PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a welterweight MMA rules bout between He Me (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Richard Nixon (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Me's ring entrance music is that housewives' favourite, Hate Me Now. Nixon has chosen The Upsetters - Dread Lion as his entrance music. I can't wait for this one - let's get the fighter introductions out of the way and get this one started!

Me
vs
Nixon

178 cm
25
175 lbs
10 - 1 - 0

170 cm
21
175 lbs
5 - 0 - 0

Decent wrestler
Good knees
Very strong

BJJ Blue Belt
Good low kicks
Powerful

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 5 rounds, for the welterweight championship of the world!
Introducing the champion to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 10 - 1 - 0, fighting out of Sydney, He Me!
And introducing the challenger to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 5 - 0 - 0, fighting out of Sydney, Richard Nixon!
The judges for this bout are Damien Edna, Summer Carpenter and Winston Howard.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Me throws a sloppy head kick and Nixon moves out of range easily.
Me tries to score with a low kick but Nixon moves his leg out of the way.
Me misses with a low kick.
Me fakes high and swings low for a body shot but Nixon manages to avoid it.
Me tries to clinch up against the cage, rushing in the close the distance. Nixon manages to break the clinch and circles back to the middle of the mat.

Me pushes Nixon up against the cage in a clinch.
Me tries a knee to the head but Nixon blocks it.
Knees to the body from Me.
Nixon misses with a shot to the kidneys.
Nixon throws a hook to the body. More of an arm punch but it's all scoring with the judges.
Me with the Thai clinch, lands a knee to the head.
Me with the Thai clinch. He's looking to land a big knee but he's not managed it this time.
Me using the Thai plumb to throw knees but Nixon has his back arched nicely, preventing the strike.
Nixon managing to block the knees to the body from Me.
Nixon is trying to break free.
Nixon tries to pull guard but Me won't allow it.
Nixon managing to block the knees to the body from Me.
Nixon tries to pull guard but Me won't allow it.

Nixon's corner calls for him to break the clinch, which he does.
He Me seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
Good leg kick by Me there. It's the ones that make that thud noise that hurt and that was an almighty thud.
Me lands a kick to the ribs of his opponent. Nice work there - in and out in a flash.
Good leg kick by Me there. It's the ones that make that thud noise that hurt and that was an almighty thud.
We've seen a great period of action over the last minute or so - credit to both fighters for going all out!
Nixon blocks a low kick nicely.
That kick from Me tenderised Nixon's leg. Nixon is trying to keep his angry face on.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Nixon throws a big shot that misses.
Me misses with a wild combination.
Me throws a low kick but it's checked well by Nixon.
Me takes one to the chin there.
Nixon scores to the head and body with a nice combination!
Me tries to close the distance and clinch up against the cage but Nixon paws at him with a jab and circles away.
Nixon checks a leg kick nicely.
Me throws a head kick that misses and slips in the process. He scrambles back to his feet and the fighters circle.
Me pivots, looking for a leg kick but Nixon is out of range and Me settles back down.
Me ducks under an overhand right and circles away with a smile on his face.

Me has closed the distance and engaged Nixon in a clinch.
Me tries a knee to the head but he's missed.
Me crunches a lovely knee into Nixon's ribcage.

Nixon jumps into guard, dragging Me to the mat.
Nixon is pulling down on Me's head to control his posture.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Nixon wants to stand but Me is controlling the position.
Nixon is using up a lot of energy trying to get back to his feet. Perhaps he should improve his position first.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Me stopping the sweep attempt from Nixon.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
My god... these two guys really need to pick up the pace or everyone will leave to go get a beer.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

He Me dominated that round.
The referee calls time. The cornermen exit stage left and we're back to business.

