PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a welterweight MMA rules bout between Felix Flashlighter (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Eric Cartman (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Flashlighter comes to the cage accompanied by Aerosmith - Lightning Strikes. Cartman has chosen Unclefucker as his entrance music. Eric Cartman told me before the fight that he's been watching a lot of DVDs so let's see if that helps him in this one! I can't wait to find out!

Flashlighter
vs
Cartman

181 cm
26
175 lbs
19 - 8 - 0

184 cm
23
179 lbs
13 - 3 - 0

Good wrestling
Excellent boxer
Granite chin

Good wrestler
Dangerous knees
Heavy handed

Hades ®

Katukauppa.com

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 5 rounds, for the welterweight championship of the world!
Introducing the champion to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 19 - 8 - 0, fighting out of Helsinki, Felix Flashlighter!
And introducing the challenger to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 13 - 3 - 0, fighting out of Helsinki, Eric Cartman!
The judges for this bout are Anni Minnemäki, Johanna Lukiainen and Marco Blurström.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Cartman misses with a body shot.
Flashlighter throws a nice inside leg kick.
Cartman throws a low kick but his opponent is out of range.
Flashlighter looks for the body kick but Cartman saw that one coming.
Cartman throws a hook to the body but it doesn't connect.
Cartman takes a swing at Flashlighter's ribcage but misses.
Cartman lands with a nice low kick. That'll leave a bruise.
Cartman fakes high and shoots in for a takedown but Flashlighter avoids it really well and circles away.
Flashlighter lands a head kick!
Cartman fakes high and swings low for a body shot but Flashlighter manages to avoid it.
Flashlighter misses with a body shot
and Cartman counters with an inside leg kick.
Cartman fakes a head punch and goes low to the body. Nicely done.

That's one minute gone in the round.
A leg kick checked by Cartman.
Flashlighter has his hands up protecting his head but a hook from Cartman finds it's way round the side to connect with Flashlighter's head.
Flashlighter lands with a kick to the temple. Cartman shrugs as if to say "is that all you've got?"
Cartman throws a body kick but he was well out of range there.
Cartman throws a body kick despite being completely out of range
and Flashlighter counters with a low kick, right behind Cartman 's knee.
Flashlighter thows a leg kick but Cartman checks it
and Cartman counters with a right hand to the body.
Flashlighter with a body punch. A glancing blow.
Cartman throws a leg kick but Flashlighter sees it coming and checks it nicely.
Cartman steps to the side to avoid the strikes from Flashlighter.
Cartman avoids a lazy jab quite easily.
Cartman avoids the head kick by Flashlighter.
Flashlighter is the aggressor but that punch slipped nicely by Cartman.
Flashlighter throws a decent looking leg kick but it doesn't land clean.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
A punch lands to the side of Flashlighter 's head but he takes it in his stride.
Flashlighter blocks a low kick nicely.
Cartman scores with a sloppy punch to the body. Not much technique there but it did the business.
Cartman scores with a reasonable looking shot to the body. Flashlighter doesn't seem bothered though.
Sloppy strikes from Flashlighter. Those never looked like landing.
Flashlighter throws a leg kick that is checked
and Cartman counters with a kick to the head that grazes his opponent. Flashlighter is lucky that one didn't land flush.
Cartman cracks the inside of Flashlighter's front leg.
Cartman misses with a hook.

Cartman fakes an overhand right and shoots for a takedown. Flashlighter sprawls well initially but Cartman persists and gets the takedown into half guard.
This has been an exciting period of action!
Cartman wants to free his trapped foot but Flashlighter is holding on for dear life with his legs.
Cartman is figuring out what he wants to do next.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Cartman trying to pass the guard but Flashlighter defending well.
Flashlighter is trying to maintain the position but Cartman is very close to passing his half guard.
Cartman is looking to advance position but Flashlighter won't allow it.
Cartman controlling the pace.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Neither fighter has done anything of merit for a good minute or two here and the crowd are not happy about it.

