PBP Commentary

Coming up we have a middleweight MMA rules bout between Pentti Hirvonen (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class) and Eyeonly Fuckwell (ranked 0 p4p, 0 weight class). Fuckwell has chosen call to prayer as his entrance music. There are an array of beautiful celebrities at ringside tonight! I wonder if any of them paid for their tickets.

Hirvonen
vs
Fuckwell

185 cm
25
196 lbs
14 - 10 - 0

191 cm
21
194 lbs
4 - 1 - 0

BJJ Red Belt
Solid boxing
Insanely flexible

BJJ Blue Belt
Good low kicks
Powerful

Lightning Fight Gear
Lightning Fight Gear

Ladies and gentlemen. This fight is 3 rounds, in the middleweight division.
Introducing the fighter to my left, fighting out of the red corner.
With a record of 14 - 10 - 0, fighting out of St Petersburg, Pentti Hirvonen!
And introducing the fighter to my right, fighting out of the blue corner.
With a record of 4 - 1 - 0, fighting out of St Petersburg, Eyeonly Fuckwell!
The judges for this bout are Ivan Kurochkin, Konstantin Menshow and Vladimir Khabensky.

The bell rings for round one and we are underway!
Hirvonen with a poor takedown
and Fuckwell counters with a leg kick that reverborates around the arena.
Hirvonen avoids the head kick by Fuckwell.
Fuckwell misses with a straight right.
Hirvonen misses with a looping left.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Fuckwell checks the leg kick.
Hirvonen throws a jab but it's blocked by Fuckwell.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Hirvonen misses with an uppercut
and Fuckwell counters with a slapping leg kick.
Eyeonly Fuckwell is looking to keep the fight on the feet at all costs.
Hirvonen shoots and misses
letting Fuckwell counter with a right hand.
Fuckwell throws a sloppy body shot
and Fuckwell takes a counter punch right on the button for his troubles.
Fuckwell throws a shot from downtown. Hirvonen moves away and avoids it.
Hirvonen misses with a hook to the body
and Fuckwell counters with a lovely straight right hand!
Hirvonen misses with a takedown
letting Fuckwell counter with a right hand.
That's three failed takedown attempts in the round for Pentti Hirvonen. That's going to take a lot out of him.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Hirvonen throws a low kick, looking for Fuckwell's leg but Fuckwell calmly moves out of range.
The fighters circling - Hirvonen throws out the jab but it was never going to land.
Fuckwell connects with a leg kick. Hirvonen looked like he was expecting something else and didn't defend it.
Fuckwell looks to score with a combo but nothing lands.
Fuckwell dances in quickly and lands a nice inside leg kick on Hirvonen. That did some damage!

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Fuckwell swings wildly with a couple of big hooks

and Hirvonen counters with a takedown into side control.
Hirvonen tries to land with some ground and pound but misses.
Hirvonen staying calm.
Hirvonen working the ground and pound but he's contacting the mat, not the fighter.
Hirvonen tries to advance to mount but can't.
Fuckwell is not content to let Hirvonen control the position.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Fuckwell wants to get back to his feet but Hirvonen drags him back down.
Hirvonen trying to control the position but Fuckwell is working away.
Hirvonen fails to land a wild elbow strike.
Hirvonen wants to lay and pray for a moment but Fuckwell keeps working.
Fuckwell prevents Hirvonen from improving position.
Hirvonen throws a knee to the body but it doesn't do much damage.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

Eyeonly Fuckwell dominated that round.
Well, the break between rounds is over. Let's get back to the scrappin!

Fuckwell throws a wild body kick that Hirvonen sees coming a mile off.
Hirvonen misses with a hook
and Fuckwell counters with a slapping leg kick.
Hirvonen uses good footwork to avoid the strikes from Fuckwell.
Eyeonly Fuckwell is looking to throw some combinations by the looks of things.
Fuckwell connects nicely with a jab. Noted by the judges no doubt.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Fuckwell ducks right into an uppercut from Hirvonen.
Fuckwell throws a head kick that connects with a bit of head and a bit of hand.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Fuckwell misses with a head kick.
Hirvonen misses with a left hand
and Fuckwell counters with a nice low kick that buckles Hirvonen's knee momentarily.
Fuckwell moves forwards but Hirvonen connects with a nice, crisp jab.
Fuckwell attempts a leg kick but it's missed by a good margin.
Hirvonen lands a body shot.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
The crowd are showing their displeasure at the lack of action as loud boos ring out around the arena.
Hirvonen swings and misses with a shot to the body
and Fuckwell counters with a left and a right that stings Hirvonen.

