three takedown attempts in the round now. That's going to take a lot out of Ron Jeremy.
Jesus throws a good cross that connects.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Jeremy with a poor takedown
and Jesus counters with a stiff right hand.
Jesus fakes low and throws an overhand right that catches Jeremy on the side of the head.
Jesus looks to score with a combo but nothing lands.
Jeremy drops his hands momentarily and Jesus takes advantage with a crisp shot to the head.
Jesus throws a head kick that half lands.
Nice cross by Jesus.
Jesus lands with a shot to the body.
Jesus throws a series of punches but Jeremy avoids them all with ease.
Jesus moves into range and throws a lovely three punch combination.
Jesus takes a solid shot to the body. That one hurt him but he's trying not to show it.
No luck for Jeremy with that takedown attempt.
Jesus tries to bum rush Jeremy with a series of wild strikes but Jeremy uses good footwork to avoid the assault.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Jeremy misses with a jab to the body
and Jesus counters with a lovely straight right hand!
Jeremy ducks down and throws a hook to the body but Jesus moves away.
This fight brought to you by 5M nutrition - it's mmmmm tasty. Nice jab by Jesus.
Jeremy throws a shot from downtown. Jesus moves away and avoids it.
Jesus is using his reach advantage well here, landing the more effective single shots from range.
Jesus lands a head shot.
Jesus is moving around nicely and scores here with a single head shot.
Jesus just misses with a punch to the body.
Jeremy misses with a telegraphed body shot
and Jesus counters with a three punch combination, finished off with a leg kick. Nice work.
Jesus ducks under a wild hook from Jeremy.
Jesus throws a combination. Jeremy tries to block but a couple of punches get through.
Jesus lands a nice shot to the body.
Jeremy throws a big shot that misses.
The crowd applaud the fighters efforts here as the round comes to an end.
Jeremy shoots in but doesn't get the takedown
and Jesus counters with a stiff right hand.
Jesus with a hook.
Jesus stuffs the takedown attempt from Jeremy. Jeremy gets slowly back to his feet.

And that's the end of the fight!
Baby Jesus showed his dominance in that final round.
I think Jesus has won this one but let's see what the judges have to say. Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Chad Campbell scores the fight 29:27
Judge Dean Styles scores the fight 29:27
Judge Lou da Vinci scores the fight 29:27

In favor of your winner, by unanimous decision... Baby Jesus!