Eric Cartman has forced the referee to step in and restart the fight on the feet.
A clash of legs there as Cartman blocks the low kick.
Flashlighter rushes in with a sloppy looking punch
and Cartman makes the exchange count by landing a cracking kick to the body. Flashlighter really felt that one!
A low kick from Cartman misses
and Flashlighter counters with an inside leg kick.
Cartman lands with a head kick! That's gotta hurt.
Flashlighter misses with a head kick.
Flashlighter throws a body kick but he was well out of range there.
Cartman lands a nice leg kick that just misses Flashlighter's sensitive parts.
The crowd applaud the fighters efforts here as the round comes to an end.
Cartman moves out of range of the body kick.
Flashlighter lunges at Cartman with a hook that half lands and is half blocked by Cartman's hand.
Flashlighter throws out a leg kick but Cartman moves out of range and Flashlighter only half commits.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Eric Cartman dominated that round.
The fighters get back to their feet, the hooter sounds and we're back to the action!

Flashlighter throws a leg kick
and Cartman counters with a good right hand that lands right on the jaw.
Cartman tries to check the leg kick but that clearly hurt him.
Cartman blocks the body kick.
Flashlighter missing with a left hand there. Cartman was out of range so wasted energy throwing that one.
Cartman throws a monster uppercut resembling something out of street fighter but it doesn't land.
Cartman on the wrong end of a nice low kick. He's acting like it's no big deal but he doesn't want to take many more of those.
A low kick from Cartman is predictable there
and Flashlighter counters with a kick to the head that grazes his opponent. Cartman is lucky that one didn't land flush.
Cartman scores with a jab to the jaw of his opponent.
Flashlighter blocks a leg kick.
Cartman is throwing a lot of body shots here, looking to wear down Flashlighter rather than just go for the knockout.
Flashlighter checks a low kick from Cartman.
Flashlighter throws a hard body shot but it just misses.
Flashlighter misses with a body punch

and Cartman counters by moving into the clinch. Good anticipation by Cartman.
A frustrated look appears on Cartman's face as he tries to break the clinch.
Cartman blocking some punches.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Cartman misses the knee to the body. Nice hip positioning from Flashlighter.
Flashlighter lands a hook that snaps the head of Cartman backwards.
Cartman lands with a light punch inside.
The referee calls for Flashlighter to work.
Flashlighter blocks a knee to the body. He'll have a nicely bruised forearm in the morning.
Flashlighter avoiding damage as Cartman throws knees to the body.
Nice body punch from Cartman - that landed with a thud.
Flashlighter lands with a left to the head.
Cartman scores with a hook to the body.
Flashlighter stalling.
Flashlighter scores with a hook to the body.

Cartman breaks the clinch and we return to the middle of the mat.
Flashlighter just misses with a punch to the body.
Felix Flashlighter seems to be the more aggressive standup fighter in this bout.
Flashlighter misses with a lunging right hand
and Cartman counters with a good right hand that lands right on the jaw.
Flashlighter avoids a kick to the body.
Nice shot by Cartman.
Flashlighter misses with a hook. Cartman ducked under it nicely.
Cartman lands a nice looking body shot.
Cartman misses with a hook. Flashlighter ducked under it nicely.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Flashlighter misses with a looping right.
Flashlighter closes the distance and lands a one-two.
Eric Cartman seems to be getting the better of the standup.
A clash of legs there as Flashlighter blocks the low kick.
Cartman throws a jab but it's blocked by Flashlighter.
Flashlighter throws a low kick, looking for Cartman's leg but Cartman calmly moves out of range.
Flashlighter missing with a left hand there. Cartman was out of range so wasted energy throwing that one.
Flashlighter delivers a nice body kick.
Well, he's not going to score with shots like that. A lazy body kick attempt from Flashlighter.
Cartman checks a leg kick.
Nice jab there from Flashlighter.
Cartman pushes Flashlighter away with a front kick.
The crowd cheering loudly, showing their appreciation for the quality fight we're seeing here.
Cartman lands a leg kick that knocks Flashlighter off balance momentarily.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Cartman misses with a leg kick.
Cartman lands a beauty of a right hand that gets the crowd cheering.
Flashlighter lands a front kick.
Flashlighter throws a jab when Cartman was well out of range.
Flashlighter shapes like he's going to throw a leg kick but settles back down.
Flashlighter needs to keep his hands up - Cartman had a free shot at his head there.
Cartman tries for a takedown but Flashlighter sees it coming a mile off and avoids it easily.