Fuckwell gets caught napping as Hirvonen dives in and scores a takedown. Fuckwell manages to retain guard.
Hirvonen looking to pass the guard.
Hirvonen trying to control the position from guard on top but Fuckwell is wriggling around, looking for whatever he can.
Hirvonen throwing elbows and punches but not connecting, as Fuckwell works some decent striking defense from the bottom.
Fuckwell utilising some decent striking defenses from the guard, preventing the ground and pound.
Hirvonen controlling from the top position.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Hirvonen stands up and looks to throw the legs aside to pass to side control. Fuckwell swivels though and keeps the full guard.
Hirvonen controls the pace of the fight for a moment.
If this pace continues, the referee will definitely step in and force a standup.
Hirvonen postures up in Fuckwell's guard and throws a big left but Fuckwell blocks it.
Hirvonen wants to pass the guard but Fuckwell is keeping the position.
Hirvonen postures up to throw the ground and pound strikes but they don't connect.

Well, the referee has seen enough. Neither fighter is active enough on the ground so he's stood them back up.
Hirvonen throws a right hand that misses
letting Fuckwell counter with a right hand.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
The crowd are getting on the fighters' backs, as the pace has dropped off in the last minute or so.
Hirvonen throws a lazy uppercut
and Fuckwell counters with a one-two to the body.
Fuckwell takes a nice looking leg kick right on the meat of his thigh there.
Fuckwell displays good takedown defense there as he swats away a double leg from Hirvonen.

Hirvonen gets a takedown into half guard.
And that’s the end of the round – the fighters go back to their corners.

A close second round but Eyeonly Fuckwell will probably get the nod - 10:9.
That's time! Hirvonen's corner gives him a slap on the ass as he gets ready to fight. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the final round!

Hirvonen throws a body punch but Fuckwell moves out of range.
Hirvonen throws an ugly left hook that misses
and Fuckwell connects with a straight left hand counter down the middle.
We've had a slow start to the round here - hopefully the action picks up.
Hirvonen tries to check the leg kick but that clearly hurt him.
Hirvonen misses with a takedown
and Fuckwell counters with a nice jab to the body that keeps Hirvonen thinking.

That's one minute gone in the round.
Fuckwell throws a looping overhand right but Hirvonen ducks down to avoid it.
Hirvonen misses the shot to the body.

Excellent takedown into side control there by Hirvonen.
Hirvonen looking to punish the body of his opponent here but Fuckwell is avoiding damage well.

That's two minutes gone in the round.
Neither fighter has done anything of merit for a good minute or two here and the crowd are not happy about it.
Hirvonen taking a breather here.
Hirvonen trying to control the position but Fuckwell is working away.
Hirvonen cracks Fuckwell with a big elbow.

Hirvonen is looking for a kimura. He might have it! No, Fuckwell has escaped the position, nice work there.
Hirvonen has knee on belly and now moves to full mount! Trouble for Fuckwell!
Hirvonen throwing sloppy strikes, which aren't doing any damage.

That's three minutes gone in the round.
Fuckwell is looking to get back to his feet - it's going to be hard from this position.
Hirvonen throwing sloppy strikes here. Perhaps if he tightened up his striking from such a dominant position, he'd be able to finish easier.
Fuckwell is trying to stand.
Fuckwell blocking the ground and pound.
The ref warns both fighters not to hold the cage as they work up against the meshing.

Hirvonen goes for an armbar but he's not got it… Fuckwell turns into him and now he's in Hirvonen's guard.
Hirvonen has been looking to land a fair amount of strikes on the ground. He might be looking to soften his opponent up in order to work for a submission.

Hirvonen working away from the bottom but not quite defensive enough there because Fuckwell has passed into half guard!

Hirvonen looking to work for a kimura from the bottom.
Fuckwell really doesn't want to stay on the ground with Hirvonen. If he can't get it back to his feet, it's only a matter of time before he'll be tapping out.

That's four minutes gone in the round.
Hirvonen works his way to full guard. Good work.

Hirvonen is working actively off his back, looking to secure an arm or perhaps work for a triangle.
Hirvonen looking to hit a scissor sweep but Fuckwell is one step ahead there.
Pentti Hirvonen has stepped it up - he knows he needs a finish here!

Hirvonen throws his legs up looking to secure a triangle. Oh, that looks pretty tight, I gotta say! Fuckwell escapes and throws Hirvonen's legs to the side, diving into side control!

And that's the end of the fight!
That was a close round. You could make an argument for either fighter but I would give it to Pentti Hirvonen.
I think Fuckwell has won this one but let's see whether the judges agree with me. Over to the ring announcer for the scorecards.

Ladies and gentlemen, after 3 rounds of action, we go to the scorecards for a decision.
Judge Ivan Kurochkin scores the fight 29:28
Judge Konstantin Menshow scores the fight 28:29
Judge Vladimir Khabensky scores the fight 28:29

In favor of your winner, by split decision... Eyeonly Fuckwell!