The crowd cheers as Nixon lands an impressive looking overhand right. Me doesn't seem phased though.
Me misses with a low kick.
The sound of bone on bone echoes around the arena as Nixon checks a leg kick.
Nixon throws a sloppy head kick and Me moves out of range easily.
A leg kick checked by Me.
Nixon circles away from the clinch attempt.
Nixon takes a shot to the body in his stride.
Nixon chopping away at his opponent's legs.
Me tries to score with a low kick but Nixon moves his leg out of the way.
Me walks into a stiff left hand from Nixon.
Nixon throws a looping overhand right but Me ducks down to avoid it.
Me throws a head kick that misses.
Me misses with a leg kick
and Nixon makes him pay by landing a nice hook to the body before moving out of range.
Me throws a chopping leg kick but Nixon manages to avoid taking any serious damage.

Me forces Nixon back against the cage and clinches.
Me misses with a knee to the head.
Nixon lands a shot to the body.
Nixon blocks a knee to the body. He'll have a nicely bruised forearm in the morning.
Nixon on the defensive, avoiding the knees to the body.

Nixon drags the fight down to the ground.
Nixon wants to get back to his feet but Me is in a dominant position and won't allow it.

That's one minute gone in the round.

Nixon is edging up against the cage. He's using the cage to get back to his feet. Nice work there - the fighters are clinched.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Well. There's a bit of a lull in the action here and the crowd are starting to get restless.
Me looking to stall.
Me connects with a nasty looking knee right to Nixon's face.
Me with the Thai clinch. He's looking to land a big knee but he's not managed it this time.
Nixon tries to jump guard but he falls flat on his backside. Me smiles and moves away.
Me dances in quickly and lands a nice inside leg kick on Nixon. That did some damage!
Nixon avoids the head kick by Me.
Me throws a body kick despite being completely out of range
and Nixon cracks him with a counter punch right on the button.
Me throws a leg kick
and Nixon counters with a crisp hook to the side of the head.
Nixon explodes with a nice body kick and back out of range. Nice work.
Me fails with an attempt to clinch.
Nixon lands a vicious shot with the stealth of a sniper and the strength of a viper. Are vipers that strong? I can think of lots of things that are stronger than a viper - not many rhyme with sniper though.
Nixon misses with a jab, cross combination.
Me steps to the side to avoid the strikes from Nixon.
A telegraphed right hand from Nixon misses the target.
Me ducks right into an uppercut from Nixon.
Nixon throws out a token jab with nothing on it.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Nixon has his front leg slapped to the side - a nice low kick landing there from Me.
Me throws a body kick but he wasn't in range.
Nixon lands a jab to the nose.
Me looks to score with a jab to the body but Nixon is just out of range.
Nixon scores with a nice right hand.
Richard Nixon seems to be getting the better of the standup.
A left lands for Nixon.
Nixon moves out of range of the leg kick from Me.
Me throws a sloppy head kick
and Nixon counters with a nice body kick.
Me tries to grapple but his opponent circles
and Nixon counters with a nice body shot.
Both fighters are absolutely exhausted here.
A nice leg kick lands there from Nixon.
Nixon lands a glancing blow to the side of Me's head.
Nixon throws a nice outside leg kick.
Nixon's corner calls for a 1-2. Nixon obliges with the 1 part as he scores the single shot and moves back out of range.
We've seen a great period of action over the last minute or so - credit to both fighters for going all out!
Nixon throws a combination. Me tries to block but a couple of punches get through.
Nixon circles away from the clinch attempt
and Nixon counters with a stiff right hand.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Nixon scores with a straight right hand, right through his opponent's guard.
Nixon checks the leg kick nicely there.
Nice uppercut lands for Nixon. That snapped Me's head back.
Me tries to clinch
and Me takes a counter punch right on the button for his troubles.
Me takes a shot to the nose. Hopefully that hasn't broken it.
Nixon blocks a head kick by Me.
Nixon uses good footwork to get in and out, landing a nice hook.
Me looks to clinch
and Nixon counters with a good right hand that lands right on the jaw.
Nixon lands with a two punch combination before moving back out of range.

Me is rocked!
Me swings and misses with a shot to the body
and Nixon counters with a right hand from hell and Me is out cold! A vicious knockout!

Ladies and gentlemen, after 4:33 of round 2, we have a winner by way of KO (Punch). Richard Nixon!
Richard Nixon is the new welterweight champion!