Cartman shoots in for a takedown! He's got it and he's managed to land in full mount! That's better than Cartman was expecting from the takedown attempt, I'm sure!
Flashlighter takes a big shot to the head but keeps on trying to improve his position.
Flashlighter tries to buck Cartman off but he can't manage it.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Flashlighter wriggling around on the bottom manages to avoid the strikes thrown by Cartman.
Cartman sends his fist crashing into the mat - the crowd let out a collective ooooooh. Let's hope he's not broken it!
Flashlighter working to try and regain half guard.
Flashlighter is working hard here to advance position.
The crowd applaud the fighters efforts here as the round comes to an end.
Flashlighter is writhing around trying to get back to his feet.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

A close second round but Eric Cartman will probably get the nod - 10:9.
Well, the break between rounds is over. Let's get back to the scrappin!

Cartman throws a head kick that misses and slips in the process. He scrambles back to his feet and the fighters circle.
Cartman feints and then cracks Flashlighter's leading leg with a nice low kick. He's obviously looking to slow Flashlighter down.
Flashlighter slaps away a takedown attempt from Cartman, before circling back to the center of the mat.
Cartman is the aggressor but that punch slipped nicely by Flashlighter.
Cartman punishes Flashlighter's body with a nice straight punch.
Cartman just misses with a punch to the body.
Cartman throws a body punch but Flashlighter moves out of range.
Cartman misses with a telegraphed body shot
and Flashlighter counters with a leg kick.
Cartman has his head snapped back a nice jab. A little nod from Cartman there as he acknowledges the shot.
Flashlighter is looking to score with low kicks.
Cartman throws a leg kick
and Flashlighter counters with an inside leg kick.
Cartman is looking to score with low kicks.
Felix Flashlighter is looking to keep the fight on the feet at all costs.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Flashlighter will need to close the distance a bit before he attacks - that leg kick was thrown from too far away.
Cartman has his front leg slapped to the side - a nice low kick landing there from Flashlighter.
Flashlighter jabbing away but nothing is landing.
Cartman takes a jab on the nose there. A little bit of blood seems to be coming out. Hopefully that won't affect his breathing.
Flashlighter throws a body punch but Cartman moves out of range.
Flashlighter throws a head kick that misses
and Cartman counters with a good low kick that Flashlighter was not able to check.
Flashlighter misses with a hook. Cartman ducked under it nicely.
Flashlighter thows a left - swing and a miss!

Cartman shoots in and gets a takedown into half guard. Cartman showed some decent athleticism there.
Cartman missing with the ground and pound from half guard.
The fighters are pressed up against the cage, both looking to find a bit of space to work.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Flashlighter moves his hips nicely and gets into full guard.
Flashlighter is adopting a defensive guard.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Cartman won't allow Flashlighter to sweep him here.
Cartman missing there with some ground and pound from the guard.
Flashlighter is pulling down on Cartman's head to control his posture.
The referee is asking the fighters to pick up the pace.

The ref stands the fighters back up because Felix Flashlighter just wasn't active enough.
Cartman ducks under a wild hook from Flashlighter.
Flashlighter connects with a slap. Keep your fist closed son.
Cartman throws a body kick that sends a sickening thudding noise reverberating around the arena.
A left lands for Flashlighter.
Cartman moves out of range of the leg kick from Flashlighter.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Flashlighter throws a head kick but Cartman moves out of range.
A head kick misses from Flashlighter.
Cartman fails to land with the punch combination there - jab, cross, hook, miss, miss, miss.
Cartman cracks a nice hook into Flashlighter's ribs.
The fighters circling - Flashlighter throws out the jab but it was never going to land.

Cartman drives through with a really nice takedown into side control.
Cartman wants to lay and pray for a moment but Flashlighter keeps working.
Flashlighter struggling a bit here.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

A close third round but Eric Cartman just about did enough to take it.
OK. That's time! The bell goes and we're back to the action.

Cartman throws a body kick that digs right into the meat.
Cartman lands with an overhand left.
Flashlighter tries a head kick but it misses.
Flashlighter fakes a jab and scores with a low kick.
Flashlighter cracks Cartman with a right hand to the side of the head.
Cartman fakes a jab and then connects with a hook.
Cartman throws a body punch but Flashlighter moves out of range.
Cartman gets his head snapped back by a nice shot there.
Flashlighter falls off balance throwing a combination
and Cartman counters with a straight punch to the midsection.
Flashlighter takes a jab on the nose. He smiles like he loves it and keeps coming.

Cartman drives through and clinches with Flashlighter against the cage.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Flashlighter is stalling here.
Flashlighter on the defensive, avoiding the knees to the body.
Flashlighter misses with a punch on the inside.
Cartman gets an overhook and lands an elbow to the side of the head.
Flashlighter stalling.
Cartman takes an elbow to the forehead.
Nice elbow from Flashlighter.
Cartman lands with a quick shot inside that doesn't really do much damage.
Cartman trying to land knees to the body.
Cartman tries to land knees in the clinch but Flashlighter avoids the damage to the body.
Cartman lands a hook to the body. It's hard to tell if that hurt Flashlighter or not.
The pace really dropping off here, momentarily.
Flashlighter is trying to force a seperation but Cartman has the dominant position.

Cartman pushes off and circles away, back to the middle of the mat.
Flashlighter throws a body kick but he wasn't in range.
Cartman will need to close the distance a bit before he attacks - that leg kick was thrown from too far away.
Cartman swings away with a leg kick that misses.
A chopping leg kick lands by Flashlighter.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Cartman scores with a shot to the body.
Cartman goes for a spinning back kick but it misses.
Cartman throws a right and a left that Flashlighter avoids nicely.
An inside leg kick from Cartman misses.
Flashlighter throws a head kick that misses.
Cartman misses with a body shot.
Cartman checks a low kick from Flashlighter.
Cartman throws a leg kick but Flashlighter sees it coming and moves out of range.
Cartman cracks the inside of Flashlighter's front leg.
Cartman throws a right hand that Flashlighter ducks under and follows up with a left that Flashlighter also avoids with ease.
Flashlighter moves out of range of the body kick.
Cartman takes a kick to the side of the head.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Cartman tries to land with a swinging hook to the body but Flashlighter was well out of range. Poor timing from Cartman.
Cartman takes an uppercut right on the button but keeps his composure.
Flashlighter misses with a head kick.
Flashlighter stuffs a takedown. It's all about dictating where the fight takes place and Flashlighter wants it to stay on the feet.
Flashlighter uses decent footwork to sidestep a right hand from Cartman.
Flashlighter throws a right hand that misses
and Cartman counters with a nice leg kick.
Cartman ducks under an overhand right and circles away with a smile on his face.
Flashlighter throws a leg kick which misses Cartman's front leg but catches the back leg as Cartman tries to avoid it.
Flashlighter is hobbling a little on that front leg after taking quite a few leg kicks so far in this fight.
Cartman misses with a wild body shot.
Cartman blocks a jab.
Flashlighter shakes his hands off, looking to compose himself, but takes a jab to the jaw whilst he does it.
A jab from Cartman misses.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Flashlighter looks to land a body kick but Cartman moved away.
Cartman throws a sloppy head kick
and Flashlighter counters with a solid body kick.
Flashlighter throws a right high kick that is partially blocked by Cartman.
Cartman scores with a slapping inside leg kick.
Cartman just misses with a punch to the body.
A right-left combo lands from Flashlighter.
Flashlighter is pinned up against the cage taking some big shots here. The referee is looking closely deciding whether he should stop the fight.
Cartman scores with a slapping inside leg kick.
An inside leg kick from Cartman misses.
The crowd applaud the fighters efforts here as the round comes to an end.
Flashlighter connects with a high kick.
The crowd are loving this. Great action here.
A head kick misses from Flashlighter.
Cartman works the jab nicely.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Felix Flashlighter had his way with Eric Cartman in that round.
That's time! Back to the action! This is the final round!

Flashlighter throws a head kick but Cartman moves out of range.
Flashlighter misses with a left hand
and Cartman counters with a nice body kick.
Flashlighter feints with a shoulder and throws a nice leg kick to Cartman's calf.
Flashlighter throws a solid leg kick but Cartman takes the impact on his shin and smiles at Flashlighter.
Cartman keeping at a good range here, avoiding a leg kick.
Like a baseball bat into the meat of his leg there - nice leg kick by Flashlighter.
Flashlighter throws a decent looking leg kick but it doesn't land clean.
Cartman thuds a mid kick into his opponent's body. That will wear on Flashlighter if he has to take too many more of those.
Flashlighter will be looking to protect his midsection after taking some solid kicks to the body.
Flashlighter throws a head kick but Cartman moves out of range.
Cartman fails with the takedown.
Flashlighter throws a hook but Cartman avoids it easily.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Flashlighter throws a body kick but he wasn't in range.
Flashlighter lands with a cross.
Flashlighter throws a lazy right hand but Cartman sees it coming a mile off and sidesteps it easily.

Cartman darts in and lands a nice takedown into half guard.
Flashlighter wants to get back to full guard but Cartman has mounted him!
Flashlighter sneaks a leg back under and regains half guard and is working straight away to try and get back to guard. He hasn't managed just yet though.
Flashlighter trying to control from the bottom.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Flashlighter regains full guard. Nicely done.
Flashlighter tries to land a sweep but no joy.
Cartman must be cautious of submissions here, given that his opponent has the superior Jiu Jitsu.
Flashlighter is trying to control the position but Cartman postures up.
Cartman passes into half guard.
Flashlighter wants to control but Cartman is keeping busy and won't allow it.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Flashlighter tries to roll over but Cartman keeps him under control.
Cartman not landing any meaningful shots this time.
Cartman looking to pass the half guard. Not this time.
Flashlighter avoiding damage under a succession of punches from Cartman.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Well. There's a bit of a lull in the action here and the crowd are starting to get restless.
Flashlighter moves into full guard.
Eric Cartman is fighting for a decision here - he's started to take the cautious approach.
Flashlighter has control of Cartman's left arm, preventing Cartman from doing any damage.
Felix Flashlighter has stepped it up - he knows he needs a finish here!

Cartman got a little sloppy there for a moment and Flashlighter has worked his way into a loose triangle - can he finish it?! No, Cartman has managed to get both his arms back between Flashlighter's legs - danger averted.
The crowd thankful this round is nearly over.
Cartman looking to sit in guard and control but Flashlighter gets the butterfly guard and sweeps. He's now in the guard on the top.

And that's the end of the fight!
That was a close round. You could make an argument for either fighter but I would give it to Felix Flashlighter.
I think Cartman has won this one but let's see whether the judges agree with me. Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 5 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Anni Minnemäki scores the fight 48:48
Judge Johanna Lukiainen scores the fight 48:48
Judge Marco Blurström scores the fight 48:48

The fight is ruled a draw!
Felix Flashlighter retains his title. It's always disappointing when a championship fight ends as a draw but that's what happens when you leave the fight in the judges hands!